No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

Chapter I: Behind Green Eyes.

It was cold, even for the son of the ruler of the frost giants.

Loki un-grit his teeth and snarled in the face of the cacophony of powers that raged and threw him about like straw in a gale storm that Thor had upon occasion created in his unleashed fury. Storms that his little brother was often the only force able or willing to counteract.

Loki cried and twisted in vain. He didn't care.

Heimdall, with his all-seeing eyes would have trouble tracking him in this tempest. Somehow that made the fathomless ache in his chest throb even deeper, more than he had ever thought possible.

All his life he had known he was different somehow. But his father, correction, Odin had always banished such thoughts and then sent him for a pick-me-up with his brother.

Thor!

The name screamed itself through every iota of his being. He never meant for such a horrible fate on the man he loved more than life and all its lovely offerings. He truly had not wished it upon him; he had only been trying to avoid a conflict he had seen as millennia old and unfruitful to the good of the realms. The Frost Giants were no different than the Asgardians. They wanted their world and lives in peace, with the occasional aspiration to expand their borders, it was only natural.

But this time nature had been defied. Odin had taken the child of his mortal enemy and raised him as his son with his own offspring.

If only he had know before he decided on his course of action. He had planed for everything. The Frost Giants infiltration on the day of his brother's coronation, the veiled persuasion to not fight back, knowing Thor's nature would scream for justice and answers.

No misunderstanding. He wanted his brother to ascend the throne. He had never truly desired it anyway, being more of a free spirit, given to wandering about and causing lighthearted mischief where the opportunity for joyful merriment presented itself. But his firebrand of a sibling had needed a light lesson in political tact.

Thor was a warrior given to the fickle moods of the battlefield. He did not truly understand the ways of peace or life in a continues flow; choosing rather to live in the heat of the moment, never seeing the aftermath of his actions or even caring.

He had simply hoped to buy more time by piercing his father's golden view of his elder brother, to show him what he had lacked to include in the king-too-be lessons Odin had set for Thor. Thor needed to learn to care for those whose futures depended on the new monarch's decisions.

But the thunder god was acquainted with so little of actual life workings that Loki had immediately acknowledged what kind of catastrophe would ensue.

Thor would have run the realms like he did his Warrior's Three, letting all free reign to do as they please and dealing with the fallout after the dust settled. Loki wouldn't have minded much since for the most part Thor would have asked his advice as the younger was the one who actually studied up on such things. But recently Thor had become more and more unpredictable in his temperament and more predictable in his actions.

If he was angered, something easily accomplished if one knew which buttons to push and there were many, he hesitated not to unleash his almighty furry upon such unsuspecting victims whether they were aware of their actions or not.

He missed the old Thor who had once upon a time allowed himself to be dragged into the library or to his father's footstool for such new discoveries of morsels of wisdom detrimental to the peace and stability of the Nine Realms. Now his brother was a warmongering hothead who struck with unholy terror first and asked questions later regardless the consequences.

The physical pain was nothing he couldn't deal with; he had had worse on the expeditions' Thor was wont to drag him off on. It was the pain burning a hole where his heart had once been known to reside that hurt the most.

Never had he known such pure, terrible agony. It felt as if his very being were torn out and fed to wild beasts. The core of his soul melting in the heat of the flames of Muspell to be replaced with another thought colder than any winter icicle of Jotunheim.

The Rainbow Bridge was gone.

There was no way to return. Even for vengeance against his stupid, bumbling brother for ruing his so well constructed plans.

Even if the Bifrost were still intact he had no need to be told what awaited him if he attempted return.

Banishment.

Abhorration.

He could never go back.

The thoughts he had been trying to avoid putting to words now rose to plague his mind.

It did not matter if he survived this storm. It sure as Hel didn't matter where he ended up.

He had nowhere to go. Nowhere he belonged.

He had severed all ties to either place he might have once upon a time had the opportunity to call home.

Now he had nothing.

Tears finally welled as the shadows filled his mind like grasping demons. Tears that had remained so well hidden behind a mask of coolly restrained mischief. He hadn't cried in so many years.

They never saw any of the pain at the unintentional rejections. The small changes slowly forming as years of being left in the shadows gradually built a wall of cold indifference around his heart, hidden by a mask only maintained in the hope of those few remaining shreds of what had seemed unbreakable bonds.

They never saw the truth behind his eyes. Sparkling green simmering with amusement at his pranks that in truth were merely created to offer distractions in an attempt for a small reprieve from the gnawing pain in his chest. Except ever trick, every joke instead served to drive that cold nail of loss deeper into his now frozen heart.

It was all a hoax. A beautiful picture created on lies.

Now? No family, not father, he had killed one and distressed the other into a emotion induced coma; no mother, Thor had seen to that;…and no brother.

The last part was too much for the emotionally stressed and unbalanced god to endure in his weakened condition.

The last thing that managed to maintain a grip on his now drifting mind was the mantra he had been repeating for the last few weeks so that they had become almost second nature.

I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. If there were any way to go back and retrace everything I did I would die a thousand deaths and walk through each Hell for the chance do it differently.

But it's too late for us now,he thought miserably, isn't it…brother…

A single tear found it's release as lids closed over eyes of now dulled green. Eyes finally allowed to show the truth of the pain of a heart rendered beyond repair.


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The song intro is Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit.