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adella_demona
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#1
Old 12-02-2009, 09:04 PM

This one is called The Bane of My Existence. I wrote it over the summer when I worked as a secretary in Student Support Services office. V__V Please enjoy, tell me what you think, and share some of your own stuff if you'd like! :)

In a sea of bright yellow folders
I sit and label envelopes.
Surely I must have lost my mind hours ago.
It’s stuffed in one of the filing cabinets, lost somewhere between A and Z.
I’m drowning in paperclips and bright green Highlighters.
The bleeping of the fax machine drives me nuts and the sound of the printer haunts my dreams.
The motivational posters on the walls mock me; the ice berg on Imagination grows a face and taunts me.
How evil they are.
The leaky faucet is slowly drilling a whole through my sanity, but maybe that’s in a file with my mind somewhere.
The phone is torture. The loud, obnoxious ring startles me out of this mindless stupor.
The computer fans whir and laugh at me. To pass the time I sneakily play solitaire. Not that it helps any. (then i get on Gaia)
Did I mention the tick of the clock...driving needles into my ears?
Oh the pain, if only my iPod weren't dead
I relish my lunch hour. Until then I doze over the keyboard like a zombie, drooling and dying of boredom.
The girlish chatter of my co-workers drives me up the wall.
Their petty complaints and uninformed opinions drive tacks under my fingernails
From 8 AM to 12PM, and from 1PM to 4
This is the Bane of My Existence.
And I only get $6.55 an hour

Wicked
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#2
Old 12-03-2009, 02:01 AM

I haven't produced a decent poem in ages but I love your poem! A bit of constructive crit?
The word flow sort of hiccuped at this bit "fax machine drives me nuts and the sound" don't know.. it just doesn't feel right. Maybe try a different word than nuts? If it were me I would use mad as in "drives me mad" but it isn't me so.. ^^

I would scrap the line about the iPod too but again, not my poem.
Don't focus on the critique because I really enjoyed your work.

adella_demona
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#3
Old 12-04-2009, 01:39 PM

Thank you ^_^
It was just something dashed off at odd moments during my workday =/
I loved the job but sometimes it just got to me T_T

Knerd
I put the K in "Misspelling"

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#4
Old 12-05-2009, 03:03 AM

I've gone ahead and moved your thread into our Poetry subforum. This is where you'll want to post all of your original works. :yes:

 


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