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Sapphire Clouds
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#1
Old 03-11-2007, 12:13 AM

This was written on June 6, 2006. I'm rather proud of it :) Please comment!

But, before he left, he left the note on the desk. His hand was shaking as he set the crumpled piece of paper down, unsure that it would even be found amidst the mess of homework. His honey brown eyes took a last sweep of the room, this place that he had called home for the last three months. He shook his head, blond hair swaying from side to side as he attempted to get rid of the nagging voice that was trying to convince him to stay. No, no more. He couldn't take any more of her lies, her deceit, and her so-called love. Enough was enough, so, why was he...

The door slammed, jarring him awake, sharpening his sense. He needed to get out before she came looking for him. Her name was Gwen, a gorgeous golden-haired goddess with sparkling violet eyes. He heard her sigh, the clink of metal on wood, and the shuffling of papers. No sound as she held the note in her hand. He debated his escape route. A slight gasp, the sound of her body hitting the ground as she dissolved into tears. He needed to leave, but he hesitated as she began to speak.

"Oh, my love. My sweet, sweet love. I'm so sorry, so terribly, horribly sorry. I love you, but I love him as well. My white knight, my Lance. But you, you my darling, my king. I'm sorry, so sorry..." He tore himself away, trying to escape the sound of her pleading voice. He still could not believe she loved them both, he and his best friend, Lance. Gwen was his! Always had been, but, she had been fooling around with him as well? Those lying...

The telephone rang, and he took the chance. Gwen went to answer the phone as he snuck through the kitchen, towards the front door. "Hello? What, no, I'm fine. He's not here. Eh, I'm not sure when he�ll be back. Alright. Okay. Bye now." There was a pause as the telephone clicked back into place, matching and muffling the sound of the closing door. He could almost phantom she spoke his name, "Oh, Arthur...."

He knew exactly where to go. Not to blue-eyed Lance's, the one person he should have been able to trust, but half the cause of his problems. No, he was going to find Morgan, a girl who he had once been with. Someone he could trust, even though she had been nicknamed the emerald-eyed enchantress. Cat Eyes he called her, and she had adapted it as her name. Arthur walked the block to her house, his backpack slung over his arm like the sling of a sword, loss sparkling in his golden brown eyes. He knocked on the door, and was greeted by those beautiful emeralds. Without a word, she let him in, a slight smirk playing on her lips. Finally.

-�-

"I messed up." Tears poured from the eyes of the broken angel, her knight holding her close. "What am I supposed to do? Lance, I love him. But, I betrayed him."
"You weren't the only one though, were you? I'm as much at fault as you are. If not, worse." He cradled her in his arms, wondering how to word his next thought. "Gwen... I think it's best if I just leave." There was a heavy silence, only their breathing made it incomplete. "You can't. Lance, I won't let you." Her eyes met his, but he broke the glance. "It can't be. Maybe at another time, in another place, but not now. No, not now. I'm sorry."

The air shifted as he rose, and, for barely a second, Gwen imagined she saw glimmering silver armour. As he looked down, he envisioned her in a beautiful emerald gown, which matched her eyes. The flicker vanished, and he was left staring into the violet depths of hurt. "Tell him I'm gone. He'll understand." When he walked out the door, she felt as if this had happened a thousand times before. "It never gets any easier to lose you. My knight. My life. My love. My Lance."

-�-

A hunger so violent had taken hold of him as soon as he walked through the entrance to Morgan�s home. Eating soup out of a can had never tasted so good, and probably never would again. It gave him something to do, other than answer the questioning glance of those emerald eyes. The bond between the two of them had been electric at the first moment they had met years before. It was a mistake they had hooked up, and spent most of their spare time avoiding each other. But, Arthur needed somewhere to stay, even if it was with his half-sister. He had to suppress a shutter; it still unnerved him that he had accidentally been with his half-sister. They quickly got over it, but the tension could still be spotted from time to time. For example, in that moment, it was like reliving all that had passed between the two of them.

"Arthur. Gwen told you, didn't she?" He flinched as her word pierced through the almost-silence. He hated that, how it was never truly silent. It wasn't like a castle where you could hide, and just listen to nothing but the stone walls. "Is that why you're here? Because she told you?" There was a teasing flicker in her emerald eyes, and the light must have been playing tricks, since he imagined for a moment they were violet.

"That isn't why I left." He sounded just like a whiny kid as he tried to defend his actions. "They betrayed me. They both mean the world to me, and what did they do? They snuck around behind my back."
"They never actually did anything though." Her voice was casual as she paced around the kitchen, making him a drink.
"How would you know that?" His voice was sharp, accusing.
"I have my ways." Ah, he had almost forgotten the other rumour about Morgan. That being, she was a witch.

The telephone rang. "Arthur, it's for you."
"Hello?"
"Arthur?"
"What do you want?"
"Lance left."
There was a pause, "He left?"
"Yes. He said you would..." Her voice broke, "He said you would understand."

Suddenly, everything became clear. "Gwen, he won't come back, and I know what's going to happen next..."

It was in that instant that the myth once again became true. Echoing through the ages, it is destined to repeat itself. Only one can change it, but it's never realized until it's too late. It was so close this time, and the ages felt it. The characters remembered, and their roles fulfilled once more. Just like a shutter through time, everything became connected.
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sychobunny
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#2
Old 03-11-2007, 11:49 PM

First of all: I love the concept. No- really really love the concept. The problem: its kind of your wording. Its all grammatically correct from what I can tell, but it just doesn’t flow. I think you could expand this, envision the situation again, and add details that were left out when you were trying to get the story out.

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#3
Old 03-12-2007, 01:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sychobunny
First of all: I love the concept. No- really really love the concept. The problem: its kind of your wording. Its all grammatically correct from what I can tell, but it just doesn’t flow. I think you could expand this, envision the situation again, and add details that were left out when you were trying to get the story out.
Thank you for the comment. I noticed the flow was off a bit myself. Heh, I think I love it so much because of the concept. :)

- sapphire

 


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