looking at the sights that keep my mind from wondering to the fact that what i left behind will never be the same again. places where my childhood has been occupied, taken from the hold of exsistance only to be shared in a faded memory.still trying to grasp the reality of time- one day it will set in,but not just yet. after all the confussion , still there is a kind of enjoyment braving the new world that was once something grand to a youth. traveling everday on hope and a bit of faith that where i have to go i will get there. living among common time and flight rules dont change only the manner in which it is carried out. freedom cant be taken from me, just have to bend my rules of living without conformity. i reckon im am still doing the right thing and that should count for something. but in which eye shall it behold another false truth, that living in denial is safe. hiddne by the close proximity to avoid confrontation is almost a closed prison in my mind and heart. yet as i try to avoid the hurt of loss, it changes its form and catches me i wasnt looking. had a guess it was there, but lettingmy gaurd down was an experince i should have paid more attention too.believing in something new can bring a sense that can be fullfilled by the rise of joy and laughter. as i sit here and think of all the things that have happened to me in acrazy fashion; i wonder is it all worth it. still havent the answer to the particular clue.guess ill keep on keepin on to find the best way possible to be who i am. deep inside i know its all i got. my inner being is the one thing i cannot take away from me. only warped and broken and yet i find the courage to pick up the lose ends and try again.
people spend top dollars in trying to figure out how to solve thier problems or to see how they think or the even more elussive question-why? one key they seem to always forget is it thier problem. someone can try and show or tell you whats inside ,but believe me its always been there for you to figure out for yourself. here it goes one more time, like a shooting star -its a constant gleam through the night. magicla maybe just havent seen that part yet. changing my plans to travel like changing thought, but always seem to arrive at my desired spot. witnessed a few miracles but nothing to spectacular. i know it has stood against everything i believed in as a youth in this world, but seems to me the sense of accomplishment in what i do.just think the gravity of it could be a little bit more, but i should also think about that what i do have should never be taken lightly. being said- i now see that i awke to the world only to be saddened and thankful ,kinda demented, but as a tortured soul that willnever be as a bold of a statement as long as i can breathe- i am glad to be alive. once on the path to happiness i know there willbe a way to take it from me, but to my own knowledge being sad is what kept me happy. so just maybe in turn we do each other the justification of what is tradditionally known as a balance. to what extent it is, maybe its my next walk of life. kinda creepy to think that maybe my life could be compared to the ying/yang or even the ever popular good-evil. who knows, but i shall do it on my own and i believe cant no one tell me how i feel or how i think, and i damn well know i will never pay someone to do it for me. a lot of things alude me, but for me to try and use my and heart ; its passion and drive that turns the wheels of emotion and knowledge. i use to think i was an individual in how i took things, but it cant be true, just the way i have thoughts and ideas make me the individual person i am. im not the free spirit i want to be, cause i am bound by the whole etherial realm. just bide my time and ive my life in how i chose makes me a spirit of freedom. taken from all that i know, one day i will all make some kinda sense. just hope im not the only one to recognize it as it appears, but if so what to do - been through it all anyway with me, might as well go through the illumination alone as well. one good factor on my side is all the fear i have lost and the strength to know its possible to leave without being affraid; just careful. not wanting to feel pain cant be told as dealing with fear,jut that much more love for myself. funny thing about that is -who do i turn to for the punishment, no other than myslef. hell i cant reward myself if i cant also discipline me too-just wouldnt be fair. just some would see the way i put myslef in check could be taken as hard headed. which is true,but such as life-its a part of who i am. dont rightly know if its fair, but to what manner of justice too extreme? what to look for in the future; thats always a strange thought. i reckon i would want what everyone wants, but to what extent of the future do i look for- 20 years,30 years, 40 years or even just the next day. maybe every turn or every sec counts as my future, but i think to the popular that the future relies on progress not regress. i think that maybe i have reached a point where i have regressed into progress.
i left my future or what was looking a new beginning straight in the eye and stepped back several years only to witness the rebirth of my childhood. my it was my future that brought me back to the past. just kept one foot on the other side of another and shift, soon i will be in the future. dreams that carry on in my head are ones of a unique nature that i would have to give up everything to see what might be my future. on the other hand it just might be a series of of dreams i ll take to the grave. maybe with a bit of that magical hope, it will be an opportunity to see my dream come true. to what level of stability can i stand to let it slip by me if i havent reached it yet. the lose i endure will be of a huge proportion that i couldnt even imagine the effect it will have on others. but should it be about others and not me and what my future holds. couldnt i just hope something good for them and live my life or could they just maybe be my future. leave or go its still my choice and either way its my future. irony would touch this one with a 50ft karmatic pole. one thing is for certain that what ever happens i have to take my own responsibility whether i am hated or fogtten, it was my choice and it is how i decide to live. one good thing about descions, they can change,just like the future or the ever ticking of the proverbeal biological clock. besides whats so logical about seeking the end. cant it be more fun to just have the series of bullshit to endure your life and not look for an end. comfort in know that what may lay ahead is something new in each sec; can be something great or just as evenly bad,but but either way it is a future that has not yet come for me. so here i wait to see whats next.



future lost is my present found
hope that i gave up, couldnt be bound
sights i see lost in a flash
hearing thoughts only through my mind do they pass
scent of a fragrance gone by like a breeze
the delicate smell of beauty has brought me to my knees
follow my heart and i end up alone
i have someone to call home
future found is my present lost
hope cant be bound but at what cost
in a world around me i saw so many faces
in a cirlce of people im surrounded by strangers
but to thier center im out of range
never be unfriendly,gotta have that smile
you can always count on karma to go that extra mile
saying goodbye and hello ,has to be a way to keep my aura a glow
dont believe in anger, even if my mind does, my heart wont let it show
as simple as a wave of kindness
my question can be that
in a world around us,can we see our own faces
in a circle of laughter
we belong in the same places.










solitude has come to me one more time
how do i travel alone down this line
hearts i dont want to break
but for some it may be too late
continueing on in this crazy world of lies
one day we shall all find our allies
look to you as my family or kin
never does my eyes see the color of skin
the blood tha flows through our bodyis the beauty that life is as one
doesnt matter who we are or where we are from
now in time all hate will be undone
green trees and bright lights
can there be a future set in my sightslong roads and black streetscan there be an end to the journey i seekbig trucks and small carscan there be a way to hide my scars
shedded tears over my broken heart
can there be a place where the healing can start
rebuild my life and looking for the will to carry on
can there be a wrong way to turn
open eyes and closed mouth
can there be a hope out of the south
soul set free and alive once again
will there be a world for me to begin?








at a certain point in time where this particular place comes to a complete standstill has to be one of the most amazing things i witnessed in a long time. just kinda cool when i think about it. i have been a part of a wolrd that only exsists in quiet areas or way out where no one lives, but my world stopped in the middle of a busy city and i laughed to myself cause at that moment i was truely alone. some for fear ,but mostly a warm comforting feeling that no one can see me,but better yet i couldnt see them. it is almost as if i finally became an outsider. just as i began to accept my new found emptiness the world began to move again. which saddened my heart more i havent decided yet. alone in a busy world or the world i wasnt apart of. maybe not even sad; just a point in time when i can look and see nothing around, but i feel the smile on my face at the sign of pure silence. i know it was only a few secs,but those ticks on my clock where for me and nobody else-well me and the other living creatures that tend to get passed by in this mixed up world; like the trees, grass or even the ever changing clouds. they are not forgotten, just not thought of as people pass them by; felt good in my soul to be part of that cycle to not be seen but i was still there.
you will hardly see a creature with no eyes looking for acceptance cause they are part of it no matter what. i reckon i should be glad to be a part of nothing; its one of the things i want out of life. to be an actual outsider to this world. going on day by day in order to be a part of this routine in which my mind fills with dreams and hopes only to be brought back to a land of hatred and lies. i am sure as hell dont want to be the dealer of suffering and sorrow. i know how it is to me, i am kinda figuring that maybe just maybe i am the only one of my kind left. sure some people think some of the same thoughts as i do and do things in comparrison to the way i do, but no one will share the pain of living it is for me and they have thier own. i am not the only one in this screwed up world with pain , but mine is for me and how i choose to deal with it- is my right to be alive and the tears i shed are not for one person, but for all of us. sitting and thiking of a time gone by, never really knew the distance my journey would take. how often do i hit the tolls taken on me and does the pain get easier to deal with or do i just get more passive. if i know im up for some big let down then the suffering isnt as long. when i go into my path with closed eyes i tend to fall into hurt and with that i recieve sorrow that cant be compared with the one before. kinda ironic that once the hurting has stopped and forgotten about, the next trip of doubt and anger can seem like it is much greater than last time and you feel so much torture that you make a promise to yourself- you would never want to feel that way again. how many times have you made that vow to yourself,better yet how many times was it broken?



not much of a heartbreaker mostly the one with the brokenheart
kinda think i am the one they write the sad songs about
some one told me that was sad
maybe so but its the truth
now that i look back on it
i saw her as an angel
my tortured soul would not let it be
she doesnt seem to be a heartbreaker
so where would that take me
nowhere but happy
but i dont think its for me
i know the truth about that way
to be saddened is what i lack
if you love something set it free
if it was meant to be it will comeback to you
do you have any idea how much b.s. that is
what is it that is suspose to be coming back
cause i sure as shit havent seen it
what if it never left and that love of yourself was the thing you set free
freedom comes at a price and i think mine was stolen
i wasnt left alone, i was disgarred as an old newspaper getting tossed to the trash


somewhere my story will carry on, even after i amnot found among the race again
set myself aside from the world only to try and give the gift of silence and what holds to be true to myslef when i return.


a false smile shown to a wicked world is what i have to give
in a cruel society cant find a way to live
going on my way to live a lie
when will my suffering be coming to me
i will be one after i die
those words and thoughts pass though my head if as a flash of light
i am not ready for the end
i still have to set things right
hear my thoughts- you might see anger,fear and rage
i must have more memories to write another page
seeing my feelings wrapped up in a lie
far as i know im not going to die.


death comes once again to my world, but as time before it has passed me by as usual. this loss will be part of my reward to some of the injustice brought upon me. cant find the tears to shed over a dear friend, maybe just maybe the thought of ridden the world of a darkened heart has cancelled the sorrow i should feel. has the evil crimes committed by this emotion overwhelmed me to not feel the remorse or the sadness. cant it be in my own sadistic way ; my satisfaction that karma has granted me some small reward. i know i feel a little bad for this death, but the life it led towards others was very demeaning and sometimes cruel. taken from me material things, turned its back on me to cause shame in the eyes and hearts of my peers. made me believe that fear lived in my heart for what might happen next. was it the same fear that held me from others parts of my world; was it the same fear that kept me to hate it as much as i embraced it- who knows. all i can say is that it will be missed, but also with its demise will come a peace to this world. i wasnt the only victim in its crazy scheme on how it chose to live its life; but shall not live in me anymore - a lot of pain for others will be lifted and the tears might fall one day, but to what extent. death of a friend or the end of an enemy?
cant rightly call him evil and i cant say it was good, but i can call him me. its not my loss, only my redeeming of contempt that i take back at your end. just think someday my fire will burn out and someone might be there to have the same thoughts. im glad he is gone but what power do i give thanks and which emotion shall overcome the logic in which a soul has been set free. dont want to speculate to much on where he will end up in after life only that the way he lived his life and the way he treated others will see to his eternity in the afterworld. where ever you may go, remember you took yourself there and no more blame can be placed upon others. you can apologize and beg for forgiveness but in all you made your grave now lay in it. i will see you on the other side. BYE BROTHER,FRIEND AND ENEMY- until next time-


sorrow sampled
death seen
remorse not come yet
is my time next
shall my number be called
cant feel the same for the loss of a friend
greater energy felt by the same as it has left behind
good ridance to such a menace
goodbye to a good friend
could have told you so,but wasnt heard
you made my life a livin hell
is it true misery loves company
the torment you brought on the world
what was your part
to destroy
or have you not found your pennence yet
i dont hate you
just wish i wasnt one of your pawns.





watching a star fall across the sky
is it my turn to make a wish,till a tear fell from my eye
the things i could wish for, the thoughts in my head
of not being alone -before i am dead
these things i beg for everyday
will the magic be stronger
by seeing a glimpse of light and pray
what if someone out there has a need greater than mine
and i stole that wish cause it wasnt my time
i chose to let it go and enjoy
what i saw was i feeling stuck
i wished for another for some good luck
then it hit me like a shooting star
i did it again
but it was just nice to see it i thought with a grin.


once again caught up in the adversity of b.s. and i have no choice but to deal with what i have before me. not really mad at it but just got deal with it like i do everything else. i still believe i luck un my side; yet as fate would have it my faith in that luck will be tested, even if its bad luck scenario its still considered luck. kinda ironic that karma has let me into the loop that i live by and has brought me to this. once moment i am denying the fact that i will lose a friend and at the same token will get rid of a foe and at that next moment i am left stranded to give into my debate with luck. i know there can be understanding if i need it; but but i would like to do it on my own- with a little bit of luck that is.
thought i had a system till i got to prove to myself i am never safe. who is she where is her heart, when will she speak, what shall be the thing to let me know of how she will feel. i know i am out there somewhere. i think it is my time to let it be known that my silence has ended and that the loss of love that i feel falls far from the same love i am so afraid to feel. pain and sadness of my heart has left me; yet i still remember and now the memory of sorrow still remains. the emptiness of my soul has yet come again to wait for the love of another. is she still waiting to heal her own heart, cause the love to be shared cannot shadow the hurt she may feel. two broken hearts cannot be good, but empty of love and of pain can the two join together in such away that the blood will flow like a raging river. i know i have to wait till she comes to me and lets me know how her heart sets and that there is something about me that makes her fell different than anyone ever could. how much of myself do i throw away.
for so long as the past, even by myself i have made my own way in this world and i get to live for me and alone. can i share with another with the things i do or shall i be forced to give up my ideas that make me who i am. ive done it before and probrally do it again. all i can say is that i did it my way. cant forget what ive done or have become; maybe she is out there that wont try and change me, but that never been my case. some part of the world my love will be felt one more time; even after all the damning of it - i have cursed it all the way. if you are there my angel ,im am ready for your heart; maybe it is time to feel that love once again.
maybe i will be lucky and meet her today. stuck in travel , alone on an empty road , waiting to be seen or even givin a chance to get down another path. let those around me enter a doubt that my will isnt that strong. how much longer shall i endure this crazy pattern in my journey. there goes one but its not meant for me; guess i will be as always - here to wait. time passes me by as if im missing something but surely im not. its all part of the pattern i wove even as i woke to the sounds of laughter and screaming. i today was going to be different and has proved it ever since. cant wait to see what the rest of the day has in store for me. should be quite interesting ;even if i keep my spirits high it should be very enjoyable.





strangers pass by- and the time shall fly
only in a glimpse can i see a face- left open in a wild place
look at me as you go by-always to stop and wonder why i cry
left alone and waiting-somehow my heart did stop hating
count the people in my sight- look to me as if in fright
today was different to me- kinda weird the way things aught to be
going on in my mind was it held for the rest of the day-feels funny for it to look my way
night will fall soon-and i pray once more to diana godess of the moon
kinda think you know whats in store-seeking a sign so i can seek no more
at the end of this wonderful day-i havent seen the end i must say
whats to happen to me- i reckon whatever it is so mote it be.





night has fallen as the end of a strange day comes to a close. not over till the sandman rides to tuck me into my slumber seems only hours ago that weird events taken place. new and old ones -where to start or stop, the days and night seem to run in as one- this could be true as they are the same. only thing to actually seperate them is time itself. is it day time just cause the sun is out and the warm star heats the sky. i sleep as if there is no care in the world, but as dusk appears i come alive to a world that tends to slow or stop. with the sky filled with the pinpricked holes and the glimmer of a silvery light comes shinning through - my life seems to want to live as if my day has just started. never been afraid of the dark and i embrace it every time as if it were a long lost friend. at every turn whether day or night cant really tell which is truth,but for me to live as i do i guess its all the same. cant let others tell me its not normal to live and travel in the day, when a majority of my life happens at nightfall.
thought to myself as if maybe i was wrong for being that way, but how in the hell can i have doubt in my own thought. true to see that certain things can be achieved by the light of the morn, but to enjoy the fruits of my life i must carry on in the n mists of darkness. maybe to my heart has come to accept the darkened reign in how my life goes on. there still has to be that conflict that there must be some kinda light in my nocturnal soul. for me to share with an angel of light can there be a way of still having a shadow to whom i am . ive come to far have someone try and change me, but maybe compromise is to be the way to what i seek. how much to give away and still be the soul i am. maybe i am sent forth to be the last to walk alone in a light as the dark. with each other we coincide as the sun rises and falls.
what of the other cycles as the moon herself races across the sky and has sometimes been seen in the light of day. why is it never moonset or moonrise. its the same order of recession only to some it is the way their world carries on. i come alive at the fall of the sun and the rise of the moon. and i lay down for my daynap and wait for the brightness to be overcome by the moon letting go of the day. but either way my two favorite times of any day would have to be dusk to dawn. to others there is a pattern for , with me it is the hours of night and there is so much beauty set in those times and there is no pattern cause it changes every night. which has more comfort - the end of a celestial night or a warm lit day. at dusk i can look forward to having an evening to live my life as i chose; doing who knows what, but then as the next cycle of progress happens i can lay down and reflect on what i had done.
even fall asleep at the bringer of light and dream about what is to come or even the things that have passed. when i wake cant see a pattern just the way i chose to be.



what to do or how to do what
i know why i should do it or when to
stuck in my own descision to do what is right for me
time is of the importance to set me free
at what cost should i let go of what i have
when what is said and done
my relief will come in a reward of openess to to a quiet world
i dont like solitude, but i prefer to be alone
yet the respect for others should come at my expense
i give into silence so others can rest
what of my free will
shouldnt i allow myself to live
but live to do what
if i am to be hated for wanting to be free
then the guilt i have felt shall not come for me
i want to live my life in peace
but i cant live in silence
that should cease
i look to enjoy the fruits of my labor
but not give a time as a certain favor
seen as a good person in one thing
to keep me locked up makes my eyes sting
i know i have done wrong in the past
my imprisonment cannot last
givin the opportunity to be who i am
i shall take a step forward and be free
again.look up to the night sky above
i still feel the loss of love
seen a few angels pass my way
still no sign that today will be my day
can it be that i shunned love so much in the past
that my empty world continues to last
i fought the pain of love gone astray
i dismissed the thought that love will find its way
i think i have to wait for her to come
if this is the will of my karma then it shall be done
im not looking for the pot of gold at the end of any rainbow
but for someone to share my love and let it show
look down at the grass below
i still feel the hope of woe





surrounded by these walls at night cant be the only way to live; if im sleepy i understand why, as i sit there trying to be quiet i gave up a part of my life. feeling the contempt to not be afraid of being loud- alittle shame crosses my heart. how do i know i am doing the right thing, but to whom should i be loyal to. my mind tell a story not so long ago where i was in the same situation, but different fear arises. i know there will be sorrow from my departure but a comfort will subside in me once i can do as i please and not in silence. once i make the statement to start up my travel ;got to be honest with others so i dont burn any bridges. why should this be hard for me, it is cause i dont want to be left behind or do i fear the hate brought on by my choice. as i come to the end of another one or so it seems till i start again with how i think or what i feel. emotions felt these past times seem more easy to live with but still there is a loss in part of it; maybe the revalation in my next will be brighter to the fact that love didnt set me free but the damnation of my own selfish heart kept my imagination back to the light of possibility; but the memories of salvation came at a high cost- not monetary yet spiritually. maybe i can begin to explore and tell why my heart has been kept safe, but yet the horror i endure every once in awhile. another missed opportunity to get to my daily destination, what shall come from this lost cause. probrally the same as always. to many of these missed turns and the degradation of looking for my way back. got to end this search for the way to and fro, must go on with the plan to save me from this horrid experience- day in and day out. found a place where i will be comfortable, just have to seek the courage to do it. i know there will be understanding and forgiveness; so what fear is keeping me from it- there are things said to m e about not being able to afford life; should not reflect in the way i feel about my own freedom.i live in this world to please myself as well as torture. why would the words of another affect me when their actions are not for my struggle. to complete a thought without knowing my answer is a craving i live for each sec. i have all these things in my head and no direction to displace any dreams or beliefs that have once occured. at every click in my brain strives for something new everyday, but yet the content i feel i cant explain, cause though boredom and just plain ole dont want to do shit day - can there be peace and can it be found. in the journey i set out for i hope to try and find and compromise for which i want to be in this world. cannot the pettiness or simplicity be my guidelines for how i appreciate my life and the material things i have gathered through the time i have existed and belong to a madness that i call livin. in search for a way to break free from the common place that i have placed myself in order to keep safe from not having.

i sit upon my stoup waiting for it to happen. dont know where it will take me sometimes and others i have already picked my destination. found out that he longer im here the world carries on without me as if i no longer exist. i have the opportunity to step out of sight to witness things so great and somewhat mysterious. i wish that the people of this time could gaze through my eyes and behold what goes on around them. i think they would be surprised to see a beauty not bound by limitations of a collective creative imagination. there are things that tend to happen when i become a part of it. as i see through the windows of my soul, such sights as the hustle and bustle of so many people rushing to get nowhere. i dont think they even understand where they are going and what they truly leave behind.


Legends come and legends go- what is left is the time that has an impression on those who chose to ignore the ignorance of actions. Set in its place is a rebuilding of a soul that the past shall stay dead and buried. No hidden treasures no secrets untold, yet the sharing of stories will hopefully give an understanding that life has found a way to continue. After the suffering and torment comes to a point where the heart can only be healed not torn into itsy bitsy pieces. To have the knowledge that one day it will be ready to share but at what cost is still to be undetermined and patiently awaited. Suicide has never been a part of the future, besides when you are emotionally murdered over and over again why try and add self affliction. That is what makes mortals wonderful creatures- the ability to survive and carry on no matter the bullshit placed on the soul on a daily basis.



To some love can hurt
To most life can kill
To all the world can live
To me I can heal
Let go of the anger
Chase the dream
Follow your instinct
Most of all the main
Rule to live by is simply
TRUST NO ONE- NOT EVEN YOURSELF
The worst betrayal one
Can encounter is to allow
Someone to hurt or misuse
To me love can hurt
To all life can kill
To most the world can live
To some I can heal


THE GREEN IS ALWAYS GRASSY ON THE OTHERSIDE.

Forgotten the future that is not set and live for the past once gone. Many of times I have felt as most, but none can ever feel my pain. Maybe they wouldn’t understand or just shouldn’t. as to be an individual is to be free as the next but at what cost or has the price been set. Lost-n-life is my call to fame yet to deny the escape is where I lay my soul- or just let me be lost. To walk among others in this world invisible has been perfected to a point that sometimes I cant even see myself. It is my will that is growing inside. What, where, when and why are the tools I use to carry on but not the answers I seek. It always goes back to the one left out- who, yet sometimes that doesn’t even matter cause the journey I t take finds its our way. Never try and depend on anyone or anything but others around me I like to offer my voice and influence. Encourage the one next to you cause in turn they maybe the strength you rely on later. don’t teach but install the wisdom you have aquirred over the vast years in the suffering. Some may not take in what is offered yet others may just find comfort to this cause by some chance there maybe an answer they couldn’t see through the anger and frustration. Leadership isn’t the ability to take control over the human mind or body- but to show the way to something better and if the belief is strong enough people will follow without hesitation. To defy authority is an unheard of situation in what causes people to see a different truth that is offered to them.
Some choose control others want to be controlled, but is it that control that can destroy a whole world. Too many chiefs -not enough Indians is the downfall most plans follow to its destruction. Separated my soul once again from the evil done unto me by the lie that I live in contrast to the point that maybe I passes but not forgotten. Found a few ways to escape the pain brought on by others, yet havent seen that certain path to stop harming myself. At times should I call it quits- when there is none or should it never gotten that far . If the love for me was strong enough then there should be none. Weakness is the key word to tell of how my will should be stronger; yet my strength is in my love for life. To live to be free is where I stand, yet LIVE turned around is pure EVIL. Not Hollywood bullshit, devils or demons , but evil in itself. Fear, hate or even yes the fight for freedom is evil and not matter what it is-its not free. My soul has no nice, cant cause I don’t have a soul. On my next quest there shall be a study into something new for me, but to where I lay my head next . I know where to go just want make it till I am ready to shed everything and I do mean everything. Maybe the material objects arent as important as I lead me to believe. The souls I have touched and created are the ones I must give up to follow my calling. Sometimes I see the answer right in front of my own eyes and like everything else I choose to ignore them as the world cannot see me , cause at the same turn I choose to ignore me. Once I was happy and said that minute has passed and though pain is my friend or so I like to think that some pain is greater than others. I don’t pick my torture, but I will except it with an open mind as I have done before. Suffer to live, live to be free. Same ole ;same ole- the people still tend to ask me why others do the things they do. Hell if I had those answers then I would be around them and not worry about what they might do upon me.

Being the thinker I am ; I had to indulge a young lady so the most I could figure is that in every animal there is a defense that lay in the instinct of survival and that is to attack to protect. Now from that point in which they are protecting is in the soul and mind. Sometimes there are unique creatures that cower to these attacks and they become more noble and more dangerous cause the pain is set in the soul. Stored there till one day just as a glass of water overflows - the suffering will spill out as well. What direction the wave is crashed is the part where the mind fails and judgment ceases to make a simple thought. To most people I have been that coward and that is why I hide from the humans cause they have taught me so much in the art of hate. Still some of that anger had to be there to begin the filling. I can honestly say I don’t know why people hurt others , but to the other side of the coin why do they let themselves be put in those situations to let someone hurt them. I try to carry on in this to find a way to protect me and walk among them safely. Being alone doesn’t frighten me as much as the possibility that at every step I take someone will be there to do me harm. If I decide to stop walking ;I miss the one that might come into my life and help me share through this fucked up world. So to you I can offer this - people hurt people cause they are people.


FEAR AND HATE GO HAND IN HAND
SOME FEAR TO HATE TOWARDS FELLOW MAN
SOME HATE TO FEAR CAUSE THEY CANT DEAL WITH THE FALL OF A TEAR
TO SEPARATE THE PAIN FROM FEAR WILL FIND THE LONINESS THROUGHOUT YEAR TO YEAR
TO TURN TO A FRIEND
CAN EASE SOME TORMENT TO AN END
TO RUN FROM A FRIEND CAN EASE SOME COMPANY OF MISERY
THE JOURNEY OF LIFE CAN BE FILLED WITH EVERYTHING
THE PATH OF LIVING CAN BE EMPTY FROM MOST
LOVE AND COMPASSION GO ARM IN ARM
MOST WILL LOVE TO HATE COMPASSION
MOVE TO HAVE COMPASION IS TO SHARE LOVE
WHEN THE FIGHT FADES THEN BETRAYEL SETS IN
TO FIGHT THE HURT THE FLAME MUST BE KEPT LIT

Once thought life was fun on the sun; not till I stopped that I realize to live the way I do is ridiculous. Still the way I see it , its my life and how I deal with it- well lets say I have found away that most don’t know about or just don’t wanna know and even some that just shouldn’t. once thought life was boring at home , not till I got out that I realized to live the way I use to was crazy. Still the way I believe , is still my life and what I use to deal with it- well lets just say I have found life. Once thought life was over being alone, not till I found me that I realize to be me is to be free. Still the way I am its still my life and what I get dealt. Well lets just say to live is to be free and I hope you will too. It is time to follow the call, my goodbyes will be short and sad. This is what my life has called for and time has shown me one thing- I must listen now that all the signs are there. They say history repeats itself- well I guess its my time to find out how true that is. I will make my mark or die trying. I still seek the happiness I need or desire to make my life full this time. I cant hope I will find a new life where I go cause as time has been I always find them and feel that I am stronger. Maybe I will become even more powerful in time to come. Its funny though cause by time my life has time to begin it will be the beginning of summer and there lay the coincendence . I must do this to find what else is out there. I preach about living and the will to be free- now I must follow my own advice. I have seen it in my dreams and now I will put the puzzle together. I will not leave a lot of loose ends, but broken heart will follow in my wake. I leave the souls I have touched and hope the best for them, but each person has to lead their own lives and maybe they will surpass what I have done - make me proud. I will be hated , yet the longer I stay , the faster I die. I know cause I can feel the life essence slip from me. I need to keep living cause something aint done yet; maybe it will never will, but until then I must try to find what is out there.
So my journey continues with extreme courage to follow my dreams. The true strength of my courage shall be tested on may 12th. Maybe this rebirth will be my undoing yet I have to find out. I must walk among these humans as wondering spirit- nothing more., nothing less well maybe more. It has taken me almost 30 years to follow the dreams I have seen and now with the power of will at hand it shall be done. I have the chance to finally start over as I have always tried. Lets just hope I don’t screw this up as before- my journey shall be a great one. If I do return to this world things shall be different. As the new world has been calling for oh so long; I can as before see the signs this go around. I choose to not ignore my destiny. As I always say each person must live their own lives and this one is mine- you want to hate me, take a number.



QUIT
LEAVE
JOURNEY
FIND
REBIULD
LIFE WILL FIND A WAY TO CARRY ON.

watch as the world goes by, am i not for this
waiting in the shadow, can i not be seen
my choice to hide, to see time slip past
left others to find their way,can mine be as forgetful
hidden by my fears,yet someone sees the light
in my darkest hours upon this place, am i not for you.

try to not show my true self is where i need to be,kept me safe for so long and yet solitude has its own pain that i didnt see as it hit me like a ton of fate waiting to happen. not sure if i can be me ,cause as i have found it is where i look for an answer with no question.

watch as the world goes by, am i not for this
waiting in the shadow, can i not be seen
my choice to hide, to see time slip past
left others to find their way,can mine be as forgetful
hidden by my fears,yet someone sees the light
in my darkest hours upon this place, am i not for you.

spent so long as me and no one else how do i share with another the emptiness that dwells inside my spirit. can it be filled or shall the hollow hole remain unchanged. i know what it is to care for another,yet my solace has left me to run from what might be.tragedy is not the end of love but the absolute that i cannot face anymore. or can i find strength once again to lift my soul from its grip of what might be into what could.

watch as the world goes by, am i not for this
waiting in the shadow, can i not be seen
my choice to hide, to see time slip past
left others to find their way,can mine be as forgetful
hidden by my fears,yet someone sees the light
in my darkest hours upon this place, am i not for you.

show only a part of me to some and to the rest they get none. the ones that do accept it for who i am ,my thanks go out to. dont know why its so hard for me to find comfort in showing behind my mask-its been so long that pain has gone. am i afraid to regain it again- then yes,but what of the beauty of what is true in love and compassion.

watch as my life goes by, am i not for this
waiting in the light, can i not be real
my choice to hide, to see the world slip past
left my pain to find a new way,can sorrow be as forgetful
hidden by my fears,unless someone sees the hurt
in my darkest years upon this earth, am i not for me?.

lost n lyf is my call to this earth
i have come along way since birth
traveled enough-yet stayed in the same place
my body has gone some distance-yet my mind has been through space
seen many of levels between love and hate
once gave up on how i see fate
lost n lyf is my cry to the world
i have made my stand as my soul fell to the toil
ran away to escape the loss inside
only to find what i need and how to hide
seems now i know my path to get me there
lost n lyf is my call to see my despair
never knew of how much torture my soul could bare
my heart wants to share-yet my sould would not dare
maybe i will know better and not let my heart be broken
who am i kidding,the temperment of my trajety is nothing more than a token
lost n lyf is my dream to myself
where i go from here is the past i take from the shelf
i have come to far in my journey to have doubt in how i believe
yet it is my will to do as i please
if my head is not clear -then how can i move forward to my future days
i think i can go blinded to the evil of love that goes a stray
lost n lyf is my way to be here and now
the life i have has and always find me some way- somehow

to fly with an angel,is to walk as a god;but i am a simple man with no plan.let my past reach me as if i was there moments ago. pain was the end result to a love that came to me in disguise of friendship. i remember the day she told me i was thought of and liked very much. i was leaning on a car at her best fiiends house. she was already with another and i knew to stay clear-cause those were the rules set for us back then. my heart kept hold of that feeling for weeks.. she said one more mistake and he would be gone. how thrilled i was to decieve a friend or was it the wanting of another soul to connect to mine. the time came when he went away and i made my move; my heart a flutter,mind wide open-all i could do to ensure my worldly light was to appraoch her and offer my spirit. without hesitation she placed her gentle lips upon mine and the rest was history- or so i thought. i spent hours upon days just being near her. once even washed her dishes and gave her dogs a bath. at first the oldest didnt care to much for me, but in time we bounded. we pretty much had the same friends so i didnt have to impress anyone- if anything. i had the greatest trophy amongst my peers. i can recall everyday when i would travel to her house and later return home- her scent and sound would carry with me. its funny even though she is with another; i am happy for her-just hope she knows i can still hear her voice. there is this laugh or giggle that sounded like rain falling through a spiderweb and made music only i could hear. tough guy was i and couldnt show my true self. i tried to control her as if she were a lost treasure and wouldnt share with the world,but if you knew her-you would understand. even though i was wrong in being over protective, i knew its what drove her away. tried to claim to be a victim of a broken heart;yet hers was so strong- to make it hurt-she wouldnt let it or be shown to me, so i thought she carried on as if my world was nothing-ignorance filled my mind and all i could think of was me. distance grew between us and i knew the end was near. sorrow blinded me from the love we did share and what could have been. if i werent so ignorant then perhaps our love could have lasted longer. but then how selfish would i have ebbn to keep her from the happiness her soul found after me. confronting my past isnt hard sometimes;but this one is close to my heart. she told me i made her feel different at one timeand it led me to shed a tear and as it fell from my face this time it was for the truth and not some lie i told to me to help believe she was hurting me on purpose. a lot of conflicting thoughts ran through as i ached for her comfort and touch. now i see i was wrong, and it did hurt. pain is all gone and heart all healed;still my thoughts go out to her to just live life and be happy.

Hiya lostnlyfe!

I noticed that you created a bunch of poetry and drabble threads in here. In order to keep things organized, I've gone ahead and merged them altogether for you. :yes:

Do you consider these paragraphs to be poetry too? Because if they are, I can move all of this into the Poetry subforum for you.

Just shoot me a pm if you need me or have any questions!