Thread Tools

Kiyoto
(。◕‿◕&#...
9373.37
Kiyoto is offline
 
#1
Old 03-12-2016, 10:16 PM






2016




May all your dreams for the year come true. New beginnings and ending chapters join together to make life an original story.





Kiyoto
(。◕‿◕&#...
9373.37
Kiyoto is offline
 
#2
Old 03-12-2016, 10:17 PM

Archive For 2016




Last edited by Kiyoto; 03-31-2016 at 06:27 PM..

Kiyoto
(。◕‿◕&#...
9373.37
Kiyoto is offline
 
#3
Old 03-12-2016, 10:38 PM

March 12, 2016


So, this is the first post of the new year. Hard to believe my other memory jar was back in 2014. I didn't even get past one post heh. I am making a goal to keep up with this one this year. Even if I am already a bit late. Better late than never right? So, I spent my first two months this year trying to get internet back. I lost it last year after the people cut it off just a day after getting paid for the month. Of course, no refunds, what a load of bs. Now that I am back, I am beginning to notice how empty mene is getting. It makes me a bit sad. I have been on mene since February of 2010. It's been six years already since I joined, now on the seventh. I know there have been gaps in there, but I have always come back here. Mene has been kind of like a home to me in some ways. I have had problems here, but nothing major, people clash at times. It's natural.

I remember when loads of people would be on in a day, now I see less than twenty on average. My wish for mene 2016, is to pick up again. It is a great place, so I hope new people and old come to enjoy the site like I have. Real life wise, I am a junior in college, woot woot. Second semester at ASU. I am having some issues, but after some work I am down to about one to two days for classes. Bad news is, I have classes over the summer and next semester in the fall to. So no break for me. Good news is if I can get through it, I graduate at the end of next spring with a degree in forensics. Worth it I guess. I still feel that feeling where you might be doing the wrong thing, or you don't believe in yourself. It is I guess natural for people. I have to push through, finish what I started in the end. I hope I can get through all these chemistry classes in the end. That is where my skills are lacking, I hate chemistry.

Other than that, these first two months have been kind of boring. The holidays were a drag, to the point that a few times I just wanted them to be over. Now that they are though, I am faced with another year. I don't know what I want out of this year on a personal level. I guess I just want to make it through for now. If I can spend most of it even remotely happy, it will be a plus. I admit, I do have random bouts of depression. I get to feeling like crap for no reason. I know I shouldn't feel bad, all is good, but... I just feel like sitting in a dark room. I physically hurt at times from the weight of emotional stuff. Does not help that medical wise I have times of issues as well. I do my best to be strong, kept it away from here for the most part. I don't really have many close people I can talk about it or anything with. Maybe at times that is why I feel so down.

Then again, at times I could be in a crowd and feel alone lol. I'm an odd ball. Sorry for getting so down, but on a more positive note, I did discover some distractions. Like television XD. I am in love with the series Shadowhunters. Especially with Alec and Magnus >.> I am glad they made it a series. I do hope it goes well and past one season. I want to read the books, so maybe that will be a goal of mine this year. Another goal I want to set, is to get writing. It has been so long since I started a book. Since my last laptop crashed and had to be reset to factory settings, I lost EVERYTHING on it. All my pics, music, writings and more. It is not to big of a deal, as long as I keep from actually thinking in depth of what was on it. Then I start to feel sad lol. So first thing first, is coming up with an idea. In the meantime, I will continue to work on roleplays here and look for places to keep practicing as well. So for now that is it, here's hoping for a good 2016!


Kiyoto

Kiyoto
(。◕‿◕&#...
9373.37
Kiyoto is offline
 
#4
Old 03-14-2016, 09:42 PM

March 14, 2016


So, yesterday was pretty dull. I had like absolutely nothing to write about, and I didn't want to post only one sentence. As of today, not much has happened either. I worked on Organic Chemistry this morning. Only thought it would take thirty minutes to an hour...ended up spending three hours on that stupid thing. I hate chemistry so much. I love science, but chemistry was always the worst for me. All that math, formulas and numbers, blegh. Not that I hate math. I used to, but I don't mind it much now. History and chemistry were always my worst subjects. I will be happy once I am done with chem. Really glad I don't have any direct history classes, but dates and stuff still play a part in my world now.

Other than that, I had a bit of a spat with my roommate's grandma. She hates me, and acts more like a spoiled kid than an adult. She's making dinner, don't ask me why, and I'm not feeling to good so I told her thank you but I was not feeling like eating. So I thought I'd be nice and just simply put the silverware and such she had set out for me away. So she could spend time with my roommate and I could rest. Next thing I know, she's yelling at me that I shouldn't touch the table once she set it. I told her I said I didn't feel up to dinner, and all I was doing was putting the unneeded silverware away. So she comes back with the snide comments of like I'm not allowed to do that or whatever. Ugh, I hate attitude so much. This isn't her house to begin with. I know she was probably trying to be nice by making dinner, but then to get annoyed by that? I dunnknow, probably over thinking things.

I just wish she would respect me more. She does whatever she wants when she is here. Even when she has been asked to do something else or whatever a dozen times. It has to be her way or she throws a fit like a kid and storms off. Talking to a brick wall at times. My day was better before that. Oh well, I'll deal with it.

Kiyoto

Kiyoto
(。◕‿◕&#...
9373.37
Kiyoto is offline
 
#5
Old 03-31-2016, 06:27 PM

March 31, 2016
Well, I haven't written in awhile. Been pretty busy with school and stuff, but...I kind of need this today. I should start off by saying a fight is never worth a friend. In the end though....you can't control everything. I love to write, I love to write with other people. It is my unwinder, my relaxation and I really enjoy it. So when I run into an argument with others, it ends up hindering that love a bit. I'm not the best at explaining myself, getting my feelings out there. I guess most the time it comes across as rude, overly sensitive or just not the way I want it to. The point is, I hate conflict, especially with someone that I care about a lot. Right now, that's kind of happening here. And the people I usually would go to to speak about it all....are the ones who it is with. It makes me feel kind of isolated...kind of like closing the computer and walking away. Coming back after awhile? Maybe...maybe not.

I hate telling people no on something, especially when I know they worked super hard on it. Though at times I have to make the tough calls. It makes me feel like a bad guy, and in the end can stir up problematic feelings on both ends. I never want to make anyone feel upset or bad, like their not good enough. I really do cherish my friends and really if I could, make everyone happy. That's not always the case though. Truth be told, I hate having to make tough calls, but that's what you got to do at times. In life, I keep having to make a lot of them. Not just here, in real life as well. Most of the time, I end up compromising myself and my wants or needs for someone else. I feel like I keep getting walked all over or like people just either expect it of me...or for me to be the bad guy in the end. I feel like at times people make me seem like an idiot. Constantly second guessing me, or making me feel like they can do everything better than me.

How am I supposed to grow and learn...If I'm not able to make my own choices and make my own mistakes. I might actually know what I am doing...and it might actually be great. I just wish people would have a little more faith in me at times. I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. Trust me, I know there are people far worse off than me out there in the world. That's a whole nother topic though. The point I am trying to make here is...I really don't know. There are a few. Patience is not really a virtue with me, especially in conflict. I hate leaving things in a bad place, especially with friends. I hate sitting by knowing someone is angry or hurting, especially because of me. I try to fix it right away, even though I know I can't always do that. It ends up making me more flustered and often makes a bigger mess. The more I try to explain myself...the more it just seems to come out wrong.

Sometimes I wish I could snap my fingers and make it better, or have a do over. Wouldn't that be nice? I know a lot of people would love to have that ability. Truth is we can't. It's a one time deal with our lives. We do what we do, then we have to deal with what happens as a result. An action causes a reaction. We may not always like it, can't always fix or control it...all we can do is learn from it and try to grow...Getting back on topic, I wish I could tell the person I really want to out of all of these, that I never meant for this to happen. I really did want things to work out and for them to be great. I think this person really is incredible, smart and very talented. I have told them this but...things sometimes get lost in translation. Why can't there be a translator for our hearts? Psh, supposed to be our minds right? Though those don't always do the best job either...at times they just make it worse.

Feelings are complicated. Their a mess, a pain, but their also wonderful at times. They let us make connections...friends...love. Yes they make us sad and angry..make us feel hurt and weak... but they can make us stronger to. I'm not really focusing on one person in this...it's many things that I really just needed to get off my chest. I do feel better writing about them, though going into specific details would be crossing a line. Why? Because in the end...I don't want to bash anyone or anything. I honestly don't think either party is at fault (in most of these cases) and a lot of things just end up getting lost in communication of those feelings. Stress lately as well as my connections with some people have been making life not so easy, feeling not so easy. Truthfully though...I am glad I feel. I want to learn, get stronger, better. So..as bad as some of this might be...I want to believe it's part of something bigger and better in the end.

In the end, I do want to fix things still. I want to make them better and I want the people close to me to know I care about them a lot. I would never want to upset or hurt them on purpose. I really hope all this stuff works out and in the end makes us stronger.

Kiyoto
__________________

 


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

 
Forum Jump

no new posts