For newcomers:
Before you stands a tall, imposing fence made of cement. A thick wooden gate is farther down.
You regret having come this far... you know you're on the bad side of town, but you just couldn't resist. You thought the rumors about the cult of Hoff couldn't be true, and you still don't have proof that they are, but the cement fence is just as the myth told.
You push your shoulders back to look brave and continue towards the gate, surely this is all just a scary story! As you near the gate, you begin to hear noises from inside. Talking, screaming, laughing, singing, and... is that a Talking Heads song? Oh god. You fall back a few steps, beginning to sweat. Are the rumors really true? Is the deadly cult real?
You begin to consider turning back, if this is real it's just too dangerous for you to stay... You have a goldfish to feed, you can't risk-... you dare not think it.
You notice the gate begin to open. You can't breathe, you want to run but you find yourself unable to move. You can only watch in horror as a tall man, and then another, come out of the gate. They spot you and begin to come over.
This is it! you think,
I'm done for! I'm a goner! Goodbye, Swimmy, I hope my sister remembers to give you your twice-daily flakes! Oh, and who's going to take care of my Farmville? I'm too young to go! I have so much to give!
The men are now on either side of you. One crouches down and reaches into his pocket for what must be something like drugs or a gun or maybe some Halloween candy from five years ago. His eyes pierce yours in the most terrifying way. His hand emerges from his pocket... holding a kitten. He gently presses the kitten against your chest until you take it. The other man helps you to your feet and they both lead you towards the wooden gate.Scared, confused, and overwhelmed by the adorable appearance of your new kitten, you're unable to do anything but shuffle along with them.
You notice a small sign above the gate just before you pass through it. Scrawled on the sign is
Howse of Hoff.
You enter the compound with the two men and the sight that's before you is unbelievable. A huge bonfire sits crackling away in the middle of a large area, around it are a number of strange people, many dancing to that terrible, terrible Talking Heads song. One person lies on the floor, covering their ears, screaming for them to turn it off.
One of the men gently leads you over to a seat near the bonfire and hands you a tiny collar.
"She's a girl," he says motioning to the kitten in your arms. "What would you like to name her?"
For regulars:
It's a typical day in the Howse of Hoff... Nothing special to note.
