I like the general premise! I don't really understand the way you phrased some of this though.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by amethyst_midnight
Your shadow you see is nothing, but a mear reflection of you, but the demons can take over them.
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You lost me there. Do you mean that they are invisible to us and that they can take over your shadow? Would this mean that they only can exist where shadows do? Which would then beg the question as to whether they can exist outside of lit areas (since you need light in order to make shadows).
And, as a suggestion, maybe instead of speaking another language, they don't speak at all. What if they communicated through pure emotion? Since it looks like you're going for "control through suggestion" instead of flat-out possession, you might have them control with emotion instead of details that sophisticated language would provide.
Right now it seems like you're suggested that
all schizophrenics are insane because of these creatures. If you're going to put this in a medically-advanced world where they understand what schizophrenia is (instead of simply saying "He's crazy, throw him in the dungeon"), I'd change it a bit. Instead of saying
all schizophrenics are insane for this reason, maybe the insanity induced by the creatures is simply
mistaken for real schizophrenia. That way you aren't attributing an absolute cause to a real disease.
Granted, if this is going to take place in a time/place where they don’t have a understanding of schizophrenia as a disease, then it wouldn’t matter much.
I like the idea! It could make an interesting story with the potential for some interesting character interaction, especially if these demon/wraith creatures have their own culture and society to deal with as well as having to be in contact (however indirectly) with human culture.
So those be my two cents! Hope it helped some!
