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Kory
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#1
Old 02-10-2015, 03:14 AM

i have absolutely no idea what a memory jar is.
I tried looking around to see what other people have put in theirs, but each one is so different, I couldn't get a grasp on the concept of a memory jar.

I'm assuming you just fill it with thoughts, ideas, feelings of each month then at the end of the year you can look through it or something?

I wanted to do this last month, but I was too scared I'd mess it up. I finally got the courage so here goes nothing!

My fellow vampires...
I introduce to you....

Ava's Memory Jar!


Last edited by Kory; 02-23-2015 at 12:57 AM..

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#2
Old 02-21-2015, 03:41 AM

February 2015




20/2/2015:

I wanted to write this before I forgot. It's almost nearing the end of Feb. Things have gotten much better for me this month than they were last month.
Though, I am still in a tango with my close friend, I'm starting to lose hope that I'll ever talk to her again. I think, maybe, we'll just be apart for now forever. I feel so bad about it too, because only a couple of weeks before this whole argument started I was saying, "If there's any people that are in my life that don't need to be there, I hope they leave!" And BAM! She's gone. :( I loved her, I really did. She was like a sister to me and I'm so disappointed that our friendship couldn't last forever. I still have some hope that we'll make it through this, but I haven't heard from her in a while, so I guess soon I'll just have to put up my white flag and assume that it's over.

I got my wisdom teeth removed last week. Yeah, right?! I'm old enough to have my wisdom teeth removed now! And boy, it was sheer hell! It didn't hurt or anything, but they didn't give me enough laughing gas to feel "calm" when the IV went in, I was scared shitless! And then when I fell asleep it was as though I were falling... But I was falling into my own body, so to speak. Very spooky stuff indeed! I was kind of looking forward to being high on laughing gas, so I feel a little robbed, but overall it wasn't a bad procedure.

My wisdom teeth extraction did have one complication though... I GOT DRY SOCKET! If you're reading this in the future, please look up dry socket. It's awful, my mouth tasted like something died in it and it probably smelled even worse! I couldn't figure it out and when I told my parents about the funny taste in my mouth, go figure they said, "Oh, it's normal, nothing to worry about." Thankfully, I told them I needed to see my doctor again and we found out it was dry socket. So my jaw was in pain and the pain radiated to my ears and now I have this nasty, ear-waxy gunk on my sockets to keep them patched.

I went back to work on Wednesday after missing Monday due to me feeling godawful because of my wisdom teeth and then my stupid period came on and the cramps were the worst ever! Which, I'm guessing had to do with the antibiotics I was on. Those antibiotics really messed with my hormones, I guess!

I am also concerned that I may have slowly injured myself at my job. Future self, you already know where I work and what I do. (But, assuming you're no longer working there by the time you read this next year, I work with toddlers.) You know, lifted the kids all the time, my back has been suffering something awful and I can't sleep at night because of severe back pain. My mom says I should file for worker's comp, but I don't know... My dad attempted to file for worker's comp and I've seen what companies will do to keep their money. I've also seen how the other workers treat you once they find out that you've hurt yourself on the job. It's not pretty and this is technically my first, "regular" job, so I don't want that negativity on my back. I also don't want to lose my job over something like that.

First of all, I used to work 30+ hours a week. 7+ hours a day without a break because my job said that only Lead Teachers got breaks. Which, is illegal. So I can only imagine all the tricks they'd pull to keep me from getting worker's comp and frankly, I don't feel like going through all of those hoops.

So a lot has gone on this month. Hopefully next month is even better. Next month is usually the month that I start my no-meat fast for a month or so. I really need to do that as I have been feeling so fat and unhealthy. Especially since I've been eating just crap all day for the last two weeks due to my wisdom teeth being removed...

Hopefully by next month I can eat REAL FOOD! YESS!!! And not mashed up avocados, mashed potatoes and pudding! Woot.

Here's the next month! Cheers!

Kory
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#3
Old 02-27-2015, 08:55 PM


27/2/2015:

I know I said I'd make like, one post per month, but I have good news I want to share with myself before this month is over.

I lost about 20lbs! Not all in this month, of course, but since I've started trying to lose weight, I've lost about 20lbs! Woohoo! You know what that means?! I can fit into those pair of jeans! The jeans that used to be too big for me before I gained all of that weight on those stupid medications, yeah, now I can fit them and I can actually breathe in them!

So much excite!!!!

I'm so proud of myself, and today I exercised with my personal trainer and it was a great workout. I wanted to say that here and now so I can track my progress for the next three months.

It's crazy really, because I lost about 5-6 lbs in a couple of weeks. Mostly because I haven't been eating much due to my wisdom teeth being taken out. And I just lost my appetite for food because all I've been able to eat is soft, mashed things.
My appetite is coming back, which is good, but I still can only eat soft, mashed things because I have dry socket and I worry that if I eat anything hard or crunchy, the bits and pieces will get stuck in my sockets and will not come out with my syringe.

Norns! I really want to get something spicy to eat. It feels unnatural to not eat spicy food. I really want some shrimp with cajun remoulade, or something! GAH!

Well, someday, right? Someday soon my sockets will heal and I will be able to eat again! SOOOOOONNNN!!!!

Kory
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#4
Old 03-03-2015, 07:59 PM

March 2015






3/3/2015:

It's a sad, sad start of this year... I feel like I'm losing all the people that hold importance in my life. I lost my grandfather, then Leonard Nimoy died and now I've lost my best friend... I loved her. I even hate to admit, but I loved her even more than a friend, but I guess it's over now. She's out of my life for good, I just hate that it had to end like this... I would have been happier if she just left and never came back, instead of having her say to me that we should go our separate ways... It just hit me so hard today. Every little thing that I love reminds me of her! That's why I love those things... Now I feel like I can't even enjoy them without crying...

I'm trying to fill the void now, as I've been doing for a while. Writing fanfiction, RPing, drawing, watching movies, going on Tumblr, being a fangirl over things... but it's just not working. Nothing works anymore. No, not now that I know for certain that it's over and done I just can't get rid of that bottomless pit where our friendship used to be.

This has been one of the worst friendship losses I've had in a really long time.

I'm just sad... I don't want to anything anymore.

People... I mean, I don't know. Maybe I'm just better off without people.

Last edited by Kory; 03-03-2015 at 11:17 PM..

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#5
Old 03-04-2015, 08:45 PM


4/3/2015:

SPOILERX



My new contacts for my Krylorian cosplay came yesterday... Excited, but not really.
They look awesome, though, but they are still feeling a little weird in my eyes. D: Maybe I just need to get used to them.

I guess I'm not feeling all that awful like I thought I'd be. I have so many other things to be happy about, listening to awesome, new music. Finding fun things to be interested in, making new friends....

Life's not godawful, I guess.

Last edited by Kory; 05-03-2015 at 03:28 AM..

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#6
Old 03-12-2015, 05:47 PM


12/3/15:


Okay, these things are supposed to have happy memories, so I'm going to do my best to fill it with actual happy memories...

My bodypaint came for my Krylorian cosplay. It looks great and the pink shows up really well, when I use the Ben Nye Clown White underneath it. It's march now, so my cosplay should be complete by May. It's mostly complete now, the only issue is finding the lace front wig and a grey T shirt.

I am getting distracted as I write this...

I'm trying to think of some accomplishments I've made on Menewsha. Well, I started an RP search thread. Hopefully someone bites! I get so bored during the day, I need something to do and RPing would be the perfect thing for me to do. I haven't RP'd officially since 2011, but I still remember having so much fun every time I did it. I'd like to get back to that place where I was happy and where I had friends to talk to.

Okay, keep this positive. Yes!

I've found some friends elsewhere that are starting to step up to the plate of being my new supportive friends... I'm glad of that. It feels like this year has been so sad, but I'm hoping that this month will change everything. I'm hoping this month I'll start RPing again and I'll meet new people who will be good friends with me.

I don't know. Okay, I'm doing my best to keep this positive, so I'm just going to leave it there!

Kory
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#7
Old 03-16-2015, 11:13 PM

16/3/15:

Woohoo! I got my first avi art from PrincessKasumi in the St. Patty's event. :)

So excited!

I'm having a lot of fun on Mene so far,

I'm also starting a new RP. Super excited. :D I want to get involved in RP now as I haven't done it for a while. I'm excited to get my feet wet once again.

Okay, that's all for now. I'll edit this post when I have time!

Kory
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#8
Old 03-24-2015, 02:51 AM


23/3/15:

I'm writing more songs, I'm feeling better.
I love the ukulele. It's a fun instrument, even if I'm not an expert at it, I still sound pretty decent and I love writing songs on the ukulele.

People think the ukulele always sounds cheerful, I don't think so. I think it's really easy to write a sad song on the ukulele.

I found an angel. Honestly, such a sweet, amazing person. I think she and I will be friends for a while. At least, I hope so. I'm not going to get my hopes up, not after what happened last time, no, this time I'll just leave it at whatever it becomes. If we become amazing close friends, great. Otherwise I'm just going to have to be alright that I can't really keep friendships.

Kory
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#9
Old 04-06-2015, 08:25 PM

April 2015



6/4/2015:


I started a few RPs! Now I'm pretty sure I have the hang of it. It's just a matter now of posting in each one on time! I shouldn't have started SO MANY all at the same time! UGH!

Okay, for some IRL.

Oh, the irony in this thread's title and what I'm about to talk about..........
This might be TMI to put online, but it's just a little bit of blood talk, and a little bit of PMS stuff! If people don't like it they can stop reading any time. I don't know what TMI means, apparently...

I got my first menstrual cup a couple of weeks ago and I've been super excited to use it ever since... I tried putting it in yesterday because I was cramping and I knew my blood would be coming any second... but it was SO PAINFUL!!! Thank goodness it wasn't the worst pain I've felt down there in the world, but it was so painful regardless. Putting it in felt like shoving scissors up my vag! It HURT~!!!!

And if anyone's reading this and you use menstrual cups, (preferrably you use the Diva Cup) PLEASE help! I need tips because I've read over my instructions for this cup AT LEAST TWELVE times... And I'm not even joking! Every time I used the toilet, I sat and read the instructions. I am pretty sure I did it right when I put it in, but it really, really hurt. D: Don't know what's up with that!

Anyway, I got it in now and I'm hoping to GOD that it won't be so painful taking it out like it was yesterday.... I don't want to deal with that right now. D:

I'm still really excited about it, though! I really love my cloth pads, but I wanted to try something new so I could go swimming during my period. This seems to be working thus far. Let's hope I don't get squeamish and faint when I see the cup full of blood. LOL.

Last edited by Kory; 04-09-2015 at 10:21 PM..

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#10
Old 04-21-2015, 02:38 PM


21/4/15:

Wow. It's been four months since I joined Mene! Amazing. It feels as though I've been here forever! I've met so many amazing people here, had so much fun in events and roleplays. I'm very glad I found Mene. It's a beautiful place filled with so many nice people!

Anyway, I'm leaving for Cali tomorrow and I still need to pack! UGH! So much to do.

Oh, I also got my first star here on Mene! Woot~ I've never, ever won anything before, so it was amazing to have my avi featured in the Admin's Pick. I mean, wow, I was blown away. I don't even care if I never win another star again, that was enough for me. And boy, everyone is so friendly and nice here. There are some sarcastic people who don't seem to know how to socialize too well, but I don't judge them. They're still people too.

Okay, I got to go!

Kory
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#11
Old 05-03-2015, 02:10 AM

May 2015


2/5/2015:

I went to see Avengers: Age of Ultron today and it was almost all I ever hoped it would be. I loved it, I'd see it again! Amazing movie, brilliant, actually!

A lot has happened lately. I also went to The Source for free comics today as it was Free Comic Book Day and I dressed up as a Krylorian from the planet Xandar. (Guardians of The Galaxy) I had so much fun!

Also, I went to LA last month, I should have written about that, but I chose not to. I met an amazing man who was very kind and sweet, and I'm planning to keep in contact with him. Who knows where the future will lead? I'd love to meet him once more, maybe in October for the Nerdcon: Stories. :) I'm looking forward to it!

Alright, that's all I have for this time.

Kory
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#12
Old 06-09-2015, 02:21 PM



9/6/2015:

I am packing and getting ready to leave for California! As I was packing, I found a collection of letters that I wrote while I was in the hospital in 2013, also a collection of "journal" entries that I made while I was "locked up". Being ever so curious, I ended up reading through all of my letters and diary entries and I was amazed at how far I've come!

I didn't know how much my illness had a hold of me during that time. I mean, I was writing things like, "They're watching me through the shower head!" and "They're poisoning my food, so I'm not eating!" In my journals, I apparently went three or four days not eating anything because I was so scared of being poisoned, and then when I finally started eating, I ate packaged food only.


Anyway,

Enough of that. Thinking of the hospital gives me headaches!
I finally shared information with my therapist that I thought I'd never share with anyone who knows me personally ever! It felt amazing and I'm so proud of myself. :)

I also packed my first box. It's full of my books and labeled and everything so, I'm ready to paint my walls and then I'm ready to start packing everything up!

Kory
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#13
Old 10-16-2015, 03:12 AM



October 2015

So much has happened in the past few months...
I did end up going back to the hospital. I was put on more meds but I've been doing so well that my psychiatrist let me stop taking one med completely and she's reducing the dose of another one! :D

Soon I'll be free from meds and will be free to live out a completely straight edge, natural life that I want to. :) It's literally been years since I've been without meds. I think it's been like... four years? I started meds at 16 and now I'm 20, but going on 21 so I guess five years now. Wow.

And the doctors said I am supposed to be on meds indefinitely. PFFT. I'll prove them so wrong!

Anyway.
I'm sick right now and it's 10:55pm, normally my meds make me a zombie at this hour but because I am sick I drank a shit ton of tea and now I'm wide eyed and bushy tailed and I can't sleep. Which sucks because I have work tomorrow.

 


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