One Last Time
by Xandra Eiryklav

My granddaughter, Serena, came to see me at the nursing home the other day. She has grown so much, it’s hard to imagine it was just a year ago I gave her my porcelain doll. She sat next to me crying about how she accidentally dropped the doll I gave her.

“Grandma I didn’t mean to. But I fell and...” Serena sobbed, “Her face is cracked. Can you fix it.”

“Ah this doll has seen better days.” I told her, “But do not worry. As long as you love her she will feel like new.”

“But grandma, I broke her. She was yours.” Serena continued to sob as if not hearing a word I said, “Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Serena. Please don’t cry. That doll is very old. It was only a matter of time before she broke. She is old as old as I am. She is lucky she got to spend her final days with you.” I told her.

“What do you mean?” Serena asked.

“I have had that doll all of my life. As far back as I can remember she was coddled in my arms wherever I went. We had tea together. I grew taller, she stayed the same. We went to the movies when it only cost me a nickel, ” I said thinking back to my childhood, “She sat on my dresser next to where I slept. She was there for me when no one else was. She even went to the store with me, sitting in the cart awaiting all the goodies I was going to buy.”

Serena listened to me rambling on and on about my childhood with my doll, Mary.

I reminisced, “At least she had someone there until she broke. And you are still there for her even though she is not quite what she used to be.”

“You were there for her too. You are still here for her.” Serena said.

“Yes I was there for the time she got grass stains all over her dress when we went to the park. I would leave her to go to school and she would wait there on my bed until I came back. I brushed her hair. I told her my secrets and she would never tell a soul.” I answered.

My gaze met with Serena’s tear filled eyes. We sat there in silence for a moment, and in some ways I wished I was as lucky as that darn doll. I never really saw Serena after I turned eighty-five. My son was always too busy to bring her by. I was lucky to get even a photograph at Christmas time. It only made me feel worse that my family only came to see me when they felt guilty. My son would make his annual phone call to see if I was still alive. He would ask me if I was enjoying playing bingo. I lied every time. I have been in this bed day in and day out since I came down with cancer.

I am somehow still around, despite the pain, I hold onto this life by my teeth just to see them one more time. I want to see Serena grow up. My dream is to one day tell her daughter about the times I had with my doll. To let her know in this world she is not alone, unlike myself.

Serena looked at me and put her hand on mine and the softest words came from her lips, “I tell her I miss going to tea parties at your house where we would dress up and play.”

My eyes welled up with tears, but, I looked away and continued to tell her about the doll to take my mind off of it.

“I had her in my room and would study for tests with her. I would sew dresses for her to wear. When I married your grandfather I put Mary away for a while, to protect her from getting dirty but even so, I would take her out from time to time and hold her in my arms.” I said choking back a sob.

“Why did you give her to me?” Serena asked.
“I want you to have something to remember me when I am gone.” I told her.

“What do you mean? You are always gonna be here.” Serena said naively.

“Aw honey, I won’t be around forever. I am old.” I said rubbing my eyes before a tear could fall down my cheek, “One day you will have a family and it won’t matter anyway.”

Even I was surprised at myself opening up like this to her. She was so young, how could she understand?

“Well if you move away from here I will visit.” Serena said trying to smile.

“I barely see you as it is. You father is always too busy to let me see you. Do you know why I am here? Ever wonder why I can never come to see you?” I talked to her as if she were an adult and not an eight-year-old girl.

“Daddy said you live here and play bingo with your friends. He tells me how you like it here. He says you love it so much you don’t want to leave.” Serena said, “That is why we come here to see you.”
“Yet this is the first time I have seen you in a year. He is afraid you will be here when it happens. He sent me here because I am sick.” I said as tears streamed down my cheeks.

“When what happens? You can always see a doctor. Doctors make it all better.” Serena said trying to cheer me up.

“No, honey. The doctor can’t fix me.” I said unable to say another word before I began to sob uncontrollably.

“We can put new batteries in you grandma. My puppy toy’s batteries ran down and he didn’t work right anymore and once we put new batteries in he worked fine. I will go tell dad to buy you some.” Serena said before bounding toward the door.
“Wait!” I yelled.

I reached out my arms toward her from the bed as she skidded to a stop in her saddle shoes.

“But grandma I want you to get better.” Serena said as she looked at me confused.

“Serena I am not like your toy. When this life runs out its over.” I explained between the sobs, “I won’t be around much longer. A month at the most.”

“Why?” Serena said, “Are you leaving forever?”
“Yes. I am going to die.” I said as if expecting her to understand, “There is no cure for death.”

“Why are you dying? Why did daddy lie?” Serena said as she burst into tears.

She ran over and hugged my arm tight, “Daddy always tells me not to lie. Why did he lie?” she sobbed into my sleeve.

“Because he didn’t want you to be sad. I have cancer. It’s so bad that they can not save me. Promise me you will remember me. I have been alone for so long. Even when I was healthy I was alone after your grandfather died. You and your parents never came to see me as it was. When I was sick... I was still basically alone except for that doll. I gave it to you so you won’t forget me when I leave this place.”

Serena hugged me tightly. I felt a warmth like nothing I have ever felt. For the first time in years I felt someone understood me. My heart was soaring, I smiled as all of the times I spent with her played in my head. Remembering birthdays, holidays and even some just come as you are days. It felt like forever. I felt as if that moment would never end. And there you were.

You took all of that away from me. My one glimpse of heaven and my God took it away. Now I wait here in heaven waiting for the day I see Serena again. I am sorry for the tears I caused to fall from your eyes, but at least you were there that one last time. I will always love you, Serena.

[u] with tears, but I looked
My heart was soaring; I smiled as
wait here in heaven; waiting for the [u]
Awwwww. Its sad and sweet.
I like how she speaks to the granddaughter as if she’s older.
I would think that would be an extremely tough, and scarring moment in Serena’s life.

The last paragraph: It is unclear to whom the yous refer to. There is God, where the You is capitalized, but there is also Serena, or an unknown source. Indefinite can be helpful, but the rest of the story is definite, so having a clear meaning in the end would be best.