10-13-2009, 11:19 PM
I wrote this a little while ago and was wondering if I needed to tweak it to make it better. I'm thinking of entering it into a contest.
So, is there anything in this story that I needs to be changed, or things that don't sound right? Or any ideas that you think I could use to make it even better? :) (PS: It only looks like a lot because it's so squished, please give it a try ^^;; )
The Story Of Zachary Kain
"She was crazy! She was nuts! She was completely insane! You have to believe me, I speak the truth!" Zachary Kain cackled, rocking back and forth in the sleek metal chair. He was a gentleman of twenty six, and he sat handcuffed in a dreary interrogation room on a crisp december morning.
A fat bearded man in an officer suit prowled intimidatingly around the accused. With his arms crossed tightly against his chest he gazed down at Kain with a menacing look and showed no mercy.
Kain could imagine him sitting in a rusty police car eating a box of pink sprinkled donuts while he wrote a young couple a parking ticket. He could also imagine him being a werewolf every full moon as well, but thats a different story. The point was that this was the man who was to be interrogating him. Kain didn't feel too lucky.
"Tell me your story one more time, Mr. Kain." He snarled, his eyes flashing a glint of red.
In the mind of Zachary Kain this man was the devil himself, with pitchfork included! He was somebody who would not see him as a human being but as a criminal.
Was he a criminal? Was he crazy? Never!
"Heehee, hah hah! I've already told you my story, my good man!" Kain laughed with his eyes crossed and his tongue hanging out of the corner of his mouth.
Before the inspector could call for a straight jacket, Kain snapped back to normal and the room went deadly silent. He looked directly ahead of himself, like there was someone else in the room.
The Inspector, knowing he was dealing with a loony, knocked on the table in the middle of the room to turn Kain's attention back to him.
The sound broke the silence and it echoed around the small room. Kain's face paled and he jumped, his head snapping to the side in search of something that was not there.
The Inspector frowned and looked around as well, expecting to see somebody else there; however, there was no one but he and the loon in the room. "Well I don't know about you but-" the inspector cut off his sentence before he had finished and reached for the buzzer that would call another officer in.
Kain was staring right at him, with terrified eyes, a crooked smile planted across his face. The corner of his eye twitched. "I'll tell it to you again. In more detail this time, Dean."
"Dean?" The Inspector wasn't sure what he was talking about. Had Kain finally lost it? Or had he lost whatever 'it' was, a long time ago? But whatever the case was, the Inspector now 'Dean', leaned against a wall and began listening to the story of Zachary Kain...
---
"It all began on a Tuesday. You may know the reason why I hate Tuesdays. Well if you don't, it's because it is the third day after the beginning of the week! I hate the number three, and it hates me."
"Anyway, after a long, tiring day at work, I was just about to back into my driveway when I noticed a newly painted minivan occupying my spot! Where was I to park my car when my spot was already taken?!
Thoroughly confused, and quite upset, I parked in the visitor parking and began wondering who that mini van, which was parked in my spot, belonged to."
"I sat in my car and pondered this for a few good moments before I noticed a man walking briskly out of the front door of my house and get in the car. I pressed my face against the window of the passenger seat and gazed at the shady figure with shifty eyes.
"'Who is this?' I wondered intently, glancing at my watch. The plumber wasn't supposed to come for another two hours.
Maybe he came early? But it is common knowledge that plumbers are never early. Seriously, who would want to come early to pull old sewage out of a stranger's dirty pipes? Surely no human being I knew of. "
"'Maybe,' I wondered with a snicker, 'this man isn't a human being but an alien sent from outer space, sent here to invade humanity!' I pictured, with a grin planted across my face, a little green man with a ray gun zipping up a human disguise, trying to blend in. It was a crazy thought, but highly probable.
Thats when she came out. She, being my wife. I watched in horror as she came to an abrupt stop in front of the dark haired man and snogged the guy right in front of me! Unbelievable.
I knew right then and there, there was going to be some problems. What should I do?"
"I gasped and covered my mouth pulling away from the window and sitting back into my seat. 'The aliens must have gotten to her! He's converted her to their side! Brainwashed her with his little ray gun! Blasphemy! Not my wife!' I sat there in giddy silence while I ran things over in my mind. By the time I got out of the car, the van was gone and my wife was inside."
"I walked up to the door and hesitated, my hand hovering over the golden round doorknob. What would it be like when I went inside? Would it be awkward, or would it be like nothing had happened?
In life I figure that the best way to find out something is to go inside and check it out, and thats just what I did. I walked through the front door and faced her."
"'Hello, Alice. I'm home!" I smiled a fake smile, and gave her a fake hug. I kissed her with a fake kiss and faked a nice chat with her. Everything seemed fake now. The two of us were pretending, like someone had come and painted our world with a cartoon brush and now we were 2D characters on a T.V. screen. Everything was make believe. Would it stay that way?'"
"We went about the rest of our day by ourselves. The silence was just about deafening. You know that loud buzz you hear when there is nothing but dead air? Well I had it bad. It didn't help when the plumber came at six to fix the pipes. I answered the door to a short stub of a man who had hair all over his body but his head. I must admit however, that I was quite relieved to find that my wife wasn't cheating on me with this man. That would have been nothing but devastating and I believe I would have truly broken down right then and there; but the Tuesday God had been merciful this week and I kept my cool."
"It was an awkward trip to bed and I found that I was the last one to fall to sleep. I stared up at the ceiling the rest of the night, and wondered how to handle the situation I had so easily found myself in."
"The morning came too quickly as I had not gotten a chance to sleep. Alice commented on my appearance in the morning, about my red eyes, and I wondered if she actually cared or was she just saying that to make conversation; because it was awkward, it was very, very awkward."
"I'm sure that if I could read minds, I would think that she thought that I knew that I was thinking that she knew what I thought she knew. If that made any sense to you, then you are just about as mad as I am."
Surprisingly, the rest of the day was all right. At work I pestered people about buying the company's new products and with every phone call I began to wonder, were some of these people going through the same thing as me? Did they have a family member hiding something from another family member? Was it as tricky as my situation?"
"At one point I found myself pouring out my heart and soul to this one guy on the phone. When I had finished, I came to realize the man had hung up twenty minutes before and that I had been talking to nothing this entire time. At that point I didn't really care anymore and continued talking anyway, not just about what was going on with Alice, but with all my problems. The stress suddenly lifted from my body and I was as free as a bird."
"By the end of the shift I was smiling and happy. I felt as if I could do anything. That I could actually go outside and scream out to the world, 'MY WIFE IS CHEATING ON ME!' It was a good feeling and I made a note to do it again if something like this were ever to arise in the future."
"I stayed out after work for a few hours, not sure that if I were to go back and enter the house, I would end up feeling the same way I had that morning. I bought a cup of coffee and looked out the window for a long while. When I finally came to, I realized with a quick wave of surprise that it was already dark and that it had been dark for sometime now. "
"I hurriedly got into my car and pulled the gear into drive when I suddenly stopped. Why was I in such a rush to get home? Alice obviously didn't want to see me. For all I knew, she was out with... with him. And that was the first time I had thought about him. That man. Who was he? This mysterious being who had wisked my wife away with such style. What had I not given her that this man could? He must have really brainwashed her! He must really be an alien! I couldn't believe what I was thinking and I shook my head a couple of times feeling a tear fly out of my eye as I did so. "
"I let the car warm up and when it was more then ready, I whistled on home while trying not to think about it, but it was always there."
"When I arrived home I immediately noticed the unwelcome atmosphere and the little red lights that go on when your in trouble, were on. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion and stepped out of the car. I forgot to lock the car door and accidently left the keys in the ignition and that was what probably saved my life; but we'll get to that later."
"'Honey? I'm home!" I announced with a tone of caution in my voice as I tiptoed into the living room and looked around. The empty room was quiet. Too quiet. I peeked around the kitchen wall, feeling a bead of sweat dribble down the side of my head. "H-Hello?" I croaked, stepping into the kitchen and rounding the corner to the dinning room. My heart raced a mile and I wasn't totally sure if it was going to survive any more trauma."
"I found out all too soon when the phone suddenly rang beside me. The shrill ring tone of the phone pierced the silence and I leaped ten feat in the air, landing on my ankle and falling forward into a chair. The ringing stopped as soon as the first set of rings ended leaving me in unnerving silence once again. Did the caller just hang up, or had somebody in the house picked it up before I did?"
"The question, still unanswered, needed answering and I followed my motto: Go for it. I picked up the phone, covering the mouth piece with my hand and began to listen; however, what I heard chilled me deep through out my bones... "
"'Is it done, my sweet?' The deep voice of a man cooed on the other end, his tone was twisted and cold, like he was thinking of a foul deed. "
"'What could that deed be, exactly?' I panicked, my heart racing faster, if it could go any faster that is. I took a deep breath and listened, like my life depended on it."
"Then came the smooth calming voice of my wife, 'Ah, not yet my dear Dean, but soon. Soon we will be together forever, and we will not have to worry about him. And I will not have to worry about losing you both.' "
'Where is he now?'
'Doing something stupid downstairs, I'm sure.'
"Ouch. My eyes shifted back and forth while I tried to make sense of this call in my mind. What was this? What were they planning? Did she just refer to me as a 'him'? Am I the other man now? This couldn't be! I couldn't believe what I was hearing!
I took another deep breath and with sweaty palms and shaking fingers, pulled the phone once more to my ear listening intently. "
"Only three words were needed to satisfy my thirst for more questions, 'Kill him now.'"
"I can't remember exactly what I did at that point, but I do know that I dropped the phone, revealing my knowledge of the situation to the other two. I heard them hang up and then silence. Cold silence. Suddenly the staircase creaked and I bolted upright, my eyes wide with fear. I looked around for something to protect myself with, I didn't know if she was ready to do it yet or not. My eyes caught a glint of light and I turned in the direction of the kitchen, facing a giant machete knife on the counter in front of the sink.
"'When did that get there?' I wondered and swallowed hard, it felt like I had swallowed a rock and now it was wedged in my throat. I made for the weapon and felt something whiz past my head, shaving off a patch of hair on the back of my head. I slammed my hand down on the knife and twirled around, facing the figure of Alice with two knives in one hand and a broken beer bottle in the other, its jagged edges pointed at me dangerously. "
"'Hello dear, welcome home. Have a good day?' She hissed sweetly, and stepped forward. I tried to step back but my back hit the kitchen sink. I looked around for an escape route but quickly turned my attention back to her. "
"I replied in the same twisted tone as she had, 'My love, I'd have to disagree with that. I think that we need to talk.' I smiled and stepped to the side, slinking into the dinning room again and turning the corner to the living room. She came out the other side of the kitchen, closing the door behind her. I skipped past her just in time to avoid being sliced and diced. "
"We were now in a full out war, and I dove over the couch, flying into the flat screen TV and knocking it over. She made her way around the shiny black coffee table, stepping on top of it so she could fling herself at me, a loud battle roar escaping her mouth as she flew through the air.
I kicked off the wall and rolled past the floor lamp and onto my feet. Before she got a chance to chase after me I kicked over the lamp so she crashed to the floor in her rush to get to me. As soon as I knew she was good and down, I charged through the front door and flung myself down the steps, running to the car. "
"Checking for the keys in my pocket I immediately cursed my bad luck, thinking that I had left them on the kitchen table like I always do. It almost felt like a Tuesday, maybe it was and the calender was wrong. Just when I thought all hope was lost, I peered into the car and noticed the keys still in the ignition. Rejoicing, I bounced into the front seat and turned the car on just as Alice appeared in front of the garage. I shifted gears and flew backwards, tearing down the street."
"A day went by after the incident and I knew I should have gone to the police when I had the chance, but I was too much in shock to realize that hiding in a hotel was a bad idea. I sat in the corner of the dark room, contemplating my next move. I was not sure what to do, seeing as I had never been in a situation like this and I started to think of movies that I had seen which were like this; but my mind was too cloudy to think of any and I shivered. Not because I was cold, but because I was scared. Scared of my own spouse. There has to be something wrong with that, I just knew it."
"As I sat in the dark hotel, I began to reflect on all that had happened to me in the past couple of days. That with coming home to see the dreaded black minivan in the driveway. That with the awkwardness of being in the same room as her. That with pouring all my woes to random people on the phone at work. That with trying to understand why I was not worthy enough for her over a cup of coffee. And now, now being trapped in a hotel, pondering on this, alone in the dark. 'How has it come to this?' I wondered, with my face in my palms. 'Why is this happening to me?'" It was not about space aliens anymore, this was no joke. My life was on the line here!
"I looked up from my hands with a glint of determination in my eyes. I may not have known why she had decided on this method of a break up, but I did know that what she was trying to do is wrong. I needed to head for the police. I needed to go inside, and check it out. "
"So, on the way to the police station, for some ungodly reason I decided to take the short cut through the woods. In the dead of night of all things, and somebody out to assassinate me, for that matter!"
"The car's headlights shone dimly against the pitch black road. There were tall dark trees looming on both sides of the road making me feel very small and unimportant to the world. The world would not end if I died, only I would end and I would be forgotten soon enough. So what was all the fuss? Should I just give up and let her end my life? Not a chance!"
"A deer bounded out across the road in front of me and I swerved to the side to avoid the animal. It skidded to a halt behind me and tore back into the woods as I sped onward, my heart running it's race once again. I had almost run over a deer! If I had thought that things weren't bad enough, this had to go and happen! What the bloody hell was wrong with this week?! The rest of the way to the police station I thought about what would have happened if I had run over that deer. Would I have stopped and hauled it off the road, or would I have kept going too afraid by what I had done to see if it was okay.
When I finally arrived at the station, I hopped out of the car and made sure not to hit the other vehicle that was parked beside me. I didn't want to get in trouble for denting a police minivan or something.
"To my great dismay, I found the station locked and closed with nothing but a sign on the door saying, 'Closed. If there is an emergency please call number at the bottom of the page or visit Cherrygrove's police station. Sorry for the inconvenience.' "
"The 'Closed' part of it really caught my eye and my stomach sank like I was in mid fall. Turning dully back to my car I sat in the front seat and stared ahead with the door still wide open beside me. I heaved a sigh, discouraged; and I looked in my rearview mirror. "
"My eyes widened in horror as Alice's face came at me from behind and I shot out of the car, a knife dug into the seat I had just been occupying. 'Honey! I WANT A DIVORCE!' She jumped out at me from the back seat door and chased after me, as I was already halfway down the parking lot."
"You never really realize how physically out of shape you are compared to your spouse, and in a sense, its quite embarrassing; however, at this point in time, I really didn't give a damn. I did a full circle of the parking lot and came back to the car, her jagged breath blowing down the back of my neck."
"Every hair on my body stood on end I knew from that moment onward that I was going to be scarred for life. "
"I galloped for the car, dove into it and pushed on the gas petal, all at the same time, don't ask me how I did it because to this day I don't even know. Then it all happened so fast that by the time I had realized what had happened, it had already come to pass. Somehow Alice must have run in front of the car and the memory of the deer flashed before my mind's eye and this time I knew it was already too late to change fate..."
----
The inspector gawked at Kain with a blank expression with his mouth fully agape. He blinked a few times and his arms dropped to his side. He had moved from the wall to the chair after the first hour of talking and was now sitting across from the man he had once thought to be loony; however, he had a good reason to be acting this way, if the story were true that is.
The inspector looked at him in a different sense, but he knew that this story could hardly help him out in court. He wondered if Kain knew that this would be hard to help his case; something told him he did. They still hadn't found this 'other man'. They still had no proof that this was not 'make believe'. Only that there was a woman dead and it all pointed to this one man. All they could now was wait and see...
Zachary Kain, a man convicted of man slaughter, slumped in his chair and looked up at the inspector with tired eyes. "Before I get hauled out to jail, could you tell me what day it is today?"
"It's Tuesday."
"Ah," he stated with a grim smile, "that would explain it."
The End
So what did you think? :)
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