Uh... gotta say most of my poetry is pretty creepy, slightly twisted and more often than not, insane :XP

Tell me what you think and what you think I need to improve on =3


Heart in a Jar

If I would never die
I'd tear right out my heart
And put it in a jar for you
So we wouldn't be far apart
The gaping wound in my chest
Would show my love of you
With every drop it bleeds out
It speaks of my love so true


Madness

No rhyme to reason or reason to rhyme
Falling in backwards and out of your time
Tumbling slowly is all that you know
Down the wrong pathway which way will you go?
Faster and faster your heartbeat is racing
Up the right staircase your mind must be pacing
Madder and madder this world does it spin
Holding on tightly by the teeth of your skin
Nothing makes sense and you do not care
Racing on forwards while screaming a prayer
Hoping that you don't turn out from the fall
In a blistering whirlwind of a battering brawl
Oh where can you be oh where is it now
Wondering on slowly and waiting on how
Running on crazy while racing on roads
Down the right pathway which way can you go?
No reason to rhyme or rhyme to the reason
Tripping on over the wrong kind of season


The Nightmare Circus this is about a circus my friend invented for our AU story

Come on down to the Nightmare Circus
You won't believe your eyes or ears
We will show you the twistiest tricks
And play upon your darkest fears

Now watch out for the knife thrower
He will target anything in sight
Sharpest blades can match his wit
Tied to his board you cannot fight

Pretty little lion boy is no better
Claws and teeth and psycho grin
Dare you even look him in the eyes?
Crystal orbs show darkness within

Flying high up near the tent top
You will see a dear acrobat
But even he will scar your mind
Charm you like a desert cat

Pay this darling clown to hug you
He might even steal your heart
But believe me when I say this to you
He is just playing his part

The leader of them all is a terrible man
He will take you in and not let go
So come on dear and take your seat
You are going to enjoy the show

The Nightmare Circus holds a secret
Some people may never come home
Trapped forever in this dark man's clutches
But at least you will not be alone

Many have been lost to this carnival
With all its tricks and traps and charm
We will betray you with a smile
And you won't even know of any harm

Come on down to the Nightmare Circus
You won't believe your ears or eyes
We will show you your darkest desires
You'll fall completely for our lies


Thanks for reading =3

AABBCC. Very boring scheme.

Not to say they are bad. I enjoyed the first one :]

In your free time though, trying branching out and trying different schemes. ABACB is a favorite of mine.

(This is not a poem... just an example haha)
It's all in my mind
A sound is heard
I can't understand it
Is it a sound?
Or is it a word?

It flows much better when substituted by an actual poem, but it's a nice change of pace from the single set matching rhyme.

I'm not a fan of free form poetry. But as long as the lines match up as a whole I can stand it.

I love free form poetry. It is much easier to understand than some written in a forced form. Your work is twisted, but in an awesome way. Bravo. keep writing.

You often lost your rhyme in some parts. And it's bland, boring... just ugh. It's the same old, same old and there's nothing profound about it. I can't even say there's anything "twisted" about it... You need work.

I mean, don't get me wrong, they're good to start with, but there's a lot of imporvment needed. This isn't to say that you should stop writing at all, either. It's simply what you need to hear to become a better writer. If you want a more extensive crit, I will be more than happy to give one, but first let's see how you take me telling you your stuff... kinda sucks...

Thanks for your inputs XD I don't really write poetry that much and when I do it's more of a therapy so I'm not too fixed on getting the rhymes right. And I tend to stick to the more 'simple' rhyming schemes 'cause they're just quicker to write =3

Originally Posted by AkihitoKage

Thanks for your inputs XD I don't really write poetry that much and when I do it's more of a therapy so I'm not too fixed on getting the rhymes right. And I tend to stick to the more 'simple' rhyming schemes 'cause they're just quicker to write =3

:-x :headdesk:
Then I greatly suggest so as not waste anyone else's time to place in the post's or at least in the title - NO CRIT or JUST COMMENTS. It's really a pain in the ass to put all that time into something only to be told the writer doesn't care, ya know?

I like your first peom, it is neat