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Inzanebraned
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#26
Old 08-09-2018, 07:33 PM

A six-teen year old...
The police still are not releasing any details yet...other than the girl is being held without bond.
They had a candlelight vigil for the boy last night...His classmates and teaches all said that the boy was always so polite and smiling...one teacher said he would always pick her a dandelion when they went outside.
My heart goes out to those kids who were his friends that had to be told that he has died...kids shouldn't have to go through that!

hummy
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#27
Old 08-10-2018, 09:06 AM


Oh my goodness 16 is better than 6 but still I just can't believe how life means nothing to Children anymore. And I'm not going to get into Political politics and all that garbage I think it's simply that parents aren't teaching their children to respect anything anymore. Not getting on parents I just mean that they're not being taught respect their teachers, or police, or authority or even each other anymore. I just can't imagine taking the life of anything. I totally starve to death if I had to live off the land or I would become an involuntary vegetarian.

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#28
Old 08-14-2018, 08:58 PM

I am sad today...
Hope came over to stay Friday and Saturday nights...when she went home on Sunday it was hard for me to see her go...could hardly wait till she was out of sight before I cried.
Monday was tough...just sat around missing her!
There had been talk that Hope would come over for the day today...but her mom texted me to say she probably wouldn't be coming because she had housework to get done and was having a hard time getting motivated.
I was looking forward to spending time with my favorite person...so it seems to have hit me harder than (I think) it should.
I can't seem to stop the flood of tears!
Hope will be over to spend the night Saturday...seems like so far away!
Then, Hope will start school the following Wednesday and she won't be able to come over for the day any more....
Her mom said that she may be able to come over on Saturdays...but probably not to spend the night for fear of disrupting the bedtime and waking time routine they have to establish to get her to school during the week.
I keep telling myself that my sadness is unreasonable...that Hope belongs with her mom and dad...that I will see her again soon enough...
But the tears just keep coming!
I guess I'll try to busy myself to stay distracted...but I'll probably just sit in front of the tv, watching mindless sitcoms.
*very large sigh*

Zephi
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#29
Old 08-18-2018, 08:45 AM

I guess the news does tend to compound the sadness. :(

Sorry about hummydad, hummy. There's always hope that everything has been removed and that he will make a full recovery. :)

hummy
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#30
Old 08-18-2018, 01:25 PM


true
he has more tests and s doctor appointments

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#31
Old 08-20-2018, 11:36 PM

I hope HummyDad's tests and doctor appointments reveal good news.

The recent sad news in the news is about a man who killed his pregnant wife and their 2 young daughters, ages 3 and 4.
They just keep plastering this family's picture all over the local news feeds!
...then there's the Texas dad that yelled "Jesus is coming!" before fatally stabbing his 16 month old son.
What the hell has come over people these days...killing children?!
It just makes me feel sick inside!

hummy
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#32
Old 08-21-2018, 12:31 AM


I tried to call today but every time I started dialing I would start crying so I procrastinate it another day. I'll try and call around noon for them because he's been sleeping late which is something he has never done his whole entire life. By Zero Dark Thirty he is up cooking breakfast making sure the world is up getting things done. I'm not really sure what the test involve and I don't want to ask questions I kind of wait to be told things but I don't get told anything. So all this happens on Wednesday. I sort of feel like I just can't breathe. You know you always think your dad is invincible. And he's always been such a strong force. These last two years have been just awful. But on a good note I don't think he's in any pain. Well except for his shoulder which is a baseball injury so. I know I'll feel better once I call but just getting over the last digit being dialed is so hard for me.

I heard about the guy killing his pregnant wife and his two young daughters. I didn't hear any of the details and I don't want to know them. I have no clue what is going on with the world. Everything in this world seems to be disposable. Want a new wife kill that family and just have a new one whatever happened to divorce? Is it that you have to pay for it? Because I'm pretty sure that he's going to pay for this with the rest of his life and his Eternal Soul.

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#33
Old 08-21-2018, 01:36 AM

I am so sorry to hear about HummyDad. I am sending you all the positive thoughts I can muster.

On another note, I am kind of sad today.

This morning, I got a message from my bestie, who is back in my home country. We haven't been in touch for a couple of months because she has a three year old and a teenager with raging hormones and she has a full time job, so communicating hasn't been the easiest for the two of us since I moved away. For clarity's sake, New Zealand is currently 10 hours ahead of my home country - yeah, literally the other side of the world.

Anyways, I had some time this morning to message back and forth with her, she sent me photos of her kids and the latest holiday they've been on and her niece, who is the spitting image of her and then I realized that I haven't felt like I have felt this morning in a long, long time. I was back to being me again, the me that I liked being, the carefree, smart mouthed person that my best friend knew I was, back when we were able to speak every day and meet every other day.

And it made me sad to realize that I haven't smiled in earnest, like I did this morning while I chatted with her, for ages.

It made me sad to realize that I have become someone entirely different than who I used to be, when I was back in the home country.

The carefree, smart mouthed person that I was, is no longer.

I have become very quiet, reserved and shy. I don't know if I like this new me or not but I will have to live with it for the rest of my life.

It made me wonder how people change when they are displaced from the setting that they have known for a large portion of their lives.

It made me understand how orphaned children feel when they are moved from place to place, never finding something solid, something to hold onto, just new experiences, new faces, new surroundings over and over again.

I feel like that all the time whenever we are travelling around New Zealand. Every time, something new. And it doesn't feel very good. Sometimes, I wish there was something familiar that I could hold on to. But there isn't.

Anyway, that's how I was feeling this morning. And all of this made me so sad.

Since this is a place to be sad, I thought I'd come here and share it with you.

hummy
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#34
Old 08-21-2018, 03:08 AM


Reading that made me cry. I feel so sad that you don't feel at home anymore. I wonder if like 10 years down the road you will feel at home and Less ad. But being a military brat on my life we moved all the time. And the thing that made it so difficult was friends never stayed the same you know you would move their make a really good friend and they would leave 6 months down the road cuz they had a new assignment. I think that's what made it so difficult even though I was still in the same country just different states. So I do feel your sense of displacement for the lack of a better word. It's a very hard thing. The only thing that makes me feel grateful for you right now is that a you have your husband with you and be you're not in school having to be the new kid. But speaking with your old friend today and feeling like yourself and feeling happy is something that really let you feel how sad you feel being so far away from home and I think that's kind of normal. You fit in at home you feel at ease at home and not different. Maybe you could chat with your friend like once a month and that might help you a little bit? You know set aside five minutes of time each month to just get together and catch up on each other's lives. Big hug period feeling sad sucks sometimes. I am glad we all have each other to be sad with. Thank you for your positive thoughts being sent our way I truly appreciate it

Zephi
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#35
Old 08-24-2018, 02:34 PM

Lillie that's like my best friend and I, kind of. At times we kind of lost touch but now we are back to talking basically daily... when she has data. I am the one with a teen and a 5 year old. She has a cat and lives far away. So... it's a thing like, you just gotta make time for friends, because you also make time for yourself when you do that.

hummy
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#36
Old 08-24-2018, 02:41 PM


That's really true and it's so regretful to waste time with someone you love

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#37
Old 08-26-2018, 09:47 PM

I'm really having a tough day today...
I wasn't really sleepy, but I just wanted to stay asleep.

hummy
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#38
Old 08-26-2018, 09:56 PM


I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. I know exactly how you feel. If you can stand sitting in a little bit of sunshine it might help you a bit. Or maybe you can video chat with hope?

Zephi
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#39
Old 08-29-2018, 01:30 PM

Oh yeah, sun can help.

Or going back to sleep in a completely dark room and waking up when you feel like it... which is what I want to do

hummy
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#40
Old 08-29-2018, 07:26 PM


I've been hiding in the dark all day so I can totally relate to wanting to do that

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#41
Old 08-29-2018, 09:55 PM

Unfortunately, I can't allow myself to just sleep all day...I have to get my 35 year old disabled daughter out of bed and feed her and keep her company all day.
Lately I have been sleeping later, causing her routine to start late...which makes me feel even worse!
I do get some sunshine on most days...but it just hasn't seemed to help much lately.

hummy
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#42
Old 08-30-2018, 04:54 AM


I wish you had more help and I wish you knew what a good person you are. That's an enormous responsibility that you have never shirked or tried to push on someone else. I worked in a retirement home and I know how easy it is for people to just park them in a place and forget about people that love them when they were little. You are a good person and you deserve happiness. Have you talked to your doctor to see if this is residual depression from your surgery?

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#43
Old 08-30-2018, 10:15 AM

I do plan to talk to my doctor about the depression, but I keep procrastinating on making an appointment.

hummy
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#44
Old 08-30-2018, 09:02 PM


Try calling the doctor's nurse and see if they can assist you. Sometimes they will triage over the phone to see if you're actually need to come and see the doctor or not.

Mr. Wrong
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#45
Old 09-01-2018, 06:24 PM

Time to turn this frown upside down!

hummy
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#46
Old 09-01-2018, 11:01 PM


I know I'm trying. It's just very difficult and sometimes it just feels good to be sad and not have somebody ask you how are you doing today.

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#47
Old 09-03-2018, 08:12 PM

Tough day today...
While it seems that families are enjoying this holiday with barbeques and get-togethers, Sarah and I are home alone together.
Nobody ever stops by just to see us...
Hope's mom usually sticks around for a little while whenever she either drops off or picks up Hope...but my other daughter rarely even texts me unless I text her first.
I haven't seen her or her 4 kids all summer long.
They didn't even text to wish Sarah Happy Birthday on the first of the month.
The BF had to work today.
I feel sad and very very alone today.

hummy
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#48
Old 09-04-2018, 07:13 PM


I'm so sorry nobody thinks of you guys. If you aren't worried about texting them just text them first. Remember when you were young and your life was really busy and you barely had time to think of anything besides what had to be done next? I'm not trying to make excuses for them but maybe they live in that kind of state of mind. I always love when friends text me out of the blue even if you ask me to do something for them. So why don't you just text him and say hey we're alone today what are you guys up to? Maybe it'll Dawn on them to invite and include you in family outings and holidays. Big hug I'd stop over and hang out with you if I lived close by

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#49
Old 09-04-2018, 10:30 PM

When I text my oldest daughter, often times I don't get a response for days...yet I know she is frequently on Facebook, so it's not like she didn't hear or see my text come on her phone.
I realize she is busy with her job and family, but I can go weeks without hearing from her at all...yet she has time to post things on Facebook? (I know about her Facebook activity because Hope's mom tells me about some of the things she posts.)
When I was younger and had 3 kids to raise by myself, I also took my mother in law to cancer treatments and Sarah to physical therapy...and I had a very dependant friend who would have me drive her to places she was afraid to go by herself.
My mom had passed away and my father stopped communication with me so I didn't have parents to talk to or check in with.
The BF gets upset that my kids don't try harder to stay in touch with me because his mom passed away about 10 years ago and he still wakes up each day wishing he could call his mom just to talk to her.
I guess my real problem is that I don't have much to keep me too busy to feel sorry for myself. I get Sarah up and make sure she is fed...then I don't have any other obligations until Sarah needs a diaper change or the next meal time. We just sit and watch TV

The only "friend" I have made at our apartment complex is an alcoholic with an ankle bracelet that tattles on her when she drinks...She has wrecked her own car, and now she has damaged the rental car her insurance has supplied her with...and she smokes inside her apartment (which is forbidden!)...so I figure it's only a matter of time before she gets evicted or winds up in jail. ...Kinda hard to invest myself in that kind of person when I feel like they are going to be gone before long.
The BF has the next 2 days off...that will help me feel better since I won't feel so alone...but even he is so addicted to some game on his phone that he talks to the people playing the game more than he talks to me!
*sigh*
I just have far too much empty time on my hands...and because of Sarah, I can't get a job or do much outside of the house.
I am hoping that we can find a house to rent when our lease is up here...Taking care of a yard and planting flowers and such sounds so inviting!...can't do that in an apartment.

hummy
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#50
Old 09-05-2018, 01:33 AM


You know I feel sorry for your daughters. Now don't get upset hear me out okay. I'm one of those people that believes in there but for the grace of God go I. Either of your daughters could easily have been Sarah. And it is so beyond my ability to understand how they cannot love you all the more. Most people, honestly, would have the state take care of her because it's such a daunting task. And anyone who tries to do this on their own should at least be given as much help as humanly possible by the other siblings that were spared this difficult life. Now I'm not nominating you for sainthood, but your heart is so full of love and responsibilities that I fail to understand how your daughters don't feel obligated to at least keep in touch with you and keep you company if not help you out physically and monetarily to be honest. I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself I think you're handling everything to the best of your ability and you're doing a wonderful job of it. I am proud of you even if I'm not your daughter. And I hope someday hope shows you just how much you mean to her and what a difference you've made in her life and what kind of woman and mother she will be. Because you have made a tremendous difference to her.

 


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