I think they're horrible :( I don't like my poems >.<

They're not horrible.

I don't like mines.
You should hate mines. D;

you post yours on Menewsha? If so, can I read them? :)

@Kaze
Oh okay.. lo.l... Wow.. a lot of people like your poetry and comment on it >_< T_T''

Will you comment on mine and read mine in my thread? Maybe my poems are too long..or.. they are too depressing..well..most of them are..there are some good ones though >_<

Originally Posted by Kaze-bear

you post yours on Menewsha? If so, can I read them? :)

Eh.. no...
Embarrassment.. ><
I can send over PM? D;

Okay, that works... I'll give whatever feedback I can :) (sorry for late response)

New poem up, I'm thinking of maybe submitting it for my class, since the assignment is to write about "charms/spells".

Any feedback is greatly accepted, whether positive or negative ^^

Oh I love the stars.
This poem is beautiful.
Half romance, half beauty.

Keep up the good work!
I would love to hear more.

Romance? O.o may I ask what part is romantic?

I have a new poem up, I need help on what I have so far... I don't know what else to write, so I'm hoping maybe some critiquing will get my mind going again. (Only 4 lines in 3 days >.<)

You're poems are great kaze...

I was wondering if you could help me bump my poem to the second page so no one can read it and steal it.

Okay, and thanks ^^

Another new poem up, feedback welcome

you have the basic storylines right but i cant feel any rhythm or rhyming in your poems

Oh... so that's why... so if I rhymed it would look better?

My response to the Cardinal:

Please do forgive me if I come across as being cruel, I'm goos at negetive ffedback, but much worse at positive.Please remember this is only my opinion and is not meant in any way to be offensive.



This poem is a fairly weak piece of writing. Nother in it really stand out, it's just a glimpse of an every day occurance with little to make it stand out.

In other words, the content itself is very basic, a bird looking for snails in a tree. Some poetry focuses on such things by bringing out aspects of the situation that one might not otherwise notice, or by putting it so tat it's relavent to what others may experience so the reader can relate. This poem doesn't do either. Bluntly, it's flat.

The actual poem itself, I mean the text, the body, mroe than the contnt, is blatently uninteresting. There's not rhyme or rythem to add interest, the line lengths don't follow any pattern or likeness.

Over all it comes across as a typical statement about a common thing rather them a poem.

My advice in orde rot fix this would be to focus more. Think of it as a camera out of focus, you get a bland very boring blur of color. Now focus that camera and you begin to see details that make up an entire picture. Does this make sense? Basically, focus on sensory detail. What color is the bird? Is it old or young? It the tree a fruit tree or a nut tree? A decorative tree or a grand oak? What do the snails look like? Are they larger or smaller? Are their shells brown or black?

You seem to have a slgiht underlying theme of live with the imagery of a bird getting foor and a tree growing, and as little sense as if makes you need to narrow and expand. The subject of life has been almost as over used as the idea of love. Perhaps narrow it down to a particular aspect in life. Growing, surviving, or something simmilar. Broaden the idea, explore it further an in depth, give the reader enough to tweak thier imagination.

I hope this has helped, and if not, then feel free to disregard it. XD

@ Biscuits - Wow... that's actually the best response I've ever gotten... and thank you for the critisizm...

I'll try to do that to my poems from now on, thank you very much :)

(Thanks for not being hesitant to point out flaws... nobody ever seems to critisize what I write >.<)

You're quite welcome. n.n I alway feel really mean when I'm typing them, but I mean well. XD

Glad I could help. ^-^

Well... I'm glad to be critisized... because people like my mom never want to "hurt my feelings" so I always feel bad because they wont critique them...

I figure I can't get good from "that's great" so I don't mind if you say I suck at poetry... as long as you say why so I can stop sucking xD

Edit - I also already don't like most of my poems >.<

I figure I'm going to publish a book of poems someday... so if someone thinks they're bad, then maybe a lot of other people will too... meaning I need to write better...

And again... thanks :)

Re-wrote the cardinal poem... new feedback please?

I like this an awful lot!

Thanks... anything you think I could change a little? To make it better?

New poem up, comment plz? Title was changed from "An Ocean of Petals" to "Black and white" :)

Freshly written poem "Whispering Wind" up ^_^ comments or advice?

New poem up Beach of Eternity ^_^ advice?