Here is where I plan to post all of the poetry I would like feedback on. Any comments or advice is greatly appreciated ;) I post my poems here not for gold, but for you to read. They all remain on the first post, thus I get no gold out of this =)

Note: If you read any of my poetry feel free to comment, I would greatly appreciate it. Any form of comment is accepted. Comments help me stay motivated, and advice helps me get better ^_^


Most viewed poetry thread <3
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My long term goal in writing poetry is that for a very long time I have wanted to publish my own book of poetry. Though I know I'm nowhere near that goal, it's one of my 'dreams' to fulfill someday.

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Rules:

- No stealing (if you want to use it or some of the lines, ask first please)
If you take one line from my poem to make another or it inspires you to write a poem, please do post it, I would love to see it =)

- Follow the TOS

Current poem(s):


New Year (Quite late, but here's a new years poem)

A crisp clear day
The mice out to play

A drawing night
This day just might

End in a big bang
With a pop and a pang

Fireworks eclipse the sky
Fuses light and rockets fly

It is a day that marks
The day of sparks

Where fires soar
And people want more

Within seconds
Midnight beckons

And in a flash
Fire and sky clash


Previous Poems (still accepting comments ^_^):


True Story

She smiled and laughed
Not a pain could be seen,
We were gentle and kind
Not ever once mean,
We kissed and cuddled
And slept peacefully,
She was in paradise
I just wish that you would see

She had no worries
Not a single fear,
For no thing harmed her
When I was near,
We laughed and played
Her heart always free,
She was in paradise
I just wish that you would see

She had a glow in her eyes
Those of one of no harms,
A look of pure happiness
As she rushed to my arms,
She was not ever afraid
But filled with unending glee,
She was in paradise
I just wish that you would see

She met love and comfort
As she finally found home,
She was where she wanted
She could let her spirit roam,
No more chains to claim her wings
I saw an angel that was free,
Her 'Heaven on Earth' she found
I just wish that you would see.

Haiku: Stars
(5) Stars shining brightly
(7) Twinkling in the midnight sky
(5) 'Till the end of time.

The Sun and the Moon
Scattered all across the sky
Covered the world in black dye,
Someone spilled the milky way
To be cleaned up around mid day,
The sun lets out a sigh yet again
Wondering who it might have been,
Scrubbing the darkness up till dawn
Until the ink is finally gone,
Sun glows a dim yellow
Such a tired old fellow,

Dancing across a silent sky
Going from low to high,
Looking different every day
For he always likes to play,
Every night a new mask
Each it's own special task,
Gliding around gleefully
The mask makes it hard to see,
Not sure where the milky way be
Spilling it accidentally.

Water-Dancer (Haiku)
Windy waters dance (5)
Making a watery show (7)
Acting out a play (5)

Searching
Happily ever after is a strange phrase
People search for it for days,

Yet only a rumor it does seem
A life found in a dream,

How do you prove such a thing
Which only makes your heart sing,

How do you prove a thing like love
Except by watching a beautiful dove,

Where do you find a rose unhurt
Buried in a parched desert?

Love Birds

White as snow and pure like love,
They fly around the sun lit sky,
Together for all eternity,
The unbreakable pair in love,
Two hearts bound as one,
Combined to make a single piece,
Two birds deep in love,
Flying until the sun goes to bed,
Soaring through the sunset,
Two love birds head back home,
Until the sun awakes again,
So they can fly some more.

Legend of Old

A pond made of silver and gold
From an ancient story of old,

It glimmers and gleams
But so it seems,

In this pool of silver and gold
There is a myth of old,

When moon was full and water clear
A topaz was dropped right here,

Right in the path of the summer moon
Waiting in a water cocoon ,

Moonlight shine upon the stone
And light comes forth to be known,

As the water of legend of old
Shimmered in silver and gold.

Riddle

I glitter I shine
Now please don't whine.

I'm big and yellow
A cheery ole fellow
With a temper very mellow,

I'm hot to the touch
But don't fret much,

I fly in the sky
Half the day I'm shy,

My brother takes my place
With his glowing face,

To light your path
with a mellow bath,

From morning to night
I am the light,

From night to day
My brother gets to play.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

Silver gold chairs
All stacked in pairs.
Ruby red plates
With golden shlates.
Emerald green cups
Littered in purple gups.
Silver and gold glitter
Spread with a splider.
And a solid gold throne
With a bronze undertone.

Dancing Colors

Grass field green
Moon glow blue
Glimmering gold
Fresh snow white
Dirt road brown
Sunshine yellow
Tropic beach aqua

Riddle

I'm big small long and tall,
Flowing from Spring to Fall.
I'm strong and weak,
An ancient antique.
I roar and growl,
Sometimes a howl.
I speak my hellos,
To all the land fellows.
I like to wave at the trees,
As the sway in the breeze.
I bring life to all that is around,
Plants spring up all abound.
I have no beginning or end,
I flow along after each bend.
What I am you wait and see,
For near you I flow free.

Beach of Eternity

Long is this beautiful beach
With the shores sighing
And the seagulls laughing.
Still is this beautiful beach
With nothing moving
No creature stirring.
Bright is this beautiful beach
Where diamonds wash up
And sand is of gold.
Warm is this beautiful beach
With the seaweed abroad
And the aroma of happy thoughts.
Beautiful is this beach of eternity
Stretching beyond what eyes can see
An inland breeze be only a myth.

Whispering Wind

Whispering winds across the land
From mountains to beaches of sand

It glides along the world's end
Where sadness goes that cannot mend

It soars through the sky
With the birds that can fly

It arrives at the town nearby
Blowing in with a silent "hi"

Then weaves through at half past ten
Giving advice to those who listen

Guiding those who had fallen
Blowing around a little pollen

Then like a shadow at dawn
The wind was completely gone

Without a trace that any could find
Thus had past the whispering wind

Black and White

A rose in a field stands out
A rose in a city is unseen.
One grows to be beautiful
While the other is crushed.

The field rose glows bright
The city rose, dark and gloomy.
After a while the flowers bloom
The roses you could not compare.

The field rose was white as can be
Where the city rose was black.
In the field all were happy to be
But the city was all in despair.

The field rose saw happiness abroad
And thus had became a glowing white rose.
The city rose saw pain and sadness
And thus turned as black as the midnight sky.

Twilight Stars

Shining with a magnificent light
Gleaming from an eternity away
Glowing like an army of candles
They wait, they wait,
For what we do not know,
Beautiful beings are they
The greatest charms of all
Gazing upon heavy hearts
To bring a temporary release
They are in the hearts of many
For they the masters of an art
The art of charming

Magic of the Dancing Flame

Flames walking through water
Untouched by their vicious foe,

Flickering in defiant victory
As their foe can only watch,

Dancing on the water's top
Taunting their hopeless enemy.

I like it. And I really the simile about the lion. : ) It brings up an image of a "roar"ing river.

And I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but I kind of like how there isn't any punctuation. It's kind of like the poem is a river in itself, always flowing with no bounds. : )

The only line that stuck out to me was the "Unless you have the map of course". It not that I don't like it or it doesn't fit, it just didn't roll of my tongue like the rest of the poem.


Anyways, good luck with your poetry class. : D

You think maybe I should take it out?

Maybe try rewording it first?

New poem up, not sure what to name it though

It's good, but...lacking something. Hi Kaze ^^ will you read my poetry?

You know you can post more than one poem. I didn't..I don't think I posted rules on mine. I hope no one steals any of mine.. but if so then oh well..

I am sorry, Kaze, it seems that, lol when poem put together, I just cannot understand them. What message are you trying to give?

I can't write a poem with a meaning already in mind. I don't truly understand my own poems. I write my poems with no message in mind. I let the reader tell me what message was written.

The way to write good poetry, is to put some of yourself into it. Don't just write something.. It has to mean something to you to mean something to someone else.

That's the problem... I don't understand the meaning... since I don't understand myself...

Hmm.. I don't understand myself.. Well.. think about your past.. your feelings.. and what those things remind you of, and create poetry out of them ^^

Well... usually the title brings out the message in my poems... least for me... but I just can't title this... I dunno why...

The sonnets I have about Larele have titles... but I dunno what this one is about... >.<

Aww... Well.. It's good you can write about her. I'm sure those poems are very good ^^

They made her cry... she said she was happy though...

I could post one if you wanna hear one... since it IS the poetry forum xD

Hmm.. Maybe you should lol.. Is it wrong to post all your poetry on one site? ^^'

I'd be rich if I posted all 100+ xD :lol:

But I want to publish some...

Lol..well.. You have a limit on how much you can post...umm.. I think..that's what the rules said I think *doesn't remember*

hmmm... sorry? Do I have misunderstanding of poems?
lol.
I thought poem and lyrics should have a main theme when writing? At least something.
*thinks*
Like when you are drawing, there must be a subject. I couldn't really understand how to create a thing without subject.
Even if it is subconscious doodling, you are actually needing something to think off when doodle. XD

I pictured flames on water.
Therefore, the water must have some kind of gasoline.
Helpless because water is neutral, and it took the gasoline's side and bond... or ... what ever. XD

I'm sorry. I kind of went all science there.... Was going to at least...

The poem is wonderful with a bit of a flow. I was sad that it was short though. Keep up the good work.

@ Sakura - so you think I should try and make it longer?

If you want, but I recommend not to, since it already has a topic towards the end.

I just like long poems. I don't know why though. Short poems rarely catches my eye, but this one does. =]

If you want, you can try and make another poem with flames into a beauty.

I can try... but I usually have no control over what I write :(

That's a bit odd..

Well... the thing is I just... write...

Most of the time I just write what I feel (hence the 100+ love poems xD)

Originally Posted by Kaze-bear

I can try... but I usually have no control over what I write :(

Same here. XD

But I have got to say.... you are better than me. XD

I speak the truth.