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Chi
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#51
Old 09-26-2013, 11:46 PM

No dying allowed. :(

I may be able to answer questions regarding the Affordable Care Act. Cole and I are actually signing up to complete a training so that we can volunteer to help explain the ACA to community members and help people physically sign up for it. Everyone will be able to go plan shopping October 1, but I imagine you know that bit by now. I don't, at this point, know what plans cover mental health services, what they cover, or any fees.

I don't know what your combined gross income is, but I think the 2015 coverage (meaning signing up Fall 2014 when it's mandatory) is going to be cheaper than what it is now. I need to shop, too. Cole has health insurance, but to add me and Terra it would be close to $800 a month. Uh. How? So hopefully something through the ACA is cheaper.

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#52
Old 09-27-2013, 01:59 AM

It will be interesting to see how it shakes out. Aaron says his health insurance is just $240 a month to cover the whole family. (It kinda sucks that we seem to be on the hook to pay for the medical insurance for the kids and 50% of their bills therein...you think it would work out so that they'd factor it into the whole support thing. But anyways...I swear nothing about child support and divorce is ever fair.)

The good news is his coverage will cover 100% with a $30 co-pay for outpatient and 80% for inpatient services. The sucky thing is there is like a $1k cap per year for individual or $2k for family...but a $5k out of pocket? I really don't understand how that all works. I just briefly skimmed over the paperwork prior to Aaron leaving for work. Anyways, any health insurance right now is better than none.

I'm starting to wonder if my work is cutting people's hours down in preparation for the new health care laws? It wouldn't surprise me as I heard that there is a requirement for work to provide it if you're seen to be 'full time' employed. I have a feeling it will lead to more people working 2-3 jobs just to make ends meet. I think it's kind of sad.

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#53
Old 09-27-2013, 11:12 AM

It is sad. I think the ACA labels full time at 30 hours... so imagine places that only give 29. Someone will need the 11 from another job, and still be without employer options, thus getting it individually.

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#54
Old 09-27-2013, 04:38 PM

Ouch... My boss said that 32 was considered 'full time' and I had 34. I'm wondering if it will be further cut...

Right now I'm really not motivated to do much of anything. There's dishes to be done, the house needs to be cleaned...I had about 10 hours sleep last night and it felt good. I feel like I could sleep for another 10 hours, though, given the opportunity.

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#55
Old 09-27-2013, 06:18 PM

I'm home early today. I ran some errands, and I really want a nap, too. I think I'll make cupcakes instead though. Why? Well, why not? :P

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#56
Old 09-27-2013, 06:32 PM

Cupcakes sound good.

I never went back to sleep. Just kinda taking a me kinda weekend. Need it. Hopefully I will rejuvenate and next week won't be so bad.

I think I'm actually looking forward to the fact I'm only doing 34 hours rather than my 38.5.

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#57
Old 09-27-2013, 06:33 PM

I'll find out next week whether or not my aunt will be facing surgery. If she's not, I'll likely have another month of work. If she is, I'll likely be there until Christmas-ish. I'm fine with that, as I honestly don't expect to find a job with my degree right off the bat. I'm still waiting to hear back from the state regarding one of my exams.

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#58
Old 09-27-2013, 06:39 PM

Well even if she doesn't go for surgery and you're there for only a month...you're timing it pretty good for Christmas rush. I'm sure you could find some holiday work if push really came to shove.

Hoping you can finally find something with your degree soon, though, otherwise I'm sure it will feel kind of like you've spent all that time in school for little gain.

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#59
Old 09-27-2013, 06:47 PM

I'm biding time until the state smooths over its issues. I have options (private practice being one of them). I'd just like an agency-based job with benefits and someone else to do all the billing crud. If after... hmm... I'll say six months (after being licensed) I don't find something, I'll likely go into case management again for a while. I'm hesitant to do that now because I don't want to get clients used to me and then leave for a therapy job. I did that once with interning, being there for a year, and half my load was crushed. No, I'll say three quarters of my case load was crushed. It made me want to pick and choose my job carefully.

I cannot complain at the wage I currently have. It's helping a lot. We were able to make a substantial credit card payment, though there's no way to chip down that debt (the vehicle stuff) quickly. I'm hoping that we hack enough of it away that the tax return takes care of the rest.

I'm absolutely certain I'll get the job I want in time. There's oddly no pessimism in my body about that. :)

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#60
Old 09-28-2013, 12:53 AM

I'm glad things are looking good for you job wise and that you're seeming to keep yourself fairly optimistic. I know with the recent dental work and the car repair you've been hit pretty hard financially. I'm trying to brace myself as once the child support is finally properly filed and we're not having to pay that out it looks as though health insurance will kind of pretty much null the additional money coming in. That being said, he's still getting a significant raise and I'm working when I can. Finally I won't be the primary bread winner, and that is a huge load off my back as my job is not stable. Even with the new phone work it seems it still has its trends, and the company is more than happy to clip hours from me when they need.

Right now it just feels rather scary. I know that I'm just one medical emergency or a major car issue from being in serious trouble, and I keep on crossing my fingers nothing really bad happens in the next few months until things settle down. Aaron is not going to see his paycheck increase for another 3 weeks, and he said that the court date is likely going to take 4-6 weeks before they're seen. Once that's decided, it should take effect immediately however it will take a couple weeks before we start seeing that.

For a short time there it felt like the financial relief was to come all at once...not so much.

On the plus side I did find out that Aaron is only about 78 bucks behind in child support as it stands. I have half a mind to make him file for Pam from the last date he did up until it was annulled on her just to zero that out. That is a nice feeling as it will mean we will have a nice tax return once that rolls around.

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#61
Old 09-28-2013, 07:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chi View Post
It was. Growing up we were allowed to pretty much walk anywhere without worry. I'm not sure it would be the same today as some things changed. The drug use there is high--really high.

But, no traffic lights where I live now. It's bigger but still small. xD
Wow that woulda been awesome.
like when i hear about the old days (mums days) when they could walk the streets at night with no problems. And sleep out in the middle of a field, and with the doors and windows all open! Wow if only lol.

Lols well gotta do something haha.

Awesome! That would be fantastic. Auckland is soooo bad for traffic and lights everywhere!

Ehh soo tired. Just finished up at a party for a 12 year old. Wow my cousins kids are crazy and so disrespectful. Dave and i just looked at each other like. Hell if they were our kids they'd be getting a beat down right now lmao!! Lol kidding. But wow made us feel lucky we don't have them yet! :)

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#62
Old 09-28-2013, 02:23 PM

@Roachi - That sounds like Aaron and I at the grocery store. We went to Walmart last night and oh my god there were some unruly and loud children there. Aaron and I are both in agreement when we say that our children would not get away with such bad behavior. Both the kids are so respectful and quiet it just crazy to me that parents would let their children run free like that. In the toy isle there were some kids getting down the skateboards from the shelves and riding them around the isles. There was a kid riding around on one of the bikes, too. And other kids throwing toys back and forth at each other. I finally said to Aaron lets get out of here before someone is paged from the store and it gets ugly. Then on the other side of the store there were still screaming, crying little kids. I tuned them out but Aaron said at that age he would use a little bit of physical discipline to get them to hush up. He said to me he only had to swat them once or twice on the butt (not even hard, mind you) to get them to hush up. After that, they knew how far they could push before it would happen again and he would get to that level. Very young newborns I can understand they're not going to be reasoned with, but we're talking about toddlers that looked like they were at least a year old and old enough to understand cause and effect.

Don't get me going on the one day we went through meijer and saw a 2-3 year old writhing on the ground, wailing. I had to bite my tongue on that one as I thought that really pushed the boundaries of socially acceptable.

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#63
Old 09-28-2013, 02:46 PM

Sometimes a 2-3 year old will throw themselves down screaming regardless of the discipline. ;) If Terra acts up in public, we give her one warning, and then if she continues she's removed from the store/place. I think it's actually only happened twice. Once at a grocery store and once in a restaurant, and she was promptly removed while the other parent finished up the shopping/packed up food.

9.5 times out of 10, she's an angel.

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#64
Old 09-28-2013, 03:07 PM

And that's the way it should be. Either remove the child from the situation, or discipline them. You know me and I'm really not for physical punishment, however at a younger age and done appropriately I do believe it does yield a positive result. It would only be something I would use while they're too young to rationally talk through and take away privileges/ground. I've seen people trying to rationalize with a kid who isn't old enough to even be in school and at that point I really want to commend the parent for trying to instill those values in their kid, but remind them that a child's brain just isn't capable at that stage in their life to really benefit from it. Right now, as the parent, honestly you should be using very simple cause and effect.

It's also somewhat a pet peeve of mine with pet owners seem to think they can rationalize with their cat or dog. Dogs are able to understand certain words equal certain actions. If I say cookie, they run to the kitchen as they know they are going to get a treat in the kitchen. If I try to set a condition - if you go outside, I'll give you a cookie. Well they know what outside means, but to put the two concepts together...eh right.

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#65
Old 09-28-2013, 03:31 PM

Animals are perfect examples of classical conditioning. Pavlov and his dog/bell experiment is a great example. Humans work the same. Both animals and humans can be trained to do particular behaviors. A dog could indeed understand and turn to expect a cookie after going outside. If given a cookie every time they went outside, if it were stopped, they'd then be confused because the predictable was suddenly gone. Some of the classical conditioning experiments were frightening, actually...

Kids communicate because they need (or want) something. They understand nothing in terms of social norms and expectations. They want what they want and don't have the developmental capacity to regulate their emotional response. I truly believe any physical punishment damages a child and only silences them, making them fearful of getting "the wrath" of their parent.

Does it stop the behavior? Depends. Does the kid grow and eventually lie? Sneak? Run away from home? Do anything and everything away from their parents' view?

Many do hit. I'm not them, and whomever wants to hit has all the power to do it within legal repercussion. I feel bad enough when I yell, especially when she just doesn't understand. The thought of hitting her before she could actually talk to me makes me sick to my stomach, actually...

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#66
Old 09-28-2013, 05:06 PM

How do you try to stop the bad behavior, then? What do you find that works? I don't personally like physical punishment but if it is done tactfully I don't see the harm. I do understand like I said that kids at a young age can't rationalize and sometimes you have to use what actually works.

With the conditioning and Pavlov, yes you could get them to understand it. The thing is I think most people don't follow through exactly the same every time the dog goes outside to follow up with a cookie. It takes doing it repeatedly numerous times before it triggers that automatic response... I'm lazy and I give out cookies whenever I feel like it.

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#67
Old 09-28-2013, 06:52 PM

Each kid is different. It depends on what reinforces them. What do they want? What do they not like?

Some parents try to remove the negative behavior with positive reinforcement. Some with negative reinforcement. Terra's a kid who simply doesn't give a shit if you tell her if she doesn't do "X", she will lose "X" privilege. If she weighs the pros and cons and decides she doesn't care if a toy gets thrown away, TV taken away, toys put out of reach... then she simply doesn't do what's asked of her.

However if you use the positive, "If you do this, then I'll give you 'x'..." she's apt to leap to action. If she wants TV but can't have it until she cleans her toys up, then she'll clean her toys up. If she's already in the process of watching TV, makes a mess, and gets a consequence of the TV being turned off if she doesn't clean, she doesn't give a shit.

There are other reinforcement methods out there. I'd have to brush up on my Learning and Memory class. Been years. I think I kept the book (not sure), but it's buried in the old storage.

If I'm bluntly honest it's easier to slap a kid into submission. I would be lying if I don't feel the urge to just whack her butt on the bad days. But I don't. It is difficult trying to think on the spot of something to do in response to her behavior, immediately. One of the principles of punishment of any sort is the immediacy of it.

If a kid does something 5 hours before and gets punished 5 hours after, chances are the link is never made. A dog that gets punished for peeing on the floor while you're out doing groceries never makes the connection. You come home, they're so happy to see you, probably wagging their tail and jumping, and the immediate response to their shown affection is yelling (or whatever the pet owner does). They wouldn't "get" it was from the pee, even with rubbing their nose in it.

Or a better example... if someone told me I would get 1,000,000 for losing 100lbs, I don't think I could do it. The incentive would be there, but I would hit a wall and give up. If someone offered me 1,000 for every 1lb lost--right when I lost it--you can bet your ass I'd be working extra hard, because I'd be rewarded along the way. The incentive would be enough to reinforce the behavior of weight loss.

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#68
Old 09-28-2013, 09:28 PM

I guess it's difficult then for parents to think of something to do immediately while they're in public to remedy the situation, so they just allow it to continue? Another classic example I see often is while in the grocery store a parent will promise to by them x thing if 'they behave'. I guess it's a useful tactic but I would think if you're constantly doing that you're spending a lot of money for their behavior, and they come to expect it.

Gosh I'm glad I wasn't part of their lives very early on as I know I would have trouble with physical punishment too. I wouldn't dream of hitting either child, but they were 4 and 7 when I first got with Dad and by that time in my books it's getting a bit late in the game. Not only that but could you just imagine the shit fit that would happen if their mother found out. I can understand being upset as I was upset when I heard that the boyfriend pulled Tristan out of the car one day for crying over something. He must of been about 7-8 years old and even 3-4 years later he will still tell you how upset he was about it. That's not my goal -- to leave a lasting mistrust and hurt. More over trying to reinforce good, expected behavior.

I'm also glad that the taking away of privileges motivates both children to behave around here as I honestly would run out of positive incentives to give them. (Especially Tristan who is only here for the weekends now...) Pam we've already had the talk that the more mature and reliable she becomes, the more lenient we would be about her wanting to do things. She's already been threatened to have the Roku box removed from her room by dad over her grade dropping in history (turned out the teacher hadn't inputted all the grades yet, but it dropped from an A to a B- and Aaron is very much on top of that stuff...she had issues with not turning in assignments on time, or at all and hence the bad grades from at her mom's) and you should of seen her reaction. I spent the evening trying to console her as she felt dad was being 'too hard' on her. Letting her know she could easily be on the honor roll if she had the motivation and her dad wants to see her do that and that he's trying to keep up with her as the grades are changing to make sure she gets back up before it gets to the point where it's irreversible for the semester. She already has a ton of weight on her to perform from her mother....

Oh speaking of which the only grade I'm truly concerned about is her PE grade. She's been begging us to let her drop out of it as she hates it so much, but I'm trying to let her know if she gets it out of the way now she only has like two semesters in total she's got to take to meet graduation requirements. The stinky thing is they give grades and have tests (mine you either pass or fail...). The last 'test' she took she got a D on, and apparently it only has a 5% weight on her grade. Her final test apparently has a 50% weight. I've got to ask Aaron what else factors into it as we really want it to be a C or higher. It just stinks that that will more than likely be the grade that keeps her from making honor roll. :/

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#69
Old 09-28-2013, 10:56 PM

I dunno... a lot of my parent friends (myself included), will remove our child(ren) when they're acting out in public. Usually a, "If you do X once more, we're going outside to the car." Something like that. We don't give positive incentives thinking creatively on the spot. It worries me when parents say, "If you behave, you'll get X." Puts a lot of power into the child...

I'm tired. I haven't done a thing on my to-do list. I will likely hop in the shower once Cole takes Terra to bed, then I'll get some coffee, a cupcake (xD) and get crackin'.

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#70
Old 09-28-2013, 11:22 PM

Would you happen to have a female welcome tee?

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#71
Old 09-28-2013, 11:57 PM

I do have just one. I double checked. :)

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#72
Old 09-29-2013, 12:02 AM

Ohhhh what kind of cupcake?

I'm wishing some of those donuts we bought a week ago were still laying around. Unfortunately, Aaron left the box on the kitchen table and the cat knocked the box onto the floor. Two doughnuts went missing the next day. Luckily none of the animals were sick. (I think one of them was chocolate, too...) Two doughnuts that never made it to human consumption...

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#73
Old 09-29-2013, 12:16 AM

@Izu - Ohh god, if i hear a screaming child i run the other way. I can't stand their high pitched nonsense lol. In Nz you can't hit your kids in public. That will land you in jail lmao. Well your not suppose to use physical discipline at all. It was to try and stop the severe beatings some children would get, that would land them in hospital or dead. But it's like... I don't see a prob with a smack on the hand or the butt. It's how i was taught and i turned out fine. It's all these mamby pampered children of today, that are little disrespectful sh*ts! LOL

Yeah i think children under 3, you should have a tolerance for. They still don't quite understand things.

I dunno how parents let their kids do that kinda stuff, ride toys around the store and what not. Honestly too many lazy parents these days, ones ruled by their kids. Like my cousin and her daughters. They're sooo bad!! I mean the eldest one swears at her mother and calls her a whore and stuff. Wow, i would slap her silly if that was my daughter!

---------- Post added 09-29-2013 at 01:17 PM ----------

That's good team work chi! :P

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#74
Old 09-29-2013, 12:18 AM

I made fluffernutter cupcakes yesterday. :3

I hear you, Roachi. I'm horrified if Terra tries to pick up toys in the store. We usually panic and put her in a cart. xD We're the lamest parents ever in terms of the "fun factor". She's gotten to an awesome place where she'll say, "Can I look at that?" Thankfully she's ALWAYS gentle.

I'm curious when her 3 year photos will be done... I have previews of three of them and I can't wait. ;_;

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#75
Old 09-29-2013, 02:01 AM

Fluffernutter? Sounds interesting.

Aww Terra is already 3? Goodness time flies!! Of course I'm still thinking that the two we've got are already 11 and 14...It's like the time just flies on by.

@Roachi - Really? They made it illegal? That's pretty intense. I understand wanting to stop the most severe of cases. It can go both ways though. It seems that kids these days aren't disciplined enough, and that's where you get the whole scene at Walmart where kids are just running around doing whatever they please. I'm just glad I don't work in that Walmart...or any Walmart, really.

 


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