When Lee loosened his grip, Dustin finally came back to his senses. He jumped back a few steps and bounced awkwardly, not utterly unsure of what to do with his hands. "Sorry. I don't know why I'm clinging to you like this. It must be natural for me or something," he admitted. He bit his lip. The fact that someone could worry over him to this degree made him dizzy all over again. "Not a heart attack because...no, that's definitely not pain I was feeling. I was just...and I didn't see where I was walking..." Dustin cut himself off with a groan. Why was he even trying to explain this? He swore he wasn't going to, but Lee said something like that and all of his intentions got messed up. "Just please don't ask me to explain."

When he was left without that familiar touch, Lee could have sworn he had taken a nosedive out of a plane. His heart seemed to drop and his stomach took a twist. It was a feeling of loneliness that came with being utterly alone, but he wasn't. He was with Dustin. And he'd told Dustin too much. Too fast. "Fine, I won't. But damn it, you're not getting anything else out of me. Not... so fast, anyway. There's no way you could handle it all... It just has to come to you." Sighing, Lee straightened the bag and pointed northward. "We're heading up now, we'll cross the Russian border in... two hours, tops."

He returned the bag strap onto the hollow of his shoulder, moving forward and casting a glance back. Luckily they were leaving no trace of themselves in the offchance they were still looking. But he had sabotaged the camera system and given the remaining prisoners the entire keyring for all their cells. He had little doubt they were dealing with technical issues and armed, angry American POWs now, and had few people to bother with them.

Even though they shifted away from what just happened, the mood didn't quite return to how it was before. They started traveling with ease, but now it felt messed up. All of it Dustin's fault. He didn't argue with Lee this time. He kept trying to jump to the fast forward switch with his memories, but this was the first time he saw anything like a consequence. He still wanted to know, but he'd wait for now. "Don't worry, I won't ask. I'm fine with...just waiting for it all," he said with a small sigh.

Walking again helped him cool his mind which still felt jumpy. He stayed just a step behind Lee because he didn't want to be looked at right then. "Ah good. We're close then. You think it will be lunch time when we get to the border?" Since it wasn't long since they set out.

Lee sighed, closing his eyes but opening them quickly in case he ran forward into a tree. He felt awful, perhaps sharing Dustin's emotional state, and glanced backward. "I just want you to remember so badly is all... But I don't want to overwhelm... make you... resent me for forcing it all back up. You have no idea how much..." He wanted Dustin back to what he was, what he would have been if some awful test hadn't been performed on him. Something to erase Lee from Dustin's life entirely. Their emotional last night was still at the forefront of his mind, so much that he barely registered Dustin's question.

"H-huh...?" He blinked, looking back a bit. "Uhm, yeah, probably, if we... if we keep this pace up we'll be in neutral territory by... twelve thirty, one." He'd never gotten into the military time thing, and no one on his old base liked to talk to him about times because they'd be using two different layouts.

A small laugh escaped Dustin. "I don't think I could resent you. At this point, it's like you're all I know." It was pretty damn true. In his memories of his past and now as well. His family was never by his side like this and his own chosen occupation set him away from people. As far away as he could get. Without Lee, he'd be back to long nights spent alone under a cold sky. "I want to remember, but it's all getting so strange..."

He shook his head to clear the feelings away. He felt out of place, more than a little lost. He grinned though thinking about lunch. "Good, that gives me something to look forward to. Doesn't a person walk faster with a meal waiting for them? Even strange packaged food."

Pausing to fall into step, Lee nodded. "I know... And I want you to remember everything, too... But... God, I feel so... selfish. I want you to remember everything regarding us but there's so much they took from you... I wish I could tell you our families were great people but... they kind of weren't. When we met we kind of clung to each other because we were familiar. Got to be close. I guess that's why, but it doesn't really make for a good excuse..." He shrugged and looked down at the grass they were temporarily parting as they passed by.

"I guess they do, y'know? I think there was a study done about psychological effects on the brain when there's a food-based reward at the end of a maze or long walk done in the UK some years back... I guess they have a point, though. Even if it's some kind of... muddled mess." Which was what the packets seemed to be full of most of the time.

"It's not selfish to want that," Dustin said quietly. He wouldn't say it, but he still felt like this was all his fault. Or at least that he should be able to remember faster. He was a fast learner. So why not with this? It had to be his own current state of weakness. "It's a bit empty the way things are." He was done talking about this though. He said all this before and the depressingness of it started to get repetitive.

He found himself grinning when he thought about food. "It's true! It's why Americans suck at dieting. We're just like...give us food." He laughed at himself before pouting in Lee's direction. "And I happen to like the 'muddled mess' you speak of! Or at least, I like my country's. I want to eat it now!"

Lee shrugged a bit, but dropped it. Empty? He didn't doubt that. He would probably feel the same. Like someone scooped holes out of his very being and filled them with ice. What was it like to lose all of one's memories? He only had that happen once, and it was only temporary amnesia when he was hit in the head by someone that hadn't been paying attention. He grimaced and forced his expression somewhat neutral, until Dustin piped up again.

He rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "You're gonna have to wait. Eating and hiking don't go together very well and it's not exactly a good idea to stop too long for cramps." He pointed. "Besides, just another two miles and we're safe! At the rate we're going we'll be there in no time..." He paused. "How's your leg doing...?"

Dustin knew well enough he would have to wait. He didn't mind really. He just liked thinking about food. If only it were a McDonald's hamburger though, and scones. Lots of cinnamon scones. "Don't mention my leg. It only bothers me when I think about it...and now I'm thinking about it," he grimaced. He did pretty well with his leg all considering. He imagined the second he sat down though, he'd stay down. "No resting though. I won't want to move again for sure. Just two miles? That doesn't sound bad at all. I can be...patient." Although it wasn't his best known skill, at least not for things that weren't important. "Just...talk though. Now I want a distraction. Between my screwy head and my body, I don't know what to do with myself!"

Lee grimaced, looking at where he was going before turning and walking backward to keep a more direct eye on Dustin. "Well sorry... I figure if it gets too bad we'll stop prematurely. Or I can find a distraction." He paused and ran a hand through one of the outer pockets of the bag, pulling a small, but powerful gun out of it and emptying the chamber. "Take a look at this, yeah? You know how to use and clean a gun? Mostly easy now that they're simpler made than the twenty-first-and-second century weapons since technology changed so much." This item was a small-millimeter weapon with a good kick.

Dustin smiled just a little. He didn't want Lee worrying over him because it really wasn't a big deal. Yet. He was happy to have something to think about though. He took the gun, feeling a bit curious. He turned the weapon this way and that, watching light bounce off its sleek surface. "I know how to shoot. It's not my specialty or anything," he said softly. "Actually, it's been a while since I held a gun. In my line of work, it's a bit of death wish. I'm normally not trying to appear like a soldier. You can only do so much to hide a gun." He always had knives instead. Less effective of a weapon, but he knew how to use them. He preferred that he didn't have to though.

Lee smiled lightly. "I guess you have a point there. A spy that wants to use a gun wouldn't be very good at stealth. I admit I don't like them either..." He grimaced, shrugging a little. "But I had to learn how to shoot and I kind of became... really, really good at it. Especially sniping, I'm... I do well at long-range, moving targets..." He sighed, pocketing his hands and looking down. "Guess I'm a ruthless killing machine, aren't I?" He shook himself. "I'm not gonna do that again... I mean, I won't unless someone's coming after you..." His most recent sniping was still in the forefront of his mind.

Dustin just shook his head and passed the gun back. He didn't want to hold it, even if he should feel safer with a weapon. He had to think about what Lee said. "Only when someone is coming after me, not you? Why do you have to say it like that...?" he said with a sigh. When he looked up, the sky had a dull look. Not cloudy really, just glossed over in a way that made it less bright though he would have sworn it was a beautiful morning. He squinted at the sun until spots burst over his eyes and he looked down again. "And will you quit saying you're a killing machine. It seriously pisses me off!"

Lee shrugged. "I care more about you, but... I'll do what I can not to hurt anyone as long as you do the same. I mean, kill them. If hurting them is necessary it should at least be done..." He sighed. If harming was necessary he wouldn't hesitate. But if killing was involved, he didn't want to be the only one to do it.

Staring at Dustin, he shook his head. "Well I can't exactly forget everything I've done. How can you just ignore it? Haven't you done it before? Or, that you can remember so far...? Only complete psychopaths don't feel anything, ever... Or at least think about what they've done." He stuck his tongue out as if the thought were sickening. "Whatever, I'll dro---I won't say anything about it." He stumbled when he wasn't looking, over an especially large root hidden in the grass.

Dustin's eyes flashed and his hands clenched as he walked. This was not what he was trying to say. "Of course I think about the things I've seen and done for this shitty war. That's not the point here though. I'm not saying you should pretend it didn't happen. I just...I..." He ground his teeth together. The anger came out of nowhere. He couldn't explain it, couldn't stop it.

"I don't like hearing you talk about the bad things you've done like they define you. Who would when it's the person t-they...li-" He stumbled over his words. He what? Because for a second there, he almost thought he wanted to say 'because I like you'. He couldn't go frivolously yelling that though, not when he knew how Lee felt about him. He didn't know how he felt back yet. He just, didn't like Lee thinking about those things. He paused in his walking as he just frowned at Lee's back.

Lee sighed. He could nearly feel the actual anger flung at him. And he deserved that. He kept digging into both of their pasts and pulling up the guts of the worst things they had done. Though his own past was left behind less than forty eight hours ago, it didn't matter. Why didn't Dustin think Lee was an awful person? How can anyone think he was the same Lee? Even if they didn't remember most of the person in front of them.

When the second pair of footfalls stopped suddenly, Lee did as well. Before turning, he slid the bag off his shoulder. "What do you want me to do, or say?" The stumbled words Dustin bit back hit him. The way he had sounded---hesitant---was like a blanket he couldn't quite struggle out of.

Dustin stared hard at the ground. He imagined ants under a magnifying glass and he imagined his gaze had the same effect on the leaves. They nearly sizzled at the edges from his stare. "I don't know," he muttered. He barely annunciation enough for the words to sounds like words. More like a single slurred sound. A laugh bubbled up, quick and out of place. "Why am I saying these things now? I can't stop myself. But I want to see you smile. I want your voice to lose that weight it has when you talk about what you've done, like you can't move past it. But we are past it. I can accept what I did. Am I just going crazy? But it seems like you want me to hate you because you killed some people!"

Lee opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking for the right words to say. He chewed on his lip for a moment, then huffed. "Damn it, it's not... just 'some' people! It's... dozens. Hundreds! I ordered their death. I told them to die. Or I killed them myself, with these damned hands." He waved his hands in front of himself. "And I had to live with people that didn't even care. They watched so many people die, or they had me rip them apart, take them from their families, disfigure them beyond repair or paralyze them before they were killed and you think I can just... drop it and move on? I don't know why it's easier for you but I don't see you as any less, damn it. I just... I don't know if I want you to hate me. I just want... to forget it. Forget the whole fucking thing!" He fell into a crouch, covering his head as if from gunfire.

"I can't forget it... I dream about the things I did... Nightmares... I can't exactly forget it that easily."

Dustin crouched down as well and he sat there hesitating. Finally, he scooted forward and wrapped his arms around Lee. The gesture was awkward, but his arms didn't think so. They slid into place comfortably much to his surprise. "I know. It's hard. I...heard their screams for a while, but then...they called me Steel for a while. If I had time to think about, I'd hear them again, even if I didn't pull the trigger as many times as you did. I walked away. I saw towns on fire and children dying in the street because of information I gave and I just stepped over their bodies. Even though I want you to smile, I understand. I don't know why this upsets me so much, so I can't even explain."

He bit down on his lip as he felt his voice waver. "I...just don't call yourself a ruthless killing machine. Look at you...this isn't ruthless. I could only hate you if it were true."

Lee sighed, blinking when he felt the breath hitch in his throat. "... we both had some pretty harsh nicknames. I was called Misery because of what I could do. No one else could do. I was so efficient that I could get information literally only one person in the world knew. And I just... stood there and watched them... get skinned. Get their limbs broken and cut off. Stabbed, whipped, waterboarded. So many died because I gave out the information needed for it to happen. I... never wanted to." What had prompted him to become someone so stone-faced that he could watch men and women beg for their lives so they could see their children again? The idea brought tears to his eyes before he could push them away, and he sighed, putting his arms around Dustin.

"I'll stop thinking it eventually." He sighed. "I just... dunno when. Just... start pinching me when I say something stupid form now on, yeah?"

The feeling of comforting another human being stopped being awkward and Dustin stopped staring at the trees in the distance. Instead, he looked down at Lee even though it made his chest hurt. He could see others in emotional pain without feeling like this. Only Lee made him feel this way. Dustin really did...like him didn't he? This had to be what it felt like. When Lee put his arms around him, he actually felt happy.

"Okay..." his soft whisper could have put the leaves to shame. "Pinch you, anything. Whatever you need I'll do it." Dustin didn't know what else to say. He could barely even think anymore.

It took only a moment more, but Lee managed to calm down. He, of course, wasn't the only one in this situation and he at least had his memory entirely intact. "This... reminds me of when my aunt died. Just like when my aunt died. You didn't tell me to hurry up and get over it or swallow it. I was glad you took so much time out of your day just to be there while I tried to pick up the pieces." He tried his luck, pulling his head back and planting a kiss on Dustin's cheek before standing, dusting his pants, and grabbing the bag he'd abandoned not long ago. "Ah, well... Well, we should keep going. Just about a mile and a half to go..." He threw the bag onto his shoulder and shifted a bit.

When Lee's aunt died? Dustin didn't remember, but apparently he still acted the same at moments. That made him feel confident in himself. "I didn't know I was so much of a helpful type, but it's nice." He was still in his thoughts when Lee pressed a kiss to his cheek. Dustin stared speechlessly, but his heart beat a little faster. Just a tiny gesture like that had him flying back to young sunny days he could barely remember. He blinked slowly when Lee stood and he took a second note to stand himself. He pretended it was his leg that made him slow, but he wasn't thinking about that at all. "Right, we still have that walking to do. There was...food. I forgot about wanting lunch."

Lee tightened his ponytail while his back was turned, nodding quickly. "Yeah, that." He returned, and started forward again. "Shouldn't be too long now, we'll be over... and safe. From the Chinese, anyway." He cast a quick glance to his left, where he knew the base was located. It was curious that he hadn't heard much from them. No weapons discharging. Maybe the prisoners were biding their time. The strongest would have to help the weakest, but if they got to the weapons there was no doubt they would be equals. And they would probably not try to torture the people, because he wasn't there to tell them how much they could take before they died. That was a small win, at least. The trees above them shifted and he glanced up to see a pair of large red squirrels just a few feet above them. Lee had always loved animals, and he smiled at them, glad for a distraction from what he'd done just a minute or two ago.

Walking both distracted and bothered Dustin. Squatting like he did irritated his leg. Strangely though, he focused on that feeling. He didn't want to think about other things like how confused his feelings kept getting. No amount of thinking would easily untangled that mess, so he didn't even try. Watching his feet move one in front of the other, he scrambled for something to say. He had a hard time of it though. He kept walking and the silence kept stretching. The more it stretched, the harder it was to break it. He didn't like this silence, but he began to suspect they'd walk the whole distance to the border in it. Finally he let out a loud sigh. "Are we there yet?"