Jay reached across the table and snagged another fry off of Krista’s plate. She swatted his hand away and, glowering, said, “Look, I happen to like fries too. If you want some fries, order some.�



Ignoring her he munched and continued to address the group. “So, the rate sounds good, and he can fit us in next weekend. What do you think?�



There was thoughtful silence around the table for the first time that evening as the members of Q considered whether or not they were ready to record their demo. It was Tuesday evening and they had decided to meet up at Ray’s Deli prior to rehearsal to discuss band business and just hang out.



Krista glanced at Taryn out of the corner of her eye. She and Taryn had discussed the idea of bringing her music to the band, Taryn of course being more gung-ho about it than she. She half-hoped that she would just forget it and keep it between the two of them, but she knew better than that, and if she were to be honest, the other half of her wanted Taryn to bring it up. She was proud of her music, no matter how deep she tried to bury her ego, and thought it was worth their attention.



As if hearing her thoughts, Taryn rapped on the table and cleared her throat. “Actually,� she said, her voice official. “I’m thinking it might be a good idea to hold off on the demo until we’ve learned at least one of Krista’s songs.� She grinned at Krista sideways, and Krista sighed and slumped a little in the booth. Taryn flicked her lightly on the arm and waited for the others’ reactions.



Jay and Sergio looked between the two girls, bewildered. “What are you talking about?� Jay asked.



Taryn nudged Krista, encouraging her to speak up. Krista rolled her eyes at her, muttering, “You tell ‘em. You’re the one who’s excited about it.�



The boys watched the exchange impatiently until Sergio, fed up with the lack of information, turned to Krista for clarification. “Seriously, what’s going on?� he demanded. “Learn what music?�



“Um…I might have a song that maybe could go on the demo…if you guys liked it,� Krista said, the volume dropping until the last word was a whisper.



Taking pity on the girl, Taryn jumped in and said, “Krista’s got some songs to share with us. They’re really good. I was thinking we could try some of them out tonight and maybe use one for the demo.�



“What? You write?� Jay asked Krista incredulously. She nodded sheepishly; she knew exactly what his next question would be. “Why didn’t you tell us before?� She shrugged and offered him a small smile.



“I wasn’t sure you’d be interested,� she explained.



“Well, cool. New music. Can’t have too much of that,� Sergio stated with finality, and slurped contentedly on his shake. Jay shot him an annoyed look before turning to his sister.



“You’ve heard it?� he questioned.



She regarded him with a frown. He seemed perturbed by the revelation rather than excited at the prospect of having new material for the demo. “Yeah, she played it for me the other night,� she replied. “So, I’d love to get into Tony’s studio and record this weekend, but it would be cool if we could get one more song down, one of Krista’s, to put on the demo. And if we could re-work our old stuff and get her doing backing vocals and harmonizing.�



“It’s okay if we don’t have time,� Krista interjected.



“I don’t see why we couldn’t. I mean, no offense Krista, but how hard could it be?� Sergio asked, swallowing a mouthful of milkshake.



Jay continued to look at Taryn silently, contemplatively. She met his gaze with an annoyed look. “What’s your problem?�



He shook his head slowly. “Nothing. Just thinking. So,� he said, turning to Krista and drawing himself up with the air of someone who was changing the subject, “are you ready to bring them tonight?�



“Yeah,� she said simply. She felt a sense of disquiet at the strange interaction between the siblings. Things had seemed strained between them for a while, and their bickering had grown increasingly less friendly. She had the distinct feeling of missing out on something.



“Alright. I’ll book the studio for next weekend after next. Friday night through Sunday. Does that work for you guys?�



The group nodded with the exception of Sergio, who cleared his throat and said, “That’s perfect. We can use Carly’s party as a runthrough.�



“What?� Jay asked, his voice climbing an octave.



“Well, a little birdie named Carly came up to me today and asked if we wanted to play her Halloween party.�



His words were like a magic spell that worked on everyone except for Krista as Taryn smiled and clapped once in almost child-like excitement while Jay whooped, drawing stares from the restaurant’s other patrons; clearly playing at Carly’s party was a big deal. Krista glanced around, waiting for someone to fill her in.



“Hell’s yeah we’ll play at her party!� Jay exclaimed.



“If we get to play early,� Taryn added. “I want to be able to relax and have a good time, not worry about playing later.�



“No problem,� Sergio said. “She said they were having a DJ for the later part of the night, and we’d be the early act. So we can party,� he added with a wide grin.



“Alright,� Krista interrupted, tired of being in the dark. “Who, what, when, where, why?�



“Carly Myers throws these fuckin’ awesome parties,� Jay exclaimed excitedly. “Her parents are loaded, and it’s always huge, everyone’s there, and it’s just…the highlight of the year. Good job, Serg.� He gave him a high-five.



“He said he’d get us the gig,� Taryn said as she leaned over and gave him a high-five as well, “and he did. You the man!�



Sergio puffed out his chest and pursed his lips in imitation of a model and preened. “Yes…I am.� The table erupted in laughter. “But that means we have to get our shit together. The party’s next weekend, and we’re recording the weekend after. We’re gonna have to hustle through these next couple of weeks to get our set tight.�



They continued to talk about the party with excited gestures and the occasional exclamation. Krista listened on with interest, her mind racing ahead as her heart pounded in a pre-emptive panic attack; while this was a great opening gig for Q, it was much more than that for her. It was to be her first party of the year, at her new school, and she would be hanging with the cool kids. She listened to the details and her nervousness grew as she tried to imagine how she would fair in such an environment. From the sounds of it, this was not some fourth grade Halloween party. What would she wear? Who would she talk to? She supposed she could hang out with the band as much as possible, but they would probably all have dates. And how are you going to get your parents to let you go, she asked herself.



Krista snapped out of her cloud when she felt a pair of eyes on her. She met Taryn’s eyes and smiled, knowing she had been busted.



“Too much thinking,� Taryn said, lifting her eyebrow. Krista rolled her eyes and looked away.



Sergio glanced at his watch and noted that they should begin rehearsal soon. The group packed up their discarded wrappers and paper cartons and headed for the door. They piled into the Honda with no small amount of shoving and cursing. To a casual observer they looked like a group of close friends, and indeed the dynamic of the group had changed dramatically, at least in Krista’s eyes. She knew the others had always been like this, having known each other for years. She had just never considered that she might find herself a welcome member of the group, both musically and socially.



Her sense of contentment disappeared after setting up in Jay and Taryn’s basement. The rehearsal started with the same routines and patterns as always, but it didn’t take long for things to take a bad turn, at least in Krista’s opinion. She looked up after tuning her bass to find everyone looking at her expectantly.



“What?� she asked, glancing from face to face.



“Um, you wanna start?� Sergio prompted. She stared at him with a deer-in-the-headlights look. Taryn walked over to her and touched her arm in reassurance.



“Just go ahead and play what you played for me,� she encouraged, beckoning her to step to the microphone stand. “I’ll back you up.�



Krista nodded. Her fingers ran an agitated pattern across the strings of her bass and she continued to glance between the others for a moment more. It was only Sergio’s growing look of impatience that spurred her into action. She took a deep breath and moved to stand in front of the mic. It seemed to loom over her, much larger than it was. She cleared her throat and plucked a few experimental notes. With a final glance at Taryn, who was beaming at her with encouragement, she launched into her song.



The first note she sang made her flinch; her voice sounded so much larger than her in the acoustics of the room. She heard Jay lightly tapping on his drum kit, trying out the rhythm, as well as a few light strums from Sergio. She started to relax, closing her eyes and pretending that she was in her room, alone, just another run-through of a song she had played countless times before. She felt her lips form an irrepressible smile as she prepared to launch into the chorus, only to be derailed when she felt a presence close to her. She opened her eyes and found Taryn, standing mere inches away. Taryn leaned in close, her smiling eyes meeting Krista’s wide ones, and began singing along. Of course: they had practiced this vocal pairing and Krista should have known this was coming. There was, after all, only one mic.



They locked eyes for only a few seconds, but it seemed like forever. Krista stared at the woman who was causing her heart to thump painfully in her chest. Taryn’s easy smile faltered, a questioning look in her eyes. Krista looked down at her instrument, her voice faltering as she struggled to refocus her attention on the music and not on Taryn’s face, which was so close she could feel her breath against her cheek.



Taryn lowered her eyes, suddenly feeling stiff and uncomfortable. An inner voice taunted her that that had been happening with increasing frequency the more time she and Krista spent together. She must be catching, she joked to herself. She dismissed the strangeness of her reaction and finished up the chorus, melting away from the microphone with an unmistakable feeling of relief as the distance between the two of them increased again.



The song went into the second verse, and both girls were startled when Sergio and Jay began to play along at full volume; they had forgotten that they were even there. Krista couldn’t suppress the large grin that threatened to consume her face. This was her song, her music, as full and complete as she had imagined it. She listened closely to the others as she sang, loving the way the boys were adding to the song as if they were somehow inside her head. It couldn’t have sounded better if she had written their parts herself. She tried not to beam too much. It didn’t seem appropriate to be enjoying it as much as she was.



They continued through the song with only a few snags in the bridge where the chord structure was different from the rest of the song. The remaining choruses, however, went off without a hitch as both singers were now prepared for the proximity of sharing the microphone. Unbeknownst to one another, they had both reached the same resolve; they concentrated on the music and blocked out anything else, including each other. Only Taryn was left confused as to why that was even necessary.

Taryn took her eyes from the road to cast an annoyed look at Jay, who was drumming his fingers against the dashboard in rapid time to the song blaring from the stereo. He continued drumming, oblivious to her look. She sighed and turned her attention back to the road ahead. No one had ever mistaken her for a morning person. Her brother, on the other hand, was often obnoxiously awake, seeming to jump into that state as soon as the alarm went off, whereas she was a wreck for hours if she didn’t snooze at least twice.



She was jerked out of the last vestiges of sleepiness when Jay grabbed her arm. “Hey,� he said, pointing out the window. Up ahead, Krista was biking in the right hand lane. Her army-camouflage backpack was unmistakable. “Pull up next to her.�



“I don’t want to scare her,� Taryn protested. Nor do I want to watch you drooling over her. Nevertheless she slowed the car as she neared the biker. Jay lowered the volume on the radio before he rolled down his window.



Krista sensed the car behind her and maneuvered her bike closer to the curb to make sure it had room. When it didn’t immediately pass her by, she hazarded a glance over her shoulder. She smiled upon recognizing the occupants and squeezed the brakes, pulling her bike to a smooth stop while Taryn carefully moved the car alongside her.



“Hey,� Jay greeted from the passenger-side window, grinning.



“Hey yourselves,� she responded, leaning down to peer into the window.



“You want a ride the rest of the way?� Jay asked.



Krista looked down at her bike, twisting the handlebars a bit. “I have a ride,� she pointed out, smiling.



He looked down, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, I guess you do. Well, you know, if you ever get tired or something, the offer’s always there.�



“Thanks. I’d better get going. I’m not gonna get there as fast as you and I don’t wanna be late.� With that she waved at them, casting one last glance at Taryn, who hadn’t spoken a word, and pushed herself off. Taryn let her get a start before pulling out from the curb. They eased past the biking girl and started up the hill. Jay reached over and turned the radio back up, switching between stations. Taryn watched him from the corner of her eye in silence. Ever since their talk, if you could call it that, he had given Krista a pretty wide berth- but he had also kept his distance from Taryn. She missed the camaraderie they had once shared. She missed her brother. She sighed out loud and he glanced at her.



“What?� he asked.



“I just…� She stopped, unsure how to proceed. “I wish we weren’t fighting anymore.�



“Who’s fighting?�



She sighed. “Fine. I wish we were talking again.�



Jay peered at her. “I wish you hadn’t been such a bitch about the whole thing.�



“I know, I know.� She gripped the steering wheel tight in frustration. “I just…I hated being in the middle. I hated being responsible for whatever progress you did or didn’t make with her.�



Jay shrugged and nodded his head. “I know. That was wrong of me. But y’know, the whole her not liking me thing? It could have come out nicer, like maybe from her. But I guess you guys have gotten close enough that you’d know, of all people, if I had a chance.� He paused and chewed on his lip. He seemed to be thinking out his next words. “The thing that got me the most though was that it bothered you so much that I was trying.�



She clamped her lips shut against the torrent of protestations that threatened to disrupt the tentative treaty they were establishing. In truth, she knew that it had bothered her a lot, and that it went beyond feeling uncomfortable at being put in the middle. She just didn’t know what that beyond was. It was a gray area that she could not fix her mind on. Whenever she tried to home in on it and figure it out, it eluded her and slipped back into the shadows of her mind. Maybe she had been concerned that it was making Krista uncomfortable; that wouldn’t be unusual. After all, they were friends now. Friends looked out for each other. And maybe she had been a little concerned about Jay getting hurt as well. How many times could a guy get turned down anyway before his pride sent him packing?



“You seem to have gotten pretty close to her though,� he continued.



“What do you mean?� she asked, not moving her gaze from the road ahead.



“You know. You guys spend a lot of time together.� She felt him glance at her and shrugged, keeping her face neutral; inside she felt the beginnings of a strange discomfort. She decided to say nothing more about it. They were making peace, and it was probably best that they leave the subject while it was still a civil conversation.



They rode the rest of the way in silence, each sibling lost in their own thoughts. Taryn pulled the car into a parking space and prepared to escape the heavy atmosphere that had settled inside the vehicle. She had removed the key from the ignition and was set to open the door when Jay said, “So, I heard you and TJ broke up.�



She turned to her brother with a mixture of surprise and exasperation. She didn’t have to think too hard about where he had come across that particular piece of information. “When did mom tell you?�



“The same night,� he admitted.



“Is that why you didn’t bite my head off about canceling the party?� He inclined his head to one side as if to say ‘Maybe’ and she laughed.



“Why’d you guys break up?�



Instinct stopped her from telling him that it had a lot to do with the amount of time she had been spending with Krista. She couldn’t understand why they always seemed to argue when she came up in the conversation. “Differences,� she said vaguely.



Jay regarded her for a moment. It was obvious that he was not the least bit fooled by her, but in a gesture of the utmost maturity he simply said, “Well, I’m sorry,� and got out of the car. Taryn looked after him for a moment before getting out as well, a palpable feeling of relief settling in her. That was the weirdest drive ever. She glanced at her watch; five minutes till class. She looked around the parking lot, wondering if Krista would make it in time. She shouldered her bag and hurried towards the cafeteria to get some juice before class started.

The bell rang, signaling the end of sixth period. Doors banged against the hallway walls as students came pouring out of their classrooms. Krista joined the throng, chatting with the girl who had just been assigned as her lab partner. They walked down the hall together, complaining loudly about the upcoming test that had been announced during class. They passed Mrs. Taylor, who reminded Krista that she still had not received her submission and that time was running short.



“I’ll get on it,� Krista assured her, making a mental note to do something about it that weekend. As they approached the stairwell, Krista could see Taryn and Meg coming up the stairs. Meg was gesturing wildly, and Krista caught snatches of their one-sided conversation as the two pairs neared each other.



“You have to start thinking about who you’re going to prom with, you don’t just take anyone…�



Krista caught Taryn’s eye as they passed each other, and they shared a moment of silent communication as Taryn rolled her eyes and Krista smirked at her, recognizing it as a continuation of the conversation from lunch. Taryn’s friends had come close to exploding when Taryn had told them of her break-up with TJ, so much so that Krista had wound up leaving early just to escape the screeching. The main concern had been who Taryn would take to the prom now that she and TJ were quits. Krista didn’t understand the big hurry to find a new boyfriend anyway. Prom was months and months away. She started to say as much to her lab partner when the other girl suddenly asked, “So, are you gonna try and get invited to the Senior Prom?�



Krista resisted the urge to smack herself on the forehead, settling instead for a tight, “No.� She picked up the pace as the other girl began to prattle on about the event, listing her pick of senior boys she would like to have ask her to go, and upon reaching the door of her classroom, breathed a quick, “See ya’ later� before ducking into the room.

Taryn pulled the Honda into the parking lot and steered it towards the entrance. She hoped she wasn’t too late.



Her face broke into a large grin as she pulled closer to the entrance. She could see Krista standing in the doorway, staring forlornly at the wall of rain in front of her. Across the walkway, which Taryn imagined must seem like miles away at that moment, Krista’s bike leaned in the bike rack like a drowned thing. She watched as Krista noticed the approaching car, her face breaking into a grin to answer Taryn’s own. She put the car in poark, jumped out and ran up to the door, dodging the largest puddles as she went. She stopped beside Krista, a wide grin on her face, wet strands already sticking to her skin from the short trip.



“At the risk of sounding terribly repetitive: Do you want a ride?�



Krista laughed and nodded her head. “Yes, please.�



“Have you seen my bro--- Never mind.� Krista followed her look to where Jay was coming down the hall.



“Wooo,� he commented when he reached them and got a good look at the rain.



“Want a ride?� Taryn asked him.



He looked at her in surprise. “No, I’m getting one from Dan. What are you doing here anyway? You got out like hours ago.�



“Well, it was raining, and I wasn’t busy, so I thought I’d just come and get you guys.� She struggled to hold his gaze as the half-lie flew from her mouth. Talking on the phone with Candace was not her definition of busy, but she had never dropped everything to come and pick her brother up just because it was raining. Her first thought as she’d watched the sudden downpour from the safety of her room had been to close her window before everything got soaked; her next, Krista struggling home on her bike. She had said a hasty good-bye to a dumbfounded Candace and sped to the school, her eyes alert in case Krista was already attempting the trip home. In all honesty, Jay had never crossed her mind, and she felt more than a little guilty about that.



“Oh…� He regarded her for a moment, not buying her explanation. “Well, Dan’s waiting in back. I told him you might still be around and need a ride,� he said to Krista.



“Well, one of you needs to come with me so it’s not a complete waste of my time,� Taryn interjected. “So Jay, why don’t you just go with Dan, and I’ll take Krista home. See? Easy.�



He looked at Krista for confirmation.



“I’ll just go with Taryn. Thanks for thinking of me though,� she said, her voice small and uneasy.



“Okay,� he said, his expression inscrutable. He turned and started back down the hall, tossing, “See ya’ at home, sis,� over his shoulder.



Taryn experienced a twinge of conscience at his tone, and glanced at Krista, who was watching her. She no doubt had sensed the tension in that exchange. What else could she have done? She was not putting Krista alone in a car with Dan, a guy she didn’t even know. So maybe it would have helped if she had called first to let them know she was coming? The decision to come and get Krista had hardly been a conscious one. She had thought about poor Krista trying to bike home in the rain and had decided to come and get her. Just like any friend would.



“So, you ready?� she asked, effectively shutting up any inner dialogue.



“Do you think my bike’ll fit in your car?� Krista questioned, casting a doubtful look at the vehicle.



“Yes.�



Twenty minutes later the two girls settled into the car, shivering with cold, the bike wedged into the back seat (since the trunk proved to be too small after all). Taryn fumbled for the temperature gauge, twisting the knob to its highest setting. She reached into the backseat and produced a t-shirt which she offered to Krista. Krista looked at the material questioningly. “For your face,� Taryn explained. Krista nodded in understanding and wiped at her face, attempting to stop the streams of water flowing from her hair.



Taryn brushed her hair back and used the shirt she was wearing as a towel for her face. Once satisfied with her level of vision, she put the car in drive and started forward. The rain was sluicing down the windshield in thick rivers. The street was barely visible through the glass. The only sound inside the car was the rapid swooshing of the wipers.



Taryn kept her eyes fixed on the road ahead, but she sensed her passenger’s nervousness in the set of her body. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Krista was sitting upright in the seat, clutching the soaked t-shirt in her lap. “You can relax,� Taryn assured her. “I’m a good driver.�



Krista laughed softly. “Sorry. Weather like this makes me nervous in cars.� Taryn nodded her understanding.



“I promise I’ll pull over if it looks like it’s getting too bad to drive.� She hummed to herself a little as she eased the car down the street, doing no more than 20 miles an hour. “How was practice?�



“Fine. We’re picking up the pace a lot. We’ve got a concert coming up already.�



“Oh yeah. The Thanksgiving concert.�



“I don’t see why we have to have two concerts for two holidays that’re so close together. Why wouldn’t you just wrap a Thanksgiving and Christmas concert all into one? Give me a break. And what’s with the penguin outfits we have to wear?� Krista glanced at Taryn, who was looking out the driver side window in an effort to hide her laughter. “Are you laughing at me?� she asked in faux indignation.



Taryn gave up pretense and looked at her disgruntled passenger, laughter spilling from her lips. “Sorry,� she apologized between chuckles.



Krista shook her head, laughing herself. “Go ahead. Yuck it up. At least your brother gets to look like an idiot with me.�



“Ohhhh, I bet you’ll look really cute,� she teased. Krista rolled her eyes and looked out her window, missing the frown that flashed over Taryn’s face. There was that uncomfortable feeling again. “Hey,� she said abruptly, “What are you wearing for Halloween?�



Krista gaped at her for a moment. “You do that all the time.�



“What?�



“You change the subject so fast. One minute we’re talking jazz concert, the next thing I know you’re asking me about Halloween.�



“Sorry. I was just wondering if you already had a costume all picked out. My mind kinda jumps around like that.�



“Well, to answer your question…I don’t know what I’m wearing.�



“You’d better start thinking about it before all the good costumes are gone.�



“It’s a pretty big deal, huh?�



Taryn shook her head. “You don’t even understand. Some people plan their entire social calendar around this one party.� She glanced at Krista. Seeing her doubtful look, she added, “It’s true.�



Krista sighed and leaned back in her seat. “I don’t even know where to look.�



“I was planning on going this week, like tomorrow after school or something, before practice. You wanna come with me?�



“Okay. Yeah. I can use all the help I can get.� She lapsed into silence.



Taryn glanced again at the pensive girl. She had learned a lot about Krista over the last month. As their friendship grew, so did her knowledge about her, and she found herself able to determine her thought processes with increasing ease. “It’s gonna be fine. It’ll be a great party, you’ll have a great time, and we’re gonna have a great show. So stop worrying. You’re such an old lady for 16.� She reached over and pushed her playfully. Krista laughed and started to push her back. Taryn held up a warning finger, and nodded her head out the window. “Best not to mess with the driver.�



“You’d better hope it’s still raining by the time you get me home, or it’s me, you, and pavement.�



“Hah.� Taryn reached over and turned on the stereo, the sounds of a popular Top 40 song that both girls recognized at once flooding the car. They began to sing along at the tops of their lungs, rolling down the street at 20 miles an hour.

“I need something hot,� Taryn muttered to herself as she squeezed in between a rack full of costumes and a towering mannequin wearing a Grim Reaper outfit. Krista chose to go the long way around, and met her on the other side where she was fingering a gauzy black costume. “Is vampiress overdone?� she asked Krista, holding out a piece of the material for her to feel.



Krista shrugged. I don’t think she really wants my opinion on how she would look in that, she thought, concealing a wicked grin as she took in the costume.



“Yeah, a little dated.� Taryn said, talking to herself again. She moved aimlessly about the costume superstore: ‘Home to hundreds of quality costumes at bargain prices’ the signs around the store proclaimed. Krista could believe it, at least the ‘hundreds of costumes’ part. The store was lit like a football stadium, and everywhere she looked there were racks of costumes. They had passed through the main floor, which housed an impressive variety of children’s costumes, without a glance and gone straight to the back room. It was clear from the contrast in overall quality that the back room was where the serious costumers went to shop. Realistic monster masks adorned the walls, and dresses, capes, suits and the like hung from what looked like endless rows of circular racks. Krista was overwhelmed, and would have been happy to stay in one spot, her mouth gaping, if not for Taryn’s ceaseless movement through the store in pursuit of a “hot� costume. Thus far she had found nothing that met her approval, although she had given Krista a lifetime’s worth of heart palpitations as she had held up one after another, asking her opinion. Krista did not think she had ever been as dry in the mouth as she was that afternoon. She vowed to make Taryn stop for a drink on the way home. This is what happens when you become friends with someone you’re lusting after, she thought with a wry smile. Over all she thought she was holding up pretty well.



“Got it!� she heard from somewhere ahead of her. She had lost track of Taryn while wool-gathering, and hurried towards her voice. Taryn turned to her as she approached and held up her find. “Check this out!�



Krista stopped and did indeed check it out. It was a brown camouflage army outfit…that seemed to be missing some pieces. From what she could see, it consisted of pants and a very short halter top. Before she had a chance to respond (though she wasn’t at all sure that she would have been able to say anything), Taryn had flounced over to the dressing room and disappeared inside. Oh God, don’t let her come out with that on, please don’t make me go through this.



Moments later Taryn emerged from the dressing room clothed in the costume.



Krista snapped her mouth shut and struggled to get her thoughts together. What’s the right response? She smiled weakly as Taryn twirled in front of her. The pants hung low and snug on Taryn’s hips; the top plunged at the neckline, exposing cleavage that belonged in the sort of magazine she was not yet old enough to buy; the bottom of the top barely extended below her chest, leaving a vast expanse of firm, muscled torso exposed. Overall the effect was knee-weakening, and Krista fought the fight of her life just to keep her eyes from wandering over Taryn’s body one too many times.



“So?� Taryn asked, smiling eagerly, her hands held out to her side as she posed. “Is it hot? Am I so very ‘Tomb Raider’?�



Krista nodded and managed to squeeze out, “Yeah.�



Taryn dropped her arms and pouted. “Yeah? All I get is ‘yeah’?� She turned and began looking around the store, and Krista watched her in confusion until Taryn stopped and began to walk away from her. Krista’s eyes traced the path of her movement and landed on an unsuspecting young man, not much older than her from the looks of him, perusing through a rack nearby. She watched in horror as Taryn sauntered over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around, Krista got to see the reaction she had struggled so hard to keep down. The boy gazed at Taryn like a star-struck fan, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed convulsively.



“Do you think this is a good costume?� she asked, her voice pitched low.



He let his eyes roam without hindrance over her figure, a slow grin spreading over his face. “Hell yeah,� he said, nodding.



“Thanks,� she said, and turned away to head back to the dressing room. “It’s a winner,� she sad to Krista before closing the curtain.



Krista allowed all the tension she had been holding in during that scene to escape her body as she let out a long breath. She glanced over to where the guy was still standing expectantly and flashed him a murderous glare. He looked at her with wide eyes before getting the hint and walking away. She fumed as she waited for Taryn to finish changing back into her street clothes, her annoyance growing by the second. This was really too much to ask of her. It wasn’t fair. It was like a game they played, only Taryn didn’t know the stakes. Krista would just get to the point where her crush would ebb to a dull throb, and then Taryn would pull some stunt like that and send it into a full-blown 8.0 on the Richter scale.



The curtains parted and Taryn stepped out, her costume cradled in her arms. “Your turn,� she announced.



“What?� she asked. “Why are you looking at me?�



“Well, where do we start?�



“I don’t know,� Krista said irritably. “That’s why you’re here.�



Taryn rolled her eyes. “I should have known you’d make this difficult.� She led Krista through the racks, asking questions as they went. “What have you been in the past?�



“A witch…a nun…a kitten---�



“Okay, a kitten! Like what? Slinky black latex or something?� Krista looked at her, expressionless. “Right, didn’t think so. Okay, I’m sensing a trend. You like costumes with full coverage. Any chance of you coming out of that?� At Krista’s shake of her head, she said, “I didn’t think so.� She pulled a costume off the rack and held it up for her. “How about this? It has a pretty big cape…�



Krista gave the costume the once over. The cape she could deal with; the leotard was another thing all together. She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “You said vampiress was out-dated.�



“Only if you’ve already done it,� Taryn explained.



“It’s not me.�



Taryn returned the costume to the rack, shaking her head. “Halloween costumes are about not being you. I’m not an actual soldier, am I?� She shook her head again, sighing with exaggerated hopelessness. “Alrightee then. You take over.�



Krista led her back towards the front of the store, and Taryn followed her quietly as she went from rack to rack. She did not bother to even pick up half the costumes; she was too aware of Taryn, always within two feet of her, and of her opinion. She knew that no matter what she chose, it would not meet with Taryn’s approval. It would not be “hot� or daring enough.



They had made their fourth circuit around the same set of racks when Taryn put her hand out to stop her. “This isn’t going to happen today, is it?�



“I’m sorry.�



“Don’t be. It’s cool. I’ll come with you again; it’s no problem.�



“Thanks.� Krista smiled in relief, and allowed Taryn to lead her to the door. She knew she would not be returning to the costume shop with her. It was just too nerve-wrecking. There was, however, one person that she could imagine helping her.

“A devil costume, huh? Sounds hot.� Marshall flashed a sly grin at her before jotting a number down on the clipboard he carried. He was moving slowly from aisle to aisle, taking note of items that needed to be reordered with Krista following closely behind.



“It’s not hot,� she explained patiently, as if talking to a child. “And it’s just an idea. I’m thinking I could do it up, make it really…dark and scary. So you wanna go with me to the fabric store or not?�



“Why dark and scary? Why not hot?�



She sighed in frustration. His mind was so one-track. In fact, he and Taryn seemed to be of the same school of thought. Since when did Halloween become synonymous with “hot,� anyway?



“I don’t do hot. I can do scary.�



He paused for a moment and turned to give her the once-over. “You could do hot.� He continued down the next aisle, oblivious to the glare she levied his way.



“You suck. I’m not talking to you anymore.� She followed him anyway, fingering CDs as she went.



“What’s Taryn wearing?�



“Some G.I. Jane-type thing. Now that was completely hot. You should’ve seen it. It put Angelina Jolie to shame.� She was about to go on when, over Marshall’s shoulder, she saw Taryn enter the store. She wasn’t alone. She tapped Marshall’s arm and nodded in their direction.



“Hey guys,� Taryn greeted as she drew near, her companion trailing behind her.



“Hey,� they greeted back, trying not to be too obvious in their appraisal of the tall man standing behind her.



“This is David,� she introduced. “I met him at the coffee shop. This is Marshall and Krista.� They exchanged greetings, Taryn beaming next to them. She was almost bouncing on her toes, Krista noted, and she fought the sudden urge to vomit all over her shoes.



“Do you guys have a public restroom?� David inquired.



“Oh yeah, just back behind that door.� Taryn pointed at the door marked “Employees Only,� and he smiled at her gratefully before going that way. She waited until he had disappeared behind the door before turning back to her friends. “Is he hot or what?�



“There’s that word again,� Krista muttered.



Marshall shot her a sympathetic look before asking, “You picked him up at the coffee shop?�



“Yeah. I was talking to Linda and he came over, he knows her, and we started talking and hit it off. So he asked me to have dinner with him.�



“How old is he?� Krista asked. His closely cropped beard gave him the appearance of a young college professor.



“22. He’s studying to be an investment banker.� She glanced at the door through which he had gone. “I just came by to pick up my check, and then we’re off.�



“They’re back here,� Marshall said, heading towards the counter with Taryn in tow. Krista stayed where she was, disappointment coursing through her. Of course, she hadn’t expected that someone like Taryn would stay single forever; just the other night at the movies, she had started flirting with some guy who had wound up sitting with them. She had just hoped that she would have more time with Taryn to herself, but that was not to be the case it seemed. She watched her talking excitedly with Marshall, and wondered if this guy would be the one. She had to admit, he was cute. For a boy.



She started a little when David brushed by her en route from the bathroom. He shot her an apologetic look and continued to where Taryn was now waiting for him. She watched as Taryn slipped her paycheck into her back pocket and started towards the door.



“See you guys,� she said.



“It was nice to meet you,� David added as he was lead to the door. Marshall stepped out from behind the counter to join Krista, and together they watched the pair leave. When they were gone, Marshall turned to her with sympathetic eyes.



“No worries. It won’t last long. She’s got a reputation for going through boyfriends the way some people go through a box of cereal,� he explained, attempting to make her feel better.



“Well, she seemed pretty excited about this one,� Krista pointed out sourly.



“She seemed excited about TJ too at first.�



Krista smiled at him. “Do I tell you enough how glad I am that I met you?�



“You can tell me at the costume shop,� he said, returning to the last section he was in and resuming his inventory.



“What?� She followed behind, confused. “Are you going to the party too?�



“No way,� he pished, his tone full of scorn. “I’ve got better things to do than hang out with a bunch of teenagers who think they’re cool because they raided mommy and daddy’s liquor cabinet. No offense,� he added, shooting her a look.



“None taken. Then why are we going to the costume shop?�



“To get you something…fierce. Something that would make the straightest straight girl do a double-take.�



She sighed in exasperation. “Mar---“



“Listen,� he interrupted, fixing her with a stern gaze. “It’s like this. You want Taryn. Chances are, you might never get her. It’s harsh,� he added as her expression saddened, “but you know it’s true. It’s the sad reality of life, gay or straight. However, that does not mean that you can’t have someone. This little shindig’s gonna have, what, a couple hundred raging teenagers, all ready to have a good time and do something wild. Half of that will be girls, right? Do you know your math. One in ten?� She nodded, seeing where he was going. “So, odds are there’s going to be at least one other lonely little lesbian at that party. They’re small odds, so we’ve gotta do what we can to stack them in your favor. No rinky-dink kiddie costume is gonna do it. We gotta make sure that that one lesbian notices you…unless she’s butt ugly, in which case I suggest you lock yourself in a bathroom until she leaves.�



“It’s just not me,� she argued weakly. “I don’t know if I could do that kind of thing.�



“Halloween is not about being you. None of the folks in zombie masks are really zombies…well, some are, but that’s not the point. Use this one night to take a chance and be someone different. Or not so different. Be a Super Krista. And be ready to go Saturday afternoon at two o’clock.� With that he turned back to his work and ignored her. She sighed in defeat; what was the worst that could happen?



“Fine. But you have to help me come up with a way to get out of the house too then.�



“Done.�

“A triple-feature?� her father repeated, shaking his head. “Who can sit through that many movies?�



“I didn’t think teenagers had that kind of attention span these days,� her mother added.



Krista shrugged, concentrating on cutting her pork chop and not meeting their eyes.



“There’s probably more socializing going on than actual movie viewing,� her father continued. “If I remember my movie dates correctly.�



Krista looked up quickly, shooting her father a murderous look. “Dad!�



Janice also favored her husband with a searing glance. “I doubt that’ll be a problem. She’s going with Taryn and Jay.�



“I saw Jay walking past the store the other day with a young lady,� he said, directing his attention at Krista. “Are you two not…?�



“No, and we never were,� Krista answered in exasperation.



“Oh. And what about Marshall?�



“We’re not, and he’s not going anyway. He has plans.�



“Oh.� Janice hesitated, unsure whether to continue. “Well, just so you know, if he were going, that’d be fine.�



Krista’s head threatened to fall into her mashed potatoes as she held her tongue. The story about the triple-feature had been perfect, as Marshall had known. There was such a thing going on Halloween night, and it was very popular and heavily attended; Krista was just not going to be there. The six hour span would give her enough time to go to the party, play Q’s sets, and even hang out a bit before she would need to be home. If her parents should get it into their heads to check up on her there, they would have a hard time trying to find her in a crowded movie theater. It was only this part, where they attempted to converse about her (non-existent, but still imagined) personal life that was rough going.



“What we’re trying to say,� her father added once it was clear that she would not respond, “is that, in case we hadn’t made it clear or something, it’s okay for you to date.� He smiled widely, as if he had bestowed her with the greatest gift in the world. It pained her to see her parents trying so hard and be so far off.



“Thank you,� she said, plastering a smile on her face. “That’s very…nice of you. Dad, how’s the store going?� Her smile widened; that was a change of subject worthy of Taryn.



“Oh,� he started, caught unawares. “Well, it’s going well. Do you want to come down with me Saturday morning and check it out?�



“Sure. That’d be great.�



She breathed an inaudible sigh of relief at her good fortune in picking a topic that would divert her parents from their previous line of questioning as her father launched into an animated explanation of the changes and renovations he was doing that lasted throughout the rest of the meal. When dinner ended she declined their invitation to play a game of Scrabble, and retreated to her room. Once the door clicked shut behind her, she sat on her bed with a world-weary shake of her head. She had so much homework to do, and if yesterday’s practice with Q was any indication, the next week would be absolute hell. They were perfectionist, her bandmates- not to say that she was any less demanding of herself- but accompanied with preparing for the jazz recital, her fingers were getting sore and she found that she had to make a conscious effort at times not to get the music mixed up. She thanked whatever powers at work for hearing her complaint to Taryn the other day; Mr. Brannigan had announced at jazz rehearsal that afternoon that there had been a change to the schedule. The two proposed concerts were now being combined into one holiday concert which would not take place until early December. That did not mean that she would necessarily slack on practicing for jazz band, but she felt less guilty about putting aside some of the music to concentrate on Q’s upcoming performance at Carly’s party.



And there was another point of concern. Curious, she had kept an eye out for the girl and, when she had spotted her at last in the halls, wondered how in the world she had ever missed her. Carly Pearl lived the life that Krista had once envisioned Taryn in: football players and girls that made Taryn’s circle look like Rhodes Scholars. It gave her a chill just thinking about being at an event hosted by someone like that, and her anxiety level about a costume, which had been on the low side, had since gone through the roof. She hoped Marshall would be lead her down the right path at the costume shop tomorrow. She instinctively knew that showing up to that if she showed up to that party looking lame, not even Q’s popularity would help her.



She leaned over and put her face in her hands in a gesture of total despair. When did being a teenager get so hard? She almost missed the times when she was a nobody with no social life, who only had to lie to her parents about her sexuality and nothing else. Almost, she thought, hauling herself up and reaching for her bass, but not quite.

A week and one day later she was back in her room, in almost the same position, in almost the same state of despair and panic. The only difference was that instead of covering her eyes with her hands, she was staring into her open closet at the item hanging on the hook in the door. She sat there for a long while, contemplating the garment before shaking her head and muttering, “Maybe it would be better to be a nobody again. Stupid Marshall.�



She picked up the phone and punched in Diana’s number, fervently praying that she be home. She had just about given up by the fifth ring when it picked up.



“Hello?�



“D, I’m about to have a breakdown. I don’t know if I can do this.�



“Hold on, Kris.� She heard Diana’s muffled voice informing her mother that she was going downstairs, followed by the heavy tread of footsteps. She heard a door close and then, “There, that’s better. A little privacy. Now, why are you panicking? Everything’s set, right?�



“Yeah,� Krista admitted. She had the story, she had the tickets (Marshall’s idea) to back-up the story, she had a plan, and she had a new costume. What she lacked was nerves. “This all seemed so fine when we were talking about it. But I’m standing here, looking at this costume, and suddenly I don’t remember why I decided to do this.�



“Cause you’re young and it’s fun,� Diana supplied on cue. “You’re gonna have a great time. I’m absolutely jealous.�



“Well, you could come and go instead.� Krista frowned at the gauzy white Cleopatra costume that Marshall had picked out, so innocent-looking on the rack in the store, but the picture of wanton temptress from hell when draped on a human body. “What was I thinking?� she moaned. They had gone to the costume shop last Saturday as planned and Marshall had taken control, leading her to the rack with the cursed costume as if it had had a homing beacon on it. He had thumbed through and grabbed a size without bothering to consult her, ordering her to try it on. One glance at the size on the label and she had protested, but he was hearing none of it. She had given up and made her way to the dressing room, but had refused to come out. Marshall had had to squeeze in beside her. He had reacted favorably (but how else would he act?), showering her with compliments about how sexy she looked while she tugged uncomfortably on the material as it clung in places she was not accustomed to, and revealed other places she was just as uncomfortable with. She didn’t know how he had managed to get her to the register and out the store; it was all a blur, a dream that she had awakened from a week later when it was time to take the offending material from its hiding place and drape herself in it. Seeing it again had shocked her back to reality: she had purchased a costume she could never pull off and formulated a plan that would never work.



“There’s only one way to look at this kind of challenge, Kris,� Diana said. “If you get caught, if your parents some how find out: was it worth it? You’re going to play this thing, right?�



“Right.�



“So, you may get in trouble anyway for sneaking out and lying, right?�



“Right.�



“So, you might as well make every bit of it count. And if you happen to catch the eye of some beautiful freshman, all the better for you.�



“Why a freshman?�



“It’s best to have someone who’ll be more frightened than even you.�



“Thank you. Thank you very much.�



“I gotta go. My mom’s calling.�



“Fine. Talk to you later.�



“Bye. And good luck.� Krista heard the distinct sound of giggling just before Diana hung up. She pressed the off button and resumed staring at her costume. Good luck. I’m going to need it.**********************************************

She glanced at the clock for what must have been the sixth time in the past ten minutes; she was surprised that neither of her parents had noticed, but they both seemed entranced by the game show they were watching. She tried to fix her attention on the $5,000 question, and gave a half-hearted attempt at an answer, but her body was filled with nervous energy that had her heart rate beating double-time. The minute hand seemed to slow down as six o’clock drew closer. She swore that the time stayed at 6:30 for a full ten minutes. When seven o’clock finally rolled around it was all she could do to calmly lean over and kiss her mom on the check before rising from the couch with measured nonchalance and announcing, “I should probably be going.�



“Okay,� her mother said, glancing at her when she stood. “Have a good time. Call us if there’s any trouble.�



“Don’t forget your ticket by the door,� her father reminded her as she made her way over to kiss him good-bye.



“I won’t,� she assured him. Another tip from Marshall. Leave the ticket somewhere where they could see it at all times, just as a constant reassurance to them. “Bye,� she called, and slipped out the door, ticket in hand. She kept her pace slow and steady as she approached the end of their walk. On the sidewalk she glanced casually back at the living room windows; no one was there, watching her, and her parents were out of her line of sight. She quickly bent and scurried along the edge of the bushes that lined their yard until she reached the place where she had stashed her backpack earlier. Grabbing it up by one strap, she straightened up and proceeded around the corner to Jay and Taryn’s house.



Jay answered the door, his blond hair spiked up, wearing tight leather black pants, a ripped t-shirt, and a studded leather collar. “Where’s your costume?� he asked as he let her in.



“I’ve got it.� She shook her backpack at him. “Who’re you supposed to be?�



“Billy Idol,� he answered, curling his lip in a sneer.



“Nice.� She turned to find Taryn and Sergio approaching from the living room, ready to go. She whistled low in appreciation at Sergio’s henchman outfit, reaching over to touch the double-headed axe he carried.



“Be careful,� he warned, pulling it away from her. “It’s sharp and real.�



She stared at him with wide eyes and a newfound respect. “Cool.�



“Everything’s in the van,� Taryn announced, “including your bass.� As part of the plan, Krista had left her bass with them after the last rehearsal. As Marshall had pointed out, the fewer things she was trying to get out of the house, the easier it would be. “Where’s your costume?�



“Gimme one second,� Krista said, tearing her eyes with some effort from what seemed like miles of exposed flesh. How can she look even better now than she did in the store? Before anyone could protest she dashed down the hall to the bathroom. Once inside, she shut the door and leaned against it, her breathing rapid as she experienced yet another onset of panic. She came very close at that moment to scrapping the entire thing. Could she really put the Cleopatra costume on, step out of that bathroom, and stand in front of her friends? What if she messed up the make-up and failed to put it on as Marshall had shown her?



“You’ve got no choice. You can’t stand here all night,� she said aloud to the reflection above the sink.

“Dude, she’d better not make us late. We have to set up and---“



“We have plenty of time,� Taryn interrupted.



“I still don’t see why she had to put it on here.�



“We’re fine,� Taryn said, and she glared at him. He shot her a doubtful look, but held his tongue. They were gathered in the foyer, all packed up and ready to go, and waiting for Krista.



When the bathroom door finally opened, they jumped into motion with barely a glance in that direction. They were headed towards the front door, ready to get into the van Sergio had borrowed from his dad and get their party started, when the front door opened and Cheryl entered.



“Oh hey, you’re still here,� she said in surprise, and stopped in her steps as she caught sight of Krista emerging from the bathroom. “Krista?� she asked, her voice full of disbelief, and the three teenagers turned around to see what was going on.



Krista froze as four sets of eyes turned to her. Her own eyes widened, and she stared back, motionless. For a moment no one moved, and the scene resembled a classic Western showdown.



The silence was finally broken by Sergio’s long, low whistle. “Wow,� he exclaimed.



Jay could only utter, “Damn.� They were simple responses, but it was more than Taryn could muster as she continued to stand and stare. Her tongue felt as if it had tripled in size, and she struggled to keep her mouth from falling open.



Krista shifted a little and with a small wave said, “Hi guys. I’m ready.�



“For loooving,� Sergio joked. Jay smacked him on the arm, followed by a none-too-gentle tap from Cheryl.



“Um, I’m glad I caught you guys,� she started with a quick shake of her head. She seemed to still be in a daze from the unexpected sight. “Let me give you my quick little lecture for the evening. You know my stance on underage drinking, but I know that my stance means diddly when it comes to a party. So if you imbibe this evening, and the police show up at your party, I don’t know you.� The teens laughed appreciatively. “Seriously, I know that telling you not to drink won’t stop you from doing it. At least be careful, and at least don’t…overdo it. And if things get out of hand, please do not drive. I’d rather be angry that you got drunk than that you got drunk and tried to drive.� She caught the look on Krista’s face and added, “And don’t get any ideas. I’m not speaking for your parents.�



“Yes ma’am,� Krista mumbled, looking sheepishly at the floor.



Cheryl nodded in approval and started for the kitchen. As she passed Krista she stopped and commented, “Great costume. I wouldn’t have recognized you. And good job on the make-up.�



“Thanks.�



“Have fun, guys. And be careful,� she threw over her shoulder before disappearing into the other room.



Taryn watched the exchange without registering a word. Her thoughts were elsewhere- many elsewheres she would say if she could articulate anything at all at that moment. She blindly followed the others as they started for the door again, Jay shouting a boisterous, “Let’s get this show on the road!� She kept her eyes trained on the floor in front of her. She didn’t want to risk looking at Krista, but she found that she did not even have to; in the few seconds that she had looked the image had etched itself into her brain. Without prompting she conjured up an image of a leg peeking out of the slit of the bottom half of the dress; the billowy V of the top half, which had exposed a long neck (it never looks like that in her t-shirts) and the unmistakable swell of breasts; her hair swept up with two curls falling on either side of her face; the blue and gold make-up that accentuated her eyes and her cheekbones. She had never seen her looking so…what? How did Krista look? What the hell is wrong with me? If this were Candace or Meg I’d totally tell them how gorgeous they looked. Why is this any different?



The question made her uncomfortable, and she pulled her eyes from the ground in an attempt to disengage herself from her inner dialogue and rejoin the world. She glanced to her side and saw Krista moving beside her, casting her a curious look that was tinged with hurt. She’s waiting for me to say something. What can I say? What’s safe?



“I can see now why you said you didn’t need me to go with you after all. Who knew you had a little secret vixen inside?� she teased.



Krista looked down at herself and blushed. “You think it’s too much.�



“No, I don’t. It’s awesome, I mean, you look-“ Taryn stopped herself, and looked at her friend closely, feeling the uncertainty coming off of her in waves. She looked as if she was ready to bolt at any provocation. This was Krista; shy, insecure Krista, no matter how she was dressed, and Taryn realized that she was making her nervous. “You look good. It’s a good costume. You’ll be a hit.�



Krista smiled shyly and thanked her. “I feel sort’ve self-conscious,� she admitted.



“Well, it’s definitely a change for you,� Taryn observed. “When’d you get it?�



“Last Saturday. Marshall came with me and picked it out.�



“Marshall? He’s got good taste.�



“Some friends,� she answered simply, and climbed into the backseat of the van. Taryn followed suit, leaving the boys to sit up front. Sergio turned the engine on and cranked up the radio to get the party vibe going. Taryn was grateful for the noise as it afforded her a reprieve from conversation. She needed a moment to think, to get her head straight. She had always known that Krista was a beautiful girl; no matter how hard she tried to hide it, it was the kind of thing that just shone. But to see her dressed like that had thrown Taryn for a loop. Why? Why? her brain taunted. She glanced at Krista out of the corner of her eye. It’s just because I wasn’t ready for it. I was thrown. She looks so different. It was shock. She settled into her seat, unconsciously nodding her head in affirmation of her reasoning. She ignored the fact that it sounded false even to her.



They drove for what seemed like forever before finally pulling into a long, winding driveway. The van’s occupants piled out and began unloading equipment to bring up the walk of the large, elegant Victorian house at the top of the drive. Krista shuffled along with her bass strapped to her back, wheeling the bass cabinet in front of her and allowing the others to lead the way. They were greeted at the door by Carly herself, clad in a black cat costume that was as tight as it was shiny; it left little to the imagination. She held a plastic cup of bright red liquid in one hand, and music was already blaring from somewhere inside.



“Hello hello,� Carly greeted, and stood aside to let them in. She hugged each member in turn, her hands fluttering in the air behind their backs in a gesture of patting, until she came to Krista, to whom she held out her hand to shake. “You must be the new bassist. What was it? Kandy?� She glanced at Taryn for confirmation.



“Krista. Her name’s Krista.� Taryn rolled her eyes and winked at Krista when Carly turned her back to her.



“Oh, Krista. Nice costume,� she commented, giving her a once-over before dropping her hand and heading into the house. She led them into an empty room adjacent to the foyer. It appeared to be a ballroom of sorts, with ceilings that stretched high above their heads and white columns spaced every few feet. “You can set up in here,� she flicked her hand in the direction of a corner of the room. “Help yourselves to drinks. I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.� She turned and made her way back through the room, weaving through the small number of people who were already in attendance. The band continued across the vast space to the indicated corner. Taryn noted Krista’s slowing pace and stopped, waiting for her to catch up.



“What are you doing?� she asked, observing the way Krista would glance at a picture on the wall and then look away as if caught doing something wrong.



“My mom always said it’s impolite to stare at people’s things,� she explained, her eyes darting to and fro.



“You’ll get used to it. It’s pretty cool but, it’s not like a palace or anything.�



“Have you been here before?�



“Yeah. I came to this thing last year. It was wild. The police even showed up. Come on.� Taryn inclined her head in the direction of the others, who had already set down their gear and were headed back for more.



Two trips later they had managed to bring in all of their equipment and went to the business of setting up and doing a soundcheck. People had become to gather around them and look on in curiosity as more bodies began to fill the room. Already the house was filled with more people than three of her classes combined, and several people they knew had begun to approach them to chat. Taryn watched as Krista began to inch her way further and further away from the edge of the space they had designated as their stage and into the corner, and decided to check on her.



“You okay?� she asked, yelling a bit so as to be heard over the music.



“What?�



Taryn leaned over, her lips close to Krista’s ear, and asked again, “You okay?�



She nodded wordlessly.



Taryn gave her a supportive smile and returned to unwinding her mic chord, her movements slow. She felt lightheaded. She smells good. She frowned and shook her head as if to physically remove the thought. She felt confused, not quite right in her own skin, out of tune with her body. She was reacting to things she had never reacted to before, and in ways she had never reacted. Get your shit together, Taryn.



At that moment Carly showed up in front of the band with a tray of plastic cups. “Punch,� she announced. Jay, Sergio, and Taryn moved to take one. Carly turned to Krista, one drink remaining on the tray. Taryn saw her indecision and was about to decline on Krista’s behalf when Krista surprised her by reaching out and taking the cup. “Thanks,� she said, taking a sip and visibly cringing at the taste.



“Knockout Punch,� Carly informed her. She turned to the others. “Make sure your friend is careful with that. I don’t want to have to clean up after anybody.� With that she moved off into the crowd.



“Make sure your friend is careful,� Krista mimicked.



Taryn laughed and patted her arm. “Calm down, Tiger. She’s just being…her.�



“So,� Sergio started, looking around eagerly. “Everything’s all set up. We just wait for the word, right?�



“How’s everybody feeling?� Jay asked.



Everyone replied that they felt good and ready. Krista looked as if she were anything but, and when she took another sip of her drink, Taryn leaned over and whispered, “Do be careful with that.�



Krista nodded and smiled. Their eyes met for a moment, and Taryn’s mind became a muddled cloud again. She broke the contact and took a swallow of her drink, shaking her head to clear the cobwebs and idly wondering if she was coming down with something. Maybe I’m becoming allergic to Krista. She almost laughed out loud when she was spotted a familiar face out of the corner of her eye. With a relief she would be hard pressed to explain if questioned, she turned and waved her free hand in the air, excitedly motioning to David, who was trying to make his way across the increasingly crowded room.



She turned back to Krista and asked, “Will you be okay?�



“Of course.� She waved Taryn on dismissively.



“Catch you in a bit,� Taryn said, and walked off to join the waiting David.



Krista turned around and was surprised to find herself alone in the stage area; Jay and Sergio had disappeared. She fought a sudden rising panic. Taking deep breaths she squared her shoulders and stepped into the crowd. Her instincts guided her to an empty space in a corner just outside the main room where she stood and observed the partygoers. Save for a few glances her way, no one approached her, and she stood alone. She hoped that she looked aloof and bored and not lonely and pathetic. Quite against her will she would scan the room on occasion for a glimpse of Taryn, but she seemed to have disappeared. God knew what she and David could be doing, but she was certain that she did not want to know. She did not move from that wall until Sergio found her 15 minutes later to tell her that they were about to start. She straightened and followed him, throwing her empty cup on a table as they passed. She did not remember drinking all of it, but she supposed she must have.



The others, including Taryn, were waiting by the equipment, and she stepped within the circle of cords and wires and retrieved her bass from its stand. Taryn approached her. “You having an okay time?�



“Yeah, fine,� she answered, a trace of annoyance in her voice. For someone who seemed so concerned about her, she sure hadn’t bothered with her since David had shown up. Taryn gave her a funny look and looked as if she were about to say something. Carly chose that moment to step up to the center mic, cutting off any communication she might have attempted. Krista moved to the second mic- that they had acquired especially for the show- and looked out into the room. She had felt calm before- perhaps thanks to the drink, maybe because she had been thinking about Taryn as usual- but her stomach began to roll and pitch like a small ship as she realized the enormity of what was about to happen. She was standing in front of a room full of people, bass in hand, about to perform. It was everything she had wanted, and it was terrifying. She didn’t hear anything Carly said as she introduced them, and it was only the eruption of cheering that jarred her from her daze and allowed her to tear her eyes away from the awe-inspiring sight of all of her peers, waiting.



The quartet looked at each other in readiness. She had no more time to contemplate her situation. Jay tapped out the tempo with his sticks and they launched into their first song, a fast-paced number. Krista played on automatic pilot, almost forgetting where she was as she observed a transformation in her bandmates. Rehearsals had been nothing like this. She had thought before that they were expressive performers, playing to an audience that consisted of a dryer and washing machine, but they had been scarecrows in comparison to the spectacle she was witnessing. Jay beat his kit like a man possessed, arms flailing, his entire body seeming to become a part of the instrument. Sergio was a constantly moving force; Krista winced as she watched him jump and step over patch cords, not paying them the least bit of attention but somehow never tripping. She wondered at his ability to twirl with his guitar and not get tangled in his own cord. Impressive as all of that was, the change that caught and held her attention was Taryn’s.



She had become a rock goddess, vixen and temptress. The mic stand was merely a prop as she removed the microphone and cradled it in her hands, moving close to the edge of the performance space to give every person a private concert. Her face expressed every note, her body alive with movement and energy, the costume accentuating every swivel of her hips. Krista refocused her attention on her hands, knowing that watching Taryn was an easy way to screw up the song. She was very self-conscious of her own performance, her own solid, immobile stance. She had never been very movement-friendly, but she had never stood frozen before as she did now. She knew that she looked out of place on that stage with these other enigmatic, magnificent performers, but she could not shake the paralysis. All she could do was play the rights notes and sing her harmony well.



She played like that, her body wound tight with nervousness, through the entire first verse. Her eyes did not move from her hands until the time came to sing her harmony in the chorus, at which point she looked up in preparation and almost jumped in surprise when she saw that Taryn was standing right in front of her.



Taryn was still singing, but her back was to the audience; her attention was trained on Krista and Krista alone. The scrutiny made her squirm, and her brow creased in confusion, and missed the first few notes of the chorus. She hurried to join in, mortified at her mistake. Taryn smiled around the words she sang, never missing a beat, maintaining eye contact with Krista. She engaged her with her eyes and her voice, and Krista once again slipped into the strange netherworld that she always seemed to bring her into. It was irresistible; she felt her body responding as she lost herself in all things Taryn: her smile, her voice, her body. She felt her own body language change in response as they soared through the chorus, her stance loosening and her head beginning to bop in time with the beat. She realized with a start that she was starting to relax, that Taryn’s actions were taking her mind off the crowd and giving her something else to think about, and leveled a shrewd gaze at her, a wide smile spreading across her face. Taryn winked in acknowledgement and began to make her way back across and to the front of the performance area, her attention once again with the crowd of people.



Krista breathed easier and let her body respond to the music, her confidence building as she registered the positive response the band was receiving from the crowd. By the end of the first set she had settled in and become at home on the stage; she felt her face burning with pride as Q disembarked from the stage amid a deluge of whoops and shouts. She followed the others out of the little performance area as the DJ, who had set up across the room from them, brought up music for the break. Q wound their way through the crowd, receiving pats on the back and friendly shoves. She shrank under the praise and attention at first, but as she proceeded deeper into the throng of her peers her steps became a little more confident. Her head raised and she met the eyes of the people around her.



The group stopped in front of the refreshment table, adorned with small platters of appetizers. The centerpiece was a large glass bowl filled with the familiar red punch. A crowd had gathered behind the table, and every now and then as the crowd shifted Krista could catch a glimpse of what looked like a keg. She marveled at the amount of alcohol at the party, and at how casually every one treated its presence. Jay grabbed plastic cups from the stack placed next to the punch bowl and passed them around. This time Krista accepted hers without hesitation. The first one hadn’t affected her too much, so she figured one more wasn’t going to get her drunk or anything. She spooned the punch into her cup and took a careful sip. She was surprised to find that the taste sat with her much better than before.



She felt rather than saw Taryn sidle up next to her. “You ready for the next set?�



“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for saving my butt up there. I don’t know what happened. Sorry.�



Taryn waved her off. “Don’t be. Just nerves. The second set’s gonna go much smoother for you.�



“I hope---“ Krista stopped abruptly and the triumphant haze of the previous set dissipated. She had forgotten that the next set started off with two of her songs; they were the only ones Q would perform at the party, and she had asked that they be put together so that she could get it over with. Her face froze as she started to envision the catastrophe that awaited her. It would be like the panic she had experienced during the first set, only magnified.



Taryn took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s going to be awesome. They love you.�



Krista cocked her head and looked at her in wonder. “How did you know what I was thinking about?�



“I guess I just know you pretty well,� Taryn said. Krista’s stomach did a triple flop, all of her nervousness about the next set forgotten in the rapid firing of her hormones. She nodded and smiled lamely, concentrating on the act of breathing, which had become more difficult in the last few seconds. She sipped from her cup some more. What can make me more nervous and jittery than playing in front of a bunch of strangers for the first time? Oooh, I know! My best friend! She groaned low in her throat as she spotted David approaching. Things were only getting better. She concentrated on the contents of her cup as David stepped up behind Taryn and placed his hands on her shoulders.



“Hey, baby. You were awesome. I thought you were beautiful before but, seeing you up there…that was incredible,� he gushed. He glanced at Krista, adding, “You all were. You’re very talented.�



“Thank you,� Taryn answered, and led him a few feet away to whisper something in his ear. Krista could only guess at what she was saying, but she saw David throw her another glance, nod, and walk away. Taryn returned to her side and explained. “Sorry. I feel like this is band time, so I sent him away till later.�



Krista flashed a grateful smile and the two of them stood side by side in silence. She continued to take deep, calming breaths, hoping to calm her riotous nerves. The lyrics of her songs paraded through her mind. She was afraid that she would forget the words, although the songs she had chosen were ones that she had written months ago and knew like the back of her hand. When Jay passed by a few minutes later with a thumbs up and said, “We’re back up,� she resisted an overwhelming urge to bolt. Perhaps sensing her desire, Taryn grabbed her arm and led her to the ‘stage,’ where she was trapped behind the coils of wire, once again in the proverbial spotlight. She released her arm with a quick, soft stroke and a wink, and said, “Give ‘em hell.�



She picked up her bass and looked at the floor for balance. She didn’t know what to concentrate on: the fact that Taryn seemed intent on torturing her more than usual that evening, or that she was about to cross a creative threshold by performing her music in public. She decided that for the moment, the latter held more weight. This is really happening, she thought, fear seizing her in its vice-like grip. She watched as Jay and Sergio settled into their positions. Unlike Taryn, she had no witty banter with which to engage the crowd while they got ready, so she avoided them all together and concentrated on the other members of the band. The boys looked at her, signaling their readiness. She was gratified by their encouraging smiles. She looked at Taryn who was also smiling her support. This is it. You get through this, you’re ready for anything, she told herself, and mustering every ounce of bravery she had in her, stepped up to the center mic.



The beginning of the song was a bass solo, and she started without preamble. She refused to look at the crowd, and cursed the shakiness in her voice as she started to sing. At the pause between the first and second part of the chorus, where Sergio began a short solo, she stepped back a little from the mic to steady herself. She searched for the feeling of warmth and safety she had found during the first set, when Taryn had reached out to her. She summoned up an image of Taryn staring into her eyes, and the next time she opened her mouth, her voice came out strong and pure. The sound bolstered her, and gave her the strength to look up and face the crowd. What she found was not jeering and boredom; the faces that greeted her were open and rapt. She saw a sea of people moving in time to the music, and the last of her nervousness melted away.



Krista’s two songs went off without a hitch. Flushed and exhilarated as she was from the success of her performances, she was still more than happy to give up center stage and allow Taryn to take over when her bit was over, sinking into the background. Q played six more songs before calling it quits and letting the DJ have his time.

Bodies moved and swayed together, the darkness of the room barely pierced by the low lighting; the track lights that lined the ceiling had been dimmed, and the glow of the lamps placed around the edges of the room never reached beyond the periphery of what had become the dance floor. The room had grown hot and damp as it filled with moving bodies. Probably some sort of fire code hazard, Krista thought, trying in vain to search out a figure that was familiar to her. She had long ago lost contact with the other band members and had reacquainted herself with her corner to keep vigil, only leaving her position to refill her punch cup- which would need a touch-up fairly soon she noted. She had been disappointed but not surprised when the others had disappeared soon after packing up the equipment. Krista had watched in bitter disappointment as Taryn had gone off somewhere with David, her only words to Krista being, “Have a good time.� She was baffled as to how the girl could be so caring and attentive one minute, the perfect friend, and completely oblivious to her the next.



Krista kept herself mildly entertained for a bit; people approached her for a while to talk about the performance and lavish her with compliments; an unusual occurrence but one she had begun to enjoy. Even Candace and Meg stopped by to chat her up before disappearing into the mass of people. It seemed that as soon as the lights had come down and the DJ had really gotten into it everyone had swarmed onto the dance floor. She guessed that Taryn and the others were all out there somewhere too; the DJ was good, and she had even caught herself bopping to the music. She wanted to dance, but she was not about to venture into that dark den of writhing bodies. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that no sooner would she slip into that void than some sweaty boy would start grinding her. Where’s that one in ten anyway, she wondered, her eyes never ceasing to roam the crowd, though she could see nothing.



Out in the shadows of the dance floor, beyond Krista’s circle of vision, Taryn was dancing and having a wonderful time. She moved against David seductively, confident and powerful in her element. The music was hot, she had had a few drinks and was feeling good…except she could not shake the voice that had been nagging her for the last hour. She had not seen Krista for some time now, and a small but growing part of her was feeling guilty. She could guess where she was- doubtless standing alone somewhere, just as she always seemed to be. She decided to hunt her down and make sure she was okay as soon as the song she was dancing to came to an end. As if Taryn had summoned it, the last strains of the pop tune faded away and became mixed in with the next song. She stopped and leaned over to yell in David’s ear, “I’m gonna go check on Krista.� She ignored his exasperated look- it was bad form to completely ditch a friend after all, and girlfriends had to look out for each other- and nudged her way across the floor, standing on tiptoe to see over everyone’s head. She was still dancing even as she moved from place to place, looking for Krista.



She finally spotted her leaning against a wall as she had guessed, almost hidden in the darkness of a corner. The white of her costume glinted in the light of a nearby lamp; she looked like some mysterious, sexy stranger- very much like a queen. Unaware that she was being watched, Krista appeared at ease for the first time that evening; the relaxed lean against the wall, the confident, almost bored stare as she observed everyone; the way her hand moved a few strands of hair off of her forehead. Taryn swallowed hard and touched her stomach. Might be a good idea to lay off the drink for a while, she thought, attributing the sudden lurching in her stomach to the recent switch from punch to beer. Shaking her head, Taryn made her way over to her. The other girl did not see her until Taryn was almost on top of her. She jumped a little, a relieved smile appearing when she recognized her.



“How did I know I would find you off somewhere by yourself?� Taryn asked teasingly.



Krista’s lips curled into a smirk. “I guess you just know me pretty well.�



Taryn’s stomach lurched again, and she wondered with one part of her brain if she was about to get sick, while with the other she contemplated the fact that she could not look away from that face. She did so enjoy sassy Krista. “Why aren’t you dancing?� she asked with some difficulty.



Krista cocked her head to one side and regarded her with an ‘Are you kidding?’ look. Not giving herself time to think, Taryn grabbed Krista’s hand and dragged her off the wall and onto the floor. Krista protested, trying to yank her hand back, but Taryn was having none of it. “Come on,� she pleaded. “I love this song. It’ll be fun.� She didn’t release her grip and led a reluctant Krista though the gyrating bodies towards the center of the floor. Krista had no choice but to follow, being dragged as she was behind Taryn, until Taryn stopped, having positioned them in the middle of the crowd. She had a feeling that if she wanted Krista to dance- and she did want that, very much- she would have a better chance of getting her to do so if she wasn’t in plain view of the rest of the room. She turned to face her friend, smiling encouragingly as she began to dance. Krista grimaced and did a half-hearted shuffle from one foot to the other, pushing strands of hair behind her ears as she looked around self-consciously.



“Come on,� Taryn cajoled, and took Krista’s hands in her own, swinging their arms between them as she lead her in movement, encouraging her to get into the dancing.



Krista’s heart surged as she realized the enormity of what was happening: she was dancing with Taryn. So it wasn’t dancing in the true sense, as in “Hey, would you like to dance?� but it was something.



Everyone is just the same

They touch me

But I can’t say



Taryn sang along, smiling, clearly enjoying herself. Krista couldn’t help but smile in return; she was so beautiful. She found herself loosening up as she watched the other girl in her enjoyment; the contact with Taryn, both physical and visual, was once again putting her at ease. How can she relax me and drive me nuts at the same time, she wondered. The space they had created between them with their loosely linked hands grew a little smaller as more people joined them on the dance floor. They were pushed closer and closer together until space demanded that they break the contact. Taryn tried to hide her surprise as she watched Krista fly solo; she was actually turning out to be quite a good partner.



Heavenly, that's what you are

You're burnin' me like a shining star

How am I supposed to be that king without you



The crowd around them increased, driving them closer, until the space between them was almost nonexistent. They looked everywhere but at each other; the lack of distance was too intimate for the smiling eye contact of before. The change was subtle, but it did not escape either girl’s attention, and they pondered it separately even as they continued to move. It had occurred as naturally as breathing; the music moving through them and carrying their bodies like leaves on a tide. With each ebb and flow they were moving closer together, dancing to each other. Everything else in the room disappeared, and in that moment they existed in a private space that they had created in the middle of the packed dance floor. The air between them seemed to vibrate with electricity that formed an almost physical bridge. They became connected beyond simple touch as they danced together, their bodies mirror images of each other’s movements as they bent and turned, twisting around each other like a pair of charged wires, but never touching.



There has been no one brighter than you

I can’t deny these things that I do

Feel’s like the world’s at stake ‘cause

I have been waiting

I have been waiting for you



Time seemed endless as the girls continued to exist in their own private sphere, oblivious to everyone else, until the spell was abruptly broken when Taryn felt a body press into her from behind. She jumped and turned to find herself face to face with a grinning David. Blinking as if she had just been awakened, Taryn attempted a welcoming smile and wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her close, working their hips together in a wide, gyrating motion.



“That was hot,� he breathed in her ear. She drew him into a kiss that felt as empty to her as she felt inside at that moment. The action was meant not only to quell any further comments from him, but also to buy some time before turning back to Krista. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to quiet the alarms that had started clamoring in her head. She felt out of sorts and fuzzyheaded, and she danced with David on autopilot, buying herself time to get a grip on her muddled thoughts. She was hot inside, her breathing heavy, and she knew that it wasn’t from exertion. What the hell was that? I invite her to dance and then I practically molest her---Oh shit! It occurred to her that she had left Krista standing behind her, alone, without a word, and she whirled around to apologize, her face the picture of guilt.



“Shit,� she muttered. The couple grinding against each other in the spot where Krista had once stood looked at her strangely. “Sorry.�



“What’s wrong?� David asked, touching her arm and attempting to regain her attention.



“Nothing,� she responded, searching the crowd for any sign of the missing girl. She shrugged his arm off, annoyed with his groping. “I gotta go.� She did not spare him a glance as she took off from the dance floor in search of Krista. **********************************************

Krista walked through the house in a fog. She paid no attention to the other partygoers, not registering when she was spoken to and not seeing anyone. She had one goal: she was searching for some place, any place, to be alone with her thoughts. She needed time to think, time to put things into perspective before she had to see Taryn again.



Her roaming took her into a quieter part of the house, a hall with two doors on either side. She glanced around and noted that she was quite alone. She tried the first door she came upon, and finding it unlocked, she slipped inside.



“Thank God,� she said aloud to the empty room. She hurried over to the bed in the middle of the room and plopped herself down on her back. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the jumble of thoughts and emotions pummeling her brain and heart. She didn’t even know where to begin; the last few minutes- the entire evening now that she had a chance to think about it- had been like a roller coaster whose tracks ended without warning, leaving her suspended in mid-air. Up and down all night long. She had shared intimate moments with Taryn before- they were friends now after all, and it was what friends did- but never so many all at once. Taryn touching her, Taryn whispering her ear to be heard over the noise of the party- she shivered even now in remembrance at how it had felt to have her lips so close to her skin-, Taryn looking into her eyes on stage and guiding her, and finally, Taryn dancing with her.



She had danced with Taryn. Not just danced; something intimate had seemed to pass between them, lost as they were in the music. And lost in each other- or so it had seemed at the time. And then Taryn had turned away and slipped easily back into David’s arms, as if Krista didn’t exist.



Krista groaned, covering her face with her hands as she remembered how she had been on the dance floor; the way she had moved with Taryn, so out of character for her. For a moment it had seemed as if they were on the same page, as if Krista’s greatest desire was coming true. The aftermath had dashed that little fantasy with harsh finality. It had meant nothing to her. Something that had been so titillating, so enchanting to Krista, had affected Taryn no more than a square dance. As soon as David had shown up, Krista was yesterday’s news. She had turned from her without a word, leaving her standing in the middle of the dance floor alone and embarrassed. And did Taryn know? Had she sensed how big of a deal it all was to Krista? She closed her eyes and shook her head at the possibility. There was no way she could face her again that night.



She looked around the room and spotted a phone on the bedside table. She dialed Marshall’s number and waited anxiously as the phone rang. When at last it was answered and she recognized his voice, she blurted, “Can you come and get me? Like now?�



“Uh---wha---okay,� he spluttered. “Did something happen? What’s wrong?�



“I’ll tell you all about it later. I’m just…ready to go, and I don’t want to ride with the others.�



“Alright. I know where you are. Give me 15 minutes.�



“I’ll be out front.� She hung up and took a deep breath. There was one problem out of the way: she would not have to ride home with Q, not have to sit in a confined space with Taryn, if Taryn was going back with them at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if she got a ride with ol’ Davy-boy…and probably not just in his car either. She grimaced at the thought. Great. Way to torture yourself Krista. Good images.



She did not want to see anyone else until Marshall came, and contemplated simply making a run for the front door and hoping no one saw her. Her conscience vetoed that plan, as she imagined what would happen when the others realized she was nowhere to be found. They would possibly even get it into their heads to call her parents, which would not be good. She decided the best plan of action would be to find either Jay or Sergio and let them know that she was leaving and that she would be okay. The problem would be doing this without running into Taryn…but then again, she was probably already off in some dark corner with David, doing God knows what…



Her thoughts were interrupted by the bedroom door opening. She jumped, startled and guilty, as a boy entered.



“Oh, hey,� he said, holding his hands up. One of them held a plastic cup that appeared to be full. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.�



“Sorry. Is this your room or-?�she asked, standing hastily. She was embarrassed at being caught in an area of the house that she had no business being in.



“No. I just wanted to escape the party for a second,� he explained. “It’s a little loud out there. You don’t have to leave.�



She sat again hesitantly; he seemed harmless enough and she didn’t want to go back out there. He made his way across the room, his steps a little unsteady, and sat next to her on the bed. Harmless, Krista thought, instinctively backing away. She was already cursing her decision. She had only been on a few dates in her life, but she caught on pretty fast. It was clear that he was drunk, and his nearness made her nervous. She sat stiffly, wondering how to extricate herself from the situation without looking afraid. Boys smell fear, right? Or was that dogs? Either way, she did not want to be alone in a bedroom with a strange boy.



“I saw you play. You guys were really good,� he commented.



“Thanks.�



“I saw Q play a few times last year, when Brad was their bassist. Personally,� he continued, leaning over conspiratorially, “I think you’re way better.� She smiled politely, concealing a gag at the strong smell of alcohol. “Definitely cuter.�



Her nervousness heightened and she shifted on the bed to put more distance between them, unsure of how to respond to the comment. She tensed more at his next words. “I saw you dancing with Taryn. That was definitely hot.� He smiled at her, though it seemed to be more of a leer, and without further thought she made the decision to get the hell out of there.



Standing, she said, “I’ve gotta go. My friends are probably looking for me.� Her heart sunk in dismay as he too stood, blocking her route to the door.



“Hold on, you don’t have to leave. I didn’t mean to offend you. Look, we just happen to be in the same place at the same time. It’s like Fate. Maybe we could get to know each other. I even brought you this.� He held his cup out to her.



“No thanks. I had enough already.� She tried to edge around him and found herself blocked once more. A feeling of panic and fear ran through her, and she glanced anxiously at the door.



“Whoa, what’s wrong? We’re just talking, right? I’m a nice guy.�



“Yeah, that’s great, but I’m trying to leave,� she said with forced calm. She was very afraid, but determined; it was not her intention to become another statistic. I should’ve just gone right outside to wait for Marshall, she thought in dismay, her mind feverishly working to find a way out of the situation. She attempted to move again, and this time the boy grabbed her arm with his free hand. She realized that things were about to get ugly very fast, and her heart thumped loudly in her ears.



“Let go of me,� she demanded, her voice shaking, and tried to pull away.



“I’m just trying to be friendly,� he said, not loosening his grip a bit. “Maybe I can get you to dance with me like you did with that girl. Come on, Cleo. Be nice.� His leer, for that was unquestionably what it was at that moment, grew as his eyes roamed over her body and stopped at the slit of her skirt. “Let me see what’s going on under that sexy little outfit. I’ve already got half the show. You might as well---�



The bedroom door suddenly swung open with a loud thump, and Jay stumbled in, accompanied by a giggling girl. The scene froze as the four occupants looked at each other, Jay’s eyes wide with disbelief as they flicked from Krista to the boy and back again.



“Jay,� Krista breathed with relief.



“You alright?� he asked Krista, but his eyes were focused on the boy. Krista almost smiled as he straightened up and squared his shoulders, looking every bit the champion that he was at that moment.



“Yeah, I was just trying to leave.� She wrenched her arm out of the boy’s grasp; this time she met no resistance, and as she rushed to the door she cradled the spot on her arm where he had held her, as if to ensure that it would not leave her control again. She brushed by Jay without a word, not even turning when he called to her. She was mortified, not to mention shaken by the situation. She did not want to see or talk to anyone.



She rushed blindly through the house, winding her way through the darkness, trying to find the front door. Once exciting, the low lighting of the party now seemed threatening. She imagined the boy was following her, waiting for another opportunity to get her alone. She had come so close to…she didn’t even want to think about it. Blessedly the door appeared in front of her, and she practically threw herself at it in her haste to get outside. She breathed in a deep lungful of air and made her way down the walk to the van, fighting back the tears that had sprung to her eyes. How had everything gone so wrong so quickly? She would remember this night as one of extreme emotional duress, from the moment that she had stepped on stage to now.



She walked around the van till she reached the side not facing the house and leaned against it. Her breath came in great heaving gasps and hot tears streamed down her cheeks. She wiped at her cheeks and glanced at her fingers; light smudges of mascara were visible. She leaned her head back and stared at the sky. She didn’t know how long she stood that way before she heard footsteps approaching. She stilled and waited for the person to pass; instead they got closer and stopped at the van before resuming. She hastily wiped her eyes as she realized that whomever it was was coming around the side of the van. She fixed her face into an expression of nonchalance and looked up as Taryn rounded the front bumper.



Taryn took one look at the girl and her heart lurched. It was clear that she had been crying; whatever happened before Jay arrived in that bedroom had clearly upset her. She moved closer, her steps tentative, aware that Krista might want to be alone at that moment, but she was unable to stop herself. She wanted to do something for her, be there for her.



“Hey,� she said, her voice gentle.



“Jay told you.� It wasn’t a question.



Taryn nodded. “He was worried about you. So am I.� Her eyes roamed Krista’s face. She had grown so close to this girl, whom she now considered one of her best friends –a remarkable fact considering that two months ago the idea of being friends with anyone, let alone a girl, was as foreign a concept as growing another appendage- and her heart was aching for the pain she saw in her eyes.



Krista managed a weak smile and shrugged. “It was my fault. I went in there to be alone, and…I mean, look at me,� she said, indicating her costume. “I’m dressed like some kind of sex kitten. No wonder he thought---“



“Stop right there,� Taryn interrupted, moving closer. They were standing mere inches apart, and her thoughts flashed back to the dancing. Somewhere inside a voice was warning, Stop now, before it’s too late. “No way you’re to blame for that asshole acting that way.� Krista did not reply. She hung her head and looked dismally at the ground. Taryn hesitated; she wanted to ask her next question, but was unsure whether or not it was too soon. “Did-did he hurt you?�



Krista sighed. “No. I mean, he didn’t…he just wouldn’t let me go.� Her voice hitched and she shook her head in frustration. Her next words were barely a whisper. “I just wanted…everyone said to be something different, something I’m not. I just wanted to be…sexy. Beautiful. Hot.� She seemed to shrink in on herself as the words left her; in her sadness it didn’t occur to her to filter her words.



The raw pain and despair in her voice made Taryn’s heart thump, and everything inside stretched and pulled in Krista’s direction, needing to comfort and reassure. Before she had time to think, to consider her actions, her hand was reaching out. Her fingers found Krista’s chin (God, her skin’s so soft), and she tilted her head up so that they were eye to eye. “You are sexy, and beautiful, and hot,� she said forcefully. Somewhere in the back of her mind the alarms of earlier set up their clatter once again, much louder this time, and that voice in her head became more insistent. She blocked them out; she was intent on Krista, and only Krista.



The distance between them disappeared. They had only to lean forward the smallest of degrees for their lips to grace each other. The contact was quick and light, lips barely touching, two pairs of eyes flickering shut briefly, and it was enough. As if given the same cue, they parted slowly, eyes wide. Taryn’s hand dropped to her side, and they remained still, staring. The seconds that passed seemed like years as they searched each other’s faces for an answer to a question that had not been asked. Taryn’s lips parted as if to speak, but nothing came out.



They were jarred from their daze by the sudden sound of the party as it grew unaccountably loud, and they heard Jay’s voice calling out good-byes. They moved apart guiltily, avoiding each other’s eyes, and in an unspoken accord moved around to the driver’s side of the van. Jay approached with his back turned, talking to Sergio, who was weaving a little as he walked.



“Come on man,� he was saying, laughing. He stopped and waited, allowing the drunken boy to catch up. Sergio threw an arm over Jay’s shoulder, and they made their way to the van where Taryn and Krista were waiting in silence. “You okay, Krista?� he asked when he was within speaking distance.



She nodded, her eyes focused on the ground in front of her. “Yeah. Thanks.�



He turned to Taryn. “I think Serg is gonna stay with us tonight.�



She laughed; it sounded hollow to her ears. “I think that’s best.�



Headlights washed over the group, and they turned to see who was arriving so late to the party. The car stopped behind the van, and a figure emerged from the passenger side and made his way towards the group. They watched in silence until the figure was close enough to identify, and Taryn’s kiss-induced haze was broken when she recognized Marshall.



“What’s up, guys? How’s the party?�



“Hey,� Taryn greeted. “I thought you said you didn’t do teeny-bopper parties.�



“I don’t. I’m just here to pick up Krista.� He looked at Krista and asked, “You ready?�



“Yeah.� She turned to the others. “I um, called Marshall for a ride. I didn’t want to break up the festivities or anything.�



Taryn looked between the two of them, wondering when that call had been made –and why it had been Marshall. Had she been wrong about them? An unfamiliar feeling was rising in her as she watched Krista move to stand by his side, and it took her a second to realize that she was feeling…jealous? Was that it? She glanced at Jay and knew that his expression –surprise, hurt, annoyance– was an exact replica of her own, and the revelation threw her. She made her expression neutral and smiled.



“Well, drive safely.�



“You too.� Marshall turned and headed for the car. Krista waved at them and said, “See you guys,� her voice meek and small, before following him. She never looked directly at Taryn.



Taryn faced the remaining group, noticing that Sergio appeared to be degenerating before their eyes, swaying on his feet as Jay held on to him. “We’d better get him home.� She started towards the van and stopped. Jay had not moved; he was looking at her, his expression unreadable. “What?�



He stared for a few seconds more before muttering, “Nothing.� Hoisting Sergio up a little more, he moved towards the van, and they worked together to get him settled and strapped into his seat before driving off in silence.

Conversation in the car had started and stopped with Krista being introduced to the driver, Marshall’s date. After that Krista had lapsed into silence, and the two men had talked in hushed tones as they drove towards Krista’s house. She concentrated on the passing scenery and struggled to keep the cap on the emotions bubbling inside of her as they sped towards their destination. She felt like crying and laughing at the same time, and she did not relish having a breakdown in front of Marshall and his date. Relief washed over her as she began to recognize the houses they passed, only to be replaced with confusion when she noticed the car slowing. They were still a block from her house. She looked towards the front seat, wondering what was going on, and only then realized that Marshall had been addressing her.



“What? I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.�



“I said, don’t you need to change?� He nodded towards her costume, and she collapsed against the back seat as she realized that she was indeed still wearing her costume –the costume her parents didn’t know about. She could not very well enter her house dressed like that.



“Oh crap. I left my clothes at Taryn’s.�



“Okay. We can go by there and wait for them to show. They were on their way out, right?�



“Yeah, but…� Her mind raced as she tried to find a way out of seeing Taryn again. “Their mom might be home. I could just go in and change.�



“Alright. Let’s see.� He directed his friend towards Taryn and Jay’s house. They pulled up in the drive, and Krista was relieved to see that the van wasn’t there yet. She jumped out, assuring Marshall that she would only be a minute, and hurried to the front door. She rang the bell and waited with baited breath. She hoped that Cheryl was home, and that she wasn’t waking her at such a late hour.



The door swung open and Cheryl was there, looking surprised to see Krista. “Hi, Krista,� she greeted, her brow furrowing in puzzlement as she looked around the porch. “Where’re Jay and Taryn?�



“They should be right behind us. I got a ride with a friend. I just needed to get my clothes. I left them here.�



“Of course. Come on in.� Cheryl stood aside and let the young girl enter. Krista stepped into the light of the foyer. “Krista? Are you okay?�



“Yes ma’am.� She would not meet Cheryl’s eyes. She spotted her backpack on the floor where she had left it, and hurried towards it. “Do you mind if I use your bathroom?�



Cheryl shook her head, and Krista disappeared behind the safety of the bathroom door. She changed her clothes quickly, mindful that she did not have much time before the others returned. She splashed her face with water to remove the last traces of makeup, and when she had inspected her face in the mirror and found her appearance acceptable, she hurried out of the bathroom and back down the hall. Cheryl was still standing in the foyer.



“Thanks. I hope I didn’t bother you,� Krista said, edging towards the door. She wanted to escape before Cheryl had the chance to ask more questions. The woman’s curiosity was obvious.



“No bother.�



“ Well, g’night.� She shuffled around Cheryl and was out the front door before she could say anything else. She hurried to the car, her eyes watchful for any sign of the van.



“All set?� Marshall asked.



“Yeah.�



They continued around the corner, and upon pulling up in front of her house Krista said, “Thanks for the ride. I owe you� and jumped out.



“Kris!� Marshall called in a stage whisper, scrambling out of the car behind her. She stopped and faced him. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on? You sounded upset on the phone, and you just don’t seem…yourself.�



“Can I just…can I tell you about it tomorrow?� She looked at him with pleading eyes, and he sighed.



“Fine. I’ll be over here tomorrow. Are you all right for now?�



Krista gave a short, humorless laugh. “Yeah.� She glanced towards her house. “I have to get going. Thanks again.�



He nodded, repeating, “Tomorrow�, and climbed back into the car. She waited until the car’s brake lights had disappeared around the corner before heading inside. The house was dark when she entered, and she crept up the stairs to her room. As she passed her parent’s room she could see a sliver of light under the doorjamb, and no sooner did she step one foot in from of their door did she hear her father’s voice call out her name. Sighing, she made her way over to the room and eased the door open, peeking her head inside.



“Hi,� she whispered. Her parents were snuggled in bed, her mother fast asleep. A book lay open upon her father’s chest.



“How were the movies?� he asked.



“Good. Lots of fun. It was hard sitting through them all. I’m tired.� She yawned to illustrate.



He nodded. “Get some sleep then. See you in the morning.�



“See ya’.�



She eased out of the room, closing the door gently behind her, and made her way to her own room. She went through her bedtime ritual mechanically: changing into pjs, brushing her hair and teeth, washing her face. She peered at herself in the mirror above the sink for a while as she brushed her teeth, searching for signs of change. There were none. She was the same old Krista -on the outside. On the inside…



She climbed into bed, grateful to be alone and in the safety of her home at last, feeling as if every inch of sheet was caressing her and welcoming her. She let out a tremendous sigh, and it was only then that she opened the gates. Thoughts and feelings tumbled through her in an avalanche, and she gripped her blankets in their wake.



I don’t even know where to start. She had played music -good music too. That had been the part of the evening that she had been dreading the most, the part that she had focused on. There had been no reason for her to suspect that it would be the only thing to go well, and that everything else would be a mess –starting with Taryn. Her friend Taryn. Her crush Taryn. The object of her affections who had, albeit unwittingly, played every emotion Krista was capable of feeling like a well-tuned instrument. One minute she was comforting her, the next exciting her, then comforting her again, then disappointing her, then exciting her again…



She decided that the best way to get a handle on things was to approach it logically, and commenced to wade through the events of the evening. She stopped at every interaction she had had with Taryn, lingering longer on the sweet ones- specifically dancing with Taryn. How strange that that one moment, which had been so monumental, had been quickly overshadowed not long after. She spent only a fleeting moment revisiting the encounter in the bedroom, and found herself face to face with the most consuming moment of the evening. She replayed every move, every word, sound, and touch in her mind until it became a blur.



We kissed. She remembered the sensation of Taryn’s lips touching her own, and elation rushed through her. Her first kiss. It was nothing like she had imagined, full of passion and melodrama like the books she read. This had been soft, sweet, tentative; if she had blinked, she would have missed it. And it was steeped in uncertainty. What did it mean that she had been kissed? Or…had she been kissed? The more she replayed that moment in her mind, the more she realized that she didn’t know for certain who had initiated it. She remembered the look in Taryn’s eyes: warm and caring, concerned. The feeling of Taryn’s fingers- such a light touch, but it had pierced her. Krista had wanted to kiss her so badly. Did she start it? Did she make that imperceptible move that had brought their lips together, the move that had crossed a boundary that she had never thought would be broken?



Krista turned onto her side, staring at the wall, her previous elation giving way to worry. Maybe it had been her doing .She pulled the blanket over her face in a quick burst of humiliation. Nothing that she knew about Taryn indicated that she could be into girls. She was dancing with me all sexy-like, but that’s so like her, not to think twice about something like that. She wouldn’t have made a big deal out of it because it was only a big deal to me. She grimaced as the image of Taryn turning around and draping herself all over David assaulted her again. Clearly.



Those thoughts in mind, she realized that it was becoming less likely that Taryn had kissed her, her body flushed hot with embarrassment at the implications of what she was discovering. If she had kissed Taryn, if she had turned a moment when her friend was trying to offer comfort into something else… No wonder Taryn could not look at her afterwards. She was no doubt grossed out and horrified. “Oh, I think I fucked up,� she whispered to the dark room, and covered her face with the blanket. Sleep would not come easily to her that night, and her mind would not be quieted as she imagined the possibilities of their next meeting.

In the neighboring house, Taryn was preparing for bed with painstaking slowness, her mind also too troubled to imagine sleep. She was unknowingly echoing the same position that Krista had taken earlier in the evening: frozen in front of the bathroom mirror, staring into her own eyes. Her fingers were resting on her lips as the events of the last hour played on repeat in her head. She imagined she could still feel the lingering touch of Krista’s lips, and grimaced at the conflicting emotions that the thought elicited. She was uncomfortable; her very core seemed to itch and squirm as if needing to be free of her body. Her heart thumped madly in her chest at the remembrance of that fleeting moment. What was that anyway? Was this bizarro night?



Her ruminations were interrupted by a sudden presence in the open doorway. She turned, dropping her hand, and faced her sleepy-eyed mother. “Sorry. You need the bathroom?�



“No, just checking in on you.� Her mother’s eyes scanned her face, and Taryn smiled as she realized what she was looking for.



“I’m not drunk. A little tipsy, but most of it’s worn off.� Like getting hit with a bucketful of cold water.



Her mother nodded. “Good to know at least one of you had some sense tonight.�



“He’ll pay for it tomorrow,� Taryn commented, knowing that she was referring to Sergio.



“Yes he will.� Cheryl stepped a little further into the bathroom, her eyes still on her daughter. “Are you okay?�



So much for hoping she hadn’t noticed. “More or less,� she admitted. Then, “Not really.� She had always found it difficult to lie to her mother.



“Wanna talk about it?�



Taryn smiled in regret and answered, “No. Not yet.� Maybe not ever. “Just a lot going on.�



Cheryl nodded in understanding. She started to leave but hesitated and turned back to her daughter. “Krista seemed pretty upset tonight too.�



“What? When did you---?�



“She stopped by after the party. She had to pick up her clothes.�



Understanding dawned on her. “Oh, right. I’m glad you were home to let her in.� She looked away, unable to meet her mother’s eyes. “I’m gonna go to bed now.� Taryn scooted around her mother, gave her a quick peck on the cheek, and disappeared down the hall.



She entered her room, closed the door behind her, and stopped, facing the window. Krista’s room was dark, as was the rest of the house as far as she could tell. I guess she didn’t get caught. She shook her head and rummaged in her dresser for pajamas. Putting two and two together hadn’t been hard –changing her clothes at their house, keeping the bass overnight- and she had long reached the conclusion that Krista was at the party without her parent’s permission. Her mother would probably have had a heart attack had she seen what Krista had been wearing.



The thought of Krista in her costume hit her like an anvil, ending her temporary distraction, and she sat in her chair with a heavy thud, pajamas in her hand and forgotten. She was alone with herself, and there was no escaping her thoughts. They clamored at her brain, each demanding attention.



One moment she had been looking at Krista –sad, hurt Krista- and the next they were kissing. It was as simple as that. What wasn’t simple was how it had happened, and what it had meant. She had kissed plenty of boys in her time - she had done much more than that with quite a few of them- but none of those experiences had prepared her for this kiss. As small and brief as it was, it had resonated throughout her body; every feeling whose absence she had lamented in the past had come slamming home to settle into the crevices of her heart as if they belonged there. She had put them neatly away, ignoring them during the ride home, but now they were free to roam through her all over again, as strong in the remembering as they were when it had happened.



She could not ignore the implications. What did it mean that she had spent so much time chasing the feeling with boys, only to have it practically jump right into her hands with…a girl?



She would have loved to dismiss the act as a whim, curiosity, getting caught up in the moment; instead it turned into a door through which truths marched one by one. She began to recall all of the moments she had spent with Krista. More importantly, she recalled all of the little flutters, the rollercoaster stomachs and shortness of breath; every moment that she had felt awkward or ill-at-ease. Why she had felt the sharp stab of jealousy when Marshall had shown up– Krista’s White Knight to the rescue. She had not recognized it when it had happened because she had never felt that way before, but now she knew. All of that time she had been reacting to Krista, not just having a weird moment, because…



“Because I’m attracted to her. I’m attracted to a girl.� She inhaled sharply; the words hung in the air around her. They terrified her, but she had to say it. She had no other choice but to be honest with herself, what with all that had happened that evening. She was attracted to Krista, and that was why she had danced with her the way she did, and why she had kissed her.



She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes. “Oh my God,� she groaned out loud. Krista. Krista, who had almost been mauled by an overactive boy, only to be mauled by her when she was at her most vulnerable. And she was so shocked she couldn’t even say anything. What would have happened had Jay not shown up at that moment? Would they have talked about it, laughed it off? She certainly wasn’t laughing now.



She stood and began to change into her bedclothes, her movements slow as her mind pondered her situation. She had kissed another girl, and had liked it more than she dared to admit to herself, even in the safety of her room. She didn’t know how she would ever begin to unravel the mess she was in. Sighing, she climbed into bed and pulled the covers over her. She would have to figure something out before Monday.

“Wow.� Marshall leaned back on the lawn chair and stared at the sky. “Wow.�

Krista grimaced, thinking that ‘Wow’ was the understatement of the century, and cast another glance at the quiet house next door. She pulled her hands into the cuffs of her sweatshirt against the cool Sunday afternoon breeze and curled herself into a tighter ball, adjusting in her chair for more comfort. True to his word, Marshall had come over as early as socially acceptable. She had not been certain of whether or not she was ready to talk about it, but it was clear that there was no dissuading him and, giving in, she had ushered him outside for complete privacy so that she could divulge the events of the previous night.

“Y’know,� he continued, “of all the possible scenarios that I had dreamed up for you…well, you just blew them all out of the water.�

“I didn’t actually expect the night to go like that either.�

“So…what are you going to do?�

She threw her head back and groaned. “That’s the question I’ve been asking myself all morning. I don’t know.�

“You’re gonna talk to her, right?�

“And say what?� she asked, gaping at him. “‘Hey, sorry I kissed you and grossed you out’?�

“Are you sure you grossed her out?�

“Oh, let’s see. She didn’t say a word to me afterwards. It’s Sunday, and we usually do something together but she hasn’t been over or called or anything. Hmm…yep, pretty sure.� Her tone turned serious. “You didn’t see her face, Marshall.�

“So what, are you just gonna avoid her until she graduates?�

“No, but…I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I only know that I’m not going over there today.�

Marshall sighed and reached over to pat her leg. “You’d better figure something out before school tomorrow.�

She groaned and covered her eyes.

“Hey, you guys rocked Saturday!�

Krista peered warily at the stocky boy, searching for some sign of artifice, before returning his smile with a “Thanks.� She slid into her seat, relieved. She had been sure that the high school information highway would be abuzz with tales of her humiliation, but to her surprise the only comments she had received so far that day had been in relation to Q’s performance, and all congratulatory. She shook her head in bemusement as she opened her Health textbook. It had been an easy morning so far. The worst is still to come, she reminded herself, looking at the clock. She had all of 45 minutes before lunch began, and she knew they would pass by quickly; time always did when you were dreading what was on the other side. For the first time in over a month, she was unsure of her plans for her lunch period.

The voice of Mr. Howell droned on in the background as she played out the possible scenarios in her head. How was she to handle it? What was the best course of action? If she avoided Taryn today, refused to seek her out, what message would that send? She could save face, simply pretend as if Taryn didn’t exist and go to her tree and eat her lunch alone. Would Taryn be relieved? When did something as simple as lunch become so complicated? When you kissed your best friend.

Possibility after possibility ran through her mind, until she was jarred out of her imaginings by the harsh ringing of the end of period bell. Her heart picked up the pace; it felt as if it were beating in her throat, and she reflexively put a hand to her neck as if expecting to feel it there. For once she was among the last out of the classroom, and she took the long way to the cafeteria, training her gaze on the tiles beneath her. It felt like her first week of school all over again. She didn’t look up until she had successfully maneuvered the crowded lunchroom and found her way up the hill to her tree. She had experienced a brief moment of panic; what if Taryn were already there? What would she do then? The site of her vacant spot, which had once brought her great comfort, now filled her with a deep disappointment. Part of her had hoped…She swallowed hard and sat with her back to the building, facing the brick wall that separated the courtyard from the street. With the rest of the student body out of her line of vision, her isolation was complete.

Taryn nodded her head absently in response to her friends’ excited chattering as they stepped into the afternoon sunlight. She was not hearing a word they were saying; her mind was elsewhere. She ignored their confused protestations when she changed the usual course of their walk, guiding them away from the direction of the lone tree and back towards the bench that they had once occupied every lunch period B.K.: Before Krista. It was a struggle for her, keeping her feet from moving in that direction, keeping her gaze from straying to where Krista would most likely be. She knew she was not ready for that confrontation. She had avoided her yesterday, choosing to spend the entire day locked up in her room- with the shades drawn after she had spotted Krista and Marshall talking in the backyard. The sight had caused her chest to constrict, and had closed off any lingering doubt she had.

“What’s up with you and Krista?� Shelley asked as they sat at the table. “Why aren’t we eating with her today?�

“Nothing. I just thought we could use some alone friend time,� Taryn replied smoothly. She had known that Krista’s omission from their gathering would not go without notice.

“Oh bull! I wanna hear what she thought about the party,� Candace protested. Before Taryn could stop her, she had turned around and yelled, “Krista!�

Taryn cringed as the name resounded across the courtyard. Candace was waving her arms in a ‘Come here’ gesture, and Taryn looked towards the tree from beneath her lashes. Krista turned to acknowledge the summons with a wave.

“Get over here!� Candace insisted.

“What, did you guys have a fight or something?� Megan asked.

Taryn laughed weakly. “No.� She breathed deeply, trying to calm the rapid beating of her heart as she watched Krista gather her lunch and head towards them. It was hard to watch. To Taryn, she looked as if the last thing she wanted to do was join them. How am I ever going to fix this?

Conversation continued as the group waited for Krista to make her way over to them. Taryn struggled to keep from watching her approach. For the first time there was no barrier between her conscious and subconscious; she was very aware of her reactions to her, and wondered that she had ever been blind to them before. She put a mental lid on the nervous tingles and unmistakable excitement at seeing her friend, and put on her brightest “nothing’s-going-on� face before diving back into the verbal fray with her friends. It wasn’t until Krista had reached the table and the others had greeted her that she took a mental deep breath and acknowledged her.

“Hey,� she greeted her, her voice bright. Nope, nothing unusual here.

“Hi.�

Taryn cringed inside as she registered the way Krista refused to meet her eyes. She turned back to her friends, at once grateful and worried about their incessant chatter as they steered the conversation back to the party. They did not know that the subject was a minefield.

“Everyone’s talking about you guys,� Candace enthused.

Both Krista and Taryn looked at her in alarm.

‘What? What about us?� Krista asked.

Candace gave them strange look. “About your show. How awesome it was. You guys were really good.�

“Yeah, when are you guys gonna play out again?� Shelley questioned.

“Umm, we don’t know. Jay’s working on it,� Taryn answered. If the situation were not so sensitive she would have laughed out loud at her and Krista’s reactions to the innocent comment. She had to find some way to diffuse the situation. They couldn’t go on like this.

“I barely remember what we sounded like,� she said suddenly. “I don’t know what was in that punch Carly made, but it was lethal.�

“Oh God, I know it!�

“It was so good though.�

“I had to stop after one. I have no tolerance at all.�

“Yeah, I should have stopped after one too.� Taryn laughed. “I do the stupidest things when I get drunk.�

“Oh God, remember that time you did a striptease at my sleepover?� Megan asked excitedly, laughing.

“What?� Krista asked, and finally looked at Taryn.

Bingo, Taryn thought as the group burst into giggles. Taryn braced herself and met Krista’s gaze, her smile wide and open as she played long. “You should’ve seen it. We got into Megan’s parents’ liquor cabinet---“

“We didn’t even drink that much ‘cause the stuff tasted like ass,� Shelly interjected.

“And Taryn starts dancing and taking her clothes off,� Candace continued. “I thought Mrs. Boyle was going to have a fit when she came downstairs and saw Taryn standing on the pool table in just her training bra and Wednesday panties!�

“Not to mention it was Saturday,� Megan teased, poking Taryn in the ribs. “You can’t wear days-of-the-week panties out of order.�

Taryn laughed good-naturedly as her friends took off reminiscing about the more risqué things she had been involved in, both under the influence and stone sober. The lunch period dissolved into a contest of who could tell the wildest Taryn story. By the time the bell rang she was pretty sure she had no dignity left, and said as much as the group gathered the remnants of their lunches and started towards their classes.

“Whatever. You were born without dignity,� Candace joked.

“But think about,� Shelley said, depositing her tray. “It’s what makes you you. You’ve always been the daring one, the crazy one. It’s part of what makes you so much fun.�

“Great. Well, my fun self will see you guys later. Education calls.� She waved, casting a last glance at Krista before she took off for class. She only caught a glimpse of her face before Krista turned away to go to her own class. Her expression was unreadable.

Taryn walked away, her own smile still firmly in place despite her mixed emotions. She didn’t feel good about the catalog of antics unearthed at lunch, especially those involving the opposite sex - the recounting of the party at which she had taken a challenge to see who could kiss the most boys sprung to mind- and normally she would have shut the topic down as soon as it had started. This time, however, she had wanted them to talk about those things, and in detail. She had hoped that the tales would convince Krista that Saturday night’s event was simply another in a long string of wild behavior. Hopefully it would be enough to put her back at ease and strip the incident of any significance. I wish I could do the same for myself, she thought, allowing the fake smile to slip from her lips at last. Even if it worked, even if Krista were now able to brush the kiss aside, Taryn knew that she would get no such reprieve. She knew that it had been so much more than that for her. She may have solved things for Krista in putting her infamous past out there, but she was a long way from solving anything for herself. The bottom line was she had feelings for her best friend…a girl. What was she going to do about that?

She participated in her classes without having to be called on. She hung onto every word her teachers said. She even paid attention to the comments of her classmates, no matter how inane. She was the model student that afternoon.

She went to jazz rehearsal and played as well as she could. She answered Jay’s questions about her well-being and joked with him about the party and Sergio’s inebriated state. She appeared perfectly normal and together on the outside, and aside from her unusual class participation, she seemed to be the same old Krista.

It was not until she was biking home that it came apart. She was staring ahead at nothing, barely registering the road ahead. She was lulled by the smooth whirring of her wheels against the pavement, and did not notice that the sound had begun to imperceptibly break through the blank haze in which she had enshrouded herself that afternoon. She knew that it would not be long before she broke down. She turned at the corner of North and Turner and navigated to the small park there. She jumped off her bike with ease and wheeled it to a solitary corner, removed from the children screaming and running in the playground area. She reached the bench there, unoccupied thankfully, let her bike fall to the grass beside it, and sat. She stared out at the playground for a moment, her eyes unseeing, before she let herself think.

She breathed out heavily, and a chill ran through her body as she allowed her mind to go where it had wanted to all afternoon. She shook her head, bitterness and disappointment rising in her stomach and causing an acid taste in her mouth. She had gotten the point, loud and clear. Taryn was a rebel, Taryn was a wild child, Taryn did crazy stuff all the time, and Saturday night was no exception. One thing was clear, no matter who had initiated that kiss. It didn’t mean anything to her. She closed her eyes at the thought, squeezing them tight to trap the tears that were forming. Stupid Krista, she thought, angry with herself. Her inner voice taunted her. What did you think? She was gonna show up today and declare her love for you? You knew what would happen. You know her. It doesn’t matter whether or not you kissed her because it meant nothing to her. It was all shits and giggles for her.

She reached for her backpack and extracted her notebook from inside. She removed the pen from the spiral binding and opened the book to the first blank page. Her pen was poised to write, but she stopped. She was angry, but not at Taryn. Taryn, after all, had never given her the slightest indication that she was interested in her in that way. No, she was angry with herself. Deep down inside, in spite of all she knew and against her better judgment, she had harbored a hope that that kiss had meant something.

She arrived home an hour later. To her surprise she found her mother in the dining room hunched over her laptop.

“Hi honey,� her mother greeted. “I got a headache and decided to leave early. Do a little work from home,� she explained in answer to her daughter’s questioning look.

Krista nodded in understanding, attempting to hide her disappointment as she made her way to the kitchen. She had wanted to lose herself in some mindless television for a bit before her parents made it home. She closed her eyes for a moment in frustration. Her mother was working; maybe that would mean she would get a reprieve from conversing with her. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and headed resolutely towards the living room, ignoring her mother.

She settled onto the couch and picked up the remote, turning to the cartoon channel. Silly, mindless entertainment was just the ticket. She watched for a bit and had just relaxed when her mother’s voice came, unexpectedly close to her.

“We got a letter about the Thanksgiving concert.�

Krista refused to take her eyes off the TV as she felt her mother’s weight sink into the couch next to her. Why, oh why?

“You must be pretty excited. First concert at the new school.� Krista shrugged.

“We should go shopping this week and get you something nice to wear to it.�

“We got fitted for our tuxes weeks ago.�

“You’re wearing tuxedos? Wow.� Krista said nothing, her eyes resolutely fixed on the TV. She hoped that if she said nothing, her mother would get the hint and go away. She knew she was being rude, but she was annoyed. Her mother’s presence was unwelcome. She had really wanted to be alone, and she was regretting not staying at the park longer.

“Are you excited about recording this weekend? Your first band demo.� Again Krista shrugged. Her mother sighed, and Krista felt her gaze on her face. She still refused to engage, and they sat that way in silence for a few minutes more before her mother got up from the couch and went back to her computer. Soon the sound of tapping keys came from the dining room. Krista sunk lower into the couch and watched as an animated skeleton played with two children.

“Krista,� Mrs. Taylor called to her as she passed by her desk. Krista stopped in her tracks, causing a couple of exiting students to collide with her. She muttered quick apologies before inching closer to her teacher’s desk and removing herself from the flow of traffic. “Is everything okay with you?�

“Yeah, I’m fine.� The sympathetic expression in Mrs. Taylor’s eyes made her immediately regret her brusque tone. She had been a complete space case during class.

“Okay. If you need to talk about anything…� She waited, and when no response was forthcoming she sighed. “I actually wanted to ask you why didn’t you submit some work. I was surprised.�

The confusion on Krista’s face quickly faded to consternation as she comprehended to what Mrs. Taylor was referring. The student magazine. The deadline had been yesterday, and she had missed it, caught up as she was in the drama of her life.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Taylor. There’s so much going on…� She stopped. She was contradicting her earlier statement, giving away information that she’d had no intention of sharing.

Mrs. Taylor simply said, “I understand.� She paused, considering. “We’re going through submissions at this afternoon’s meeting. If you have something that you can give to me before then, I can make an exception to the deadline—this time.�

“Um, yeah…I have what I was working on right here. I finished it and everything, I just…forgot.� She placed her bag on the desk, unzipped it, and hurriedly rummaged through its contents to her notebook. She flipped through pages till she found the poem she had done with the express purpose of having it published, and ripped the page out with a grand flourish.

Mrs. Taylor received the work and asked, “Are you sure it’s ready?�

“Yes ma’am.�

“Alright. Thank you. We’ll review it this afternoon.�

“Thank you. And I’m sorry, again.� With a sheepish smile she ducked out of the classroom, mentally berating herself for being such a flake. She knew she was lucky that Mrs. Taylor had been so nice to her, considering the fact that she had reminded Krista about the magazine at least once a week since the initial announcement. Mrs. Taylor had seemed genuinely interested in Krista contributing to the creative effort, and what had she done? Gone and forgotten all about it. This is ridiculous, she thought, angry at herself for her lapse. She had to snap out of her funk. It wasn’t the first time she had faced romantic disappointment (though certainly the closest she had ever come to even the mere possibility of fulfillment), and unfortunately she was sure that it would not be the last.

She reached her locker and leaned her head against it, the cool metal soothing against her skin. She had band practice that night; she had not seen Taryn since lunch yesterday. They seemed to have reached some sort of unspoken agreement under which they had scrapped their friendship. She did not attempt to seek the other girl out, just as she was no longer sought out. The thought of facing her that evening at practice caused a large lump to form in her throat, and her breathing quickened with nervousness. Everything had gone back to square one, with one giant, looming exception: she had blown any chance she had of being close to Taryn.

They ran through their entire set of songs twice, stopping after some to work out the remaining kinks. They were overall very tight, well-tuned and comfortable with their parts. Corrections were minimal, and it took no time at all to run through their repertoire. It was an amazing transition from the band that began two months ago to what they were now.

The final strains of their last song still echoing in the room, they began the task of narrowing down their selection for the demo. The engineering student had agreed to a three-song demo, which was standard, and it was time to choose those three songs from the 12 or so that they had. There were some numbers that they all agreed to disqualify right off the bat for one reason or another. The rest of the elimination process proved to be not so simple, and it was only after an hour of debate that they finally made their choices. They would do one that Sergio and Jay had masterminded, one of Taryn’s, and one of Krista’s.

That mountain tackled and defeated, they clarified their plans for the weekend. It was agreed that they would leave early Saturday morning and make the ½ an hour drive to Phoenix in the Hoffa’s car. It was unnecessary to bring more than Krista’s bass and Sergio’s guitar, as the music school’s studio had its own drumset and sound equipment.

With all matters of business taken care of, the band called it a night and went their separate ways. Taryn regarded Krista out of the corner of her eye as the other girl packed up her gear and prepared to leave. She wanted so much to say something to her, but it seemed that the other girl remained uncomfortable in her presence to some extent. They had spoken during the rehearsal—strictly on the topic of music and nothing more, nothing personal—and it had lacked the vibrancy and familiarity of their previous interactions. It was clear to her that their encounter had irrevocably changed things between them. Krista’s discomfort in her presence was obvious, to her if to no one else, and she was loath to push the issue. She did not want to scare her away any more than she already had. With a soft sigh of defeat she turned and headed up the basement stairs, regretting—for what felt like the hundredth time—her actions on the night of the party.

Taryn slipped past her mother and up to her room, where she sank into her bed and buried her head in a pillow. She was not accustomed to feeling so…lost. Part of her longed for that time when her love life was simple, if unfulfilling. Had that only been a few days ago? If she were honest, she would have to admit that her life had ceased its simplicity the moment she had met Krista. She had not recognized the pull that she felt towards the other girl for what it was, but it had been there all along.

The shrill ringing of the phone interrupted her thoughts. She ignored it. Let someone else answer it. The ringing stopped, and she went back to contemplating her situation. How long would it take for them to get back any semblance of the friendship they’d once had? Would they ever regain it? She realized in that moment that she was not only sad about the unrequited feelings she had for Krista, which were confusing enough, but that she also lamented the lost friendship. They had been growing so close…

“Taryn! Phone!� her mother yelled up the stairs.

She considered telling her to take a message, but changed her mind and rose from the bed with a weary sigh and reached for the phone on her dresser. “Got it!� She waited for the tell-tale click that let her know her mother had hung up, and said, “Hello?�

“Hi, Gorgeous.�

She stifled a groan as she recognized the voice. Of all the bad timing… “Hi David.�

“How ya’ doing?�

“Fine. What’s up?�

“Well, I was gonna ask you the same thing. I called you a couple of times, left messages.�

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. I’ve been busy.�

“Well, are you too busy to hang out with me tomorrow?�

She was silent as she contemplated how best to give her answer. Given the revelations of the weekend, there was no way she could go on pretending to be interested in him—and that was what she had been doing. With all of them, she admitted to herself.

“You still there?�

“Yeah. Um, listen. I’m really sorry I haven’t returned your calls. There’s been a lot going on with me and…I don’t even know how to say this the right way…I don’t think I can see you anymore.� It was his turn to be silent, and she grimaced, her words sounding lame even to her. “It wasn’t anything you did, it’s just…some stuff has come up, some stuff I have to figure out, and…I’m kinda pulling myself off the market.�

“Oh.�

“I’m sorry.�

“Yeah. Alright. I…Well, I guess I should go.�

“Okay.�

He hung up the phone without saying good-bye, and she replaced the phone on its hook. She stared at her reflection in the mirror above her dresser, chewing on her lip thoughtfully. She wondered if she should call TJ and tell him everything; as her longest–running relationship to date, she supposed she owed him an explanation now that she had one herself. Do I? Do I know what this means? She replayed the kiss in her mind, allowing the warm glow that came with it to suffuse her, giving in to the feelings the memory evoked. I guess I kinda do.

“Our tuxes arrived today,� Jay said as he caught up to Krista en route to the music room.

“Oh yeah?�

“Yeah. You’re lucky we got new ones. They were really starting to show their age last year. Oh good, they’re tuning the piano. I thought it sounded a little off last time,� Jay noted as they stepped into the music room. A young man was packing up his tools while he spoke with Mr. Brannigan by the upright piano. Jay settled himself behind his drum kit and began to unwrap his sticks while Krista went about the business of getting her bass ready. She listened with half an ear to the conversation between the two adults.

“That was nice and quick, Gerald,� Mr. Brannigan was saying.

“It wasn’t too badly out of tune.�

“How’s the middle register? I know that once you get done tuning the highs and lows sometimes the middle one gets out of whack again. Not that I’m questioning your work…�

The repairman laughed. “That’s alright. John told me you would be making sure I did it right. I tuned the middle register a little sharp to accommodate for that. Give it a try.�

Mr. Brannigan walked around to the piano bench and played first an arpeggio and then a chord in the middle of the keyboard, his head cocked to the side to listen. He nodded in approval. “Good job. That sounds much better.�

“Glad you approve. I’ll just head down to the office to deliver my bill.�

“Thank you.�

“No problem.� The two men shook hands, and the repairman took his leave with a quick wave at Jay and Krista. Mr. Brannigan sat at the bench and began to play softly. It only took Krista a moment to recognize “How High the Moon� by Ella Fitzgerald, and she smiled. She was not conscious of her fingers moving on her bass, now slung over her neck, until Mr. Brannigan looked at her surprised eyes and returned her smile. He indicated that she should turn up her bass with an upwards jerk of his head, and she complied. She played tentatively at first as her fingers struggled to remember the bass line. Behind her she heard Jay began to hit his cymbals with the brush. The impromptu trio played through the whole song.

They played the last notes with a flourish, and applause drew them out of their haze as they turned to acknowledge the other jazz band members that had gathered around to watch the show. Jay stood and bowed, while Krista ducked her head with a sheepish grin and turned away from their audience. Mr. Brannigan laughingly instructed everyone to take their places and that the free concert was over. “We’ve got a concert in less than two weeks, so let’s get to work,� he said as he made his way to the front of the room.

They worked through the material for the concert, and Krista was struck with a sense of déjÃz vu. This rehearsal’s a little easier on my nerves, she noted grimly. No Taryn. It was too bad for her that the thought brought a sense of sadness rather than the relief that would have been so much easier to handle.

“Absolutely not.�

“Why? What’s the big deal?�

“There is no big deal. I just...won’t.�

“Oh, that’s a good reason.�

“I don’t need to give you a reason. ‘No’ should do nicely.�

“I would think you’d be excited at a chance to do something different.�

“What, Jay, do I look like I’m made out of time? I’ve got a lot of stuff on my plate. School, work, Q---“

“Speed dating.�

Taryn glared at him. “I suppose I could try your tactic: No Dating.�

He threw his hands up in exasperation. “Well, how about you think about someone else besides yourself? Huh? What about me and Krista? What about Mr. Brannigan? You should’ve seen him. He was so excited.�

“Yeah, well, I’m not responsible for helping some old dude try to relive his glory days.�

“You can be such a bitch when you want to, you know that?�

“Hey, hey,� Cheryl scolded as she entered the room. She frowned at her offspring. “Knock it off. Jay…�

“Sorry,� he mumbled in the general direction of his sister before turning away and marching out of the room.

Cheryl drew a deep breath and approached her remaining child who sat slumped on the couch staring at the television. “What was that all about?�

“Jay and the jazz teacher got some goofy idea to do a jazz trio bit during the Thanksgiving concert,� she answered.

“I thought that’s the kind of thing you’d be into.�

“Well, it’s not.� She flipped the channels until she found a music video station. It was the kind of thing she would be into, but with Krista involved it was out of the question. She was miserable enough about the girl without having to spend even more time with her than she already did. Even Q, which had always been a source of excitement for her, was becoming unbearable. The tension between the two of them during practice that evening had been so thick; she was still surprised that neither Jay nor Sergio had seemed to notice. Not that she and Krista were ever anything other than cordial and polite to each other. Compared to the closeness they had shared a mere few days ago -a closeness that she missed almost constantly- the rift was gaping and wide.

Her thoughts depressing her, Taryn slumped lower in the couch, and mother and daughter sat in silence for a while. Taryn could practically feel her mother gearing herself up for a conversation. She just wasn’t sure that she was ready to have the one she needed to have.

“Honey…what’s wrong? You haven’t been yourself lately.�

Long seconds passed while Taryn contemplated her answer. She chewed her lower lip reflectively and asked, without turning from the television, “What would you say if I told you that I had found someone that I like? A lot. A lot more than any of the guys I’ve been with.�

“Are we talking butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, heart beating fast kind’ve like?� Taryn nodded. “I’d say ‘Wow,’ and ‘I’m happy for you,’ and ‘Who is it?’�

Taryn grunted. “Alright. What if…I told you that the person that made me feel that way…was a girl?�

It was Cheryl’s turn to pause. Taryn looked at her out of the corner of her eye to gauge her reaction, and found her staring into space pensively. When at last her response came, it was slow and measured. “I’d say ‘Wow,’ and…’I kind’ve thought that might happen’�

I didn’t expect that. Taryn turned her body towards her mother, the TV quite forgotten. “What?�

Cheryl regarded her calmly. “It’s crossed my mind. Your reticence to be close with other women, your lack of emotional intimacy with the boys you’ve dated…I couldn’t help but wonder.�

Taryn gaped at her in disbelief. All the time she had been floundering, worrying, and her mother had suspected all along.

“Is it Krista?�

She supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised that her mother would be so intuitive, but it still unnerved her. “Yeah.� She stopped, wondering how much of this she wanted to get into, but then deciding that she had already gone this far. She had nothing left to lose. “Krista got hassled by some guy at the party Saturday,� she started, choosing to skip the dancing. There was something too intimate about it to discuss with her mother. “Luckily Jay was around, so things didn’t go as far as they could have.� Here she shuddered a little as she thought of what could have happened if Jay had not shown up when he did. “Krista was pretty upset, and I was talking to her, comforting her, y’know? And then…I messed up. I kissed her.�

“Why do you say you messed up?�

“Cause she freaked. Not like, yelling and calling me names freaked, but like avoiding me, not talking to me freaked.�

“Oh.�

“Everything’s all messed up now, like it’s weird to be around her. And now Jay wants me to do this jazz trio with her, which just means more awkward time together.�

“Right.�

Silence descended on the pair as they sat wrapped in thought. Taryn wondered what was going through her mother’s head. She didn’t have to wait long.

“So, do you think you’re gay?�

Taryn ignored the infinitesimal hesitation in her mother’s voice at the word ‘gay’. “I don’t know. I mean, I went to the bookstore to get some reference but 'You Know You’re a Lesbian When…' was all sold out.� She smiled to show that she was joking before gently asking, “Would it upset you if I were?�

Cheryl blew out a breath, fluttering her lips. “Part of me is glad that you’ve finally figured out what you need, what will make you happy…“

“At the expense of my best friend.�

“Another part of me, and I wouldn’t be a parent if I didn’t consider this, is concerned about what this means for you. What this means for your life and the way you live it. How people will treat you, the obstacles you’ll face…�

“Mom, this isn’t the Middle Ages or something. Gay people aren’t stoned or sent off to a separate island.�

“No, there’s definitely a lot more tolerance in the world, but the hatred, the fear, the ignorance; it’s all still there. More hidden, but…�

“Thanks. Thanks a lot. I feel great.� She started to get up, but her mother’s hand on her arm stopped her.

“I’m sorry. That didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. Ultimately, your happiness is what matters the most to me, however that comes to you. I just worry a little. It’s my job.� Taryn allowed herself to sink into the couch again, this time closer to her mother. “Your turn.�

“How do I feel about it?� She thought hard, knowing it was important to answer honestly; not for her mother, but for herself. “Confused. Scared. This is a lot harder than with a guy. If it’d been a guy, I would have kissed him, he would have either liked it and told me so, or told me to back off. Either way, the end result wouldn’t be him feeling grossed out about it.�

“I think you need to talk to Krista. She seems to me to be a nice, fair-minded girl. I bet if anything she’s just…shocked. Surprised. I bet if you go talk to her about it, explain that her friendship is important to you and show her that you can be her friend, that what happened doesn’t change anything in that respect…I think it would be okay.�

She closed her eyes and leaned against her mother’s shoulder. She wished she could believe her, but the truth was that her feelings for Krista did change things. Even if Krista were able to forgive her for kissing her, it didn’t change the fact that Taryn still had strong feelings for her. It wouldn’t make it any easier for Taryn to be around her. Still, she was grateful to her mother for trying. She knew that there were people out there that had lost their entire families as a result of something they could no more control than the weather.

“Have I told you today how lucky I am to have you as a mother?�

Cheryl threw an arm around her daughter’s shoulder and pretended to think about it. “Mmm, nope. I think my ego could use a little fluffing.�

Taryn relaxed into the embrace. “Seriously, you’re okay with this? It’s okay if you’re not right off the bat.�

“Honey, I’ve had a lot of time to get used to the idea. I’m just glad it’s out. Speaking of…are you gonna tell your brother?� At Taryn’s loud groan, she chuckled.

“One step at a time, mom. One step at a time.�

“I will, I’ll call as soon as we get there,� Krista promised for what felt like the hundredth time as she backed down the porch stars. From the level of worry exhibited by her parents, one would have thought that she was traveling to another country, not 20 minutes away. “Bye,� she said, making a pushing gesture with her hands as if to telekinetically move their robed figures out of the doorway. She shook her head in frustration when they refused to budge and turned towards the minivan waiting for her at the end of the walk. The side door was open and she could make out Sergio reclining in the third row of seats. As she approached, Jay jumped out of the passenger side and started towards the back where he raised the door to the trunk area.

“Mornin’,� he greeted, taking her bass from her and fitting it in snugly with the other equipment. ‘Good day for making music, huh? You excited?�

“Yeah.� She couldn’t stop the smile that grew. She was excited. It would be her first recording session, something that promised to be completely different from her solo ventures in her bedroom. She couldn’t wait to get a look at the set-up of the studio, to see what professionals (semi-professionals, she corrected herself) used.

Her gear stowed, she started back towards the open side door, throwing one last wave at her still waiting parents before she climbed into the second row of seats. Her eyes alighted onto Taryn, seated behind the steering wheel, and her previous exuberance gave way to cold reality. Everything about this day is great except that I’m going to be spending it with someone who…

“Hey, Krista,� Taryn said, finding Krista’s eyes in the rearview mirror. Her voice was warm and welcoming, and she was smiling openly at her.

Krista struggled to hide her surprise. “Hey,� she returned, and hoped that her voice didn’t convey her confusion. It was the first time since that night that there was no undercurrent of tension or discomfort in their interaction.

The sharp thud of the side door closing caused her to jump in surprise, but she was relieved instead of irritated as it gave her a good excuse to break eye contact. She concentrated on buckling her seatbelt, but her mind was fixed on solving the sudden change. She wondered what could have changed between their last meeting and now.

“You guys mind if I stop and get some coffee before we hit the road?� Taryn asked as she started the car. Her passengers shook their head. “Cool,� she said, and eased the minivan into the street.

Thirty minutes later Taryn was slowly steering through the University’s campus, following the directions Jay was reading from the printout in his lap. She had had occasion to visit the campus in the past; TJ had many friends that went to U of P. He had taken her to a few art shows at the University’s museum, but she had never had the chance to check out the music building. She sipped the now cool contents of her cup, watching the somewhat familiar surrounding pass by. She glanced in the rearview mirror at Krista, smiling at the curiosity on the other girl’s face as she took in the buildings and students. She allowed herself a mental pat on the back; the ride had gone much better than she had dared to hope. Granted it was a short trip, but given their recent history it was no small feat that they had managed to have friendly conversation without too much awkwardness. It was by no means a perfect interaction, and the awkwardness was still there to a degree, but she had been determined to follow her mother’s advice and try to re-establish some semblance of the friendship they had once had. It had been a difficult line to walk, though. She had tried to engage Krista in just enough conversation to convey a desire for a return to normalcy, but not so much that Krista would get the wrong idea and think that she was coming on to her. The wrong idea. The words caused her to frown. She supposed that since she did have an attraction to Krista, it wouldn’t be the wrong idea of Krista suspected that at all. It would just be the wrong idea if she had any hope whatsoever of getting Krista’s friendship back. As far as the other thing went…she would just have to get over it. Over her.

“There it is,� Jay said, pointing to their right. Taryn slowed the car more as they approached a grey, four-story building. She steered the van into the driveway next to it, and followed its winding path into a parking lot that mostly empty. She chose a spot nearest to the door, and stopped.

“I guess we’re here.� They sat for a moment in silence, staring out the windows at the building.

“What now?� Sergio queried.

Everyone turned and looked expectantly at Jay, who shrugged. “He said he’d meet us here.�

“Well…let’s go in,� Krista suggested.

No sooner had they all gotten out of the van, the door of the building opened and a young man stepped out. He waved as he strode purposefully towards them.

“You ‘Q’?�

“Yeah,� Jay responded, stepping towards him. “Brian?�

“You bet. Nice to meet you.�

“Same here.� The two shook hands before turning to address the rest of the group. Taryn lowered her head briefly to hide her amusement at the male ritual she had just witnessed. She did not begrudge her little brother leadership of the group; he was a natural at it, and enjoyed the responsibility. However, watching him in action, especially opposite someone older than he, never failed to tap the big sister button inside of her that made her want to say ‘Awww’.

“This is Krista, our bassist and vocalist; Sergio’s the guitarist; Taryn’s our lead vocals.� It took no more than the slight raise in his voice at the end of Brian’s “Hello� for Taryn to see that he was interested. The slight squeeze he gave during their handshake and the prolonged eye contact solidified it. She wasted no time in nipping any notions he may have had in the bud.

“So, shall we unload and get started,� she said, detaching her hand from his and moving back towards the van. She gave him no more attention as she opened the rear door and started removing equipment. The others were right beside her, and in no time they were headed inside.

Sergio sidled up alongside her and, his load precariously balanced, leaned towards her to whisper, “Whadda ya’ say, T? Another one bites the dust?� He nodded towards the front where Brian was leading the way.

“Be advised that the only thing stopping me from hurting you is this snare…and I have to put it down at some point.� He moved away from her with a snicker, and she shook her head, heaving a sigh. Jackass.

They followed Brian through a lobby; one side, which faced the parking lot, was concrete, while the other, which faced the street, was all glass. They proceeded down a hall, their footsteps muffled on the carpeted floor. Glass doors adorned both sides of the hall- classrooms, empty for the weekend. Up ahead Taryn could see a heavy metal door; here their guide stopped and pushed it open, letting the band members pass by as he held it. He made no move to retake the front once they were all through, instead instructing them to continue down the concrete stairs, his voice echoing off the walls. It was like an underground shelter in the way that it was constructed. They twisted their way down two flights before reaching what Taryn could only assume was the basement. Here Brian brushed by and made his way to the front again to open yet another metal door. They stepped out of the dimly lit hall and into another carpeted one, like the one upstairs. They passed more glass doors; these were obviously practice rooms. They were empty save for the occasional piano or music stand.

“Here we are. Home sweet home,� he announced as they reached the end of the corridor. He pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the single glass door that faced them. The door opened with a whoosh as the soundproofing strips that lined it rubbed against the carpet. They stepped into an engineering booth; straight ahead was a glass wall that looked out into the studio proper. Murmurs of appreciation were all around, and Taryn noted the satisfied smile on their host’s face. “You guys can start setting up in there, and I’ll get things ready in here.� He pointed towards a door off to their right that led into the studio, and the band made their way through it, talking excitedly amongst themselves. The energy was palpable. No matter that they had done this before; it was still exciting.

Taryn could not help but observe Krista’s reaction in particular. She was the only one in their little gathering who had never been inside a studio or participated in a recording- other than the ones she’d done in the privacy of her bedroom. She could see that the girl was trying to reign in her awe, but the giant grin on her face gave her away. Taryn felt her heart thud; if she wasn’t smitten before, she was definitely a goner now. She averted her eyes lest she be caught staring. This is not the way to do the friendship thing, she admonished herself, and set about distracting herself by helping Jay arrange the studio’s drum kit to his liking.

In less than half an hour the set up was done and Jay was left alone in the recording booth while the others retreated to the engineering room to watch. Taryn perched on a stool nearest the window overlooking the sound room. From the corner of her eye she noticed Krista make her way to Brian’s side and slide a chair close to where he sat, her movements slow and shy, as if she were afraid of angering him. He shot her a quick smile before turning back to his console and flicking on the intercom.

“You set in there?� Jay nodded and adjusted his headphones. Brian pushed a few buttons on the console and asked, “Can you hear that? Good volume, good beat?�

“Yeah,� Jay replied, his voice thin and reedy through the intercom.

Taryn could not hear the question that Krista leaned forward to ask Brian at that moment, but she heard his response. “It’s an electronic metronome to help him stay on beat.� It seemed innocent enough; Krista was clearly interesting in knowing what was going on behind the scenes of their session. Still, she couldn’t help the feeling of resentment that was creeping through her at the physical proximity they were sharing. The idea of being friends with Krista, dealing with her feelings on her own and not burdening their friendship with it, had seemed doable after her talk with her mother. She hadn’t realized that her emotions would be so volatile and difficult to control; it had never been like this for her before, and she felt a flash of anger at Krista, for she was the reason for her lack of emotional control.

The thought had no sooner presented itself than it was gone. She turned her attention back to her brother as the anger washed away and was replaced with a sadness she sensed would be a part of her life for a while.

“Start whenever you’re ready.�

Jay nodded and tapped his sticks to count off the beat, and launched into the first take.

“Wow, it sounds exciting,� Diana gushed over the phone.

“Yeah, it is,� Krista agreed, smiling despite her exhaustion. She had not been prepared for the day to be so emotionally grueling. There were times during the session when it had seemed that they had practiced for nothing. Recordings were brutally honest, and every flaw that had slipped under their radar in the Hoffa’s basement had come out in stark clarity. The day seemed a series of endless retakes, and she knew that the others were feeling the same by the day’s end.

“I don’t think I could do it. Playing the same songs over and over again.�

“Yeah, I thought it’d be like practice, y’know? You play it a couple of times, and then you move on. But it’s like, when you’re recording you get more self-conscious about what you’re doing, and you mess up, and Brian stops the recording and you start over at a certain spot, but then you’re even more nervous about it and you just mess up even more. I think I might not like either of my songs any more after today.�

“Mmhmm. Soooo…� A sly note crept into Diana’s voice.

“So what?� Krista played innocent, although she had a good idea what Diana was asking.

“What happened with Taryn? Did you guys talk yet?�

Krista stretched her legs out in front of her and adjusted her position on the floor, preparing for the onslaught. Both Marshall and Diana had been adamant in their opinion that she and Taryn should talk about what happened and get past it, if for no other reason that the good of the band. “No, we didn’t. But,� she continued, cutting off what she knew was the beginning of a rant- she could almost hear Diana clamping her lips shut to keep quiet, “It was weird. Last week she didn’t say much to me at all, and it was awkward and awful, but suddenly today she starts talking to me, all normal and stuff.�

“Well, that’s good, right? Sounds like she’s trying to get over it.�

“I guess so, if you can call giving me dirty looks ‘trying to get over it’. It was like, I’d be talking to Brian, and I’d catch her giving me these looks, like she was mad that he was talking to me and not to her. I almost wanted to yell ‘I’m a lesbian, stupid! You can have him!’� Diana laughed, and she couldn’t stop a small chuckle from escaping her. The whole situation was so ridiculous: she was mooning over Taryn, and Taryn thought she was trying to horn in on Brian. “God, it’s so frustrating.�

“Nothing that a little honesty couldn’t fix,� Diana snarked.

Krista blew a raspberry in response.

Sunday the group returned to Phoenix. They spent the first part of the day polishing up leftover rough spots from the previous day’s work. They took a short break to eat lunch at the Student Center, where their attempts at planning the rest of their afternoon were failing- miserably.

“Hey, could you pay a little attention?� Krista asked frowning in annoyance. Jay met her look with guilty eyes; Sergio merely smirked and shrugged.

“I can’t help it. I’m a man.�

“You’re a tool,� she retorted. He smiled and shrugged again, unfazed.

“Guys, come on. We don’t have a lot of time to get this done.� Taryn attempted to keep the peace between her bandmates; she could see that Krista was less than amused. They were supposed to be discussing the recordings and getting their ideas to together for the mastering process that would happen after their break. No sooner had they entered the building, however, than Jay and Sergio had risked serious neck injuries, constantly twisting and turning their heads to get a better view of the many coeds who had come out for lunch. Even as the boys gave in and leaned over the piece of notebook paper upon which they had been jotting their ideas, Taryn found her curiosity getting the better of her, and her own eyes roamed the room. She watched as groups of women passed by, observing every detail: their hair, their eyes---their bodies. She was curious to see if she found any of them attractive, if she felt anything by looking at them. And what does it mean if I do, she wondered, averting her gaze as one woman almost caught her staring. She was uncertain of what she was trying to prove to herself in the impromptu experiment. Was she hoping that another woman would make her heart thump the way Krista did? Or was she hoping that her attraction, her feelings, for Krista was an anomaly.

“Taryn?� Her head snapped back to the table and met the eyes of her brother, who was looking at her with barely disguised amusement. “Care to join us?�

Her heart raced as she realized that everyone at the table was looking at her- including Krista. Had she been caught? Did they know?

“See? Here you are lecturing us, and you’re checking out guys,� Sergio crowed. He gave Jay a look as if to say ‘Can you believe this?’, and they laughed at her discomfort.

“I wasn’t---,� she began, and stopped herself. She couldn’t bring herself to meet Krista’s eyes, but she felt her gaze upon her face. Great. “Never mind. Let’s get back to it.� She returned her attention to the paper pointedly, and was grateful when Jay and Sergio seemed content to let it be and joined her. They spent the remainder of lunch finalizing their thoughts on the final mix, heading back to the studio to master the recording with Brian and have a new demo under their belts.

"What's that smell?" Jay sniffed the air in suspicion as he stepped through the front door. Taryn and Krista entered behind him, looking around in confusion.

"Mom?" Taryn called.

"In here!"

Taryn and Jay looked at each other, their faces questions, and walked towards the source of their mother's voice. Krista followed a few steps behind. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Is that spaghetti?"

The Hoffa siblings stepped into their kitchen and stopped in surprise, nearly causing Krista to plow into them. There was silence as they took in the scene before them. Cheryl Hoffa stood in front of the open oven, removing a large casserole dish. She placed the hot glass on top of the stove and threw a glance at the gathering. "Close your mouths! You're gaping!"

"What are you doing? Are you cooking?!" Taryn asked, staring in disbelief.

"You never cook," Jay chimed in.

"I thought I would tonight. It's a special occasion." She removed her oven mitts, and leaned over to smell her creation. "And a great opportunity to use one of my cookbooks. I don't have to reduce any of the measurements. I don't know why they write them with so many servings. It's infinitely simpler to augment a recipe than to reduce it."

Taryn looked at her brother, who shrugged helplessly and asked, "What're you making?"

"Umm…" Cheryl walked to the center aisle and consulted her open cookbook. "Potato kale casserole." She turned and smiled proudly at them.

"Oh my God." Taryn went to the cupboards and started to rummage through them.

"What are you looking for?"

"A back-up."

"Very funny. Why don’t you make yourself useful and get out some silverware and plates."

"Alright, but this is not a good idea," Taryn warned, and removed a stack of plates from the cabinet, which she handed off to Jay.

"We could lose all of our friends after this," Jay muttered.

"I heard that!" Cheryl pointed at Krista, who was trying to stifle a giggle. "Go on. You help too."

"Yes ma'am."

The teens grabbed the necessary dinnerware and took it into the dining room where they prepared the table for dinner. Jay and Taryn chatted easily as they worked. Krista chimed in when she was addressed, but otherwise remained quiet. She was nervous about the impending evening. They were having a listening party of sorts at the Hoffa household, an idea born of Sergio's brainstorm coming back from Phoenix on Sunday. Brian had given them a cd of their demo and advised them to listen to the mix at home, away from the expensive sound equipment of the university and to give themselves a little window between actually recording the music and evaluating the sound. Sergio thought it would be a good idea to gather up some of their friends for fresh ears. Krista would have preferred to keep it within the band. Stupid Sergio and his stupid ideas. Of course, they would have had to put it out there eventually, but---

"Hello? Krista?" Her head snapped up in surprise as she realized that Jay was standing in front of her, waving his hand in an attempt to get her attention.

"Sorry. I was…zoning, I guess."

"I was just talking about the jazz trio. I asked how you thought the rehearsal went?"

"Oh, it was great," she gushed. She was speaking honestly; the rehearsal had gone very well, despite her initial misgivings about spending extra time with Taryn. Tension was present when she first walked into the jazz room, but as soon as they had started playing their focus was on the music, and interpersonal problems had been forgotten- or at least temporarily ignored.

"Great? That's it? What did you think about---"

"Leave her alone, Jay," Taryn interjected. She fixed Krista with a searching gaze. "You're nervous, aren't you?" Krista gaped in surprise; how did she know her so well?

Jay looked from girl to girl in confusion. "Nervous? What would she be nervous about?"

"Nothing." She shook her head dismissively and refused to meet Taryn's eyes. The time for that kind of intimacy had passed. She was amenable to the idea of trying to reestablish their friendship- to a certain level. Her feelings were too raw to allow anything more.

The chiming of the doorbell cut the strained atmosphere, and Jay excused himself to answer it. He seemed almost relieved to be able to leave. Gotta watch that, she thought as she placed the last of her silverware on the table. It would suck if he knew what happened. She looked around for a means of escape. It had been some time since she and Taryn were alone, and she was not feeling too comfortable with the situation. She was saved the trouble.

"I'll go see if mom needs some help," Taryn said, her voice small. Krista watched her as she went into the kitchen.

Chattering voices announced the arrival of their first guests, their test audience. Shelly and Candace entered, and Krista went to greet them. Their arrival started the flow; Sergio showed up shortly thereafter with Will, whom he introduced as a classmate from Chelton; Billy was next, and Krista realized that they were in the same Biology class. She was chatting with the group, gathered around the dining room table, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to find Marshall standing behind her.

"Hey! Glad you could make it," she greeted, favoring him with a hug.

"Marshall. Hi." Krista turned, one arm still around Marshall; Taryn was emerging from the kitchen. She had an odd look on her face as she regarded them.

"Hey. What smells good?"

"My mom's cooking," she said. Her voice sounded strained. "Um, how did you…I mean, I meant to call you and ask you to come but I forgot."

"Krista invited me."

"Oh. Well, good."

Krista watched the interaction, confused at Taryn's attitude. I thought she liked Marshall. She had no more time to ponder it, though, as Cheryl chose that moment to come into the dining room, steaming casserole dish in hand.

"Everything's ready? Are we all here?" She placed the dish in the center of the table and looked around. On cue the doorbell rang, announcing the last arrivals of the evening. Krista's shoulders slumped and she disengaged herself from Marshall and turned to greet her parents.

"Bill, Janice, so nice to see you again," Cheryl said, moving forward to shake their hands.

"Thank you. It's nice to see you too." Janice looked at her daughter. "We're very excited to hear what it is Krista's been working on."