I don't know if this counts as literature, but I am working on developing a character for a book I am writing, and this is kinda just me throwing it out there, and writing a segment from a watcher's point a view. I would love to hear what people think about it, and look forward to fixing the problems in the segment.

It was a night for intrigue and expression. For reaching beyond the void and pulling something back in return. Perhaps even to experience something new…to meet a new person.

Yet, there Taya lay in a tree, dead to the world around her. With a sort of sneeze, she rolled over and fell out of her tree, falling onto the ground with a solid THUNK. Groaning, she lays there, not sure she wanted to move. Perhaps it was the time of night. Though, most likely it was the fact that she had been hiding in that tree for too many hours, and had fallen asleep in a most awkward spot.

Grumbling, she pushes down on the ground, her body lifting in a sort of push up as she brings her legs forward, falling backwards so she was now sitting, her raven hair drifting around her body, obscuring her face. It might have been an adventurous night, but for now, a drink sounded like heaven. And perhaps that was the heaven she needed. Brushing random grass from the bottom of her shiny black boots, she sighed, her hands covered in the silken material of the fingerless gloves she had stolen from a merchant one day.

Stretching, she fell back to a laying position in the grass, her hair parting to show her face, her impossibly blue eyes the first thing most people noticed about her features, followed by the spiraling tattoos off the corner of her eyes, making them stand out in her creamy skin. She wore nothing in the way of makeup besides the lipstick that she always wore, the gloss over it keeping it from fading throughout her day, no matter what the activity. It also made it so she could kiss cheeks without worrying about leaving marks.

With another yawn, she exposes her straight white teeth, her arms rising above her head as she arches, popping her back carefully, her black tube top tight to her skin, the buckle across her chest holding it there indefinitely. She would rather not lose it in a fight if she could help it. Flashing someone would definitely be a bad way out of a difficult situation. Shaking her head, she dismissed her thoughts and straightened her ripped up pants, standing and stretching once more, thinking about just falling in the lake.

It would solve several problems at the moment, and put her mind on something other than the fact that she was horny with no outlet, and without a job as well. Sighing, she placed her hands behind her head and started her trek to the Haven, her eyes lifted to the sky, her hips swaying with every step. Small silver buckles and charms dangled from her belt, tinkling together to make her every step musical. She WAS an entertainer of sorts after all.

Pushing the door open, she slips through it and closes it with the bottom of her foot, staring out across the room. It was empty except for the occasional person and all the sleepers. Glorious. Lovely. Peachy. Snorting, she wandered to the bar and sat down, crossing one leg over the other in a graceful sort of way, looking over the drinks. “Twenty nine on the rocks, mate…easy on the rocks too. I want to have some to drink.” Speaks softly, her accent barely heard anymore. Tilting her head to the side, she thought about her day, realizing that she had woken up far earlier than usual. Perhaps because of her new sleeping spot.

But who knew? It could be anything. Grimacing at those thoughts, she shakes her head, then pulls a face, quite disgusted with the whole scene. Perhaps she was picky, but she knew the truth. She was just grouchy that day, and hoped to get in a better mood by harassing another person.

I can tell you right now with just the first paraghraph somethings are wrong.

A few pointers;

1. How could she fall out of the tree and not be hurt? Tell that the branch was low to the ground.

2. Was she laying on the edge of the tree? If not why did she fall off with a simple sneeze?

3. Whe she fell you do not have to put " Thunk" Because it is conclusion made by people when they read.

I thank you for that input, but I am not sure that I can really make sense out of what you say. I don't think that it would make a story any better. I guess what I am saying, is that thank you for the opinion, but meh. I think that the qualities of how it was written are fine without those changes.

1- She did hurt when she fell out of the tree. That is something that a person understands when she groans and doesn't want to move. I guess that some might not understand, but that is how I read it. When a person groans, it is because of pain, physical or mental. ^ ^

2- She rolled as she sneezed. The sneeze didn't knock her out of the tree. That is said plainly in the story. "With a sort of sneeze, she rolled over." That means that she sneezed AND rolled. Not rolled because she sneezed.

3- The THUNK is a visual word. I couldn't think of any other way to put it in order to get the right feeling in it.

I thank you so much for what you said, but as I commented, I don't think that it could be such a peice as it is without those elements. Sorry. [blushes]