:PHi there! Thanks for stopping by! Just wanted to let everyone who feels the need to actually read this, that well, since threads have been merged and i'm still learning...obviously all my poetry shall b posted here. This read from left to right in alternate lines(i.e. line 1 on the left, line 2 on right, line 3 on left again, etc.). I know it seems difficult, but it mirrors the movements of marrionettes...sorta? Please don't let the format keep you from reading.=3 Well...read on then.

"puppet on a string"

be the dark side of the moon

be what society hates

be you but . . .

i am but a puppet

a puppet on a string

a string pulled by

the brutal hands of

a prejudiced people

i will dance to my own flame

as long as others dance with me

i will stand for what i believe

as long as that's okay with everyone else

i will be me

as long as i am all the others that stand beside me but...

to be true to myself would mean disaster

will i crumble under paper beauty?

will i melt under the match of many?

will i break under the expectation that keeps me tied?

will i or won't i or can i . . . but . . .

i will be my own within me

for that is all the marionette allows

my movements will sustain me

tho these strings hold me down

my life will be my dream of hope

that someday only none among the crowd will cheer

for they too will see the poor structure of society

only then will i break this twine and join

join my bretheren of the persecuted . . . but . . .

~END~

:yes: thanks for reading! this poem kinda reads as a two in one. you read left to right, alternate lines for the whole poem. you can also read each column as individual poems...or so i've been told. apparently i have a kind of oblivious nack for these wacky things?:sweat: anyway, please let me know what you think!:angel:

Hmm...

I really like it! The only thing I think could be worked on is the punctuation so that it would be a little less confusing in some areas, I could go over this a little more with you if you would like me to. I am not a hardcore grammar fanatic, but I know when things sound a little off... and that's probably why people tell me I'm better with poetry than essay/story writing.

Also, there is a bit that I think could be left out... then again, maybe not. There was a point where I thought it was at a good place to end, but it went on more... But then again, those more redundant and dwelling points led to more interesting parts.

I think it would be really awesome if the two sides were consistently in the same light. It would be more difficult, but I totally think it would work! Toward the beginning I noticed that the left side was the things that everyone tells you about how you should be yourself, and the other side seemed to counter that and criticize society. later on it became less consistent and the tone of the whole thing seemed to shift toward the latter and self-reflection. I would love to see more of your work!

Originally Posted by djiinraidinnae

Hmm...

I really like it! The only thing I think could be worked on is the punctuation so that it would be a little less confusing in some areas, I could go over this a little more with you if you would like me to. I am not a hardcore grammar fanatic, but I know when things sound a little off... and that's probably why people tell me I'm better with poetry than essay/story writing.

Also, there is a bit that I think could be left out... then again, maybe not. There was a point where I thought it was at a good place to end, but it went on more... But then again, those more redundant and dwelling points led to more interesting parts.

I think it would be really awesome if the two sides were consistently in the same light. It would be more difficult, but I totally think it would work! Toward the beginning I noticed that the left side was the things that everyone tells you about how you should be yourself, and the other side seemed to counter that and criticize society. later on it became less consistent and the tone of the whole thing seemed to shift toward the latter and self-reflection. I would love to see more of your work!

thanks so much for ur comment! lack of punctuation is kinda my thing with most of my work...unfortunately. and the way it throws you around? welcome to my brain. sorry for that. it really is exactly how you described it, thus the confusion. this poem is a part of me, a part of a time in my life this reflects. most greatful for the positive feedback. i think i shall post more!=3

:PHello again! Thanks to those who voted to see more of my work. Well, here it is! Please note I use scarse punctuation and that it is done on purpose. All i can give as an intro is a quote of unknown origin and hope that you see the beauty in my twisted words."Beauty hath his power and will, which can as well inflame as it can kill."

Ephemeral Wraithe

Later martyrs that have passed me not, believe in the folk tales that liars forgot

Their tongues twisted so, relinquishing the blow, that smothered alive is better off dead

Wait for me not, my prince said of thieves, for your time to come to speak of these deeds



Further the twisted and tattered up truths, for bodies of beloved can provide no proof

The wasted youths of greed bring not, that petty quarrel, the sane have sought

For now this reign loose tongues embowel, a bitter sweet scent, a history most foul



Unending despair most sheltered with fraught, guards hearts against lies that the old have taught

Withering vines taste of this fruit, to teach of the voice that the blind would be mute

Barren this and bled of musk, the eyes sink back in a land amidst dusk



Hidden, begotten, what lies to be forgotten, caters to hearts of those not rotten

Like love that can die, and pride that can hide, hope is a valley that's drunken till gone

Believe in me, my prince said of thieves, for who else if nothing can relinquish these deeds



Trust the beheaded, leave no understanding, this child of death and destruction unending

We beat our chests, dance with deadly intentions, but bring not forth a world with no superstition

Come to an end foul reign of bloodless banter, open my wounds to embowel this my soul hungry enchanter



Condemnation fear me not, tis the birth of nothing and yet with maggots besot

Men with man should lie in wait of derisive behavior, incorrigible lust, an odious taint

Take with life the shuddering breath, a vermillion kiss, fleetingly just, this listless death

~END~

Well that's the end. Please let me know what you thought and/or how you interpret it. Thanks!;)

Dragons_Willow, I've merged your two Poetry threads together.

Please remember that each user is only allowed to have one thread within this forum, so update all of your poetry here. :yes:

"Love is Shame"



i'll cry because i want to

and you cant stop the tears

i'll cry because its all i can do

to stave away my fears

rejection

acceptance

there's just no predicting

the reason my heart's ticking

i know that its just me

who frolics in hopeless fantasy

but why should i be left to dream?

i'll just build it up into a frenzy

and with a horrific blow be torn down

i think my love for you is growing-

no! i can't think that! i'm so wrong...

i'm so wrong...

just a friend, a friend, friend....

that's all

no more

no less

but...

i wish more...so much more...

but...but...

i tear and sigh

and sigh some more

i want to tell so badly

what i feel

but your so far

i want you near

but now's not the time

i can tell

there's school and work and life...

life....it seems so dull

but lights me up when you are near...

i'm crying again

crying again

again....

i cant seem to stop

but i will

for you, i will

until you say so first

i won't say a word...


~END~

:sweat: i humbly await any and all critique/comments. please note, thought, that it is written the way it is on purpose. all punctuation, or lack thereof, has a purpose in the delivery and/or emotion of the poem. thanks!

Puppet on a String was good. It took me a minute to pick up the format, but I like how it switched lines. The format added a lot to the mood.

Ephemeral Wraithe was simply beautiful. And it had a wonderful rhythm to the words. It was enjoyable to read and very moving.

Love is Shame is very strong. The short lines give it so much emotion. You're a really good writer. :yes:

"Irresponsible Fool"


My acts are a cacophony,

of dying, tortured screams.

A condemning play before me;

my role a hellish dream.

Consequences rain upon me,

sizzling like acid on a scar.

I break for desparation to

escape the earth ends far,

but these crows, they follow closely,

to peck with glee mine eyes.

I stumble as a fatman drunk.

And drop, by lesion a soulless cry;

my path has left me with lepers' hope.

I cannot say that I have joy, no.

Hear the death bell as it tolls . . .

Rats pick clean and fungi grow,

where what once I held in hand so proud,

a freedom won from childish days,

in vain lies dead in tear-soaked ground;

a marble mausoleum for all my foolish ways.


~END~


=3 once again my readers...i have no idea! throw in a little self loathing,hate, disappointment,and lack of self responsiblity and there you have it! enjoy the depression.
enjoy, but please let me know your thoughts on my scribbles, eh?