Screaming underneath my breath a symphony of silence...
When she would sing the joy she'd bring was perfect as a science.
With her song done I've now begun a new part of my being,
but even though it's just echoes I still find myself singing.

You said that you'd love me forever and always, but forgot to mention that "always" would end...
Something lost in translation due to your hesitation and before I could save us, now we're just friends v.v
So I'll do my best to try and express the meanings of feelings that for me still remain;
What "I Love You" meant then... it still means today.
When I told you "Forever," I meant I would stay.



So... I went for an UBER long time without writing anything and recently the words have flooded my mind. I'd love to hear any feedback, the better it is the more I'll post XD

Completely silent; utterly quiet.
deceptively peaceful beneath the riot.
The screaming fades and the silence invades
burning stronger and deeper than any sound.
Calm all around, in the air, on the ground,
in your heart, your soul, defining your being.
Feeling one with the waves that make the streams
of conscious awareness inside lucid dreams.
Tangents of thought caught and released on the
whim of a mind once distraught but now eased.
Smiling softly though no one can see,
reflecting alone what it means to just be...

----------

Even if it burns away there's always something left to say cause loves a battle never done we're doomed as soon as we've begun. The earth will eat the wasted ash, grass will grow and from the past something else comes forth and lives, when love is true it always forgives; so take new pictures and hang them high somedays you'll laugh and somedays you'll cry but as long as your living love will keep forgiving and from it we're learning until we all die.

Melting in the melancholy madness of depression.
...Flayed upon the waves of utter doubt and misdirection.
Whipped and flipped, tattered and torn,
screaming for release.
Even though you feel forlorn i promise you'll find peace.

To be honest, I couldn't make much of the first one and it possessed an awkward lack of rhythm, despite its rhyme scheme. However, these poems certainly aren't without merit.

In fact "reflecting alone what it means to just be..." is one hell of a line. I absolutely adore it. However, I think it would be all the more powerful without the following ellipsis.

As for the final poem, you certainly have a knack for finding descriptive words that can be felt. And, beyond that, "whipped and flipped, and tattered and torn" have a nice alliterative feel to them. However, there is definitely room for work. Try branching out, or perhaps narrowing your focus. Don't start with a concept or feelings, but with a single thing and work to describe that thing as best you can. The feel of it, what it might feel, etc. Tis a fun little exercise that does wonders to improve what is already worth reading. ^.~

I'm so d*** sick and tired of living up to your desires.
I danced naked at your feet but you just threw me to the fires.
I drummed til I was blistered and my heart was on the floor.
I pleasured YOUR desires and then you called me a whore.
I bore your world upon my shoulders, till it crushed me underneath.
Lost the linger of your eyes, now bare the marks left from your teeth.
You used me and I loved it for your pleasure was my own,
now I'm over all your bull**** and I don't care if you atone.
I hope that when I smile that it can tear your heart apart,
if I was perfect as a science then my love is like an art.
My cold eyes see right through you and they still like what they see
because reflected on the inside is someone cold and cruel as me.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say there isn't as much thought behind this one in terms of word choice (beyond the rhyming, which I don't particularly care for in this instance), but they may simply be because I'm not seeing any full lines that pop out at me, as I usually tend to when reading your work and I tend to get rather hung up on word choice. What it lacks there, however, it certainly makes up for in overall emotion and tone.

I also enjoy the subtle shift and eventual sidestepping of expectations. At the beginning, the speaker is presented as the jilted lover, the victim, and as the piece progresses, it turns into something much more sinister. There is a cruelty in the speaker and what appears to be a certain mixture of masochism and sadism that only appears toward the end, which is hardly what the beginning seems to be leading toward. I very much appreciate that shift and your ability to play with expectations.

Beyond that, I will say that this doesn't come off as one of your stronger pieces. In fact, in comparison to what the others manage to portray, this one seems a tad too narrow and mundane in terms of both the subject matter and the manner in which it is expressed.

I greatly enjoy your particularly meticulous feedback XD

I fear this fate of falling, because I'm tired of mistakes.
Every time I try first my heart flutters then it breaks.
The hours of distraction are always worth it till their lost...
reflecting on the past you find regrets the only cost.
I've tried my hand at loving my attempts all fell apart,
I don't care to try again till the return of my lost heart.

If time is only relative and true love never dies,
when I promised you forever it meant no more goodbyes.
Loving is an instinct- an immediate attraction.
Love at first sight is a delight, until the minds distraction.
Thinking means to question, to question means to doubt.
If you can't live with your questioning then I must live without.
Without your round brown eyes that always saw into my soul...
your promise i was good enough, your love that made me whole.
Without the feeling of content I've only felt with you...
you made my life so perfect, and yet because of you we're through.
Now your mind finally rests at ease while mine trembles with my heart...
If I'd known that it would end like this, I would have stopped it from the start.
I wouldn't have said forever and always if those words weren't true,
so now i suffer endlessly....thanks you dirty jew.

Last ones ending was rather anticlimactic....I tend to do that when I get annoyed with my writing >.<

This one is titled Extensions

It's been a while since I compiled a full collection of my feeling.
I lie in bed and in my head the constant contemplations of my writing on the ceiling.
My present presentations aren't going very pleasant; I'm quiet and hesitant my expressions irrelevent because I'm consumed by an awareness of being beyond my control.
Constantly conscious and bored of distractions, sorrounded by ignorant and apathetic actions. Ruled captive, controlled by the captions created by the current factions instated to control our minds.
Bowing to monotony in a shameless fashion, devoting my being to seeing the world pass around me and in no way be in control of my own destiny. It angers me.
Finding strength and distraction lies in compassion and companionship, but my baby girl left me because she says she's meant for another.I hover behind in her shadow, a memory stemming from the depth of the heart of a dying dove....in love for life, but destined to wallow with broken wings. It saddens me.
Living each day as it comes like a dream, my reality tearing fast at the seams. My world reflecting the actions of my thoughts and none of it all too pleasant. In an effort for change I rearrange my thoughts and perception of reality but the instated monotony is too concrete to overcome by any conventional means.
So I extend my mind.... and I Traverse.

Awareness.

The turning points decided
when the common goal has changed.
Respective perspectives reflect
which values are kept, and those exchanged.
A choice between whats wrong and right
is left between desire-
result of probable outcomes,
and the gain from which is higher.
With virtue lost comes inherent cost
but atleast ones thirst is quenched...
but beware when whetting appetites;
what's wet soon forth is drenched.
The answers always obvious,
don't be afraid to choose it.
We only get one chance-
try living right, before you lose it.