(:offtopic: It's fun to re-read these and remember the little things that they're from. :O)

There's no way--but there is. I know the truth now, and it's cataclysmic. Most forbidden, most terrible, most dangerous; I do it or I die. The agreement came before I knew anything else...

I don't know how to get out of this. And she's watching me with condemning and amused eyes; she's not going to help. She probably couldn't help even if she wanted to; usually halflings have no sway in our world.

This was such a huge mistake. I can't do anything. I can't....

Storyline: Err. Succubus story? I haven't given it a title yet.
Influence: Discovery. (Gaia Avatar; kind of influenced the whole story in general.)

This is the room that's mine, but really it's our spare room. I know that. I know that and cling to it in the back of my mind, the only place that I can allow that information to live. I can't remember that openly; this is my room, because anything else would cause suspicion. It's always been an alright room, but....

Coming out of it, I can almost forget that I should be in that room and not this one. But I can't forget what I see. The budding relationship that was pretended and lied and shouldn't exist. This false thing that was cultivated by one on the soil of the other's mind. I know that he still loves/loved me, but he doesn't know that now. He can't. You ate the knowledge of that, you bastard. And I saw the beginning--and I had to hide how much that hurt. A kiss; it started with a kiss, and I hoped that I could catch it before it went any farther. A kiss that made me sick to my stomach and I had to cover my illness with some stereotypical comment that would make you think less of me. Of course, of course.

Going back in here. A kiss. I know what you're doing now; I need to scrub the image from my eyelids. I can't sleep; it's impossible. You're both in our room--I can't openly state that, either--and I know what you're doing, and that imagining is almost worse than the actual reality. It hits me everywhere at once, and I can hear you, and it turns my stomach over and over again. The moaning that I can hear--I could work on turning down my hearing, but I can't force myself to do it. This all horrifies me. Disgusts me. This is....

And tomorrow I come out again, pretending that I'm only slightly miffed that something even more despicable won't take place. I wish that I could go, could scream, could hide, could tell you the truth, could do anything but watch the two of you across the table and chat up some bland idiot on the next planet that we visit. Choking on the bile of the irony; I'm in his place and he's in mine, and it kills me as much as he must have hoped that it would.

Storyline: Gaia Story
Influence: Mr. Brightside-The Killers

Shouldn't hurt (but it does), hearing it through the walls. (You're safe here), but I want to go, I need to go. At least up there, I can't see it and hear it, I can just remember it and brood on it (and that's so much better). All of the sounds, all of the thoughts, everything that rushes through my head and I just need to get out of here. Shouldn't hurt (oh it does); I need to run away. I need to go home; don't care that it's better here and safer here. Maybe he'd protect me, maybe he'd be too busy. Can't say, don't care (what a lie), I don't want to care. I want to get away from his cold mask and the fake smile and all of that, all of that, I just want to hide from it back home. Hide from it, hide from him, hide from my uncle's entire damned world.

Storyline: Revelations (Alt?)
Influence: Mr. Brightside-The Killers.

She didn't seem to have second thoughts. She was going through these trials--and in glimpses, in thoughts and blinks and the space between seconds, Tommi thought that Xia wasn't sure. But there were only those flickers; the rest of the time, it was obvious that she was confident in her new position, knew that she needed to ascend to this position. She didn't seem to care what it was taking away from her, and nor did she seem to care about what she was willingly throwing away. She didn't notice her father's concern, nor that of Tommi or Alicia. She didn't notice the side-glances that the others at school sent her way, half-admiring and half-afraid. She didn't notice the way that her own beliefs were becoming more black and white, more rigid, or at least she didn't seem upset about it. She didn't notice the way that she was fading further and further away from herself--and when Tommi confronted her about it, she simply shrugged it off.

It was the most obvious example that she could think of, but it still made her shiver to remember the way that they had encountered a necromancer in the street and Xia had walked by without even noticing. She and Alicia had both been shocked, had asked her about it and about how she had overcome her phobia. She shrugged and said simply that there was no reason for it. No, there wasn't--but that had never bothered her before, or at least never influenced her. It was good, she struggled to remind herself. It was supposed to be for the best, supposed to be foretold. She was becoming a sort of god, yes, but the gods were allowed emotions. Perhaps this was simply a stage and she would change further? No, she couldn't believe that.

Lose Yourself-Eminem
Epic Trilogy Series

She knew why she was doing this. She knew that it was because of Xia, no matter what grand words she dressed it up with now. She knew that it was to avenge the girl who had died and now walked around worse than a fucking vampire. She saw visions, went through trials; she had more cause now to fear necromancers than Xia had ever had, given what she knew. There were temptations--but none of them could compare to the ultimate desire. Vengeance.

It drove her to the place where she could accept Ricant and Alessana, to a place where she could deal with murderers and torturers, the worst of the worst and barely feel affected. She might feel a little dirty, a little sad, but she couldn't take that into account. Watching Alicia--that twisted her inside out, and struck her through with a redhot poker that she had never felt the likes of. But. But.

Black Horse and the Cherry Tree-KT Tunstall
Epic Story.