Title: Play It From the Heart

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: This is an original story. It depicts a romantic relationship betwen two high school girls. Nothing sexual, pure soppy romance. Think Diane Salvatore and Nancy Garden. But not as good. Any similarities between Krista and Taryn and any other characters/rl people is purely coincidental.

She shifted her backpack higher onto her shoulder and stood in the middle of the walkway taking in the concrete building that loomed in front of her. It was pristine, but not unwelcoming. With its sprawling green lawn that seemed to go on for miles, the high school looked as if it belonged on a brochure for some Ivy League school. She felt herself being jostled as a pack of students moved by her, prompting her to resume her progress towards the building. She studiously looked at the ground as she made her way towards the stairs, looking up only to avoid bumping into anyone. At the large double doors she paused once more, sighed heavily, braced herself, and let the flow of students around her carry her inside.

She glanced around the hall, quickly noting the numbers on the doors around her. She was grateful for the map she had received with her course schedule in her registration materials. She liked to be prepared, and it had given her an opportunity to familiarize herself with the school’s layout. After a moments' hesitation she began to make her way down the hall towards room 110. Through the sandy blonde hair that hung over her eyes she could see a few people glancing curiously at her. She hated that. It made her self-conscious, and as she grasped the strap of her bag a little tighter she fought the self-awareness that came when you felt people were watching you, that made your step falter because you were suddenly consciously thinking about walking.

Room 110. She quickly surveyed the room before she resumed her floor meditation; she was thankful for being a little early. There were plenty of empty seats to choose from, and she headed towards the back of the room and slid into a chair. As she set her bag on the floor next to her the bell sounded, signaling time for Homeroom. She closed her eyes and braced herself, cursing her parents not for the first time that morning. She wasn’t particularly gifted at acclimating, and hadn’t needed to be for a long time.

The seats around her quickly filled up with talking, joking teenagers, and as the final bell sounded she finally looked up to take in the bodies around her. These were the people she would be spending the next three years with.

“Alright people, settle down,� Mrs. Rhodes, according to the placard on her desk, said as she closed the classroom door. She returned to her desk and picked up a small black notebook. “Let’s see who decided to show up this morning. Gerald Arnold?�

“Here.�

She slouched a little lower in her seat as Mrs. Rhodes continued reading off names, glancing at each of the students in turn as they responded.

“Krista Evans?�

She glanced up quickly, uttering a ‘Here’ just loud enough to be heard by the teacher. A few heads turned to look at her, and she shifted uncomfortably.

“Ah, you’re one of our new students. I’m Mrs. Rhodes. Welcome.�

“Thank you,� she answered, managing a weak smile. By now the whole class had turned to look at her, some with disinterest, some with curiosity. A few offered smiles of their own, which she gratefully returned. Mrs. Rhodes continued down her list, and Krista quickly found an incredibly interesting ink smudge on her desk to rub at. As Mrs. Rhodes finished her attendance there was a squelch from the loudspeaker above the door, followed by a cheery voice exclaiming “Good Morning Townshend High!�

The voice went through a series of announcements, reminding people of various auditions and try-outs and the importance of being on time to class. Krista removed a pen and notebook from her bag as she listened carefully for information about Jazz Band auditions. When her parents had announced the move, she was grateful that the new school would at least have a jazz band. Probably nowhere near as good as that of her old school, but something was better than nothing. She hadn’t been looking forward to playing her bass alone in her room all year.

She jotted down the date and time when it was announced and listened inattentively to the rest of the announcements. She thought back to her old jazz band, remembering the friendships she’d formed within the group, the small celebrity status she’d enjoyed after a concert. It had been hard getting to that place. Now she was the New Girl and had to start the whole difficult process all over again. She knew that the new job made her mom happier than she’d been in a long time, and that it would overall be good for the whole family. They could definitely use the increased income. Nor was she naïve enough to think that she would never make any friends at Townshend. That was part of the reason for deciding to try out for the jazz band here. She was simply realistic enough to know how hard it would be for her to do so.

The announcements ended, and immediately afterwards the bell sounded. With a flurry of grabbed bags and hastily made plans for lunch later, the classroom quickly emptied. Krista joined the throng, pausing outside of the classroom door to orient herself and then heading in the direction of her first class, World History. She grimaced inwardly as she thought about having to go through the New Girl routine in every class that day. Welcome to Townshend she thought, and steadied herself to plow through the rest of the day.

Krista headed towards the sound of instruments tuning, her bass slung over one shoulder in a nylon travel case. Her heart pounded a little faster than normal, her body warm with nervousness and anticipation. Besides Friday, universal gateway to freedom, this was the most anticipated day of her first week of school. Jazz band could be the beginning of whatever social life she would eventually eek out for herself at Townshend. It had only been two days, but she had already tired of eating lunch alone. She just hoped she got in. She knew she was good – she had been playing for three years- but situations like this always gave her the jitters. She slowed her pace as she neared the door, took a few deep, calming breaths, and walked inside.



A quick glance around the room told her that there were about 20 other students present. She spotted the teacher, Mr. Brannigan, standing on the other side of the room speaking with a tenor saxophonist, and started to make her way over to him when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Whirling around she found herself face to face with a grinning blonde-haired boy.



“Good band,� he said, gesturing to her “Carnivale� t-shirt.



She nervously glanced down at her shirt as if she’d forgotten she was wearing it, and offered a tentative smile back. “Thanks.�



“Trying out for the jazz band, huh? Cool. What do you play, guitar?� he asked, gesturing at her gig bag.



“Um, bass actually.� She stuck the hand that wasn’t curled around the strap into her pocket, nodding her head.



He nodded his head in return. “Oh, right on. I play drums. “



“Cool,� she said, and looked around the room. “Lot of people trying out today.�



“Oh no, most of these guys are already in. There're only about five of you trying out.�



“Good,� she said, offering a nervous laugh. “Um, do you know where I would set up?�



“Oh yeah. There’s an amp over here.� He gestured to the end of the room where a drum kit was set up, and headed over. Krista followed as he wound his way through open instrument cases, exchanging greetings with people he knew. They reached a large amp- Krista noted with awe that it was a Hartke 2200- and he began to feel around the back of the crate.



“There’s a patch cord back here somewhere…here it is,� he said, holding up the long black cord. “By the way, I’m Jay.�



“Krista,� she answered, taking the cord from him. She carefully set her bag down, removed her bass, and hooked it up to the amp. As she was getting situated a sheaf of paper was passed to her: music for the session. She quickly perused the small stack, relieved that it pretty much consisted of jazz standards.



“Alright, ladies and gentlemen. If you’ll all take a seat we’ll tune really quickly,� Mr. Brannigan announced from the front of the room. He turned to the piano behind him and struck a C. Krista quickly switched the amp on, and hit the corresponding note on her bass, adjusting the volume so as not to overpower the other instruments. C’s in varying degrees of tonality invaded the room, migrating to D’s as he hit the next note, and continuing through a basic C Major scale. At the conclusion of the scale Mr. Brannigan faced the room again, and called out, “D minor!� With a sporadic start the room started on a slow D minor scale. Mr. Brannigan walked the room slowly, listening carefully to each instrumentalist and jotting things down in his notebook. As one scale ended he would announce another. Krista smiled, sensing that this would be no slacker jazz band. This man obviously expected his musicians to know the music inside and out.

“Ok, one last time. 1 and-a-2-and-a...� Mr. Brannigan counted off and the room surged into a lazy, slow-paced ‘Mood Indigo’. Save for one louder-than-usual trumpet player, the group as a whole sounded pretty good. Krista felt a familiar excitement building in her as her head bobbed in time to the music, fingers plucking the notes confidently. It was like this with music. It almost didn’t matter what kind it was when she played. Something about playing live, playing with a band, really struck a chord within her. It had been a long summer, playing alone in her room.



She glanced to her left and found Jay smiling at her as he kept the beat, and this time she smiled back fully. What do you know, she thought, I might have made a friend. Jazz band pays off yet again. She returned her concentration to the song, riding the waves of the crescendos and decrescendos to the end. Mr. Brannigan cut the last note with a sharp flick of his wrist, and smiled. Glancing at his watch he said, “It’s 4:30. Go home, or wherever it is that you go when you leave here. Announcements will be made Friday morning. Goodbye.� With that he began to gather his things into his briefcase.



Krista turned uncertain eyes on Jay, who was putting his drumsticks into his case. “Is that it?� she asked, confused.



“Yep. He likes to draw the process out, but everyone here seemed to have their shit together, so I doubt anyone doesn’t make it. You were really good, by the way.�



She grinned widely, and began to unplug and pack up her bass. She gave the bag a small shake to make sure everything was secure, and turned to go. She was surprised to see Jay waiting for her by the door.



“So,� he began as he fell into step with her, “listen. I’ve got this band, Q; we do kinda alternative indie-ish rock. Nothing too loud and obnoxious, just…well, think Drag Stand mixed with Achilles. And we need a bassist. Our old bassist graduated last year, and we haven’t found anyone good yet. You interested?�



“Uh, you want me to be in your band?� Krista asked incredulously. “I mean, I’ve never played in a band before, a non-school band that is.� As soon as she’d said it she wanted to kick herself. That was no way to sell yourself.



Jay shrugged. “It’s not much different. We practice twice a week; we get a few gigs here and there, nothing major. We’re trying to shop our demo, trying to get famous…�he shrugged again and smiled cheekily,� but y’know mainly we just like to play. My older sister is the lead singer, I do drums obviously, this kid named Sergio is our guitarist.�



They reached the double doors and Jay waved to a group of boys that appeared to be waiting for him. “Here,� he said, reaching into his backpack and withdrawing a notebook and a pen. He wrote something down and ripped the page out, handing it to her. “This is my address and phone number. We practice Thursday nights around five and Saturday afternoons at four. You should come by this Thursday, check it out. Bring your bass and see if it clicks with you. I mean, you’re really good from what I heard, and we could use you.�



She hesitated for a moment before replying. “Um, I don’t think I could come Thursday, but I’d like to try Saturday.�



“Cool. That works. See you later.� With that he turned and walked towards the waiting boys. Krista turned to head home, rolling her eyes when she heard Jay’s friends teasing him about “love letters� and “his new girlfriend.� Boys were so grade school sometimes. She looked at the piece of paper as she walked towards her bike, and noted with surprise that Jay lived a block over from her. She wondered which house it was. She smiled in excitement at the prospect of playing with an actual band as she climbed onto her bike and headed home.

The excitement of jazz band auditions over, the last two days seemed to pass painfully slowly. She’d never been a big fan of school, preferring to learn what she was really interested in on her own. She paid just enough attention in her classes to get by with a B average. It made her parents happy enough, and would be good enough to get her into a good school if she decided to go to college. And of course, her social life hadn’t experienced a sudden, miraculous change. She’d exchanged words with only a few people, her natural shyness preventing her from going any further. She needed others to make the first move. She had no doubt that that would eventually happen, and hoped that Jay’s band might be another means for her to make friends, but for the time being she felt awkward and alone.



Her name was among those that were called during the Friday morning announcements as having been accepted into the jazz band. She sighed with relief and suffered through the embarrassment of Mrs. Rhodes making a big deal out of it. It was the only attention she received for the rest of the morning, and lunchtime Friday found her sitting comfortably against a tree, eating her lunch alone and taking in the activity around her, as she’d done every day that week.



She ate her sandwich mechanically, holding it with one hand while the other rested on an open notebook, a pen gripped in her hand. Every now and then the hand holding the pen would feverishly come to life, scribbling words or phrases onto the page, and then she would lapse back into silence, looking off with an expression that was vacant, but taking in everything around her. She was thinking about her week at Townshend, and her new city of Alexander in general, jotting down things to possibly include in a song later. She wrote a lot when she was depressed or confused or lonely. She had at least five notebooks filled with songs and poems, and fragments of songs and poems.



Her eyes continued to automatically roam the area around her, subconsciously taking in the array of students laughing and talking in groups. She recognized several configurations of cliques already. From her vantage point she was able to observe the groupings of students every day. It made for interesting viewing, seeing the way they interacted. Her eyes stopped their roaming as they reached a gathering she’d been particularly interested in, for within that group was probably the most beautiful girl in the school. Krista had seen her in the halls several times as well, and the other girl always seemed to have a small crowd with her, but she didn’t strike Krista as the typical popular type. She’d never seen her making someone else’s life hell, she didn’t hang out with anyone from the football team that Krista had seen. She seemed, from far away, to simply be this beautiful, Goddess-like girl with an incredible smile…Krista gave herself a mental shake. She’d been doing this all week; she’d spot the brunette and find herself barely concealing her stares. She’d wondered what the girl’s claim to fame was, what made her so popular besides being beautiful. Although she had to admit that often looks were enough; not that she’d know anything about that. Krista allowed her eyes to roam the other girl’s features; from the stylishly cut black hair that brushed her shoulders, to the toned stomach peeking out below her short top, to the sneakers she wore. One week, she thought. One week to develop a crush on someone I’ve never even talked to. That must be a record.



She wrote that last thought down in her notebook, thinking it might be a good idea for a song. Her gaze returned to the other girl, watching as she casually laughed and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Krista wondered what her name was, and what year she was. She hadn’t seen her in any of her classes, which made any opportunities to talk to her pretty much impossible. Not that she would actually talk to her if she had the chance. Nope, she was more the ‘admire from afar’ type. Her last try at opening up to someone about her feelings had been embarrassing, and it was only the fact that Diana had been her friend for so long that had saved her from complete humiliation. She had been really sweet and kind about it, but she’d learned her lesson. Still, if this girl was going to be the unknowing object of her affections (and some fantasies, she admitted ruefully), it would be nice to have a name…



She shook her head. There was no sense in pining. She was already as lucky as she’d ever hoped to be at Townshend; she was in the jazz band and she had been invited to try out for a rock band. To hope that the beautiful popular girl in school would pay any attention to her…well, that was sheer greed. She packed up what was left of her lunch and stood to head back inside, surreptitiously casting one last look at the girl.

The excitement of jazz band auditions over, the last two days seemed to pass painfully slowly. She’d never been a big fan of school, preferring to learn what she was really interested in on her own. She paid just enough attention in her classes to get by with a B average. It made her parents happy enough, and would be good enough to get her into a good school if she decided to go to college. And of course, her social life hadn’t experienced a sudden, miraculous change. She’d exchanged words with only a few people, her natural shyness preventing her from going any further. She needed others to make the first move. She had no doubt that that would eventually happen, and hoped that Jay’s band might be another means for her to make friends, but for the time being she felt awkward and alone.



Her name was among those that were called during the Friday morning announcements as having been accepted into the jazz band. She sighed with relief and suffered through the embarrassment of Mrs. Rhodes making a big deal out of it. It was the only attention she received for the rest of the morning, and lunchtime Friday found her sitting comfortably against a tree, eating her lunch alone and taking in the activity around her, as she’d done every day that week.



She ate her sandwich mechanically, holding it with one hand while the other rested on an open notebook, a pen gripped in her hand. Every now and then the hand holding the pen would feverishly come to life, scribbling words or phrases onto the page, and then she would lapse back into silence, looking off with an expression that was vacant, but taking in everything around her. She was thinking about her week at Townshend, and her new city of Alexander in general, jotting down things to possibly include in a song later. She wrote a lot when she was depressed or confused or lonely. She had at least five notebooks filled with songs and poems, and fragments of songs and poems.



Her eyes continued to automatically roam the area around her, subconsciously taking in the array of students laughing and talking in groups. She recognized several configurations of cliques already. From her vantage point she was able to observe the groupings of students every day. It made for interesting viewing, seeing the way they interacted. Her eyes stopped their roaming as they reached a gathering she’d been particularly interested in, for within that group was probably the most beautiful girl in the school. Krista had seen her in the halls several times as well, and the other girl always seemed to have a small crowd with her, but she didn’t strike Krista as the typical popular type. She’d never seen her making someone else’s life hell, she didn’t hang out with anyone from the football team that Krista had seen. She seemed, from far away, to simply be this beautiful, Goddess-like girl with an incredible smile…Krista gave herself a mental shake. She’d been doing this all week; she’d spot the brunette and find herself barely concealing her stares. She’d wondered what the girl’s claim to fame was, what made her so popular besides being beautiful. Although she had to admit that often looks were enough; not that she’d know anything about that. Krista allowed her eyes to roam the other girl’s features; from the stylishly cut black hair that brushed her shoulders, to the toned stomach peeking out below her short top, to the sneakers she wore. One week, she thought. One week to develop a crush on someone I’ve never even talked to. That must be a record.



She wrote that last thought down in her notebook, thinking it might be a good idea for a song. Her gaze returned to the other girl, watching as she casually laughed and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Krista wondered what her name was, and what year she was. She hadn’t seen her in any of her classes, which made any opportunities to talk to her pretty much impossible. Not that she would actually talk to her if she had the chance. Nope, she was more the ‘admire from afar’ type. Her last try at opening up to someone about her feelings had been embarrassing, and it was only the fact that Diana had been her friend for so long that had saved her from complete humiliation. She had been really sweet and kind about it, but she’d learned her lesson. Still, if this girl was going to be the unknowing object of her affections (and some fantasies, she admitted ruefully), it would be nice to have a name…



She shook her head. There was no sense in pining. She was already as lucky as she’d ever hoped to be at Townshend; she was in the jazz band and she had been invited to try out for a rock band. To hope that the beautiful popular girl in school would pay any attention to her…well, that was sheer greed. She packed up what was left of her lunch and stood to head back inside, surreptitiously casting one last look at the girl.

The only light in the room came from the candles arranged around the room atop the unpacked cardboard boxes. A thin wisp of smoke rose from the incense holder on her desk, which was piled high with the types of things other people threw away. Krista lay across her bed, her notebook open in front of her, the top of her pen tapping her lower lip as she thought. She was working on lyrics to a song she’d started earlier that week, a song inspired by the beautiful girl at school. She was going over the words, trying to tone them down so that they didn’t sound like amateur poetry night. She’d been taking tips from a book on songwriting her dad had gotten her recently, and it had proven to be helpful. Krista mainly wrote love songs. Not that she’d ever been in love before, but she’d read a lot of romance books, books that fueled her imagination of what it would finally be like. Unfortunately, lack of actual experience tended to give her songs a fanciful feel; lots of beautiful imagery without any real emotion behind it. She was smart enough and talented enough to recognize that. Sighing, she laid her head on her notebook. Not that she could change that if she tried.



A knock on the door caused her to lift her head. “Come in.�



The door crept open and her father’s head peaked around the edge. “Hey, Button. You’ve got a phone call. And mom just got home, and dinner’s ready, so try and make it quick, ‘kay?�



“ ‘Kay,� she answered as she got up from the bed to take the phone her dad offered her, casting him a questioning look. She waited for the door to close before plopping back onto her bed and putting the phone to her ear. “Hello?�



“How’s Wonderland?� a familiar voice asked.



“Diana!� Krista shrieked, sitting up in a rush. “Oh man, I thought you were going to call later!�



“I can call back,� her friend said with a chuckle.



“Oh yeah, please do. I haven’t been waiting to talk to you all week or anything.� There was a pause as they both laughed, the pleasure at being in touch with each other evident in their voices. They had known each other since they were eight, and had been inseparable ever since. The loss of physical proximity to her best friend had made the move to Alexander all the more distressing for Krista, and she and Diana had promised each other that they would email every day, and talk on the phone at least once a week. Krista was thankful to this day that her admission of a year ago didn’t wreck this friendship. “So, God, what’s going on? How are you?�



“Alright. We all miss you. Mrs. Truman was talking about you in rehearsal.� Krista smiled at the mention of her old band teacher. Truman had been the sweetest teacher in the school, and although their band never won any prizes, they were a tight-knit group and had always been proud of themselves. “So, Kris, what’s going on at the new school? How was the first day? Did you make some friends? What are the kids like? Do you hate them all?�



“Actually, you’ll never believe it. I got into the jazz band this afternoon, and the drummer is this guy who has a band, and he invited me to come over and play with them.� She waited for Diana’s reaction. Diana was well aware of Krista’s shyness and the difficulties she had meeting people.



“Wow,� Diana breathed. “I’m impressed. Almost speechless. What, did you move and suddenly grow balls?�



Krista rolled her eyes. “No. Pure luck, y’know. But I’m nervous. I’ve never played with a band band before. I’m not sure what’s gonna happen.�



“Kris, it’s music. You play the same notes, just maybe a different tempo. You’re gonna rock. And roll.�



Krista smiled to herself at Diana’s words of encouragement. Diana had always been her supporter, pushing her to do things she’d otherwise not have the guts to do. She was the catalyst behind Krista joining the jazz band back home. It felt good that even now, hundreds of miles away, Diana was still being her cheerleader.



“Anyway,� Diana continued, “moving on to the next big topic. Romance? Any hot young lesbians waiting for you?�



“Dude,� Krista hissed, looking around as if she expected to see her parents pop out of the closet. Despite the lack of dating and interest in boys in general, which Krista thought would have set off warning bells for her parents by now, they were still clueless about her sexuality. Hell, Krista’d only come to terms with it herself within the last year. She was in no means ready to come out to her parents, or anyone else. She felt content to live in her romance-novel fueled mind and wait out the three years till she was able to live on her own before she even thought of broaching the topic with her parents. It wasn’t that they weren’t liberal. Like any parents, they had expectations of her, and she was well aware that being gay wasn’t one of them. Some self-preserving instinct within her had tipped her off that liberalness sometimes started in other peoples’ yards, and landed home last. “No, no romance or anything. Are you kidding? I’ve resigned myself to being alone at least until I’m 21.�



“That’s a long time from now. I told you, you oughta answer a personal ad or something. ‘Big Momma Bear Seeks hot young thing to be her Goldilocks.’� They burst into a fit of laughter at the old joke between them. After her confessions of gayness and love, her good friend Diana had offered to take out a personal ad for her. “Besides, you’ve officially crossed the line from girl to woman. Time to get on that horse.�



Krista sighed. She’d never admit it out loud, but she had hoped, deep inside, that the recent event of her 16th birthday (for which her parents had been kind of enough to postpone the move so that she could spend it with her friends) would prove a landmark for her romantically. Two weeks into it, nothing had changed, and there was nothing about her circumstances at Townshend that gave her hope that it ever would.



“Yeah, yeah. You’ve never even seen a horse,� she retorted, and quickly changed the subject. They talked a little longer, Diana updating her of the goings-on within the little group she’d left behind. Krista listened carefully, memorizing and visualizing every detail, trying hard to ignore the pang of loneliness and missing she felt as she pictured each of her friends. They ended the call with promises of a repeat phone date the following week. Krista sat on the bed for a minute, composing herself and carefully placing her past on a shelf to be examined later, when she could be alone in her room all night. When she was ready she headed down to dinner.



The smell of food made her stomach rumble as she stepped into the dining room. Her father was setting the plates and napkins at the table, and a steaming bowl of pasta in sauce sat in the middle.



“Smells great, dad,� Krista complimented.



“Thank you. Help me get the rest of the silverware. Your mom’s changing. She just got home.� They headed into the kitchen together, gathering glasses, forks, and knives. They returned to the dining room to find Janice Evans wearily slumping into one of the chairs, emitting a big sigh. Father and daughter followed suit, setting the remaining dinnerware in their proper places and taking their seats on either side of the tired woman. Krista leaned over and gave her mom a small peck on the cheek. Her father reached over and took his wife’s hand, giving it a light squeeze.



“Ooohhh, am I glad this week is over,� she exclaimed. Mr. Evans reached for the bottle of red wine and her glass.



“No progress?� he asked as he poured her a glass.



“Progress, sure,� she replied, accepting the plate of pasta Krista set in front of her. “Just not enough. Mmm, this smells wonderful honey,� she added to Mr. Evans. “Anyway, I shouldn’t complain. I knew what I would be getting into. I knew it would be hard. Just…� she smiled ruefully,� it’s hard.�



Janice Evans had moved her family to Alexander, Arizona, to take the VP of Operations position at the local hospital. The interviewing process had been long and drawn out; the family had spent most of the summer unsure of what to prepare for. When the job offer finally came, the subsequent move was hurried. Bill Evans had recently been let go from the company where he’d worked for 30 years, and had nothing to gain by staying. The family had packed up their entire lives and made major adjustments in a short period of time. They had only arrived a week ago, and still had yet to completely unpack their belongings. Their new home showed the haphazardness of the move, and Krista’s parents were concerned about the affect the major transition would have on their daughter. She had had to be taken out of school, and away from the only friends she’d known for most of her life. In the end, though, moving was really the better option. Krista had assured her parents that she would be ok, and they’d made their decision.



Krista scooped some salad onto her plate. “Did you settle things with those HR jerks?� Krista asked. Janice had experienced unforeseen delays in processing her paperwork, and the hospital’s Human Resources department had been less than helpful



Janice nodded her head, chewing vigorously. “Mmhmm. I finally went straight to the Director, and he settled things very quickly.� She turned to her husband. “Have you heard anything else about that store?�



“I’ve got a meeting with them on Tuesday,� Bill announced, smiling proudly. “The price seems right, and if the inside is anywhere near as great as out, I think I’ll make an offer.�



“When do we get to see it?� Krista asked. Her father had started looking for rental property to try his hand in the retail business and pursue an independent computer business.



“Don’t get excited yet, honey. It’s not a sure thing. But, if you happen to travel downtown this weekend, it’s on Fifth and Maynard, on a street that’s got a lot of little businesses, around the corner from the main business district.�



Janice sipped her wine and eyed her daughter. “What about you, Button? How was your first week of school? We haven’t heard much. How’re the other kids?�



“Yeah, when do I get to start scaring teenage boys?� her father added, rubbing his hands together and emitting an evil chuckle.



Krista looked down at her plate, suddenly very interested in the configuration of her salad greens. I don’t know dad, hopefully you’ll have to scare some teenage lesbians away first was what she thought. What actually came out was a hollow laugh with a small, “Daaad.�



Janice watched as her previously animated daughter shut down. It had been this way for almost a year. One day she was the same old Krista, open and good-natured, and suddenly she had turned into this secretive, distrusting person that didn’t talk to her parents. She and Bill had worried about drugs, but intensive investigation had proven that not to be the case. She suspected that it stemmed from hormones; Krista was probably depressed because she didn’t get a lot of attention from boys. The strange thing was that prior to last October, Krista had gone on a dating spree. She’d actually dressed herself up nicely and went on quite a few dates. It had stopped just as suddenly as it had begun, leaving her parents confused and worried. Janice just hoped that whatever it was would pass or come to a head. She missed being close to her daughter.



“All kidding aside,� she prodded now, “how was your first week?�



“It was fine,� Krista replied. “I got into the jazz band.�



Bill reached over to pat her arm. “I knew you would. Never had a doubt,� He said proudly. Bill was particularly invested in Krista’s musical involvement, having been a talented saxophonist in his youth. He only picked it up to play around now, and would periodically practice with Krista, but had long ago given up his aspirations to be a professional jazz musician.



“And how about your teachers? Do you like them? Have you made any friends?� her mother questioned.



“The teachers are fine. And I’m getting to know people, I guess.� There was a pause, and her parents looked at each other, wondering if they should give up the questioning. “Actually,� Krista volunteered, “the drummer for the jazz band invited me to sit in with his band tomorrow night. He thinks I might be good enough to join them.�



“Oh, he has own jazz band?� her dad asked excitedly.



“Actually, no. It’s a rock band, I guess.�



His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “A rock band? Finally! Congratulations!�



“Well, thanks.� Krista looked at her dad fondly. She’d shared her frustrations with him about trying to get into bands in Staughton. It was just like him to be more excited than she was. Krista had a suspicion that he was living out his musical dreams through her, but she didn’t mind so much. At times she thought it was cute.



“What’s his name and where does he live?� her father inquired.



“Jay, and he lives on Roslindale, the street right behind ours. I think he might actually live in the house behind ours.�



“Is he cute?� her mother asked.



Krista sighed and replied, “No,� and turned her attention back to her food, refusing to participate any further in that particular conversation. She just didn’t know how to answer questions like that. Jay was cute in a completely objective way, but if she’d said that they’d have started in with the wriggling eyebrows.



She didn’t see her parents look at each other, mystified by her reaction to an innocent question. It always got this way when they attempted to talk to her about her private life. Quite frankly, the person she was becoming baffled them.



Suddenly her mother cleared her throat and turned to her father. “I met the nicest woman at work today, and I wanted to invite her and her husband to dinner one night. Which means,� she glanced at Krista, “Sunday is designated Family Cleaning Day. We need to get the rest of these boxes cleared and start making this place look like a home.� With that the tension eased, and the meal was finished with easy gossip about her mother’s new co-workers. Finally out of the spotlight, Krista settled back and relaxed with her family.

‘Mexico Starting at $199!’



‘Join Us for Karaoke Every Wednesday Night’



‘Voted Best Sushi in Alexander 3 Years Running’



‘Manicures and Facials’



‘Hot Corned Beef’



Krista surveyed the signs as she walked down Peer Street, the main shopping district in downtown Alexander. Door after door, window after window, small businesses competed to lure passers-bys with their signs; from hand-made signs with scrawled writing declaring that they sell phone cards, to glitzy lit signs offering Budweiser. The buildings stood shoulder to shoulder as if hunched together in protection against the towering skyscrapers a block away that announced the presence of the Financial District. That was where the city went to work, and Peer Street, with its shops and restaurants and bars and more bars stretching in diminishing quality all the way to the train station, was where they went to play.



‘Used CDs Bought and Sold’



She stopped and peered through the music store’s windows. The late Saturday morning had yet to see as many strollers and consumers as it would in a matter of hours, but the store already had its fair share of patrons. Mainly school kids from the looks of it, none of whom Krista recognized. The thump of bass was audible through the glass storefront. She perused the various flyers attached to the glass. Community events, concerts…a gay bookstore. She stopped and re-read it, her eyes widening in excitement. The address indicated that it was on the same block. All thoughts of going inside the music store were replaced with a desire to visit the bookstore, and she turned and went in search.



She almost missed the little store with the rainbow flag tucked in between a hardware store and the Alexander Legal Aid Society. She was halfway past the doorway when she registered a familiar book cover in the small window. She stopped short and looked again. Best Lesbian Erotica 2004 was proudly propped up next to a host of other titles that were obviously gay in nature, some that she recognized and others that were new to her. This was it. She glanced around to see if she saw anyone she recognized from school, and ducked inside.



Her smile grew until she thought she could barely see around it, and she looked down to compose herself, lest anyone should think she was a loony. She raised her head, a more sedate grin on her face, and let her eyes scan the aisles of books and racks of clothing and stands of postcards, buttons, and bumper stickers in excitement. Here was a gay bookstore within biking distance from her home! Back in Staughton it was at least a 30-minute trip by car into the city. She remembered those trips with her parents, when she’d make a bid to check out the huge main library in hopes of finding a book or two by a known lesbian publisher to slip into her backpack. She’d felt bad about stealing, but had known there was no way she’d be able to check them out without her parents noticing. Once she’d been on the verge of picking one such book off the shelf when her mother had suddenly appeared beside her, asking her if she’d found anything interesting. She’d wound up checking out an incredibly boring book about a boy and his life on a farm. Here she was, suddenly presented with the possibility of having what looked like hundreds of books right in front of her, almost whenever she wanted. Who knew a little place like Alexander would even have such a store?



She read the placards hanging above the aisles, and headed towards the one marked “Lesbian.� Her route was intercepted by a middle-aged woman with a short, graying afro and square glasses.



“Hi,� the woman said, smiling warmly, “can I help you find anything?�



“Um, no thanks,� Krista answered shyly. “I’m just looking for now.�



“Okay. If you need any help, I’ll be around,� the woman offered.



“Thanks.� Krista ducked her head and continued towards the desired section. She was aware that people who worked in a gay bookstore must be ok with her being gay, but it still made her nervous. She stepped into the aisle and found herself overwhelmed. The bookcases were six shelves high, and spanned about eight feet. They were broken into sections covering fiction, health, relationships, politics, gender studies…she didn’t know there were this many books about lesbians. She moved to stand in front of the fiction section, and randomly picked a book off of the shelf. She turned it over to read the back cover. A lonely psychiatrist takes on a mysterious patient who appears to have a dark past. Perhaps she can unlock the patient’s memories, and the patient can unlock her heart. Deciding that it looked interesting enough, she began to flip through it, stopping from time to time to test out a paragraph or two. In this manner she perused the first 3 shelves of books, skipping over the few titles she’d already read, until her arms became too full to hold any more. She contemplated her load. She had $30 in her wallet, and each book was about $11. She carefully lowered herself to the floor and set the books in front of her, and began the methodical process of deciding what two books to get.



Fifteen minutes later she was out the door, two books stowed safely inside her backpack, a story already forming in her mind should her parents notice that she’d spent most of her money and wonder where it’d gone. She glanced at her watch as she headed towards the rack where her bike was chained. She hadn’t done much more sightseeing, but she was anxious to get home and read. She only hoped her parents wouldn’t be in a family-mind and would leave her in peace.

Five hours later she lay on her back in the middle of her bed, daydreaming. She’d finished both books, reading them as quickly as a starving person eats their first meal. She’d sighed deeply at the romantic parts, groaned out loud at the stupid actions the characters took on the path to resolution, squirmed slightly as her body reacted to some of the steamier parts, and now she was basking in the afterglow of vicariously living lives and loves she wished she had. She was 16 and her hormones were doing a fandango on her mind and body. It was definitely time, she thought, to experience these things first hand.



Krista rolled over slowly onto her stomach and reached a hand to the floor. She grasped her notebook, humming a tune that was forming in her head. She slid her pen from the metal rings of the notebook, opened the book to a blank page, and started to jot down the lyrics that were bubbling in her head. She grimaced at some clichéd lines that had found their way into her thoughts, but forced herself to keep writing. Editing would come later. She continued to hum as she wrote.



Once she had exhausted her thoughts, she set the notebook down and walked to the corner of the room where her bass was propped, standing alongside a small cart atop which lay a brand new digital 8-track, a microphone, and a pair of headphones- birthday presents from her parents. She slipped the headset on, turned the power button on, and adjusted a few knobs. She positioned the strap of the instrument over her shoulder, gave a few experimental strums to test the tuning, and began to play. She started slowly at first, grimacing in frustration as she sought to find the right notes until the melody that had been looping in her mind found form in the rich notes of her instrument. She played the lines over and over again, winding her way through a verse and a chorus and back again until it sounded exactly the way she’d heard it in her head. Her head bobbed in time to the implied rhythm, and she hummed the melody as she played.



Satisfied with her efforts, she pushed the record button and played through her new song, smiling to herself. It took a few tries to get it perfect, but once it was done she pressed the stop button with satisfaction. Removing her bass she glanced at the clock and found that she had been playing for quite some time. She was due at Jay’s house soon. She shook her head to try and clear the sudden nervousness that had her heart beating faster and her stomach feeling as if she had a swarm of butterflies trying to get out.



“It’ll be fine, Krista. This is what you’ve wanted for a long time now. And if it blows you come home, eat dinner, and tell your parents that you want to go to boarding school.� She gave a short laugh and proceeded to pack her gear for the short trip around the corner.

She stood on the porch, waiting for someone to answer the doorbell. She had recognized the house immediately even though she had only seen it from behind. The house was located right behind hers, or from this vantage, her house was located behind Jay’s. It makes sense, she thought to herself, putting everything together. A few nights ago, while changing the CD she was listening to, she’d heard a female voice singing along with a radio. She’d followed the sound to her open bedroom window and realized that it was coming from the house behind hers, specifically from a window directly opposite hers. The yards weren’t particularly far apart given the design of the neighborhood; the two houses themselves were only as far apart as the medium-sized swimming pool her neighbors had, and the lack of dense tree growth enabled a body to see rather well into the opposite home, and both singer and music were pretty loud. She’d liked what she’d heard, and the voice of the singer had captured her attention immediately. A beautiful alto voice, incredibly sexy. She’d fantasized about that voice and the kind of girl it would belong to, hoping she might come across her in the neighborhood one day and have an excuse to talk to her. It made perfect sense that the voice would wind up belonging to Jay’s sister.



Cheryl Hoffa set down the romantic thriller she was engrossed in (current New York Time’s bestseller she’d inform you, in case you thought such material was silly) to answer the doorbell. She parted the light curtains covering the glass section at the top of the front door to see her visitor before opening the door with a warm, generous smile.



“Hello. You must be Krista.�



The slender, sandy-haired girl in front of her returned her wide smile with a shier one. “Yes ma’am,� she replied.



“Come on in,� Cheryl invited, stepping inside for the younger woman to enter. Krista adjusted her shoulder bag in a nervous gesture and stepped into the brightly lit foyer, trying hard to quell the natural instinct to immediately look at everything in a new surrounding. Her mother had often warned her that it was impolite to have a “visual picnic�, as she called it, when first meeting someone. “Jay’s in the basement already with Sergio. Would you like anything to drink before you head down?�



“Oh, no thank you.�



“Alright, I’ll show you to the basement.� Cheryl walked silently down the carpeted hallway that connected the foyer to the rest of the house with Krista behind her, discreetly glancing around. As they proceeded through the house, her ears registered faint thumping sounds and what sounded like a guitar. The sound grew slightly louder as they walked through a door on the right into a gleaming kitchen. Everything looked brand new, right down to the appliances, a phenomenon Krista had never witnessed in a kitchen before. She followed Jay’s mother to the far right of the room, where a wooden door contrasted with the gleaming newness of the kitchen. Mrs. Hoffa opened the door, and the thumping and strumming that had been almost unnoticeable came to throbbing life. Krista jerked back a little, taken aback by the sudden increase of sound. Mrs. Hoffa noticed this and, leaning closer so as to be heard above the din, answered the unasked question. “We sound-proofed the basement. Seemed like a smart idea.� With a look at the doorway, she added, “Still does.� She leaned through the doorway slightly and yelled, “Jay! Krista’s here!� Turning back to Krista with a shrug and a smile that admitted the futility of the move, she gestured for the teen to enter. Krista smiled her thanks and scooted past her to descend the stairs. Cheryl stared briefly at the retreating figure. Both of her teens were very outgoing, and this shy girl seemed as if she could use a little of what they had, especially if she were really going to be in their band. She closed the door behind her and, her parental duty temporarily discharged, returned to the living room and her book.



Krista paused on the stairs, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to experience. She hoped the other members were as nice as Jay.



She descended the stairs, a simple light fixture on the wall illuminating her path. Below her she could see that the stairs gave way to a large, carpeted room. Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs she saw that the carpet continued from the floor to the walls, the light green color giving her the feeling of being in a forest. To the left sat a washer, dryer, and pool table. To her right, still unaware of her presence, Jay sat at his drum kit, and a short, auburn-haired boy stood a few feet away from him playing a guitar. They were arranged with their backs to the stairs, the far wall acting as their audience. She stood awkwardly, unsure of how to proceed. The guitar player (what was his name? Steve? Scott?) rescued her when he turned to say something to Jay and spotted her.



“Hey,� he said in acknowledgement.



Jay swiveled on his stool and stood up when he saw her. “Krista, hey,� he greeted as he strolled over to her.



“Hey,� she replied, giving her patented trademark shy smile.



“That’s Sergio, our guitarist,� he informed her, throwing a thumb in the direction of the waiting boy, who gave a short upward nod of his head in that cool teenage shorthand for ‘What’s up?’ Jay walked back towards the set-up and Krista followed suit, her eyes taking in the spread of instruments and equipment. He led her to a large bass amp. She recognized the brand as one she’d salivated over in a music store back home, and hoped that her awed reaction didn’t let on that she knew how much it cost. Certainly more than her parents would ever spend on her for an amp. As supportive as her dad was about her music, he’d still been a little tight in the wallet when it came to buying her equipment.



“You can plug in here.� He motioned towards the amp. “We were just messing around with a new song while we wait for my sister, who…� he glanced at his watch with a trace of annoyance, “should be here any minute now.�



At the mention of Jay’s sister Krista’s nervous energy, which had been reduced somewhat by the reality of finally being here, quickly hit the red again and she had to avert her eyes to hide her excitement. Her rational mind realized that such excitement over someone she’d never seen could be construed as crazy, but she tucked that part away till later, when she would sit in her bedroom and carefully review each second of this visit for opportunities to berate herself for her behavior. She’d constructed lavish ideas about people with little to go on before, and she was old enough to realize that this was perhaps par for the course for Krista Evans, delusional romantic.



Jay returned to his drum kit and gave it a few experimental pops while he waited for Krista to set up. Krista pulled the strap of her bass over her head and turned the amp on, unaware of Jay’s eyes on her nor of Sergio smirking at Jay. She plucked a string and winced at the loudness. She adjusted the volume; later there would be need for that, but for now it was a bit much. She glanced at Sergio, and in the silent communication that exists between musicians, he played a note, knowing that she wanted to tune to him. She tuned her E to his, and once that was going right she tuned the rest of her strings on her own. She played a few riffs to guarantee that everything was as it should be and, once satisfied, turned to the others. Sergio and Jay looked at each other.



“Whadda you want to do?� Sergio queried.



“Well,� Jay started, glancing again at his watch. His next words were halted by the sound of the basement door opening, and a series of heavy thumps as someone came bounding down the stairs. Krista looked towards the stairway expectantly, and watched as a pair of scuffed black boots came into view, attached to slender denim-clad legs, attached to shapely hips and thighs, which were closely acquainted with a green army-camouflage shirt that was even more closely acquainted with snug-fitting jeans that hung low on her waist….finally, mercifully, Krista dropped her gaze, realizing that she was staring in a manner that could never be interpreted as merely curious, should anyone notice. A furtive glance around assured her that no one had noticed, and she returned her gaze to the safety of her bass and pretended to be engrossed in the strings.



“ ‘Bout time, slowpoke,� she heard Jay say in a mildly berating tone.



“Sorry dad,� the disembodied voice of the girl said, noticeably closer. Krista raised her head, realizing that her refusal to look at the new addition to the room would be just as conspicuous as gawking at her. Her eyes quickly panned up from the floor and the previously traveled territory of feet and legs and such, skipping parts best left alone, and finally landed on the face of Jay’s sister, where they rested in what they hoped was a nonchalant manner while the rest of Krista’s senses re-fired as she recognized the girl. Jay’s sister was none other than the popular girl she shared a lunch period with. Suddenly, instead of being many feet away, separated by a crowd of people, she was approaching her and holding her hand out.



“Hey,� Taryn greeted and shook her hand. She walked in a manner familiar only to those who have reached the level of ease with their bodies that comes from always being told how “hot� they are, and believing it. Taryn Hoffa had been praised on her looks by many people, and she knew how true it was. It hadn’t made her vain; she was simply confident in a way that the Kristas of the world usually never experienced.



“I’m Taryn, and you must be Krista,� she continued, and firmly grasped the other girl’s hand as she responded to the unusual gesture. Krista felt her face grow hot as Taryn’s eyes swept over her, clearly taking her measure in that one glance. She fought to keep herself from yanking her hand out of her grasp. “Nice to meet you. Jay’s been talking about you all week.� She smirked at Jay who looked at her with murderous eyes. With that she turned around and headed for the unoccupied mic stand near Sergio, and took her place facing the carpeted wall that served as their audience. “Let’s start with ‘Heaven Knows.’ I need to warm up.�



Jay rolled his eyes in response to her take-charge attitude, tossing a ‘don’t mind her’ grin Krista’s way. “You can just listen, get a feel for it,� Jay advised her before he began a count-off, tapping his sticks together. On four he swung into a heavy, bass-drum driven groove that reminded her of a “strip song� in its steady, pulsating feel. After a measure of this Sergio began to wind his guitar part into the spaced beats, his one-notes resonating with the ample reverb he applied. Krista watched as his back curved, thrusting his pelvis and the body of his guitar forward as he rocked back and forth to the sensuous beat. Jay’s head had instinctively began to loll back on his neck as he responded to the sexy rhythm. Krista’s eyes moved to take in the back of what might be her lead singer. Taryn had begun to sway, both hands cupping the microphone cradled in its stand, her hips moving side to side in short, sharp motions. This, Krista thought, is what cool is, and she wasn’t at all sure she could hang.



Suddenly Taryn began to sing, and Krista felt as if every hair on her body were standing on end. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t heard this voice before. The night she’d overheard her Krista had sat in her window seat, just listening to the intoxicating sounds that came from the house behind hers, imagining what form a voice like that would take. It was entirely different, however, to be experiencing the power of that voice from the same room. It was intensely erotic, that voice, and every line that she had ever read in her cheesy romance novels came crashing through her mind.



It seemed like hours had gone by since she’d began to helplessly stare at Taryn, and with no small degree of difficulty Krista pulled herself out of the dream-state she had fallen into. She glanced at Jay, registering a faint sense of loss as her eyes were robbed of the singing vision, and found his eyes on her. She wondered how long he had been looking at her looking at Taryn, and smiled nervously at him. He seemed unaware of her preoccupation with his sister, and offered her an encouraging smile and nodded pointedly at her bass. She understood that he was prompting her to join in, and she fixed her attention to the actual song that was developing around her rather than on the girl. She attuned her senses to the rolling beat of the drum, the haunting echoes of Sergio’s guitar, and the stirring tones of Taryn’s voice; her ears, well-trained from years of practice, picked up the key, and her mind worked out what was missing in the song, what her bass could supply, and she tentatively began to pick out a few notes, feeling out the line she wanted to add. Another look at Jay, seeing the grin appear on his face as he caught where she was going, and she played louder, adding the deep sounds of her instruments to the swell of sound around her, and she was in.



She ventured a glance at Taryn. It was where her eyes wanted to be anyway; it was a physical struggle to keep from gaping at her back. Her eyes had just settled on the figure at the front of the room when her crush turned around, and suddenly they were making eye contact. Taryn smiled widely, nodding her head with obvious approval as she moved in time with the music. Pure instinct made Krista quickly look away, and when she’d gathered her courage to return her gaze, Taryn had already turned back to the microphone.



Basking in your light

Covered in your kiss

Only heaven knows

Feeling like this

Falling into you

Held by your love

Only heaven knows

What it’s like to be us



Krista wanted to close her eyes and simply feel the music, but she needed to keep her eyes on Jay to be ready for changes. She didn’t want anything to mess up the music-induced trance, because a trance was exactly what it felt like. This is what she had always wanted, what she’d envisioned when she’d listened to her CDs and imagined herself playing with a band. There was a hypnotic quality to it all; the music, the connection she felt with these people who were essentially strangers to her, simply because they were all contributing to something that was so beautiful.



Jay was trying to get Krista’s attention, which had wandered again. He caught her eye; the bobbing motion of his head became exaggerated and he was mouthing the count. He was trying to indicate a change coming. She watched him carefully, but was unable to decipher whether it was tempo or key or something else, so she began to count with him, paying rapt attention so that when he suddenly stopped playing she was able to silence her bass just as quickly. There was no sound except Taryn’s voice and sparse accompaniment from Sergio.



I couldn’t imagine

This

And all of this time I’ve

Missed

You set my world on

Fire

Opened my eyes to

Desire



Krista watched in rapt attention as the singer geared up, her voice climbing the notes, practically clinging to each one, affecting a smooth slide up the scale as the bridge reached its crescendo. Without thought, her body attuned to the song in a way that only true music lovers get, she instinctively came back in at the peak, louder than ever, adding to the ferocity the song had suddenly taken on. She was playing it from the heart, which felt like it would swell under the pressure. She reluctantly tore her eyes from the captivating figure of Taryn singing from her soul to watch Jay again, aware that the song was reaching its end and preparing to take her cue from him once again. Krista’s bass line moved with him as he slowed the tempo, and everything began to get quieter; the song was fading out, till there was nothing but a whisper of sound left. When the very last audible note faded away, there was a moment of complete silence, when no one moved.



Suddenly Taryn turned around, beaming, and exclaimed in a low voice, “That felt amazing.�



“Yeah,� Jay agreed, his own wide smile so large it seemed to take up his entire face. “Krista, you hung in there like a pro, man. I’m really impressed.�



“Yeah,� Sergio added.



The music gone, Krista bowed her head in customary shyness and mumbled her thanks, wishing the attention was suddenly receiving would go away. She liked it much better when everyone was concentrating on the music.



“Let’s not lose it,� Taryn’s voice broke into her thoughts as she addressed the group. “Keep going. ‘Pieces’?� This last she addressed to Jay, referring to another of their songs.



“Yeah. Let’s start there and work our way down the list till dinner. Same as before, Krista, join in when you’re comfortable.�



They played for an hour and a half more. Krista found herself joining in on each song a little sooner, unconsciously gaining confidence in what she was contributing. They stopped and started a few songs that were still under construction, and Krista found herself being invited to weigh in on the discussions that sometimes followed. No one had said the words explicitly, but she had a feeling she was a member of this band, that they wanted her and what she had to offer. She was glad that she was constantly holding her instrument, as she felt a desire to clench her hands, jump up and down and yell out loud in excitement.



Krista lost all track of time and was surprised when Jay glanced at his watch and signaled that it was time to wrap things up. She quietly packed her gear, listening to the others talk excitedly, planning gigs and ways to advertise themselves. It was all overwhelming for her. She wasn’t sure what, if anything, all of this talk meant for her until Jay suddenly looked at her and said, “So, do you wanna be in?�



“Y-yeah. Yeah, if you want me,� she responded, caught off guard.



“Yeah he wants you,� Sergio replied, his smirk mimicking Taryn’s earlier one. Krista was a little confused, but decided to let it slide. She was in! She was in her first band, a band that seemed to be constituted of cool people. She didn’t know how she would fit in, but it was definitely a much better start to her school year than she had anticipated.



She finished packing her bass up and was preparing to leave when Jay stopped her at the bottom of the stairs.



“Hey, um, we’re all going to the drive-in later. You wanna come?�



Krista stared at him for a moment, taken aback by the offer. “You guys have a drive-in?� she asked when she was able to open her mouth.



He chuckled. “Yeah, bona fide drive-in. It’s fun. We mainly go just to hang out. Usually something really cheesy is playing anyway.�



Krista looked suspiciously at him. She wasn’t the kind of girl who easily believed that someone was interested in her (unless they had some obvious deformity or something), but she was smart enough to put two and two together and get date. Between Taryn and Sergio’s comments and the secret meaning of drive-in, she was suddenly not feeling all together comfortable. Taryn, who had been watching the exchange from across the room, understood her hesitation and offered, “He doesn’t mean hang-out in the ‘making-out’ sense. We really do just go to eat bad food and watch an equally bad movie.�



It was obvious from the sheepish look he gave her that Jay had had no idea of the implications of his previous words, and he shook his head as he apologized. “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant…what she said.�



“Come on,� Taryn added, walking over to them. “It’ll be like your initiation. Hanging out with the band.� She waited for Krista’s answer.



“Ok,� Krista agreed, not meeting Taryn’s eyes.



“Cool,� Jay said, smiling. “Um, you wanna swing by around 7:45?�



Krista nodded. She bid everyone good-bye, and escaped up the stairs. She was sad that practice was over, that the music was done, but she was also grateful for some time in her room alone to think about everything that had happened. Her fingers itched for her pen, and a new burst of excitement propelled her home.

Krista didn’t get to immediately sequester herself in her bedroom. She first had to run the gauntlet of parental questioning, starting with “What were the parents like?� followed by her mom’s probing questions about the layout and decoration of the house (to which she responded, “You told me it was impolite to look, so I didn’t. All I saw was the basement�) and her dad’s questions regarding the music itself. When she broached the subject of going out with the group later that evening, there was a moment when Krista thought her parents were going to say no. As soon as the words drive-in left her lips, she was aware of a reaction not unlike her own only a few minutes earlier. After some serious silent communication of a sort that parents tend to perfect, it was agreed that she could go, provided she take her father’s cell phone. Later, when alone, Janice Evans would explain to her husband, whose reticence she’d sensed and over-ruled, that it was good that Krista was trying to make friends and have a social life considering how reserved she normally was, and that they would make time to get to know the parents of her daughter’s new friends soon to quell any unease.



With a promise of being down soon for dinner (when there would be more questioning, she was sure), Krista finally escaped to the sanctuary of her room. Once she’d shut the door firmly behind her, she turned on her stereo, pressed play on her CD player, and assumed the spread-eagle on-her-back eyes-closed position that was most conducive to thinking and dreaming. There she allowed the image of Taryn Hoffa to run around in her mind in all of her rock-star beauty. She sighed deeply; this was gonna be a big one. She was by far the most beautiful girl Krista had ever seen, and she carried herself in a way that was so very…sexy. Her eyes popped open of their own accord as that word slid around in her head, and she allowed herself to test it on her lips.



“Sexy,� she whispered. It sent shivers down her spine. She’d never described anyone as sexy before, not even Diana, her first and, until this moment her most intense, crush. Her infatuation with Diana had been so emotional. She’d felt connected to her through the commonalities they’d shared. Truth be told, and Krista was a firm believer in being honest with oneself, her crush had probably been more incidental than truly based on attraction. She and Diana had grown up together; she’d loved her for what seemed like forever. She’d started to suspect that she liked girls, and had gradually grown to accept it. It had seemed like a normal progression to find herself enamored with the girl she was closest to in the world. But she’d never even daydreamed about kissing Diana, let alone anything more. In fact, none of her crushes had ever had a physical manifestation of this magnitude; no tingles or chills had ever crept up on her simply from uttering a word, or imagining a face. However, if she closed her eyes now (which she did) and imagined herself in a steamy romance-novel induced embrace with the girl almost next door (which she also did) well…there it was. Krista sat upright on her bed, exhaling loudly and producing a visible shiver at the thought. These were newer, scary emotions that she’d never experienced before. Cheap thrills from her books be damned! This was real, and the catalyst was a flesh-and-blood girl, someone she was going to be spending ample time with. A girl that she could barely keep her eyes off of during their first rehearsal. A girl whose beauty and sexiness, always apparent in the halls at school, transformed themselves into a powerful weapon when performing.



She shook her head, muttering, “Hold it together, Kris.� No matter how hard she tried to shake it off she was, she admitted, enjoying the new sensations. They made her feel awake in a way she hadn’t been before. She was almost ready to declare herself in love, but the rationalist in her knew that to be an exaggeration of the worst kind.



“Here’s what’s gonna happen,� she stated out loud to the empty room. “I’m gonna start thinking about her all the time, looking for her in the halls at school…okay, been sort’ve doing that already. But now I’m in a band with her. Holy shit, I’m in a band!� With that she threw her arms over her head, propelling her body back onto the bed in a perfect flop that landed her right back into her favorite thinking/dreaming position, overwhelmed by all the changes that had taken place in just a week. It was going to be an interesting school year. With that last thought she braced herself for dinner and the barrage of questions she was sure awaited her.

Dinner in the Hoffa household was nothing like the organized affair that Krista Evans sat down to almost every night. Organization was the exception to the rule at Hoffa Manor. Cheryl Hoffa would tell you that even if she didn’t feed her children home-cooked well-balanced meals five nights out of seven, they were still undeniably healthy, smart, attractive, and well-balanced themselves, so she must be doing something right. What was right that evening was Chinese, served in the cozy atmosphere of the family room. Taryn reclined in an armchair, one leg thrown over one of the arms. Jay sat on the floor with his head propped against the bottom of the couch where his mom was seated.



Cheryl was in the final stages of quizzing her offspring about the new addition to their “family�, because all of their close friends became like one of her own after a fashion. It wasn’t unusual for her to come home after a long day at the law office of Brigham, Hoffa, and Smythe to find a number of teenagers sprawled on the floor of the family room, lazing in and around the swimming pool, or rummaging through the fridge in search of snacks. She was known as the ‘cool mom’ in their circle of friends mainly because of her no-nonsense, straight-from-the-hip way of dealing with people, including her own children. She remembered all too well what it was like to be a teenager, and was more honest with herself than most parents about what her own teens were experiencing in this day and age. She was, however, also sharp, and she now turned her keen eyes on her son.



“Not that you’re not charming and handsome and all, Jay, but aren’t you a little concerned about the dynamic it would create in the band if she doesn’t like you in return? Or what if she does, and you guys break up at some point? That’s a little Fleetwood Mac of you, don’t you think?�



Taryn looked at her brother, curious to hear his answer since she had been wondering roughly the same thing ever since he’d made his intentions towards Krista known to her. Part of her felt his chances were good; even some of her friends had commented on more than one occasion that if he wasn’t her brother they’d be all over him. Another part hoped that Krista would prove impervious to his charms. It’s potentially bad for the band, she thought.



“No problem,� he responded. “The band comes first. I mean, you should’ve heard it! She’s just what we need.�



Taryn nodded her head vigorously. “She was great. She played the songs like she’d written them herself.� Jay hadn’t exaggerated when he’d told her that the girl was talented. Taryn had had her doubts; the way Jay had talked about her, his interest was obviously more than purely musical-- seeing her she’d immediately understood why-- but Taryn’s fears were alleviated from the first song. It hadn’t been her standard warm-up number; in fact, it was very personal piece for her. It was her baby, born of a rare night when she was feeling introspective. She didn’t know why she’d picked something so personal to induct the new girl into the band, but she hadn’t regretted it for a second. She smiled at the remembrance of the bass line swirling around the notes she was singing. Everything about the music had felt different; better.



“She seems really quiet,� Cheryl pointed out.



“She is,� Jay said.



“But…I bet she’s got a lot going on underneath it. Quiet people usually do.� Taryn glanced at Jay who was looking at her in bemusement. “Right?�



“Right. Which proves that absolutely nothing goes on in your head.�



Cheryl waited for the ensuing insultfest to peter out before attracting Taryn’s attention and asking, “Is TJ going with you tonight?�



“Probably,� she answered, a note of disappointment in her voice. She wasn’t surprised by her reticence in seeing her sort’ve boyfriend. They’d been ‘dating,’ if you could call it that, on and off for three months, a record for her. She tired of boys very easily; TJ had only lasted this long because he actually interested her on a more cerebral level than others she’d dated. They were able to have whole conversations that didn’t degenerate into groping sessions. Truth be told, Taryn had never had much physical interest in the boys she’d dated, a fact that had worried her and caused her to broach the topic with her mother. Cheryl had assured her daughter that when the right person came along, the feelings would too. She didn’t know if she really believed her.

As Krista had predicted, dinner at the Evans household consisted of salmon with garlic kale, and more questions about her evening. She had to hand it to her parents; they’d really paid attention to the ‘talk to your kids’ commercials that aired on TV. If she were at a different stage in her life, and if her sexuality didn’t complicate matters, it would probably even be pleasant. As neither of those things were true, however, she could only consider it annoying, and she spent the whole of dinner volleying their questions with barely disguised impatience.



“So, how was practice?�



“Fine.�



“You know, I didn’t hear any music coming from --what’s his name? Jay?-- Jay’s house.�



“Their basement is sound-proofed. You can barely even hear it inside their house.�



“That’s very smart of his parents.� Pause. “How many people did you say were in this group?�



“Including me,� small pause as she grinned inside at the statement, “four.�



“How old are they? Do they all go to school with you?�



“Are they all boys?�



“I didn’t ask to see birth certificates, so I don’t know how old they are. I know at least two of them from school, and no, Jay’s sister’s in the band.�



“Oh. A musical family. That’s nice.�



“What’s the name of the movie you’re going to see?�



“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.�



“You agreed to go to the movies and you don’t even know what’s playing?�



“Nnnooo, I just thought it would be cool to hang out and maybe make some friends.�



“If you’re going to be spending a lot of time with them, we’ll need to meet them and their parents soon.�



“Dinner would probably be a good idea, don’t you think, honey?



Krista found herself at the end of her rope. With a glance at her watch she asked to be excused to go and get ready for the drive-in. She carried her plate to the kitchen, and hurried upstairs. Her parents watched her hasty retreat in silence. When she had disappeared from view, Janice turned to her husband and sighed in defeat.



“Were you this secretive and non-communicative when you were a teenager?� she asked.



“Probably,� he answered. “And I’d be willing to bet that you were too.�



“Really? I don’t remember it being this bad. I think I need to send a guilt-gift to my mother.� She stood and began to clear plates from the table. Bill followed suit, and they walked into the kitchen together.



“It seems bad now, honey, but it’ll get better. She’s going through a lot. The move, hormones…� Laughing, he set his handful of dishes in the sink before moving behind his wife and putting his hands on her shoulders, massaging gently.



She leaned back into the massage, chuckling with her husband. “Oh God, she’s growing up!�



“Yes she is. She’s in a band, for Christ’s sakes!� he exclaimed excitedly, emphasizing his last words with a light squeeze.



“Yes, she’s in a band,� Janice teased.



Bill grinned and kissed her cheek. “Remember how long it took her to get going in elementary school?�



“Yes, I remember. She’s making progress.�



“Keep thinking that. ‘This too shall pass.’ Before you know it she’ll be married with kids of her own.�



Janice turned and gave her husband a playful swat on the arm. “Watch it, buster,� she admonished. “I may be over the teenage angst thing, but I’m not ready for the pitter-patter of tiny feet yet either.� With the air somewhat cleared, the two adults returned to the chore of cleaning up the remnants of dinner, and discussed their plans for the rest of the evening and the day to come.

Krista arrived at the Hoffa house at exactly 7:45. By 8:00 she was sitting in the back seat of a 2001 Honda Civic with Taryn at the wheel and Jay in the front seat. Jay and Taryn were involved in a fierce battle over CD selection for the short drive, a two-sided argument until they stopped at Sergio’s house and allowed him and his opinion into the car. There was no music actually played during the 15-minute drive to the movies, and Krista found herself simply watching the exchange, her head turning to her left as Sergio extolled the virtues of his mix CDs, and swiveling back and forth between Taryn and Jay as they argued over whose collection was better. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling and laughing at some of the outrageous comments made.



“Krista,� Taryn called, looking at her through the rearview mirror. “What’s in your CD player right now?�



Krista eyes widened and her mouth opened in an impressive mimicry of a fish. “Um…�she started, her mind having been lulled into dormancy by viewing rather than participating. She looked out at the street as she thought. For some reason the question seemed important. “I guess it’s…Pete Yorn.� She looked to the front seat again to gauge Taryn’s reaction. Their eyes met in the rearview mirror, Taryn’s brow raised in a mixture of mild surprise and appreciation.



“Huh,� she grunted. “Good one.� Taryn broke her gaze and rejoined the conversation, which had somehow become a discussion of Gwen Stefani’s vocal attributes (or lack thereof, to hear Sergio tell it).



In the back seat Krista had fallen silent again, her moment of participation over. She was relieved for that. She wanted a second, just a second, to relish in the pleasure she felt at making eye contact with Taryn. As much as it tormented her, there was also pleasure to be had basking in the sensations of attraction. She was going to enjoy this ride for as long as it lasted, until it was time to cast someone else as romantic lead in her fictional world.



Krista felt the car slow; looking at her window she became aware of much more traffic around them than just a few minutes ago. Common sense told her they were near the drive-in. There were cars that had never even seen an emissions test, but there were also plenty of newer, nicer cars, not unlike the Civic she was riding in. It occurred to her that her family had moved up a little in the economic food chain. Maybe she’d get a new car soon. She laughed at herself. She knew her parents better than that.



Bright lights shown ahead as the entrance to the drive-in got closer. Two lanes of cars loaded with teenagers crawled through the entryway, which displayed a slightly battered sign informing movie-goers that they were entering the “Shadow Glen Drive-In.� Seasoned employees shone flashlights through the windows, checking for stowaways.



Having passed inspection Taryn swung the car through rows of early arrivals, looking for a good spot. Already the lot was filled with more people than cars. Some had unfolded lawn chairs to recline in, passing opaque plastic containers that definitely carried more than soda; foot traffic was heavy as patrons moved from car to car, greeting friends and making new ones. The faint smell of pot wafted in the air from somewhere in the field behind the concrete lot, where people could be seen coming and going. Following Jay’s suggestion Taryn chose a spot to the right of the giant screen, close enough to see but farther away from the noise and confusion of Happy Hour.



Jay, Sergio, and Taryn each pulled out their wallets and began counting out money. Krista watched in confusion as they gathered together a small pile of ones and handed them to Jay. “What’s going on?� she asked.



“Snack run,� Sergio replied. She started to reach into her pocket to retrieve her wallet when Jay stopped her.



“I’ve got it,� he said, and then he and Sergio slipped out of the car and headed off to the snack bar, a small structure that stood off to the right.



The two girls sat in silence for a moment, each in their own way very conscious of the presence of the other. Taryn fidgeted with the radio for a moment, finding the frequency on which the sound for the movie was to be broadcast. That distraction out of the way, they sat for a bit more before Taryn abruptly opened the car door, stepped out, turned briefly to Krista to say, “Let’s sit on the hood�, and shut the door firmly. Krista sat speechless and watched through the windshield as Taryn climbed onto the hood and settled in with her back pressed against the glass. “Okay,� she murmured to no one in particular, and got out of the car.



Taryn heard the door open and shut, and sensed Krista moving towards her. She watched the screen ahead and briefly considered turning the volume up inside the car so that they could hear the ads. She decided against it; now would be as good a time as any to get to know what made her new bandmate tick. She knew that the key to getting someone to open up was to find out what was behind the quiet. She felt rather than saw Krista move up onto the hood beside her. Taryn observed her looking around at all the young people milling about. There were more people walking around in groups through the lot than there were in cars, and lawn chairs were set up all over the place. Someone had even brought a portable grill and was cooking something that smelled wonderful.



“Wow, this is pretty cool. I’ve never been to a drive-in before,� Krista commented.



“Really?�



“Yeah. It’s not a thing back home.� Krista’s eyes continued to scan the crowded lot. “There’re so many people here.�



“It’s definitely a ‘thing’ here.� Taryn paused to shout hellos to a group of people piling out of a car parked in the next row. “Where is ‘back home’?�



“Massachusetts,� Krista replied.



“Why did your family move?�



“My mom got a really great job at Phoenix General Hospital, so my parents decided that it would be best to come down here and do that. Things were getting pretty tight back at home.�



“Oh, that’s cool.� Taryn looked around the parking lot. “What’s your last name?�



“Uh, Evans?� Krista answered, her surprise at the non sequitur making it sound like a question.



Taryn laughed. “Are you sure?�



“Yes,� she said, grinning. “What’s yours?�



“Hoffa.�



Intrigued by the change in topic, Krista asked, “Why do you want to know? Are you doing a background check on me or something?�



“No. It’s just, people don’t get last names so much anymore. It’s not, ‘Hi, I’m Jim Beam.’ It’s ‘Hey, I’m Jim,’ and that’s it. I think last names are an important part of your identity.�



“Uh-huh,� Krista said doubtfully, suspecting that the girl was toying with her.



Taryn snorted in response and said no more. Krista watched as a couple walked by. The girl waved at Taryn, who returned the gesture. The couple continued on towards the field behind them, arms around each other. Krista watched them go, feeling a twinge of jealousy. Not that she wanted to be going out into a field to make out, but having it be an option would be nice. The thought brought her attention back to her companion, who was here on a Saturday night with her brother. She couldn’t imagine that someone like Taryn didn’t have a boyfriend.



“It’s cool that you and Jay hang out together like this. None of my friends back home hang out with their brothers or sisters.�



“Do you have any siblings?� Taryn queried.



“Nope. Just me.�



“Do you wish you did?�



Krista thought about it for a moment. “Maybe it would be nice to have someone to take the pressure off. Y’know, being the only child, all the attention’s on you. Which can be a little hard sometimes.�



Taryn nodded. “I know what you mean. I was an only child for a while, till Jay and Bill came along.� Krista looked at her in confusion at the unfamiliar name. “Bill was Jay’s dad. My mom and dad got divorced when I was pretty young, and then she met Bill. They fell in love, adopted each other’s kids….�



“Oh, sort’ve like the Brady Bunch, minus…four,� she finished lamely, embarrassed at the silly comment. Dork 1, Cool 0.



“We were. It was really nice. For a while.� In response to Krista’s questioning look she added, “Bill died three years ago.�



There was a long silence. Taryn stared at the screen pretending to be engrossed by the flashing advertisements, while inside she paid them no attention. She was revisiting her last words; she wasn’t quite sure why she’d divulged so much. It usually took a while before she shared the details of her family history, but with a single glance Krista’d invited it out of her, and she’d willingly given it over. She shifted a little, embarrassed. She hated the kind of people who gave you their life’s story as soon as they met you.



Krista’s eyes remained fixed ahead, and she said nothing. I bet I totally just freaked her out, Taryn thought. She was beginning to contemplate turning the volume up on the radio after all --anything to break the awkward silence-- when Krista said, “You guys are lucky to have each other.�



Taryn smiled gratefully, relieved that the other girl hadn’t offered her empty condolences as people were wont to do when they found out. She turned to her to say as much, and stopped. Krista was staring ahead, watching the screen. The last glow of dusk and the constantly flickering light from the screen combined to exhibit the planes and angles of Krista’s face in startling detail. The words she was about to speak dropped through a trapdoor on her tongue, and she could only stare blankly, though somewhere inside she vaguely registered that she was acting a little…weird.



Krista felt Taryn’s gaze and struggled to keep from fidgeting under her scrutiny. What’s she looking at, she wondered, staring hard at the screen. She was working up the courage to turn and meet that gaze when movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Suddenly, a tall, emaciated, good looking in a Matchbox-Twenty-kind-of-way boy with shaggy brown hair was standing in front of her. Jay and Sergio were standing slightly behind him, arms laden with snacks. Disappointment settled in her stomach like a leaden weight. For a second she had thought…she pushed the thought aside as she politely smiled at the boy, who was heading to Taryn’s side of the car.



“Hey,� the boy said to Taryn, who was quickly pushing herself up into a sitting position.



“Hey yourself, cutie.� Krista watched as she slid off of the hood of the car and into his arms, her feeling of disappointment growing. Like I said, a girl like her would have to have a boyfriend. Krista was further dismayed to see Jay climb up to take Taryn’s place by her side.



The new arrival turned to Krista and extended a hand. “I’m TJ,� he offered.



“Krista,� she replied, shaking the proffered hand.



“Krista’s the new member of Q,� Jay volunteered.



TJ laughed and shook his head. “Oh man. When are you gonna change that name, man?� he said, receiving a punch in the arm from Taryn as a result.



“We couldn’t think of anything else,� Sergio explained to Krista, “So we let Jay pick a letter. Our mistake.� He smirked and glanced behind himself towards the screen. “Movie’s about to start. I’m going to see if I can find Monica.� He laid his stack of snack bar goodies on the hood of the car, stored a few in his pocket, and headed off across the lot. TJ wordlessly took Taryn’s hand and nodded in a direction to his left. Taryn gave a small wave to Jay and Krista, said, “See you guys in a bit,� and they started off together, leaving Jay and Krista alone. Krista’s eyes followed their retreating forms. She heard Jay fumbling with the movie speaker, and soon the crackling sounds of the beginning of the movie came through. Krista felt a sense of mounting dread at the situation. This Monica person was presumably someone Sergio was dating (or trying to date), and she didn’t have to stretch her imagination far to figure out what Taryn and TJ were going to be doing. She saw them stop and climb into the bed of a pickup truck parked a bit farther ahead, and dismay ran through her as they disappeared behind the tailgate. She glanced at Jay, who shot her a smile as he reclined against the windshield, echoing the position his sister had taken not that long ago. Krista marveled at how something so small as a change of personnel could completely ruin a situation. She had no doubt, seeing the way everyone paired off, that she and Jay were supposed to be on a ‘date’ of sorts, and was more than a little annoyed that she’d come with the expectation of hanging out with everyone. This was exactly the kind of situation she’d been trying to avoid, and she had no idea how to get out of it without making anyone uncomfortable. She resolved to sit back and enjoy the movie, and should Jay make any inappropriate moves, well…she’d cross that bridge if it came.



In the pickup bed, Taryn lay with her head on TJ’s shoulder as they watched the movie. He had arranged blankets and pillows on the floor of the bed, and parked backwards so that they could lie comfortably and still be able to see. They hadn’t said much to each other since their hasty departure ---her hasty departure, she had to admit--- from the group. It was one of the things she liked most about him. Everything was very simple with him, and in actuality, she realized they were probably more like best friends who fooled around sometimes than boyfriend and girlfriend. She was grateful that she could lay there with him, so close, and not be expected to do anything; that the assumption that came with going to a the drive-in, which Krista had latched onto so quickly at rehearsal, didn’t apply here.



With that thought she was forced back to the scene back at the car. She was lucky that Krista apparently hadn’t noticed her staring. What would she have thought if she’d caught her…what had she been doing? Gaping? Admiring, she corrected herself firmly. Nothing wrong with admiring how someone else looks. I do it all the time with my friends. Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something she was missing. She forcibly dismissed the thought, and snuggled closer to TJ. TJ, who understood and respected her desire to keep the sexual aspect of their relationship to a minimum.

Krista was relieved to find that the movie, a romantic thriller, was actually interesting, and the 2 ½ hours it lasted went by quickly, despite the fact that she had to consciously struggle with herself to keep from glancing at the pickup truck every minute. Sergio had returned with the aforementioned Monica, carrying two lawn chairs with them, and parked in front of the car to watch the movie. Jay didn’t try anything too fancy; at one point, he scooted closer to her to whisper an observation about the movie in her ear, but he immediately went back to his prior position when he was done.



At the movie’s end Sergio disappeared with Monica to tell her “good-night�, and Jay and Krista piled into the car to await his return, as well as that of Taryn. They shared some easy conversation until Sergio returned, at which point they chatted about the movie. Sergio turned out to be an admirable source of movie information, being highly informed about the actors who took part in it.



In the midst of their conversation, Jay looked out the window and muttered, “Finally.� Krista followed his gaze and saw that Taryn and TJ had emerged from the bed of the truck, and were now standing in the nearly deserted parking lot talking.



“Should we ask her what she thought about the movie?� Sergio snickered.



“Shut up,� Jay replied, shooting his friend a look that killed any further comment from him.



“I’ve never seen TJ in school,� Krista ventured. “What grade’s he in?�



“Oh, he graduated like two years ago or something,� Jay answered.



Krista mulled this over as she watched TJ and Taryn embrace and share a quick kiss before Taryn finally started back to the car. It didn’t surprise her that Taryn would be into older guys. Krista laughed inside as she realized the irony. Neither of us is into teenage boys. So close.



Taryn opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. “So, what’d you think of the movie?� she asked the car’s inhabitants as she turned the key in the ignition. Krista and Sergio shared a moment as they looked at each other in surprise. She almost wondered if Taryn had somehow heard Sergio’s comment. Taryn slid the car forward and they started the drive home, quickly falling into a heated discussion about the plot (or lack of plot, as some opined), which evolved into another musical argument, this time about the soundtrack.



All of this Krista participated in, keeping up her side of the banter until the moment they dropped her off in front of her house, while inside she registered the beginning twinges of a sadness she wasn’t unfamiliar with. It was much easier to carry on a crush about someone you didn’t know and never talked to. It was easy to make up a completely fictitious background for them, and most importantly, it was easy to imagine the possibilities. It got harder to pretend when you actually knew the object of your affection, and knew that they were so obviously, completely out of bounds. Didn’t you get enough of this with Diana, she asked herself bitterly. She was to be in a band with this girl, and it would not do for her to be mooning over her like a lovesick teenager (here she had to laugh at herself, since that’s exactly what she was).



She bade everyone goodnight and thanked them for a wonderful time. Once inside she smiled at her parents and answered their inquiries about the evening as quickly as possible. She finally escaped to her bedroom where she locked the door and changed into her pajamas. She glanced out her window at the house behind hers, where Taryn was possibly getting ready for bed herself, oblivious to the feelings she’d sparked in her younger neighbor. She heaved a sigh, knowing that she was being dramatic even for her, and she pulled her curtains closed, attempting to laugh it off. This was just one more futile crush to add to her list. For some reason, this made her sadder than she expected. She climbed into bed, her new mantra singing her to sleep: No more crush, you don’t have a chance. No more crush, you don’t have a chance.

Krista was brought out of a deep sleep by a slow, step-by-step assault on her senses. The smell of waffles and bacon invaded her nose, causing her stomach to erupt in a noisy protest of hunger. A booming cry of “Krista, time to get going!� accelerated her ascent to wakefulness, which allowed her uncovered eyes to become sensitive to the sunbeams entering her room. She slowly opened her eyes to peer at the alarm clock next to her bed, groaning in regret at the time. Of course her family would want to get started at 9 am. That made perfect sense. Shoving her head into her pillow in one last, futile act of protest (she really wanted to see where the bus in her dream was going), she pushed herself up and out of bed.



Stretching her arms high above her head and yawning audibly, Krista shuffled out of her bedroom and down the stairs. The smell of food was getting stronger and going a long way towards curing her morning grumpiness. Janice Evans was a firm believer in feeding people thoroughly before putting them to work, which made chores like unpacking and cleaning a little more bearable, and in keeping with that philosophy Krista was greeted with quite a spread upon entering the dining room.



Breakfast was carried out without much fanfare. Krista breathed a silent thanks that the day was going to be busy, full of organizing and unpacking. Her mother was already vacillating over decorating decisions, and Krista could see her father’s struggle to remain even and easy-going through the ever-changing design schemes. Her mother was notorious for being indecisive, so that process alone would guarantee that she would not be the center of attention. She leaned back in her chair and ate her breakfast unhurriedly, happy to simply be a spectator in the show that was her parents.



“Are we concentrating on just getting things out of boxes, or are we going to be decorating as we go along?� her dad asked, his tone suggesting his exasperation with his wife.



Janice Evans narrowed her eyes at her husband. “I think it would expedite matters if we tried to make this house look more like a home in the process of unpacking. However,� she continued, cutting him off as he opened his mouth to protest, “in the interest of keeping the peace, I would propose that you and Krista unpack the basic things like books and dishes, and I will take care of decorating.�



Bill grunted, clearly skeptical of the plan, but willing to let it go for the time being. He snuck a sideways glance at his daughter, who met his eyes and stifled a giggle. The exchange was not lost on Janice, but she decided to take it in good fun. It was nice to see her daughter smile; it happened far too little these days.



After breakfast the morning progressed in a blur of cardboard and dust as the Evans family worked hard to imprint their identity on their new home. True to her word, Janice Evans permitted Krista and Bill to simply pull objects out of boxes, while she moved from room to room, muttering to herself as she mused over the placement of pictures and lamps. Objects that had rested contentedly for a week were moved to this place, then to that, as Janice tried to make corporeal the scene she was building in her head. Krista and Bill kept their involvement in the decorating to a minimum. They waited until they were sure that she was satisfied with the location of the bookcase before unpacking a box of books, and didn’t dare put away any utensils until she had properly designated which drawers were which.



They worked this way through the morning until Bill Evans finally plopped down on the plush gray couch (which was in the final of its three different positions) and called a timeout. Krista sat next to her father and wiped a film of sweat off of her brow. Her muscles ached, and she felt grimy. Janice Evans turned from her position near the window where she had been fussing with a hanging plant, and surmised the condition of her troops. She glanced at the wall clock (which really did look good mounted above the mantel instead of over the tv).



“Wash up and head out for lunch?� she asked. Two heads bobbed eagerly in response, and before she could give the final word her husband and child charged out of the room, and she was left with nothing but the sounds of two sets of footsteps headed towards their separate rooms. She smiled to herself and went to clean up for their lunch outing.

The family drove into town for lunch, and after some small debate they settled for a light and leisurely meal at a quaint Japanese restaurant called ‘So Sushi.’ Their stomachs full, they strolled through downtown, sightseeing. They were the picture of a perfect little family. Bill led them by the space he hoped to lease for his soon-to-be business, and his wife and daughter admired it appropriately, commenting on the fantastic location. They stopped in a few shops, Janice picking up a few more decorating items here and there (and setting off another round of eye-rolling and giggling from her companions). Only once was there a lull in the serene family moments. At one point their perambulations took them by the gay bookstore that Krista had visited the day before. Her parents walked by the doorway, engrossed in conversation and taking no notice of the small establishment. Krista felt a pang of sadness. She wished that they would at least notice the place, give some reaction. She was aware that it might not be a good one, but at that moment she felt that something would be better than nothing. A small part of her wanted her to gather her courage and say ‘Hey, I got a great book from here the other day,’ but instead she averted her eyes from the display window.



Her mood was somewhat restored when they stopped in front of a familiar music store. Her father mused over whether they would have a particular jazz recording he wanted and was finally persuaded to go in by Krista, who was dying to browse anyway. Once inside they immediately parted ways; her father headed to the jazz section, her mother to the DVDs. Krista started her perusal at the door and worked her way through the racks, trying to take in everything.



She bobbed her head in time with the music as she walked, stopping periodically to browse a section. Portishead, she thought as she recognized the song playing over the store speakers. And not a single. Good sign. She began to walk the aisles, noting the selections on the racks while taking in the store’s décor. The far wall was adorned with T-shirts for sale with the latest slogans and band logos. The wall opposite it was similarly decorated with poster versions of the shirts. As she passed the front counter she noticed the glass display cases. Stopping to browse their contents, she wasn’t surprised to find all manner of body jewelry, hair dye, and various patches for jackets and pants, as well as studded leather wrist bands and collars. She shook her head slightly. She’d spent a lot of time in a music store back in Staughton, so much so that she would often come in after school and just slip behind the counter as if she worked there, and spend hours with the 30-something musical genius that owned the store. Much of what she’d learned about music was from Buck. As a result, she’d found that unlike other teenagers, she appreciated music not for the scene around it, with its patches and piercings and Ultra Tint Hair Dye, but for the actual music. Stores such as the one in which she was now standing did a lot in Buck’s (and therefore her) opinion to kill real music culture.



She stopped at the used bin and lost herself in shuffling through the selections. Her fingers moved quickly; she knew she didn’t have a lot of time before her parents tired of the loud music and wanted to leave.



“Can I help you find something?� A voice in her ear caused her to jump, sending a handful of CDs clattering to the floor. She dropped to the floor and began to pick them up, apologizing profusely. A hand on her shoulder stopped her movement. She looked up and into Taryn’s smoky gray eyes.



“I got it,� she said laughingly as she bent down to help pick up CDs. “You’re so jumpy, maybe I should do a background check on you.�



The last of the CDs in her hands, Krista stood and attempted to place them back in the bin in correct order. “Don’t worry about it,� Taryn assured her. “They weren’t in order before you came.�



Her hands empty, Krista turned to face her surprise companion, fidgeting nervously. Here she was, one-on-one again. She wished she could think of something witty and interesting to say. Instead, all that came out was, “So, you work here?�



Taryn tapped the nametag she wore. “Looks like it.�



Krista colored in embarrassment. “Yeah. Duh.�



Taryn reached out and touched her shoulder again. “I’m just kidding. I’m a natural smart-ass, so don’t pay me any attention.�



Krista smiled weakly. There was a very real possibility of her passing out if Taryn continued to touch her.



“On a normal week you wouldn’t have run into me here. I don’t usually work on Sundays.�



Taryn looked at her expectantly. Krista realized that she should say something instead of standing there, nodding dumbly. Okay. Conversation 101. “I’m here with my parents. We’re taking a break from unpacking the house. It’s a great day to walk around and stuff.� Her hand itched to come up and smack herself on the forehead. Couldn’t she think of anything more interesting to say?



“Yeah. I can’t wait to get out of here. One more hour.� Taryn looked around, immediately picking out Krista’s parents, who were making their way over to them. “Looks like they’re done.�



Krista saw that they were indeed done and cursed their bad timing. So what if she hadn’t actually been saying much? She was getting around to it.



Her parents stopped in front of them and smiled politely at Taryn before turning to their daughter. “This music’s giving me a headache,� her father said, with a pointed look at Taryn.



She took her cue immediately. “Why don’t I go turn that down,� she said to them. With a quick glance and a “See ya’� to Krista, she moved towards the front of the store.



“You know her?� her mother questioned curiously.



“Yeah. She goes to my school and she’s the singer in the band,� Krista explained. And she thinks I’m a double dork because I’m lame and I have lame parents, she added to herself.



“Oh, you should have introduced us,� her mother said.



“Maybe I would have if dad hadn’t started in about the music,� Krista pointed out irritably, and started for the door. Her parents followed, confused by her response. Krista gave a final glance towards the counter. Taryn was giggling and talking closely with someone. It was TJ, the boy from the drive-in. She turned away, chiding herself for having impossible aspirations, and led her parents from the store.



The family continued to stroll for another ½ hour before piling into their car and returning home. Phase Two of the unpacking was to begin, and each family member retired to their personal quarters to shape up their intimate spaces as they saw fit.



Krista closed her door behind her and leaned her back against it. She took a moment to scan her room, allowing her eyes to envision what it was she wanted the space to look like in the end. There was a little more of her mother in her than she would like to admit. She decided to try her hand at sketching out an idea, even though she was no artist. In truth she knew she was procrastinating, but she was okay with that.



Pulling a tablet and pen out of her backpack, she settled herself in the middle of her floor and began to draw. Before long she was doing a combination of drawing and writing as she let her creative floodgates open completely. Over an hour had passed when she finally decided that she had done enough planning, and needed to start doing.



She decided to start on the walls, but first she needed to set the mood. Downstairs she was beholden to interact with her parents while working. Up here she was alone, and could conduct matters in a way befitting her personal tastes. She walked over to her stereo and opened the CD book that lay on top. She might not have yet unpacked her clothes, or put her books on their shelves, but she had done the important things. She’d set up her sound equipment and arranged her speakers to obtain the best sound possible. Quickly flipping through she located the CD she was looking for, a dancey mix that her friend Ross had made for her as a going-away present. She slipped the disc into the CD player, and when the thumping beat of the first song came on she adjusted the volume. Not enough to annoy her parents, but enough to fill her room the way she liked. Bopping her head in time to the beat, she did one slow circle around her room before she stopped at two boxes labeled ‘Wall Stuff’. She opened them and started to pull out all manner of tapestries and posters. She opened another box, ‘Stuff,’ and rummaged through till she emerged triumphant with a roll of scotch tape, a staple gun, and putty. Her supplies at the ready she began to dance around her room in earnest. Shuffle shuffle to the corner, hang and orientate, ka-pow goes the staple gun, bop bop a few feet, hang and orientate, skzzzz goes the scotch tape, and so on. A casual observer would have thought she were performing some bizarre ritual, which was pretty close to what Jay thought when he spied her through his sister’s window.



He stopped in the middle of her room, mouth agape. He had come in to retrieve the t-shirt that Taryn had ‘borrowed’ last week. He hadn’t gotten more than a few steps into her room before his eyes had wandered and locked onto the window opposite Taryn’s door, through which he had an unobstructed view of Krista shaking her head and bouncing up and down like a madwoman before stopping to hang a corner of a black and blue tapestry.



“What are you doing?� Taryn asked from her doorway. She had just arrived home from the record store and had a lot of homework to catch up on. She didn’t feel like fooling around with her younger brother, who was standing in front of her window with a curious expression on his face.



Jay turned around and shushed her as if Krista could hear them, and pointed out the window. Taryn moved closer to get a good look at what he was looking at, and what she saw caused her to unconsciously mimic her brother’s pose.



They stood that way for a long moment while Krista, oblivious to their eyes, danced her way around her room like a whirling dervish. Taryn watched as the girl she had thus far only known as restrained and shy let loose with a whirlwind of motion. Krista suddenly jumped onto her bed, bouncing up and down while singing into an invisible mic, and Taryn and Jay let loose with a torrent of laughter. Taryn regained her composure and grabbed her brother’s arm, dragging him away from the window.



“Fuck,� he exclaimed, holding his stomach and collapsing onto her bed. “That’s hilarious!�



“Oh my God!� Taryn fell down beside him, wiping tears from her eyes. They lay there for a few minutes more, regaining their composure only to burst into more peals of laughter as each relived the image in their mind. When she could finally breathe again Taryn commented, “I’m so glad she didn’t see us.�



“Yeah,� Jay agreed. After a moment’s pause he added, “Why didn’t you tell me that you could see right into her room? You wanna switch?�



“Don’t be a jerk, I had no idea,� she said, pushing him off of her bed. “Not like I would be staring at her window anyway, pervert.�



He rolled neatly into a standing position. “I think I’m gonna ask her out tomorrow.�



Taryn rolled her eyes. “Good for you. Now get out.�



“What do you think she’ll say?� he persisted.



“How the hell do I know? I don’t even know the girl really.�



“But you’ve seen her dance,� he said, and started laughing again. Taryn didn’t join in this time. She felt a little bad about catching her neighbor in what was obviously a private moment, and laughing at her behind her back. It wasn’t malicious, and she was sure that if they were really good friends they’d all be able to laugh about it together. Since that wasn’t the case, though, she was having an attack of conscience.



“What were you doing in my room anyway?� she asked.



“I want my shirt.� She walked over to her closet, passing her window and drawing the curtains as she went, and searched through the pile of dirty clothing on the floor until she pulled out a wrinkled gray ‘Army’ t-shirt. “Here,� she said, tossing the shirt to Jay. “Now scram, jerk. I need to do some work.�



“Yeah yeah,� he muttered before heading towards the door. He slipped through, casting one last longing look towards the now covered window, and asked, “You sure you don’t want to sell me some time in here? Say, around bedtime?�



“Out!� she yelled. He disappeared and closed the door firmly behind him. For a moment she stood in the middle of her bedroom, then turned to go to her comfy chair. En route to her chair she found herself back by the window, and seemingly of its own accord her hand reached out and drew the curtains slightly to one side. Krista was no longer indulging in the sporadic convulsions of her earlier dancing. She was sedately moving things around on her desk, the gentle back and forth sway of her body and continuous motion of her head the only things indicating that music was still playing. Taryn watched her for a moment before she roused herself from the dreamlike state she had fallen into. There was definitely more under that quiet exterior. That was the girl Taryn wanted to see more of, and she decided to double her efforts to get to that person. The thought made her pause for a moment before she pushed it aside and settled into her overstuffed study chair and opened her physics book.

Krista joined the swarm of student bodies in the hall and made her way towards her locker. She stifled a yawn; French class was definitely not the way to wake up, and she cursed whatever bad luck had scheduled it at 8 am. She walked with slow steps towards her next class, her body broadcasting her lethargy. She did not register that anyone was walking beside her until a voice said, “Wow, Krista. Comatose much?�



Her head jerked up and she saw Jay’s grinning face inches from hers. She stopped abruptly, her eyes wide with surprise. “Wow, Jay. Creepy much?� The words slipped out of her mouth before her censor could stop them, and she looked away and continued to walk towards her classroom. She hoped she hadn’t offended him; it wasn’t her way to be that forward with people she barely knew. Her worries were put to ease when he caught up to her, laughing.



“Sorry, man,� he apologized, though he was still grinning. He didn’t know she had such a quick tongue. “You were so out of it, I was walking with you for like two minutes before you noticed.�



“I’m tired.�



“You’d better wake up before we get to class. Mr. Snyder is notorious for giving quizzes during the first few weeks of school. He thinks it makes him look tough, so people won’t slack off in his class.�



Krista sighed. “I’m totally the kind of person to prove him wrong. Especially at oh-dark hundred in the morning.�



“Listen, I wanted to have a short meeting at my house tonight, just to discuss stuff like, what we all want to get done for the band, what sort’ve stuff we want to do performance-wise. It won’t be long. Meet after dinner, like eight or so. Do you think you can come?�



“Yeah, okay.�



“Okay.� They’d reached the door of the classroom just as the bell rang. Mr. Snyder was standing right beside the door, and slammed it shut as soon as the last note of the bell died away. Everyone hustled to their seats. He strode to the center of the room, picked a stack of papers off of his desk, and smiled at the class.



“I have a treat for you all,� he began. Jay and Krista looked at each other and laughed.

The warning bell rang and Krista shoved her unnecessary books into her locker, retaining the ones needed for her next two classes. She started up the stairs and upon reaching the top and turning the corner spotted Taryn at the other end of the hall walking towards her with her usual gaggle of friends. Krista resisted the urge to wait and say hello and slipped into her English class just as the final bell began to ring.



Her concentration drifted in and out as they discussed their first major reading assignment, The Importance of Being Earnest. She’d enjoyed the play very much; her copy was dog-eared and marked up with passages she wanted to be able to readily revisit. Her classmates had no such love for it, though. The vast majority of them seemed to have found it boring, and since she wasn’t about to stand up and contradict them (and create a reputation that could very well follow her through the rest of her time there), she chose to tune them out. She didn’t tune in again until Mrs. Taylor made an announcement towards the end of the class that she found interesting.



“I have a quick announcement before the bell,� she started. “Maybe you’ve seen the flyers posted around the school, but in case you haven’t, this year is the trial run for the first Townshend High student magazine. This is going to be a quarterly endeavor, and unlike the student newspaper, it will be dedicated entirely to creative work. Drawing, photography, poetry, prose, whatever people submit, so long as it’s printable. The first deadline for submissions is set for November 2nd, and for anyone who’s interested in joining the staff, the first meeting will be tomorrow afternoon at 3pm. So, if---� She was interrupted by the shrill ringing of the bell. She shrugged and waved her hand towards the door. With a scraping of chairs and the zipping of many backpacks, the classroom was soon cleared out, and Krista rode the wave of student bodies out into the hall to her Health class.

Bright sun greeted her as she stepped out of the double doors that lead to the outdoor lunch area. She shaded her eyes and looked towards her spot; it was isolated from the general student population, and she didn’t really expect anyone to else to sit there, but she always experienced a brief moment of panic anyway. She hurried up the hill and sunk onto the grass beneath the tree, settling herself until she was comfortable. She removed a brown paper bag from her backpack and unpacked her lunch with measured preciseness: sandwich on her left thigh, her jug of juice on the grass to her right, open bag of chips nestled in the crook of her knee, paper bag with a piece of fruit still inside laying in front of her on the grass. Once everything was settled she ate her lunch with little attention, her thoughts drifting inward.



Taryn squeezed through the double doors, her tray balanced carefully in her hands, and scanned the yard for her friends. Before she spotted them her eyes landed on Krista’s lone figure. A pang of pity shot through her as she observed the girl, eating her lunch and staring into space. She looked at her for a long moment before her body made a decision and turned itself in Krista’s direction.



Krista looked up in alarm as a shadow fell over her. The sun was shining in her eyes, casting the face of the new arrival in darkness.



“Hey,� she heard, and recognized with relief that it was Taryn- relief that was quickly replaced with panic. She brushed her hand over her mouth, hoping she didn’t have breadcrumbs stuck on her face or something embarrassing like that.



“Hi.�



“What are you doing out here all alone?� Taryn questioned, folding her long legs beneath her and sinking to the ground in one fluid motion. She set her tray on the grass in front of her and looked around, taking in the view. “Wow, you can see everybody from up here. Great people-watching spot. I don’t know why I’ve never come up here before.�



“Yeah. It’s perfect for being alone and watching everyone else.� She didn’t add that most people were too busy socializing during their lunch period to even consider secluding themselves under a tree.



Taryn glanced at her. “Am I intruding? I shouldn’t have just assumed---�



“No, no,� Krista was quick to assure her. “I mean, I don’t know anyone here to have lunch with yet, so…�



“Well, we share lunch periods. I’m sure we could probably eat together from time to time,� Taryn teased.



Krista bowed her head in embarrassment and gave a weak laugh. Her pulse started to do a tap dance at the thought of spending more lunch periods with this Goddess (Stop it, she thought) but she didn’t want it to be because the other girl felt sorry for her.



“So, what classes are you taking?�



“Oh, um, I have French with Mr. Potter, World History with Mr. Stewart, English with Mrs. Taylor, um, Health with Ironman Howell---�



“Caught on to that one already, huh,� Taryn remarked around a chuckle.



“Yeah. It’s pretty funny.�



“But very right on. So who else?� Krista listed the rest of her teachers, Taryn nodding her head and offering the occasional suggestion about how to handle so-and-so’s class, or regaling her with some school legend about what so-and-so did. What grade is she in anyway, Krista wondered. They didn’t have any classes together, so definitely older. Junior maybe?



Her roster of teachers exhausted, they sat in companionable silence for a moment, eating their lunches. Taryn laid her fork down after a few minutes, her face registering her disgust, and she leaned back against the tree, her shoulder inches away from Krista’s.



Krista’s breath caught at the proximity of the girl. “Not good?� she asked, inclining her head to indicate Taryn’s discarded lunch. She struggled to be cool and casual.



“Very not good,� she replied. “It’s a gamble, y’know? Whether or not what you choose for lunch was scraped off the bottom of someone’s shoe.� She smiled as Krista erupted into laughter.



Krista seemed to watch from outside of herself as her arm magically extended her sandwich to Taryn and her lips moved without her consent. “You want half of my sandwich? It’s kinda weird, you might not like it.� Her brain yelled at her, What are you doing, dumbass? No she doesn’t want a part of your sandwich! She was about to grab hold of her senses and retract the offending arm when Taryn reached over and took it. She looked at it for a second.



“You don’t have to---� She was about to assure Taryn that she didn’t have to eat from the part Krista had already bitten into, or take the sandwich at all if she didn’t want to, but Taryn had already torn off a piece right down the middle, right through the indentation Krista’s mouth had left. Krista watched in mute fascination as Taryn casually lifted her half to her mouth and took a bite. Krista thought she would swoon. Watching Taryn eat a part of her sandwich, a part that she herself had already bitten off of, was almost like kissing her. Which goes to show how much I know about kissing, she thought wryly.



Taryn handed the other half of the sandwich back to her. “Mmmm,� she murmured appreciatively around a mouthful of sandwich, “this is good. What is it?�



“Um, avocado, sprouts, tomato, cheese, and mayo.� The answer was automatic; her thoughts were elsewhere.



“Are you a vegetarian?�



“No, I just don’t like lunchmeat.�



The sandwich was falling apart with its slippery combination of fillings, and an avocado/mayo mixture began to creep down Taryn’s wrist. Krista watched in wide-eyed amazement as she began to lick the offending mess off of her wrist, oblivious to everyone. Krista burst into laughter, leaning over her knees, her face almost in the grass. Her mother would have had a conniption at that display of bad manners! Taryn continued to eat her half of the sandwich, eyes wide and innocent, though Krista caught the sparkle in them that said she was enjoying her reaction.



“I should’ve warned you. It’s messy,� Krista said when she could draw a breath.



“Apparently,� Taryn replied. Krista shook her head wordlessly. “You do know,� Taryn continued, “that you now have to bring enough food every day to feed the both of us. In case I don’t like the cafeteria food.�



“Says who?� she shot back, a little taken aback by her boldness. But it feels good, she thought.



Taryn pretended to look offended. “We’re lunch buddies, aren’t we?



Krista peered at her suspiciously, unsure. “Are you serious?�



Taryn opened her mouth to answer when she was distracted by puffing, shuffling sounds. They turned to their left to see three girls trudging up the hill, panting and making complaining noises. Krista recognized the girls as Taryn’s normal lunch group. The pretty blonde with high-heeled boots and tank-top reached them first.



“Goddamn, Taryn,� she whined, “What are you doing in the nosebleed seats?�



Taryn looked up, unconcerned, wiping avocado off her pants. “Krista and I were just hanging out. You guys know Krista?�



The blonde shook her head as the others reached her, looking equally annoyed by the trek. All three peered down at Krista, who had the sudden sensation of being on display.



“Krista, this is Shelley, Candice, and Meg. Guys, this is Krista. She’s the new bassist for Q.�



Krista watched in amazement as the disinterest in their faces turned into curiosity. This was magic. One small thing like being in a band was enough to make her into a ‘somebody.’ It was better than she’d imagined. She glanced up nervously and said, “Hi.� I wish you’d sit down or go away; preferably go away, she added to herself.



The girls murmured greetings, looking at Krista with uncertainty.



“You play bass.� The blonde, Shelley, seemed unsure of whether she was asking a question or making a statement.



“Yeah.�



Shelly seemed to consider this for a moment as her companions looked on. It was clear that whatever Shelley’s reaction, it would dictate that of the other girls.



“Cool,� Shelley finally said. “Good for you.� She shifted her attention to Taryn, and the four began to babble about various mutual acquaintances at school and who did what this weekend and to whom. Krista stood for a few minutes, uncertain of her next move, before deciding that this was appeared to be her cue to get lost. She turned, bending to pick up her trash when she felt a hand on her arm. She straightened up, surprise etched on her face as she stared at Taryn.



“Where ya’ going? Lunch isn’t over yet.� With that Taryn tugged Krista’s bag out of her hand and turning back to the others said, “And you guys sit. You’re making me nervous.�



Krista watched as the three girls struggled to get comfortable on the grass and formed a loose circle- that included her! She clasped her hands together in front of her, her shoulders slumping a bit. She was so nervous. She watched as Taryn and Candace, the girl with the cornrows, their loud laughter over some tale carrying across the courtyard. She decided that if Taryn had seen fit to introduce her to her friends, the least she could do was try and fit in. She focused on the conversation that was flowing between the friends and, gathering her courage, decided to jump in, laughing in the right places (which wasn’t hard after a bit, since the girls were actually pretty funny). Before long Krista found herself even adding to the conversation. By the time the bell for 6th period rang, Krista was engaging with the other girls in a way that would have shocked her friends back home.



“Oh shit!� Krista exclaimed, grabbing the remnants of her lunch and shoving it into her backpack. “I’m gonna be late for Algebra!�



“No worries,� Taryn assured her as she gathered her own trash. “Have you never been late before?� she teased.



“Says the girl who has Study Hall right now,� Candace muttered.



Krista shot Taryn a look. “Bye you guys. It was nice meeting you,� she said, her voice shy as her nervousness returned. She offered the girls a weak smile before she hurried down the hill.



“Same here,� Shelley replied.



“See you later!� Taryn called after her retreating figure. She stood and grabbed her lunch tray and headed down the hill, her friends in tow.



“She’s…different,� Meg commented from behind her. “Nice, but way too quiet.�



“It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for,� Candace added.



“Cut it out. She is nice, and really talented too. And since she’s in the band you’ll probably be seeing a lot more of her, so you need to be nice too,� Taryn warned. She didn’t see her friends roll their eyes at her tone.



“When’s the first show anyway?� Meg questioned, changing the subject.



“We don’t know yet. Jay’s working on it.�



Shelley emitted a dramatic sigh. “Jay.� She started singing to the tune of a classic 80s song, changing the lyrics, “He’s only 16…16….� The girls dissolved into fits of giggles, Taryn grimacing at the sight of her friend gushing over her little brother

The first official day of jazz band rehearsal went well for Krista. After warm-ups, Mr. Brannigan had handed each performer a binder full of sheet music. This was the band’s repertoire for the school year (amendable if anyone had a suggestion, he assured them). Mr. Brannigan also encouraged each student to try and commit at least one tune to memory, as he felt it helped the pace and feel of the music if everyone’s eyes weren’t focused on sheets of paper when playing. Overall Krista approved of the choices, although she could have done without some of the more Jazz 101 selections, which were the songs they were starting out with. She supposed it was to help sync the band, but she was eager to get into the more difficult numbers. There were even a few that she hadn’t played before. She was excited to show them to her dad.



After rehearsal Jay caught up with her again to remind her about the meeting. She reassured him that she would be there. As they pushed through the double doors and entered the late afternoon sunlight, Jay said, “Hey, I can give you a ride to school sometimes. Since we live near each other. Save the planet, y’know?�



He smiled at his joke and followed Krista to the bike rack. She leaned down to unlock her bike, avoiding his eyes as she replied, “Well, I usually ride my bike to school. It’s good exercise.� Her bike unlocked, she rolled it back from the metal bars and turned to look at him. Figures; I like boys and not one asks me out. I like girls and suddenly I’m wanted. She was flattered and a bit amazed that Jay was interested in her, but she was also uncomfortable at the thought of having to eventually turn him down. She hoped he would just get her hints and let it go.



“Oh. Okay. If you ever change your mind, y’know, and don’t feel like biking you could just come by the house in the morning. Or call and we could pick you up.�



Krista had swung a leg over the seat of her bike and was preparing to ride off, but stopped. “We?� she asked, hoping she didn’t sound too excited.



“Yeah. Me and Taryn drive together some days.�



It was tempting. But I’d be leading Jay on if I said yes, she thought. Besides that, she had already acknowledged to herself that continuing on with fantasies about Taryn would be bad business. “Well, that’s nice of you. I’ll take you up on it if I ever find myself with a broken leg or something,� she said, smiling to take the sting out of it.



“Alright,� Jay said, smiling in return. “See you later, then.� With that he turned and headed towards the parking lot. Krista pushed off on her bike and began her ride home.

When she entered the house her father was sitting on the living room floor amidst piles of brochures and catalogs. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a snack before walking over to see what he was doing.



“Wanna see some of the shelving and displays I’m thinking about getting?� he asked, his voice brimming with excitement.



“Sure, dad,� she said, and sat down to browse a few catalogs. Truth be told, she wasn’t interested in the more mundane side of retail at all, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He seemed so entranced with the whole thing.



She sat with him long enough to appease him before announcing that she needed to do homework. Standing and stretching, she said, “Oh, I’m going over to Jay’s after dinner for a little bit to do band stuff,� and started for the stairs.



“Uh, honey,� he called out. She stopped and waited. “Band stuff for how long?�



“I dunno,� she answered, “an hour maybe.�



“The whole band or…just you and Jay?�



“The whole band.� Krista cocked her head, understanding dawning on her. Her father was concerned about her sending time with a boy. Alone. She fought the urge to laugh out loud. So this was how her day would go? “No worries, dad.�



He colored a little, sensing that she understood his angle. “I’m not worried,� he replied, pointedly returning his attention back to his catalogs. “



Krista nodded. “Oookay,� she said, shaking her head. She escaped up the stairs, her mind repeating her conversation with her dad. Her parents thought she was interested in Jay. What had she done to give them that impression other than joining his band?



Her train of thought was interrupted when, halfway down the hall, she noticed that her bedroom door was ajar. “Who’s been in my room?� she shouted down to her father, a feeling of panic building.



Her father’s head appeared at the bottom of the stairs. “I was. The DSL software came today and I thought you might like to have it set-up already.� He gave her a look that said So there and walked away.



“Sorry,� she called meekly. Her heart rate returning to normal, she entered her room, dropping her bag by the door and glancing around to reassure herself that nothing was out of place. She dropped to her knees and looked under her bed; her trunk looked undisturbed. She let the last vestige of anxiety disappear and sat in her chair, anxious to rejoin the online world. She was an internet junkie, and had missed having it for the short time that she’d been in Alexander. She was relieved that she could now email and instant message with Diana, who was almost as addicted as Krista herself was. She wasted no time in signing on to her internet email account. There they were: ten messages from Diana, and at least five from various other friends. She scanned through the messages; several of them were forwards or small messages to say ‘Hi’. Diana was not logged in to her IM account, so Krista satisfied herself with visiting her favorite sites and shooting off a few quick emails to her friends. She spent almost an hour online before she managed to push herself away from the computer desk, grab her bag from its place on the floor, and make her way to her bed. She sat cross-legged, her back against the headboard, and began to do her homework. She didn’t look up from her books until she heard her mother’s car in the drive, signaling that it was almost time for dinner.

“Hey Krista,� Jay greeted her as he ushered her through the front door. “Right on time.�



“Hey Jay,� she replied.



He turned and motioned for her to follow him as he started down the hall towards the back of the house. “Everyone’s in the family room. You want anything?�



“Nah, I just had Chinese and I’m stuffed.�



“Funny. We had Chinese last night.�



They reached the doorway to the family room and Jay led her inside. She smiled at Sergio and Taryn, who were already there.



“Hey. Sit wherever you want,� Taryn offered with a grand sweep of her arm. Krista walked across the room, giving Sergio a small wave in response to his “‘Sup?� and settled on the carpet near the fireplace. She looked around the room, taking in the warm coloring of the room and the cozy decorations. Her eyes paused briefly in their roaming upon a set of large doors installed in the wall at the far end of the room. A couch was facing the doors, which weren’t attached to the floor in any way.



Sergio, who had been watching her assess the room, informed her, “Projection TV. State of the art stuff. You should come over here for movie night sometime. It’s better than being in a theater.� She smiled at him in thanks. It would have been rude to ask, or so her mom would have told her.



“You guys all set in here?� Krista turned to the doorway where Jay and Taryn’s mom stood addressing the room. Mrs. Hoffa spotted her and said, “Hi Krista. Nice to see you again.�



“Thank you, Mrs. Hoffa. Nice to see you again, too.�



“Call me Cheryl. All their other friends do.�.



“Yes ma’am,� Krista said, hunching her shoulders in an uncontrollable gesture of shyness. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to do that, and she could just imagine what her mom would say.



Cheryl smiled at the young girl. “Alright, if you guys need anything…at least three of you know where the kitchen is.� With a wave she turned and left the room.



“Alright man, call this meeting to order already,� Sergio encouraged, throwing a small pillow at Jay for emphasis. “Some of us still have homework to do.�



“Sorry if we’re a little unorganized,� Taryn directed at Krista. “We’ve sort’ve been out of commission for the summer, since our bassist graduated and took his lame ass off to college. So it’s like starting from scratch. Yay!� she added, jumping up and down in her seat with mock glee. Krista giggled. She was so cute.



“Sooo,� Jay started, trying to get everyone’s attention. When all eyes were on him he continued. “I called a bunch of the places we played at last year.�



“And?� Sergio prompted.



“We need a new demo. They were willing to listen, but they need a new demo from us.�



“Why?� Taryn questioned. “I mean, we’ve already played at these places, sooo… did they forget us?�



“Something like three of them have new management, so they don’t know who we are. And everyone else knows us as Diablo’s opening act. They’re not that psyched about giving us our own show,� Jay explained.



“Dude, we lost a bassist,� Sergio exclaimed, “not a freaking lead singer. No offense,� he added with a glance at Krista. “We sound the same.�



“Man, I’m just relaying the information,� Jay said, shrugging.



Taryn interjected. “No, no, it’s cool. I mean, I guess we could use a new demo anyway. We have a new member.� She looked at Krista and smiled reassuringly. The other girl looked a little overwhelmed.



Sergio slouched down in his chair and sighed. “Man. Are we going to just redo the old one or what?�



“I’m thinking that if we have to do one anyway, we should put some of our new stuff on it,� Taryn suggested. “Not all new, cause then they might not recognize us. But something to show where we are now.� She looked again at Krista before turning back to her brother. “Did you give Krista a copy of our old demo yet?�



ay slapped his forehead. “Duh. That would be a good idea, huh? I’ve got some downstairs.� He jumped out of his seat and ran from the room.



Sergio and Taryn continued to discuss the details of making a new demo, leaving Krista to mull the situation over. She was unsure of whether or not it would be lame to ask the questions and concerns that were nagging at her. Gathering her courage, and trying to convince herself that they wouldn’t think her naïve for her questions, she jumped in.



“Um, where did you guys play last year? Like, what kind of places?�



“Anywhere we could get a show,� Sergio answered with a small laugh. “We do the standard school dances and some house parties, but they don’t pay much if at all and honestly, it’s nice to get some money for it, y’know?�



“We had a couple of good shows at some clubs,� Taryn added. “Through Carson mainly. His older brother had a band and we opened for them sometimes. It’s good exposure, sometimes they pay us even, and the sound equipment’s better, so we’re going to try and set some shows up.�



“It’s going to be hard without Carson’s connections though,� Sergio lamented. “Back to the bush leagues.�



Krista nodded dumbly, uttering a small, “Cool,� all the while trying to sort out what she was hearing. Late nights at clubs that they were somehow able to get into, unsupervised house parties; who were these people she was playing with anyway?



Her thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of three CDs in front of her face. “Here you go,� Jay announced. “One of them is the actual demo that we give out, and the other two are just recordings of all of our songs so far. It’d probably be a good idea for you to learn them all.�



Krista nodded her head in agreement, taking them. I might not need to. She turned the CDs over in her hands, glancing over the track listings. Jay settled back into his chair, this time with a pad of paper and a pen in his hands.



“So, is the practice schedule I told you still okay with you?� he asked Krista.



“Thursdays and Saturdays, right?� He nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine.�



“If we’re trying to gear up for a new demo we might need to add a few rehearsals though,� Taryn added. Sergio nodded in agreement.



“Well, I know we,� Jay gestured to include Krista, “have jazz band Monday, Wednesday, and Friday till 4:30. What’s your work schedule like this semester?�



“4-9 on Friday, and 9-3 on Saturday,� Taryn said.



“You got any commitments?� he asked Sergio.



“I’m pretty much free whenever.�



“Krista?�



“Not that I can think of,� she answered.



“Alright. Let’s add Tuesday, same time, starting next week maybe?� There were shrugs and nods of agreement from everyone. “Cool.�



“Do we have new music?� Sergio asked the room.



“Yeah, actually,� Taryn answered. “I’ve been working on a couple of things, so I’d like us to try them tomorrow if we can.�



“Not the one you were singing in the shower this morning?� Jay asked in mock horror.



“Don’t be a jerk,� she retorted, throwing a cushion at him. She glanced once more at Krista, feeling a little disquieted by her silence. She wondered what was going on in her head, what she was thinking about while she observed everyone. She was tempted to throw a cushion at her too, just to get some sort of reaction. She quickly dismissed the feeling. I’m not some 13 year-old boy trying to get her attention. The thought startled her, and she brought her concentration back to her Sergio and Jay, who were engaged in a conversation about the upcoming party.



Krista half-listened to the boys as they talked about who would be with who at Sheryl’s (whomever that was) bash. She wasn’t invited, so none of that mattered to her, and she didn’t relish the idea of sitting there listening to details of everyone else’s bursting social lives when she had none. She looked at her watch and decided that if the meeting was over, she should be getting home. She got her feet, an apologetic smile plastered on her face, knowing that her departure would seem abrupt. “Sorry guys, but I have to get home. There’s some stuff that I gotta do.�



Sergio waved her off dismissively with a “Later.� Taryn cocked her head to one side, her face clearly showing her confusion, and said, “Bye.�



Jay jumped out of his chair and offered to walk her to the door. As soon as they had left the room, Sergio turned to Taryn and said, conspiratorially, “She’s weird, man.�



“Shut up Sergio,� she sighed, and stood up to head for the kitchen. She saw Krista and Jay standing by the front door as she crossed the hall unnoticed. She didn’t admit to herself that she was eavesdropping, but her movements were careful and quiet as she moved about the kitchen, her head tilted in the direction of the door.



“Sorry I have to leave so soon. I just have a lot of stuff to do,� she heard Krista explain.



“Oh, that’s ok. We pretty much covered everything important,� Jay replied. There was a short, awkward pause (Taryn could just imagine the two of them standing there) and then, “Hey, um, so Sheryl’s party. Are you going?�



“No. I don’t know her.�



“Well, I’m probably gonna go. Do you wanna maybe go with me?�



In the silence that followed Taryn dropped all pretense of getting a drink. She stood still, listening with all of her might.



“Um…look, I’m sorry but…� Taryn could hear the regret and nervousness in her voice as she struggled to find the right words. “…I’m kinda at a point in my life…I’m not really interested in dating right now.� Her words suddenly came out in a panicked rush. “I mean, I assumed you were asking me out, not that I’m being conceited or anything, cause if it was just a friend thing then I’m really embarrassed and so sorry, but I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression in case you were asking me in that way, cause you’re really cool and I don’t want this to be a problem cause I really want to be in this band---�



“Krista,� Jay interrupted, “relax. I was asking you out on a date, but it’s cool. I just think you’re cute, and cool, and we have a lot in common, but it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.� In the kitchen Taryn mentally applauded her brother for handling the rejection so well. He was being sweet about it. She didn’t pay much attention to the relief she had felt at Krista’s answer.



She heard a sigh, and then, “So this won’t…you’re not going to kick me out of the band?� Krista’s voice was quiet and belied her uncertainty.



Jay laughed. “Of course not. And I promise I won’t be weird.�



“Thanks.� There was another short silence before Taryn heard the door open. They each made more good-bye and see-you-tomorrow noises before it closed again and Taryn heard Jay’s footsteps approaching. She busied herself getting a glass and opening the refrigerator, but the footsteps continued past the kitchen door to the family room. Relieved that she wouldn’t be caught snooping, and at that point she couldn’t deny that that was what she had been doing, she relaxed and poured herself a glance of Coke before heading back to join the others.



Outside, Krista shuffled down the walkway and headed home. Her shoulders were hunched and her hands shoved deep inside the pockets of her jeans as she contemplated her immediate future with ‘Q.’ She sighed out loud. She couldn’t quite figure out how Taryn, Jay and Sergio were able to get into clubs, let alone perform in them. There were laws, weren’t there? And parties? She could just imagine the kind of parties they were invited to play at, like Sheryl’s party probably; lots of unsupervised teens getting drunk and doing crazy stuff. The kind of parties I never get invited to, she thought bitterly, until tonight of course. She gave a short laugh at her luck. Finally, invited to a party that smacked of the upper crust of high school society…by a boy. Whose sister remained a constant fixture in her mind.



She continued around the corner, absently brushing away the strands of hair the warm Arizona wind blew into her eyes. She walked in deep thought, oblivious to the sounds of her middle-class neighborhood, until she had reached the lit walkway of her home. She could see the flicker of light through the living room window. Her parents were watching television, probably a movie. She hoped they would be too engaged to drill her about her night; she was not in the mood to play the “heterosexual dating game.� She opened the door and stepped inside, fixing a neutral expression on her face.



Her parents glanced up at the sound of her entry. Krista smiled and said, “Hey,� intending to sneak off upstairs. “Hey,� her father hailed. “How was the meeting?�



She stopped in her tracks and turned around, resigned to the questioning to follow. “It was fine.�



Her parents nodded, waiting for more information. She smiled at them, rocking back on her heels. To an outsider they would have looked like a photograph, staring at each other as they were. Krista remained silent, refusing to participate. If they wanted to ask her questions, they were free too, but she wasn’t into volunteering any information. She just wanted to get into her room and contemplate the complications of her life.



Her parents finally exchanged a telling glance, and with a collective sigh released her. “Okay. Are you going to bed now?� her mother questioned. Her father was already picking up the remote.



“Nah. Gotta do some homework first.� Her mom nodded in approval, and turned her attention back to the tv. Krista breathed a silent thanks and made her way up to her room as fast as her legs would carry her.

The Hoffa backyard was dark save for the small light cast by the tiki lamps that surrounded the pool area. Taryn sat at the edge of the, her feet moving in slow, steady circles, causing the water’s surface to ripple and shimmer. A pen rested in one hand, her notebook resting on her lap, both items forgotten as she stared into the dark corners of the yard. She was too engrossed in thought to hear her mother’s soft footsteps approaching, and jumped in alarm when her name was spoken.



“Sorry,� Cheryl apologized, settling herself on the ground next to her daughter.



“’’S’alright,� Taryn said with a sheepish smile. “I didn’t hear you.�



“You looked pretty far away.� Taryn shrugged. “What are you up to, out here all by yourself?�



“Just thinking and trying to write. Looking for some inspiration.� Taryn sighed, indicating how well that process was going.



“Songs aren’t coming, huh?�



Taryn shook her head and smiled. “Nah. Now’s probably not the time, I guess.�



They sat in companionable silence for a moment, listening to the night sounds, before Cheryl spoke again. “How’s Krista working out?�



“Fine. I mean, she’s really shy, but she’s an awesome bassist. And I kinda get the feeling that she’ll loosen up a little after she gets to know us better.� Taryn thought back on her interactions with Krista, at the drive-in and then at lunch. She’d gotten a glimpse both times of who Krista could be once she’d gotten over her awkwardness, and it had reassured Taryn that she would work out in the band. It also, she had to admit to herself, made her curious about Krista. It was this curiosity that had propelled Taryn to seek her out at lunch.



“Well it must be hard for her being new and everything,� her mother was saying. “It’s probably a lot to take in all at once. She just needs to make some friends, and my kids, if I may be allowed a moment of parental pride, are a great place to start.� She smiled at her daughter with affection.



“We’re not friends,� Taryn stated. “We’re just in a band together.� She continued to gaze placidly over the water, ignoring her mother’s concerned sigh. She wasn’t about to be guilt-tripped or bullied into making friends with the New Kid just because, and her circle of acquaintances was full enough.



“I’ll always treasure the best friend I had in high school.� Cheryl proceeded carefully. “We did everything together, and it was so nice having someone I could talk to about anything. I wish you had someone like that in your life. I never understood your reluctance have a close girlfriend, and I’m absolutely not counting those airheads you hang out with.� Taryn stifled a chuckle at her mother’s description of Candace and the others. Cheryl’d disapproved of them on first sight. “I just don’t know,� Cheryl continued, her voice softening, “why you’re so…afraid. It makes me worry about you sometimes.�



Taryn shrugged and leaned over to flick the water with a fingertip. She loved talking with her mother, and they talked about almost everything, but it was conversations like these that made her unwilling to form close friendships with girls. Guys never wanted to talk about emotional things. “I’m not afraid to make friends. I just…I have enough friends. I have you too,� she added.



“I’m flattered,� Cheryl said, her voice lace with sarcasm, though in truth they both knew that she was flattered. “I would like to now use my special privilege to ask how things are going with TJ.�



“Alright, I guess.�



“‘Alright I guess’. Doesn’t sound very exciting,� Cheryl observed.



“You know, it’s the same as always. It’s…just hanging out.�



“No great romance? No great passion?� she pressed.



Taryn looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Privilege in danger of being revoked,� she warned.



Cheryl rolled her eyes. “I’m not asking for details. I’m not, in fact, even asking about that. I meant emotionally.� She observed as Taryn shifted around as if trying to escape the question without actually moving from her seat.



“It’s not love,� she finally said. “It’s not much different from my other relationships. He’s basically like a friend that I-“ She stopped; it was not her intention, no matter how much it seemed to want to come up, to talk about her sex life with her mother.



Cheryl nodded in understanding, and patted Taryn’s leg in sympathy. “Give it time. So he’s not your first great love affair. You’re only 17. You have plenty of time for the right person to come along.�



Taryn smiled weakly. She wished she believed it. She’d started going out on dates when she was 15, and ever since had been waiting for the landmark moments she’d been told existed; by her friends, movies, books. At every first kiss she’d waited for that tingle, that quickening heartbeat, that swooning feeling. It was still nonexistent in her experience, and it worried her.



Cheryl read her daughter’s face like a pro, and decided to take swift action to stave off the sadness she could see building there. “I have a vision in my head.� She paused and waited for Taryn to look at her. When she’d gotten her response, she continued. “A vision of two soft, warm, chewy chocolate chip cookies -big ones, I mean- with a large scoop of vanilla ice cream sandwiched---“



Taryn was up and running for the door before she could even finish, yelling, “I’ll start the car� as she went. Cheryl stood lazily, a triumphant smile on her face as she followed.

Krista wound her way through the crowded cafeteria. She clutched the strap of her backpack with both hands and concentrated on dodging the hurtling bodies of her classmates as they made their way to their tables, laden with trays. Her eyes swept over the throng of students. She wanted to make sure that she didn’t miss Taryn on her way to the courtyard. She had been looking forward to lunch period since she’d crawled out of bed that morning. She’d hummed to herself as she fixed two of everything, exhibiting a lot more energy than was customary for her in the early hours. She’d fixed two different kinds of sandwiches, two different drinks, two different bags of chips, and two different flavors of yogurt, trying to cover all her bases. She wanted to make a good impression on Taryn for what was their first ‘lunch date.’



She’d nearly reached the glass doors that led to the outdoor seating area when she spotted Taryn through a gap in the crowd. She appeared to be sitting alone at a table near the far wall. Trying to control the large smile that had formed on her face, she changed direction and headed towards her. As she neared the table, she saw that Taryn wasn’t alone after all; she was sitting with Candace, Shelley, and Meg. And, Krista noticed with dawning apprehension, she had a loaded lunch tray from which she was eating with no apparent problem.



I must have misunderstood, she thought miserably and stopped in her tracks. She was about to turn around and walk away, save herself some humiliation, but at that moment Taryn looked up and caught her eye.



“Hey!� she called, smiling, and waved a hand in invitation for Krista to join them.



Krista hesitated for a millisecond; her body was on the verge of running like hell, but her brain told her to be cool and continue over, pretend as if nothing was wrong. She put one foot in front of the other with effort, and closed the distance between herself and the table of girls.



“Hey,� she said in greeting, her eyes darting to the faces of the other girls. They were looking at her curiously, but not unkindly.



“I wondered if I would see you. Have a seat,� Taryn offered, gesturing to one of the empty chairs on the opposite side of the table. Krista sat down, placing her bag on the table in front of her.



“You guys remember Krista, right? From yesterday?� Taryn stressed her words, throwing her non-verbal friends a look.



“Oh yeah,� the one named Candace said, and smiled at her. The other two followed suit. Krista nodded her head at them with a small smile.



“So,� the one named Shelley said, turning back to the others, “I was sure he was going to deny it, and then I’d have him, right? Caught, red-handed. But he came clean!�



“No denial?�



“None.�



The conversation droned on around her as she listened on in silence. She was mortified. The fact that Taryn had absolutely no idea or remembrance of their discussion of yesterday stuck in her gut. She felt forgettable and small. Here she was, looking towards lunch as the highlight of her day, excited that someone as beautiful and popular as Taryn would want to spend time with her. She should have known better. She hadn’t actually answered Krista when asked if she was serious, and it was clear now that she hadn’t been. People like Taryn, she knew, said things they didn’t mean all the time. It appeared that their lunch yesterday was just a pity thing. Maybe Jay had asked her to do it. She pondered this possibility as she reached into her backpack to retrieve her lunch.



She ate her lunch and observed the people with whom she was sitting. Despite her disappointment and embarrassment at the situation, she couldn’t help but be fascinated by them. This was the table that she and her friends back home would watch, wondering what went on in that inner-circle. What did they talk about? She couldn’t wait to tell Diana that, for a day, she had been at that table.



Throughout the lunch period people stopped by to say hello to them, their gazes passing around the table until they reached Krista’s unfamiliar face, where they would pause uncertainly as if thinking What are you doing here? Krista grew increasingly uncomfortable under their eyes, until she felt she was on the edge of blurting out, “It’s a mistake! You’re right, I don’t belong here!�



Taryn watched the other girl shrink as people regarded her. Instead of introducing herself, Krista would look down at her food, across the cafeteria, at the floor, anywhere but at the person looking at her. On top of that, she’d not said a word the entire lunch period. Finally, Taryn decided to take matters into her own hands. When the next person stopped to say hello, Taryn said, “And this is Krista.�



Krista looked startled to hear her name. She stared at the boy she was introduced to, her eyes wide.



“Hey.�



“Hey,� she managed to choke out.



He spent a few minutes talking to Candace before he left, and from that point on whenever anyone stopped at the table, Taryn made sure to introduce them to Krista. She didn’t know what was going on, why Taryn was suddenly paying attention to her, but she went along with it, giving the best “Hey� she knew how.



At one such introduction the visitor, a baseball player named Parker, leaned over the table and shook Krista’s hand. “Nice to meet you,� he said, smiling at her.



“Nice to meet you,� she replied, a little taken aback at the multi-syllable exchange. He smiled at her again before leaving. Shelley turned to look at her, her expression unreadable.



“What?� Krista asked, unsure if she had done something wrong, broken some code of the cool circle that was unknown to her.



“Parker just flirted with you,� Shelley said, a little mystified.



Krista tried not to choke on her chip as she laughed, the notion that anyone would be interested her striking her as utterly ridiculous. “No he didn’t,� she assured her.



“Are you blind?� Meg joined in, and turned to Shelley to do a hammed up version of Krista and Parker’s handshake. “Nice to meet you,� she mimicked, dropping her voice and wiggling her eyebrows.



“Nice to meet you too,� Shelley answered, her voice sugar-coated, holding her hand limp in Meg’s “manly� grip.



Krista shook her head, confused by the conversation. There was no way this Parker guy had thought she was cute. He wouldn’t even remember her name. And wouldn’t they fall out if they knew that she didn’t care whether or not he liked her. She felt eyes on her, and looked at Taryn, who was watching her. She averted her eyes and concentrated on her meal.



Despite the sociological appeal of hanging out with the cool kids, Krista was relieved when the bell finally rang. She gathered up her debris and stood, thanking the others for letting her sit with them. Under the pretense of being concerned about tardiness she turned and left quickly, maneuvering the lunchroom like a pro. They watched her go, confused by her sudden departure.



“She’s so weird,� Meg said finally.



Taryn shrugged. She could offer no rebuttal this time. Krista had been different; it was like two Kristas. It had taken time, but yesterday she’d eventually loosened up. Today they were suddenly back at square one. And what had been the deal with Parker? Why it was so hard for her to believe that Parker would be interested in her? The girl had some serious esteem issues, that was certain. She was a beautiful girl, but for some reason Krista didn’t seem to see it. Not that Taryn cared on any personal level. She barely knew the girl.



They picked up their trays and headed for the garbage. “Here you go, back to your home,� Candace said solemnly as she dumped the contents of her tray into the trash. “I really ought to start eating out on my lunch period.�



“You should just ask Krista to feed you. I swear, I don’t know how that girl stays so thin if she eats that much,� Shelley commented.



“What do you mean?� Taryn asked, her attention on Shelley. Her words had jogged some memory…



“I got a peek into her bag when she was taking her lunch out. She had like, a bag full of food. I think she had two sandwiches in there. I wonder if she eats the other one in class or something.�



Taryn froze, the act of discarding her tray fading into the background. “Whoops.�



Her friends looked at her in alarm. “What’s wrong?� Candace asked.



She looked at them, her face a grimace. “Nothing. I just remembered something.� She shook her head as she finished pitching her trash. They headed towards the exit, her friends looking at her with some concern, obviously wanting more details. They would not get any. She was not about to tell them that she had blown Krista off, albeit unintentionally. She felt like it would be embarrassing to the girl. “I’ll see you guys later,� she said, and walked off in the direction of Study Hall, leaving them standing at the doorway of the cafeteria.

Sliding her backpack across the kitchen counter, Krista yelled to see if anyone was home. Silence greeted her, and she made her way to the fridge to pick up a snack. She saw a note hanging from a refrigerator magnet, informing her that her father had gone into town to check out the space he was considering renting and would be back in time for dinner. She opened the refrigerator door and spent some time perusing its contents, most of her attention still on the weirdness of her day. She shook her head as she thought about the fiasco that was lunch. She’d had a harder time than usual maintaining her focus in her afternoon classes, instead spending that time berating herself for being stupid and cursing Taryn for being shallow. She just could not believe that she’d thought she had made a friend. She wondered what Taryn would have done if she’d realized that Krista had taken their lunch arrangement seriously. Would she have laughed at her? Krista cringed at the picture, and felt herself becoming angrier. Who did she think she was, anyway? Just because she was hotter than anyone Krista had ever known, that didn’t mean she could be heartless.



Choosing a snackpack of applesauce she grabbed her bag and headed for her room, musing over the rest of her day. As she passed through the halls later that afternoon, she’d found that every now and then someone would greet her. It had taken her a moment to realize that the ‘Hey Kristas’ were directed at her and not some other Krista, and that the smiles she saw tossed her way were not in fact for someone standing right behind her. She had responded to these unexpected greetings in her usual reserved manner, her brow furrowed in confusion. People who had never spoken to her before, people she’d been sure didn’t even know her name, had greeted her as if they were old friends. She had found herself ducking into the restroom several times to make sure she didn’t have a ‘Kick Me’ sign plastered on her back. In between classes she’d spent several minutes in front of the bathroom mirror, examining herself for any obvious changes. Assured that she was indeed the same Krista who had rolled out of her bed that morning, she had decided to try and continue her day as normally as possible.



She sank gratefully into her desk chair, intending to get online and chat with her friends. Maybe Diana would be online and she could tell her about that afternoon. Maybe she would work on a poem for the magazine Mrs. Taylor had mentioned, or see what kind of song she could wrangle out of the jumbled rantings she’d jotted down during her classes instead of taking notes. A nagging voice inside her head reminded her that she had homework, and that bad grades wouldn’t help her case when it came time to talk to her parents about playing out- as she knew she would have to eventually. With a sigh she sat at her desk and opened her bag, removing the necessary books. She could email after she did her work. The way she was feeling anyway, she might blow up someone’s screen with her words.



She reached for a pen from her drawer and noticed the CDs she’d gotten last night laying next to her monitor. The sight brought her back to Q, and Taryn. She knew (and hoped the others would realize it as well) that she would not be able to learn anything between last night’s meeting and tonight’s practice; hell, concentrating would be a challenge now. How could she face Taryn after this afternoon? She acknowledged that it would be good to have at least an idea about the music. She slipped the CD with the most recent date into her CD-ROM and turned her speakers on. She opened the first of her assignments, scanning the instructions while she waited for the first notes of the music to come. It was a fast song and her head bobbed automatically in time with the rhythm. She concentrated on the lyrics for a moment, her anger subsiding as she listened to Taryn’s voice. It was clearly her fault, she decided. Taryn was trying to be nice yesterday, and Krista’d ruined it, assuming things that weren’t true. Taryn had a group of friends that she actually liked hanging out with. Why would she add someone like Krista to the mix? Why would Krista even think that that was possible?



She told herself that it was better this way anyway. Taryn had flaws. She wasn’t perfect. She was your typical airheaded popular girl. That made it safer. It was much better to have a crush on someone who was only physically interesting than someone who turned out to be beautiful both inside and out. She smiled at her reasoning, the first smile she’d cracked since lunch, bent her head over her books and got to work.