The boy lay there,
He lay there looking,
Looking at his heart,
the one falling down the wall,
That she had ripped from him,
Then walked away.

By BooF89

its about emotion- but its verry visual (despite being short)
i really like it- its like a snapshot

nice

I like the begining of it, but as you get to the fourth line you loose me.
"The one falling down the wall" doesn't seem to fit well there, but I like how it ended. Good work.

I did originally have it , as what it is (but without the "the one falling down a the wall,")

but im a sick and twisted person so yeah...i added it in...

but thanks for your replies

Originally Posted by BooF89

I did originally have it , as what it is (but without the "the one falling down a the wall,")

but im a sick and twisted person so yeah...i added it in...

but thanks for your replies

lol @ sick and twisted person :P <33

Well its obviously up to you.
If you think its alright, then ok.