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LadyDesi
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#1
Old 09-02-2013, 05:53 PM

I am writing a story, so i will post it in parts in here, hope you like it

Part 1:

It was a hot summer day in august. Desi and her friends where sitting in the park enjoying the sun. “What about a movie tonight.” Benjamin said. Benjamin had dark short and curly hair. He was wearing light blue jeans that where cut just above the knee and a white shirt that he took off because of the heat. “I like that, let’s go to the cinema.” Desi said a little too loud, she put her hand over her mouth. Desi had long dark red hair. Her light purple summer dress moved in the wind. “That does sound like fun.” Edina looked at Desi smiling. “And from the sound of that squeak you made Desi I can tell really want to go.” She said. Desi laughed and gave her a por. “As long as I get to sit next to you and you allow me to put my arm around you.” Jamie said while he winked at Edina. Jamie was wearing swim shorts that look like real denim shorts with a red shirt that he also took off because of the heat. He made his muscles move while he winked at Edina. It always made her blush when he did that. “You’re an ass Jamie, always showing those muscles off.” Jonathan said to Jamie while they both laughed after he said it. Desi and Edina looked at each other with a ‘they’re nuts’ look on their faces. “So what movie do you want to see.” Benjamin said trying to ignore the silliness. “A scary movie of course.” Jonathan said knowing they would all agree. “Spirits or Beyond the grave.” Jonathan said looking at the screen of his laptop. He already had the site of the cinema open. “Those are the only two scary movies right now.” He said without looking up from his laptop. Jonathan was a smart teen with blond hair and blue eyes. He was wearing beige shorts with a light grey shirt. They all agreed on the movie ‘Spirits’.

MercyGrim96
It's tea time!
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#2
Old 01-04-2014, 12:30 AM

You kind of jump into things really fast, like your discriptions, find ways to walk into it to may everything more interesting, also separate dialoug for characters or people will get lost and confused, but other than that you're doing good so far, keep going and see where it takes you

 


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