Thread Tools

Toni
road warrior
1248.40
Toni is offline
 
#1
Old 05-16-2015, 05:20 AM

This is such a lovely idea! I keep meaning to start some kind of online journal, but never follow through, so maybe this will help get me in the habit.

Please feel free to talk in here, if you'd like. I'm going to try to post a little something about every day, plus the monthly challenge, too. Now here's just a little bit about myself and what you might expect to find in this thread.

I'm currently going by Toni online; the name is taken from SCARFACE's Tony Montana, who has kinda become my inspiration, except for, you know, the murderous druglord part. He's just got so much ambition and confidence, and I'm trying to add a bit of that to my own life, which has become kinda hectic and crazy from a lot of different angles. I'll probably whine about my family from time to time, and about school, and how frustrated I am, but I'm going to try to keep this focused on the good.

I'm a 22 year old woman, recently grabbed myself a girlfriend, coming to terms with the whole gay thing. Not easy. Lots of self loathing and mixed emotions. My instinct is just to run off and pretend to be straight because it's easier, but I'm gonna just hide in the closet until I can move off my parents' place and be totally independent instead. I honestly don't know how they'll react. We're in a very small, conservative town, and certain family members have told me to my face that two women kissing is the most disgusting, unnatural thing they can think of, so it's like "hm. yes. in the closet. forever. good."

ANYWAY! Enough of that. Let's get to the good stuff :D

Last edited by Toni; 05-16-2015 at 05:50 AM..

Toni
road warrior
1248.40
Toni is offline
 
#2
Old 05-16-2015, 05:31 AM

Goals: 2015

Read 10 Books
A seemingly small goal, I know, but since I went to college I've all but stopped reading. I mean, it's May and I've only just finished my second book of the year!
Progress: 2/10
Choose A Story And Write It, Dammit!
I've also gotten out of the habit of writing. I have dozens of novel and screenplay ideas dancing around my head, but I have so many issues with choosing one and sticking with it. Lately I've been having panic attacks when I try to write??? That needs to stop.
Progress:
Learn To Drive And Get A Car!
I'm 22 and I don't have my license. Don't judge me. Actually, do. You have every right to judge me.
Progress: Drove in town for the first time and didn't kill anyone. Talking to mom about buying a nice RAV4
Exercise On The Regular And RUN THE PRE NEXT FALL!!!!!
This is a longshot. The Prefontaine is a local cross country event celebrating the late Steve Prefontaine, UO and Olympic athlete. I used to run in high school, but alas I've gained 60 pounds since then and turned to blubber. The Pre is 6 freaking miles long and I can't even run one mile without feeling like I'm going to fall over dead these days.
Progress:
Get A Job!
Need a car to get a job! They're out there but I need transportation!
Progress: Learning to drive, in process of buying a car.
Dare I Say It....? MOVE OUT!!!!!
It's been a trying year for my family and I need some space. This is also sort of an "out there" goal, since I'm going to community college and I don't know if I'll be able to work enough hours to be able to afford an apartment. I won't be able to be completely independent and my parents will still have to pay my insurance and school and whatnot, but we'll see. Not even going to put a progress status on this one.

Toni
road warrior
1248.40
Toni is offline
 
#3
Old 05-16-2015, 05:32 AM

MONTHLY CHALLENGE - MAY


Last edited by Toni; 05-16-2015 at 05:52 AM..

Toni
road warrior
1248.40
Toni is offline
 
#4
Old 05-16-2015, 05:43 AM





Friday, May 15th

Things have been getting a lot better with Dad. He seems so much happier when I see him, which is much more often, and we're able to hold conversations without being awkward and making each other uncomfortable. That's how I'm seeing it, at least.

He brought up the mail just as mom and I were getting home, and, jokingly, I asked if there was anything for me. I wasn't expecting anything and was just being a pain in the ass. He said he thought there was, but then couldn't find it. He got back in his truck to look to see if he misplaced it, and after about a minute he got back out and said, "Here, you can have this." And he handed me a nasty old penny he found on the truck floor. 1975, with something nasty stuck to it and covering "ST" so it reads UNITED ATES OF AMERICA. Dad informed me it's a real copper penny and worth more than the one cent, but I'm not going to look into melting it down or anything. I hear you're supposed to do that with the old nickels, too.

That felt so good; it's been such a rough year and we haven't been so comfortable around each other like that in so long. I really feel like things are starting to get back to normal--as normal as they can, given the circumstances

On the other side of the day, my gf messaged to me let me know the queer women's concert is happening tonight and I'm so bummed!!! I was just thinking about that and wondering when it was going to be. Not that I could have made it up there, and I'm going to go see her next weekend anyway, but still! She offered to get me a T-shirt since last year's shirts were so nice (not that I can wear mine at home), but there's no merch this year, it turns out. I never did ask her what she ended up eating for dinner; she spent like two hours reading reviews of places downtown and being super picky about it. I need to find my sample CD from last year's concert and put it on my new computer; some really good songs on there!

Challenge: Have a bite of

WARM VEGGIE AND HUMMUS WRAPS. God, when I can get myself to actually cook for real, they're so good! Heat up some olive oil and throw in sliced tomato, pepper, onion and whatever else, add a dash of garlic salt, serve in a tortilla with hummus and feta cheese! Don't forget the lemon juice! I'm constantly forgetting the lemon juice and it's just not as good.

Last edited by Toni; 05-18-2015 at 05:04 AM.. Reason: adding today's challenge

Toni
road warrior
1248.40
Toni is offline
 
#5
Old 05-18-2015, 05:20 AM

// I didn't do yesterday, either, so I'll be doing two entries today.

Saturday, May 16th

!!!!!!!!!!! I went to the interview for The Long Way and I do believe I'll be taken on as a PA, and possibly an extra if they're short on actors! I really don't care too much about being an extra--I want experience on the other side of the camera, and being a PA is the best place to start! And it's a short project, too. They'll just be shooting for ten days in June, and I'll likely as not have a job by that time, so I'll be free all day if they need me. I'm so excited! What good timing for this! I had just gotten the movie bug all over again and I see that flyer about needing PA's and extras, and I'm!!!!

The other part of the day was my friends coming over to marathon the Mad Max movies before going to see Fury Road. H hadn't seen the movies before, and the poor guy only got to see the first one, since we started too late and he had to go to bed because he had to work in the morning. Just as well, since we couldn't get any of our THREE COPIES of Road Warrior to work, and we didn't even try playing Thunder Dome. (Our lovely small town librarians wrote the name of the library in Sharpie, on the playing side of the freaking DVD. They've done this before, too, and the ignorance just kills me.) M and I stayed up and watched The Queen of the Damned, and I really wasn't paying much attention (I'd had a lot of alcohol and it was getting to be two in the morning, which is very late for me these days), but man, something about that last scene caught me. "Hello, David." Just, damn!! That awakened something in me and now I have to write a damn fic. I also want to read the books now, too. I tried reading Interview a long while ago but didn't get too into it; I saw the movie in 2011 and enjoyed it and I need to get back into that stuff.

Challenge: Hot or Cold


I always go with cold, whether it's drinks or weather. I've never cared for hot drinks; I always wait for my tea to get cold and I dump cold milk into my hot chocolate. Iced coffee and granitas are my bag. (Though I do drink hot coffee in the morning, since it's what's there, but I put a fair amount of milk in it sometimes.) I tend to prefer to be cold, since I have a sweating problem and have conditioned myself over the years to be in cooler weather and to use more air conditioning to avoid sweating all over myself and being super gross. I'm currently trying a new kind of super deodorant and I need to order more of it on amazon since my sample has run out.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Sunday, May 17th


MAD!!! MAX!!!! GOD!!!!! It was so good!!! I can't say it's everything I hoped it would be, because I did not anticipate this! It was the same but different and it was just so good! My son! My schizophrenic son! And he had his knee brace and everything! And is eye wasn' all fucked up, so my friends and I placed this after Road Warrior but before Thunderdome -- and I'm glad my friend brought up the eye thing, because I sort of thought that was me reading into things too much, but no, other people noticed Max's messed up eye in Thunderdome. God! I just love how they keep his injuries on him, like he has to deal with that shit for life.

Went down to Dad's for dinner, watched Starsky and Hutch and had sloppy joes. It was an alright night; one of those nights where things get a little awkward and weird towards the end, and now I'm all anxious and riled up. I've been having trouble going to bed; I don't know what it is, it's like I'm scared to take all my clothes off and get into bed. Why? I don't know. I guess because going to sleep means I'll have to get up and face tomorrow in the morning. I'm so burned out and I can't wait for this stupid fucking term to be over. Want summer to get here. Want to get my license and a car and get driving. There's a nice RAV4 for sale several hours away, but I don't know if my parents will want to deal with driving so far. We'll have to take two drivers plus me since I won't be able to drive it back on my own yet. Eghhhh.

Had something else to say. Anxious and excited to be seeing my gf this weekend. I love her so much but I'm also so shy and weird and having all this internal homophobia and really hating myself, and I just want to get done with my schooling and go get a job and get my life started. That sounds like a really dramatic bullshit-y thing, but it's how I feel. I want to be independent and live away from my family and have new friends and a new life and be able to buy what clothes I want.....

Like Hutch's varsity jacket, damn. I need a varsity jacket.

Also, probably tmi, but my period started today, and I felt that was fitting for finally going to go see Mad Max 4. God, I've waited for so long. Tom Hardy's so good. Different, but good. I hope he does at least another movie. Kinda hoped Mel would have a cameo, but if he did I didn't notice him.

Challenge - How does this work?

What does this even mean? I'm too tired for this question. How does Furiosa's arm work? That was the topic of discussion on the way home today. I wasn't paying enough attention; it looked like she had little wires going into her somewhere and that allowed her to adjust her "fingers" -- friend said it looked like a simple mechanical pulley thing where she manually touched wires to make it move. I'll have to watch it again and pay closer attention. There's so much going on in that movie that you never really get a chance to chill and examine things, you're just along for the ride.

My mom's the same blood type as Max. Haven't told her yet. Poor woman, dealing with my nerdisms.

 


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

 
Forum Jump

no new posts