There's been this messed up disrest going on in me that I can't figure out. I know at least part of it is depression, and topical depression at that; I have had a really hard couple of years since last I was posting here regularly- some infirm, and some breakups with old friends. I kinda had to suck those up because I needed to work on moving out of my place, where I had been having to deal with an unsympatheitc landlord who just kept moving in ex-cons. I had not one, but 5 stalkers in a 2 year span.

Finally I got out of that place, but one of my caregivers went completely loopy due to being bullied, and another moved away quite suddenly, since she had been having trouble with Child Custody because omg! she dared to smoke marijuana. (the laws here have changed since, but I bet she will be one of the last people in history in our state to lose a child due to marijuana).

I'm living with a roommate now who's cool enough, but he doesn't 'do' emotions. So I'm kinda starving to death from need of someone to talk to who I can confide emotional things to. I literally know almost no one. Since I had gotten sick most of the folk I knew in town had moved away because it is a college town, and people just move out of them.

I get these sensations like everything is just utterly overwhelming. Someone will insult me, or disrespect my space, and I feel like I've been traumatised. I just get these repeating thoughts that I deserve this, that I'm not worth it, and a physical sensation like someone has kicked me repeatedly in the stomach. My stomach literally hurts like a wound.

The only thing that will allow me some relief is sleep, so I'm sleeping all the time. The problem with that is when you oversleep it can cause a reverse action- insomnia, and when I am insomniac I feel restless and like there are a thousand loud noises in my head at once. It gets migrainey, but there's also this terrible sense that everything is unreal, and that is sometimes accompanied by a literal sense that it hurts to be conscious.

Sometimes there are palpatations, or shortness of breath. Every so often there is nausea.

What is this? How do I fix it? what makes it go away?

I don't want to fall to pieces every time some little thing upsets me or someone says something mean to me because wahey! the world is full of mean people. But I'm just uber oversensitive right now. I can't see a doc til the end of the month because they are overbooked, but since the oversleeping also causes me to miss appointments I might never see a doc about this. Does anybody know any good coping mechanisms? (or someone nearby where I live that happens to have a sweet bugout place I can wander to for a change of scene?)

unfortnatly I don't know any real good coping mec's apart from the odd bit of exercise. Try to think positive.

On a smaller note your not worthless your not in any one's way and any one who treats you as such should be ignored as they are not true friends. Try and go out to see musems etc in your local area and make a few friends. If there are any support groups for people living with similar disability's to you and make friends through hthe service. All this could help you hun.

Hope you feel better soon.