02-06-2012, 07:51 PM
I appreciate what you're trying to do, but sadly you didn't achieve it.
A haiku is supposed to be a poem of seven-five-seven syllables, not the contrary. Your "haiku" goes like this:
4-7-5
A haiku is seven-five-seven syllables for a reason: it is harmonical and sounds correct when you read it. An odd and uneven number of syllables written that way is not a haiku. There is also the matter of purpose. A haiku is conventionally dictated as a series of natural moments crossed together to create an imagery. Your attempt is quite flat in the sense that it's just pretty much a thought put out in writing. There is no moment of nature and no background, so even though it may seem quite rude, this is very poor and it definitely not a haiku.
Keep practising!
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