This is my first attempt at writing horror. I want to be able to submit it to a magazine and try to get it published, but the deadline is the 2nd of February. Any ideas on how to make the following story improve?
Boy in the Mirror = Start
The mirror was full length, large enough for a grown adult to step through had the frame been empty. The frame itself was carved from white marble; indentations and chips formed seraphim bearing broadswords, cherubs with bows, and large lions roaring towards the sky. It was the most beautiful and most terrifying mirror Frederick had ever seen in his life. The faces of the angels were misshapen: noses were pointed, eyes narrow and pointing upward, mouths in a snarl. It was nothing like what Frederick remembered from history books.
But the mirror wasn't anything he'd ever seen before. There was no record of a mirror like this in the history books. He poured over the books for weeks after the first sighting and could find nothing. The teenager could have asked the owner, the village's alchemist Joshua, for information, but Frederick wasn't supposed to see the mirror in the first place. He wandered inside the secluded cottage one day while Joshua was out gathering ingredients for his numerous potions and balms.
It was a quaint cottage, one story with a large hearth, small kitchen and a cot in the corner. Attached to the main room was a small, narrow hallway that led to a backroom, storage, and laboratory in one. The house's lighting depended on candles and anything Mother Nature could give it; farther into the house, down the hallway and into the back room there were no windows or candles. Since the lighting was poor, Frederick tripped over unseen items in his exploration.
It was after he tripped over some kind of box and landed on his knees he saw the mirror. It was propped in the corner; only the faint light coming from behind Frederick gave any kind of hint of what it was. IN the shadows and facing his direction, Frederick felt the hair on his arms stand up and a chill ran through him. He carefully rose to his feet, eyes never leaving his reflection's. As he changed position, the faces of the angels seemed to shift, turning angrier and vicious.
Frederick lost time staring at himself in the shadowed mirror, a fear settling deep in his stomach. He left the storage room walking backwards; he didn't dare to remove his gaze. Instinct had settled in. He knew how silly it would sound when he told his friends about being scared of a mirror, so he didn't mention it to anyone. When he returned home and ate dinner with his parents, his thoughts remained on the mirror. He could swear that as he watched the weapons got sharper, pointed towards him, but that was stupid right? Marble cannot shift. Marble cannot move.
The next time Frederick went into the alchemist’s house, he brought a candle and some matches to see. His stomach twisted at the thought, part of him felt that the candlelight would make that back room even more mysterious and freaky. The mirror honestly didn’t need any help with that; it did fine on its own. This time, Joshua was in the next village over helping the doctor treat some injured farmer, so Frederick knew he had some extra time.
Climbing through a window, he lit the candle and watched the glow enter the room. Stepping around random vials and books, Frederick walked down the hallway and into the back room. His gut was correct in his assumptions; the candle light hit everything and cast large shadows as he moved closer to the mirror. The movement of shadows mimicked Frederick in his walk, pausing when he was about the same distance from the mirror as before.
His reflection was barely there; the faint light from the candle gave him a murky reflection with hollows for eyes and exaggerated body structure. He took a calming breath. All it served to do was increase his heart rate. He tried to ignore the way the marble shifted, the angels growling and pointing their weapons at him. He focused his gaze on his reflection, on his reflection’s hollow eyes.
As he watched, the reflection began to fade away, sending him into a panic. The candle wasn’t burning out, it had plenty of wax left and its glow remained the same. The reflection disappeared completely and Frederick found himself staring into a reflection-less mirror. Frederick shook his head, blinking his eyes multiple times in shock. This is a mirror, right? Deciding he’s had a enough of a freak out, Frederick proceeded as before, leaving the room walking backwards to keep his gaze on the mirror (glass?).
Is anyone there?
Frederick felt his heart stop. Oh god, he was hearing voices now.
Please come back. In the mirror, a shape formed. It was a boy about Frederick’s age, palms pressed flat against the glass surface. The boy was illuminated by the light of Frederick’s candle. What he could see of the boy’s face begged for acknowledgement of some kind.
I don’t want to be alone anymore. It was like it was just a pane of glass separating them in a dark room.
The fear remained because the frame was still threatening him with weapons and glares, the shadows flickering around him, and now some kind of ghost boy in a mirror. What the heck is going on? Frederick cleared his throat, speaking softly, “I’m not supposed to be here.” The boy’s face shifted, and the cheekbones seemed higher on his face. Maybe a smile?
Does that mean you’re here to rescue me?
“Rescue?” Frederick took a step back towards the mirror; the boy’s form became a bit more visible. The boy even wore clothes similar to Frederick, but he was not recognizable at all.
The boy gave a nod, his hands against the glass curled into fists.
Joshua trapped me in here. Frederick felt his eyes widen in shock. Josh? The alchemist was a very nice man and was really good at his job. Before his arrival, people in the village could be sick for months on end, but now barely anyone was sick for any longer than a week. He was a miracle worker.
I met Joshua in another town, and he was treating my sister. I didn’t agree to what he was doing, so he locked me in here. The boy’s voice got softer, sadder; Frederick had to lean closer to hear.
I did find out she’s cured. It’s just Joshua won’t let me leave. The boy’s voice perked up and he pressed himself closer to the mirror,
but you’ll get me out, won’t you?
Frederick opened his mouth to speak but words refused to come out. He didn’t know any magic, or of any kind of anti-dark magic charms. On his own, Frederick wouldn’t be able to release him; and even if he did release the boy, Joshua would be bound to notice.
The front door slammed shut. Joshua was home. Frederick turned around, watching the hallway. There were no windows to determine how much time had passed, and the hallway was the only way out. He was caught, no doubt about it. “Frederick?” Joshua’s lightly lilted voice came from the main room. “Are you still in here?” Frederick didn’t dare speak. “Please, if you are I need to know. I just want to keep you safe.”
Don’t believe him! The boy hissed.
He’s lying!
“Are you near the mirror?” Joshua’s voice was louder and full of anxiety. If Frederick strained his ears he could hear the alchemist’s footsteps approaching. “Keep away from the mirror Frederick. It’s dangerous.” Joshua sounded truly full of worry. Frederick peeked at the mirror over his shoulder, the boy barely visible in the lack of light. Standing in-between the boy and the candle, the mirror loomed ominously five feet away. Angels and lions danced in the shadows, bearing weapons and claws and fangs. He could almost hear their screams…
Don’t believe him Frederick! The boy banged his fists against the glass. The sound reverberated in the small room.
He’ll lock you inside here too.
Joshua stood in the doorway, his eyes watching Frederick with fear. “Please listen to me,” he pleaded, “Stay away from the mirror.” He held out a pianist hand for him to take, the fingers curling upward and invitingly. He sounded sincere, Frederick wanted to believe him. Frederick reached toward the hand, just wanting out get out of the room.
DON’T TOUCH HIM! The boy’s shriek startled the alchemist and Frederick, the candle flying to somewhere behind him as he tumbled backwards. Frederick landed on his behind, Joshua watching him wide-eyed, mouth agape, hand still held out. The candle flickered behind Frederick. Frederick turned, trying to grab the candle.
“NO! Fred –” Frederick looked up, the boy’s empty eyes staring into his own only a foot away. His face morphed into something sinister and when he smiled his teeth were like a shark’s. The boy placed a hand on the mirror’s surface before pushing through; a skeletal hand, then arm reached out and grabbed Frederick around the neck, dragging him toward the rippling mirror. The frame screeched and faintly Joshua was calling for him. Frederick stared into those empty eyes, entered the mirror
And knew no more.
