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SuperZombiePotatoe
Spudd

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#1
Old 11-06-2013, 11:21 AM

The silence around me is deafening.
The moon is gold.
The Will-o'-the-wisp is beckoning.
My right-hand is cold.

My mind shrieks, "Turn away!"
But ghostly light is welcoming.
My legs do not obey.
The Wisp is beckoning.

Lead me onto strange paths,
Paths through and beyond the mist.
I don't notice the scratches on my calves
As I tirelessly follow the Wisp.

I have not the will to linger.
The grass has turned to stone.
A ring has fallen from my finger.
They'll find it long after I've gone.

High above the dirt,
Far below the heavens.
No path left. I know it will hurt,
Yet still the Wisp beckons.

The silence around me deafening.
I can't tell if the moon is gold.
The Will-o'-the-wisp is no longer beckoning.
My entire body is cold.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Comment and critique please...
I would appreciate the feedback!

Ophium
I have the key to the lock of yo...
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#2
Old 11-11-2013, 07:07 PM

I must say, I like your writing style.
And the "story".
It's as if I was the person inside of that poem, following their path.
I can feel it.

SuperZombiePotatoe
Spudd

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#3
Old 11-13-2013, 07:49 AM

Thank you so much!
I was worried if the story was a bit vague, but I'm glad that you got it. I wrote it after hearing a song, I get inspired by music a lot.

PrincessKasumi
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#4
Old 12-01-2013, 02:50 AM

*snaps fingers* It's very deep indeed SZP :)

 


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