I can lead you to love, I can take you or leave you

A lot of people have had crushes on me, both in the real world and the virtual world. The people in the real world like me for my appearance because I don't show them my personality; the people in the virtual world like me for my personality because I don't show them my appearance. I usually don't associate with the boys who have crushes on me in the real world, but I'm usually friends with the boys who have crushes on me in the virtual world. But instead of returning their feelings of affection, I try to get them to meet someone else. I enjoy playing matchmaker.

I can ask for the truth, but I'll never believe you

Being the wise detached observer that I am, I know the reasons behind the things people do. I often get into arguments with people over the Internet; they get offended when I ask them why they do things. They either don't know the real reason or won't admit it. I know people better than they know themselves. They make it easy because they're all the same. Being an actress myself, I can see through people's false personas.

And I'll take what you give me, as long as it's free

One of my many contradictions is that I like expensive things, but I'm very cheap. I get it from my parents. My father has been a Safeway employee all his working life, and my mother has worked many jobs, mostly data entry or secretary-type jobs. We lived in California, first in Vallejo for the first two years of my life, then we moved to the neighboring city Benicia because Vallejo was "going downhill." Benicia was a more classy town with fewer minorities. From a kid's perspective, Vallejo is known as an exciting ghetto and Benicia is known as a boring white snobby town. But the people in both towns are more similar than people want to believe. My parents, brother, and I lived in a three bedroom two-story tract house that was two years younger than me. I used to think my house was the smallest one in town, until I saw my friend Shawna's shack. My dad and I have always wanted a bigger house. (Mom would've too, but she didn't want to clean it all.) Looking at model homes for pleasure is our family tradition. Dad takes pride in the expensive furniture in our house and the well-maintained garden. Mom can't stand to be around dirty, ignorant, poor, or classless people. I'm just like my parents in that way. Though we're nothing more than middle class, we like to have the best. Paying for it is another story. Mom likes to give my brother and me hand-me-downs, because she says clothes are too expensive. When traveling, Dad avoids expense by driving instead of flying, not eating despite hunger, and picking the cheapest quality hotel possible. When any of us go grocery shopping, we either only buy things on sale or we buy the lowest price ice cream, shampoo, etc. Any penny on the ground is worth picking up.

Yeah I steal like a thief

I stole a lot when I was in elementary school. In first grade, Mom wouldn't get me a purple sparkly keychain, so I stole it. I told her about it not long after. She got mad and told me I had to return it. I hid it in my dresser drawer with the other toys I had. Eventually she forgot about it, and I still have it. In the grocery store, I sat at the bottom fo the cart and ate the candy and grapes Mom didn't buy. She couldn't make me return them if they were in my stomach. In third grade, a popular toy among boys was miniature cars. I played with them too, and I owned a few of my own. Some I stole. I felt sorry for the new cars the day care adults bought for the boys, who only crashed and broke them. I saved them by stealing them. In the classroom, one boy left his car on his desk. When it was time for recess, I waited until everyone was out of the room, then stole the car I liked. AT the dentist office, after getting my cleaning done or cavities filled, I was allowed to pick out a toy or pencil from a big basket. Most of the time, I couldn't settle for just one, so I stuffed my pockets and toothbrush bag with all that I wanted. That basket was probably meant just for young kids, but I continued to get stuff from it as long as I lived in Benicia. I got my brother to help me carry stuff too, since he had pockets just asking to be filled. I don't steal much anymore. Just the free candy restaurants and offices often have out for the customers. I know they only want people to take just one, but my brother and I fit as many as we can in our pockets. I'm a good thief, because I never get caught.

Oh, I take care of myself

I'm independent and responsible when I want to be. No one has to look after me to make sure I do my homework, take care of my pets, or clean my bedroom. Sometimes I take awhile to get things done, but I always do eventually. I don't have many friends, and I've never had a lover. But I'm confident that I can make it in the world alone. In the meantime, I'll enjoy my life of laziness and let my parents provide for me as long as possible!

I can wait if I want

I've never had a boyfriend. Boys in real life have only liked me for my appearance, which I find shallow and unacceptable. Boys online like me for my personality at first, but they soon tire of it. No one can put up with me for long. I've had crushes, but none that I liked enough to counter my shyness to talk to them. No boy has ever been good enough to bother. Every boy I've met both in the real world and the virtual world has not met my high expectations. I see no point in forming a romantic relationship with a man inferior to myself. It would be better for me to remain single than to be in an unhappy relationship with someone I don't truly love. Temporary relationships don't interest me; I am unchanging, and I expect others not to change as well. If they change, they aren't being true to themselves. I want a relationship that lasts. I want a man as good as I am or better. If those are just futile ideals that will never come true, I don't mind being single forever. Relationships are overrated, especially ones that end. If I can't have it all, then I don't want any of it!

I'm ahead of my time

Because I observe people from a detached perspective, I am able to see them objectively. I see how everyone does everything to conform, for either attention or approval. When I was in first grade, boys and girls didn't play with each other for fear of cooties. I tried to tell them that they would one day kiss each other, but they refused to believe it. When I was in middle school and high school, I tried to show my peers the immaturity of their cussing, drugs, dances, and dating--that it would all one day pass when they grew up. But they again didn't believe it. Everything I tried to tell people came true. They have long forgotten, but I haven't. I still watch them conforming to their age group, not stepping back to look at their foolish actions objectively.

Oh, and I never give out

I'm selfish. I don't give money to charities or help people at all. I only share with my closest friends and family. The human population is high enough as it is. I see no reason to help those who cannot help themselves. Besides, everyone is inferior to me, so why should I help them? Why should I show kindness to people who have shown me nothing but pain and ridicule?

And I never give in, I just change my mind

I'm stubborn. I make my own decisions. That's how I've always been, and that's why I have remained so wise and objective, never giving in to peer pressure. I stay strong to my opinions and interests, no matter how many times people try to change me. I rarely change my mind, but when I do, it is only if I see a logical reason to do so.

And I'll promise you more than the Garden of Eden

If you break through my tough exterior built to withstand the cruel world, you will see that I am a nice person inside. If you have the honor of being my friend, I will be the best friend you have ever had. I'm always loyal to my friends. I never betray them like they have betrayed me. Friends may leave me, but I never leave them.

Then I'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleedin'

No matter how close I get to some people, I still would not cry if they died. I value the Earth, and I despise humans for trashing it. The good of the planet is more important than individual human lives. All life ends eventually, so it is pointless to try to prolong which will inevitably end. Any human death is a good thing if you look at it objectively, which I always do. Human death is even better when you acknowledge the fact that most humans are evil and deserve to die.

But I'll bring out the best and the worst you can be

My college major is psychology, and my minor is creative writing. I always see the good points and bad points in everyone. Even if I would prefer that all suicidals kill themselves, I can talk them out of it. I can make people change for the better. But my personality can also make people act their worst, saying cruel things to me because I show them the painful truth they don't want to see.

Blame it all on yourself

Most things are not my fault. Other people are to blame, and that is why I hate them. But when something is partly my fault, I acknowledge it and don't deny it, because I don't like it when others deny it when they are to blame. Humans are hypocrites, and I refuse to be like them. People think I am a negative person, but it is their fault I turned out this way; it was their rejection and ridicule that made me hate them.

I am frequently kind, and I'm suddenly cruel

When I first meet people, I am always very polite and friendly, even with people I hate. But after a few months, even I cannot continue to put up with annoying people anymore than they can put up with me. The more I get to know people, the more I see their true colors, the more I hate them, and the more I let my true feelings for them show.

I can do as I please, I'm nobody's fool

Some may think that since I am against conforming, I must be a rebel. But that is not true. I don't do things to rebel; I do what I want. Sometimes what I want happens to coincide with what people want me to do, sometimes it doesn't. My actions are always what I want to do, not what others want me to do. I will never let anyone control me.

But I can't be convicted, I've earned my degree

I may have done some bad things in life, but what I've done is nothing compared to what others have done and continue to do. I know I have made mistakes, but I have endured more than enough suffering as well. Most people around me have had easy lives. Living a life of conformity usually is easy. I chose to follow my own path. It was a painful route, but I learned a lot and became so much better than everyone else. In the end, perhaps I will achieve true happiness. If nothing else, I will die with pride that I have lived my entire life doing as I please. Even though I could always think of something to complain about, I could also always think of something to be grateful for. I have earned and worked for everything in my life. The longer it takes for good things to come my way, the more I will appreciate it.

And the most I will do is throw shadows at you

Most people do not know me. They either do not get the chance or do not want the chance. When people see me, they judge me. When people become my friend, they hurt me. Friends are more trouble than they're worth, so I don't try to associate with people. I only talk when necessary. Better to go unnoticed.

But I'm always a woman

Underneath it all, I am a woman. But that is mostly biologically speaking, since I've never acted feminine. As a child, I hated girls because they were all prissy. I liked rocks, cars, bugs, frogs, and getting dirty. I hated wearing dresses or acting proper. I experimented with shaving and make-up when I was little, but that got old fast. Conforming to gender roles is still conforming, and I would be a hypocrite if I acted like a woman just because I am a woman. As I grew older, I discovered that I enjoyed weight lifting and playing video games. Some may immediately assume I'm conforming to the tomboy role, but that isn't true either because I also like jewelry and shoujo, I'm introverted, and I hate sports. I wear girl's clothes, but I also sometimes wear boy's clothes if I like the way they look. I don't dress according to style; I dress according to what I like, which is usually colorful. I burp, I fart, I'm lazy, I'm a slob. I'm not ashamed of who I am; I'm proud.