Thread Tools

MercyGrim96
It's tea time!
771.86
MercyGrim96 is offline
 
#1
Old 05-08-2016, 01:12 AM

So I was just in one of those moods and randomly write this beginning to a story, and I want to take it somewhere, but idk what direction to go? Here's what I wrote so far, I'd love to hear some opinions, and please point out any spelling errors:

Callisto opened her eyes, the bright morning sun cutting in from the crack between her blackout curtains rousing her from sleep. She sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes with her forearm, then blinked. The room came into focus, three empty containers of Arizona Tea littered the floor beneath her, a large pizza box and some Chinese take-out containers lay near them; she almost stepped on one as she got out of bed.

“Cal?” A voice murmured from the bed. Andromeda, though she preferred Andy, rolled over in bed to face Cal.

Cal cracked a smile at her, “Hey.”

A small smile formed on Andy’s face, “Hey to you to.” Andy sat up in bed, the sheet falling from her front, showing off her Captain America tank top. She ran her hand through her messy white-blond hair and scanned the room, “Have you seen my glasses?”

Callisto looked around until she spotted a pair of black-framed hipster glasses on the nightstand, she picked them up and handed them to Andy. The other girl happily took them and slid them onto her face, she looked up at Cal, “Thanks, now I can actually see you,” Andy giggled. Callisto’s heart did a flip at that sweet, melodic tone, but she willed herself to calm down; she didn’t want Andy to notice.

Instead of looking at the beautiful girl occupying her bed Cal busied herself with picking up the trash on the floor, much to her happiness she found an extra slice of cheese pizza in the box and grabbed it. Man she was so starving; she took a big bite and set it on the nightstand as she continued with the task of cleaning.

“Need any help,” Andy asked from the bed.

“No, it’s cool I got this,” Cal chimed back, “You can go take a shower if you want, the bathroom should be free. I think my brother is out of the house for the weekend.”

“Sounds good to me.” Cal heard the bed creak as Andy got up, her light feet sounded on the old wooden floor as she made her way to the bedroom door, opened it, and then closed it behind her as she left.

Callisto let out a sigh of relief the second her best friend was out of the room. She sunk down to the floor, garbage forgotten, as she put her hands over her face.

Why was the world so unfair? She thought to herself as she took a deep breath. Why did it kill her parents in a car crash when she was five and leave her with only a barely-legal-adult brother to raise her? Why did said bother have to be a piece of trash pothead who couldn’t hold a job for more than six weeks? And most importantly why did the world decide it would be a fantastic idea to make Cal fall in love with Andromeda Whicks?

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#2
Old 05-13-2016, 05:04 PM

I really liked this. It's cute, but wrenches on the heart at the end. The only grammar mistake I noticed was in the first line, there should be a comma curtains and rousing. Otherwise, it's well written. They look like characters I'd be interested in reading more about. You should try to continue it.

MercyGrim96
It's tea time!
771.86
MercyGrim96 is offline
 
#3
Old 05-13-2016, 10:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat Dakuu View Post
I really liked this. It's cute, but wrenches on the heart at the end. The only grammar mistake I noticed was in the first line, there should be a comma curtains and rousing. Otherwise, it's well written. They look like characters I'd be interested in reading more about. You should try to continue it.
Thank you for noticing the error, I'll correct it! And yeah I'm going to try and write more of it in the near future now that I have the summer off. I can message you it bit by bit if you'd like to read more?

 


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
 
Thread Tools

 
Forum Jump

no new posts