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BatNeko
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10-21-2007, 08:46 PM
Title: The Weekly Hyrule News
Length: 23 chapters (unfinished)
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Genre: Action/Romance, with liberal doses of humor.
Summery: A "what if the Zelda characters were in high school" fic, with a twist. What if the Zelda characters were in high school, and then Ganondorf invaded?
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Sir.Spoon
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10-21-2007, 08:50 PM
Ooh.
I like the idea.
Would they be characters from all the Zelda games, or from the newer ones?
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BatNeko
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10-21-2007, 09:01 PM
Chapter 1. Princess Zelda’s Secret Lesbian Tryst!
“Hey, check it out,” Kafei said, sitting down with a magazine and a tray of food. “‘Princess Zelda’s Secret Lesbian Tryst.’”
“Secret lesbian tryst?” Ralph repeated. “Ooh, let me see, let me see!”
Kafei started to pass the magazine over, but a hand reached across the table and snatched it away.
“Hey!”
Link scanned the page thoughtfully, face a mask of calm. “Secret lesbian tryst? Please. This is a slumber party.”
“Well, at least there’s a picture of Zelda in skimpy pajamas.”
“Hmm,” Link frowned at the picture. “I don’t think that’s Zelda. I think they stuck her head on someone else’s body.”
“Aw man. Who do you think it is?”
Link tilted his head to one side. “I’m not sure... I’ve seen those cow pants somewhere before...”
“Can I look now?” Ralph whined.
“Fine. Baby.” Link handed it over.
His eyes gobbled up the picture greedily. “Malon,” he said firmly. “That’s Malon’s body. I’d know those curves anywhere.”
“You know everyone’s curves, Ralph.” Kafei rolled his eyes.
He grinned. “What can I say? I’m a connoisseur of the female form.”
“You need a hobby.”
“That is my hobby.”
“A better hobby.”
zzz
“Hey Zelda,” Anju said, sitting down with a magazine and a tray of food. “You’re in the news again.”
Malon sniffed. “Please Anju, don’t call that rag news. It barely qualifies as writing.”
“Sorry...”
“Don’t apologize,” Zelda said, smiling. “Malon’s just mad ‘cause they put my head on her body.”
“I step out on the porch for ten seconds!”
“Deep cleansing breath, Malon.”
Malon took several slow breaths, then calmly snatched the magazine away from Anju and tore it in half.
“Hey! I paid for that!”
Zelda laughed. “Come on you guys, it’s not that big a deal. Nobody’s going to believe that.”
“You’ve been dealing with this your entire life, we only have to because you-” She stopped. “I- I’m sorry Zel, I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes you did,” Zelda smiled. “But it’s okay. I know how it must be for you guys. I mean, like you said, I’ve had to put up with the reporters following me around my entire life.” She looked down at her food. “You’d think I would be used to it by now...”
“Zel...”
zzz
“Link. Liiiiink. Link!” He was staring across the cafeteria, at a familiar head of sunshine-colored hair. Kafei waved his hand in front of his friend’s face. “Link! Dude! You’re drooling.”
That did it. Link’s hand snapped to his mouth guiltily. “I- I am not!”
Kafei laughed, Ralph glared. “I swear man, one of these days I am going to physically drag you over there and force you to talk to her.”
“I talk to her!”
“In class, about class. That’s no fun!”
“Well what am I supposed to say?” Link snapped. “‘Hi I’m Link we have History together and I want to be your boytoy?’”
“You should totally say that.”
“I will pay you to say that.”
“Lick me.”
“Seriously though, you can’t just stalk her forever.”
“I am not stalking her. I just...think she’s hot. You do too!”
“We think she’s hot because she is hot. But we don’t make sure to sit behind her in every class we have with her so we can stare without her noticing.”
Link paused. “That obvious. huh?”
“Yes.”
“Well...hell. Um. So. Kafei. You and Anju officially a couple now?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Kafei grinned. “She’s awesome.”
“Aww, so sweet I think I’m going into insulin shock.” Ralph rolled his eyes. “You two are pathetic. We’re teenagers! We’re supposed to be having random sex with lots of slutty girls! Don’t you watch movies?”
“Not the same movies you’re watching, apparently,” Kafei said.
“You know Ralph, one of these days you’re going to fall head over heels for a girl, make a fool of yourself, and I am going to laugh.”
“You mean the way you have?”
“Can we drop that already?”
“Never!”
“Listen, you-”
“So you guys doing anything tonight?”
The other two boys stopped and looked at Kafei. “What?”
“You doing anything tonight?”
“No.”
“Am I ever?”
“Why?”
Kafei grinned. “I have a really good idea...”
zzz
Later, after class, Malon was still ranting.
“I just can’t believe they stuck your head on my awesome rack.”
“Hey,” Zelda bopped her friend on the head with a book. “My rack is plenty awesome.”
“Yeah, but you had the good sense to stay inside. Plus, you were wearing flannel.”
“I like flannel.”
“But red plaid? You are not a logger Zel.”
Two boys walked past the girls, having what looked like an argument in harsh whispers. Zelda watched them head on down the hall, ignoring Malon.
“You need some PJs like mine, with pants that you can wear to school if you feel like it. I mean, I have no idea how that came into style, but I’m not complaining. You look best in pink and blue, maybe lavender. We should get you something in... Zel? Are you listening to me?”
“Mnn?”
Malon followed Zelda’s gaze, then grinned. “Ohhhh... I see. So the princess isn’t gay.”
Zelda flushed. “Quiet, you.”
“No, no, this is cool.” She pursed her lips thoughtfully. “So, you’re looking at Link, right? ‘Cause Anju and Cremia both already like Kafei, and you know how much I hate love triangles.”
“No, I don’t like Kafei. I mean, I like him fine, but I don’t like like him.”
“So it’s Link then?”
Zelda’s blush deepened.
Malon laughed. “You’re so cute, you know that Zelda? That’s why you should totally go hit on Link!”
“I couldn’t do that! I barely know him! I mean, we’ve only talked in class...”
“But?”
“But...” Zelda sighed resignedly. “He’s cute, and he’s smart, and he’s funny, and he’s so sweet, and he opens doors for girls, and you know he’s the chivalrous type, like, he’d come to your rescue and stuff, and I know it’s silly but I find that attractive in a guy...”
Malon laughed. “I know what you mean. I’m still waiting for my knight in shining armor, you know.”
“I know.” She peered around Malon’s shoulder, but Link and Kafei were gone. “I wouldn’t call it a crush, exactly. I just...find him attractive.”
“So talk to him.”
“But what would I say?”
Malon shook her head. “How should I know? Just be yourself!”
Zelda stared at the corner Link had disappeared around. “But I can only be myself when...” She stopped.
“When what?” Malon asked.
“Umm...”
She frowned. “When what, Zelda?”
The bell rang and Zelda breathed a sigh of relief. “Come on, we’ve got Math.”
zzz
“Kafei, this is a really bad idea,” Link said, glaring.
He, Kafei, and Ralph were sitting in Kafei’s van, across the street from a brightly lit bar. Kafei’s plan seemed to consist only of a goal: getting into that bar.
“Why?” Kafei asked. “This is the perfect plan!”
“We are going to get caught,” Link told him through gritted teeth. “We don’t look anywhere near twenty-one-”
“Bull shit!”
“And only Ralph is even eighteen!”
“Heh, yeah. I rock.”
“Shut up Ralph.”
“Make me.”
Kafei rolled his eyes. “Grow up you guys. No, really. We want to pass for drinking age, remember?”
“This was your idea!”
Ralph peered out the window at the bar. “Why this bar anyway? I mean, it’s, like, clean and pretty-looking, but why else?”
“The most important factor is, of course, that it is really far away from all of our houses. Not that it really matters with Link, but me and you might run into someone we know, or someone who knows our parents. Which would be bad.”
“Hey,” Link said. “I may not have parents, but there are still people I can get in trouble with.”
“Another bonus,” Kafei continued, ignoring him, “is that it looks like a good place to pick up chicks. Everybody who’s going in there is either alone or with a friend.”
“You have a girlfriend Kafei.”
“You don’t! And I really want to see Ralph make a fool of himself out of love.”
“It’ll never happen,” Ralph laughed. “I am the player of players.”
Link stared thoughtfully at the bar. There was something off about it, something that was eluding him. It was obvious, he knew, but he just couldn’t see it.
“You’re a dork, Ralph. You couldn’t play a player piano.”
Something about the people standing outside, or maybe the way they were standing...
“That didn’t even make sense!”
Or who they were standing with...
Link snorted, trying to hold in a laugh. The other two boys turned and looked at him. “Uh, nothing.” He coughed. “Um, let’s go.”
Kafei blinked. “Wait, you want to now?”
“Yeah. So?”
He looked at the other boy for a moment before saying, “Why?”
“I, uh, saw a cute girl. So are we going or what?”
“Yeah, of course!”
They piled out of the van and ran across the street. They only had to stand in line for a few minutes before a big group left and they were all gestured inside. Not one ID was flashed.
The three boys stood just inside the door for several seconds before anyone spoke. Plenty of time for Kafei and Ralph to come to the same realization Link had in the van.
“Link,” Kafei said.
“Yes?” Link replied, fighting a smile.
“This is a gay bar.”
“You noticed.”
“Time to go.” He turned and headed for the door, but Link grabbed the back of his shirt and dragged him back.
“This was your idea. Not gonna back out now, are you?”
“Of course I am!” He checked himself and lowered his voice. “Link, this is a gay bar. We can’t just stay.”
“Why not? We both know you wanted to come more for the beer than the chicks.”
Kafei glared at him. “You’re loving this aren’t you?”
Link grinned. “Very much so, yes.”
“Ralph,” Kafei looked at the other boy pleadingly. “You don’t want to stay, do you?”
Ralph was staring at something across the room. “Wha?”
“Ralph, come on, tell me you want to leave.”
He blinked a couple of times and turned back to his friends. “Um... Actually I think I wanna stay for a bit.”
“Ralph! What the hell!”
“Dude, one word.” He pointed, and the other two followed his finger. “Lesbians.”
All three boys stared for a moment.
“I’m gonna, uh, go find us a booth,” Kafei said.
“I’ll get drinks,” Link offered.
“I’ll try not to drool.”
“You do that, Ralph.”
Link made his way to the bar, trying not to look as uncomfortable as he felt. He’d been in bars before, both with and without his friends, his foster parents for half of his sixth grade year had even owned a bar, but he’d never been so afraid of being caught before. He actually had something to lose this time.
There was a crowd of people, hanging around and chatting up the bartender. Instinctively, Link hung back and waited for a lull.
“You’re straight, aren’t you?” a voice said.
He whirled around and faced the speaker, who smiled at him. It was a young guy, no older than Link, he thought, but a good half a head shorter. Sheikah, and far prettier than anyone with a Y chromosome ought to be. His pale blonde hair fell across one ruby-colored eye and- wait- was he wearing mascara?
“Um, yeah,” Link said. “That obvious?”
“Not really, you’re pretty enough to be gay.”
“Gee, thanks.”
The guy laughed. “It was a joke! Lighten up! I’m trying to help you here.”
Link frowned suspiciously. “How so?”
“You want to get a drink right?”
“Three, actually.”
“Okay then. See, you’re staying away from the bar, waiting your turn.” The guy grabbed Link’s elbow and started dragging him forward. “In a straight bar, that would be a good idea, because the bartender would be giving more attention to the hot girls than you.” He grinned up at Link. “But you’re in a gay bar.”
“Okay, no offense little, um, Sheikah guy, but I don’t feel comfortable trying to attract the attention of a most-likely-gay bartender.”
The little Sheikah guy shrugged. “I’ll do it then. Four beers?”
“Three and a coke, Kafei’s driving.”
“Ah, of course. How responsible.”
“Responsible nothing, I’m trying to punish him.”
The guy laughed, and Link was somewhat started to notice that it was a really nice laugh. “My name’s Sheik, by the way.”
“I’m Link.”
They shook hands, and Link gave Sheik some money for drinks.
“Watch my technique now,” Sheik said over his shoulder. He sidled up to the bar and leaned against it casually, pushing his shoulders back and shifting his weight so that his slim frame curved aesthetically. He stood there for several seconds, just looking hot, until the bartender glanced in his direction. And stopped. Sheik smiled then and said something, Link couldn’t hear what, but the bartender came right over. Sheik smiled some more, looked up through half-lidded eyes, and was back with the drinks within seconds.
“Well? How was that?”
Link stared. “That was... That... How did you do that?”
Sheik grinned, flashing very white teeth. “Technique!”
“That looked familiar actually.” Link took two of the beers to free Sheik’s hands. “Like I’d seen it somewhere before...or something like it.”
“Well that’s an easy answer. It’s the same thing girls do. Just, like, stand there and let their body get the attention for them.”
“Oh yeah, that makes sense. I probably see it at school every-” he snapped his mouth shut.
“School, huh?” Sheik said, grinning again.
“I meant, um, college.”
“Of course you did.”
“I... Oh shut up, you’re no older than I am.”
“True,” Sheik agreed cheerfully. “I’ve been coming here about once a week for a while though. It’s like a mini-vacation from the stresses of daily life.”
“A bar?”
“Well, it happened to be convenient. I’m not, like, an alcoholic or anything.”
“Of course you’re not.”
“Quiet, you.”
Link realized that he was grinning. He liked this guy. “Do you want to come sit with me and my friends?”
Sheik smiled back. “Sure. But only if you tell them I picked you up at the bar.”
“I would have done that anyway.”
Link headed the way Kafei and Ralph had gone, and found them seated at a booth near the back. He enjoyed the stunned-but-trying-not-to-look-stunned expressions on their faces when he introduced Sheik as “the hot blond who picked me up,” but neither he nor Sheik could keep from laughing long enough for the other two to try to make polite introductions.
Within a few minutes, all four boys were happily chatting away about school, homework, and girls (Sheik had a lot of female friends, so he was able to provide useful advice). Before half an hour had passed, Link realized he wanted to keep in touch with this guy.
An opportunity to do so presented itself when a little song that completely disagreed with the bar’s ambient music began to play. It was a pretty song; soft, like a lullaby. But when Sheik heard it he nearly jumped out of his seat.
“Crap!” he exclaimed, wriggling around in his seat and digging in his back pocket. “Crap crap crap!” Eventually he pulled out a cell phone.
It was pink.
Sheik squinted at the tiny screen in panic for a moment, then sighed. “Thank god, it’s just a text message. I thought I was busted there for a sec.”
Kafei cocked his head. “Uh...Shiek? About your phone...”
He looked up. “Huh?”
“It’s, well... It’s a little... Ralph, could you handle this one for me?”
“It’s pink man! Your cell phone is frickin’ pink!”
“Oh yeah, right.” Sheik looked down at it. “That’s not my fault, honest. I got this phone for Christmas.”
“Your parents bought you a pink phone?”
“Yes?”
“Cool. My parents won’t even buy me satellite internet.”
Without warning, Link snatched the phone from Sheik’s hands and began pressing buttons.
“Hey! What are you doing?”
“Adding myself to your Contacts.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Link frowned at the pink sliver of technology. “Why don’t you have anyone else’s number in here?”
Sheik rubbed his arm awkwardly. “I don’t really like to keep other people’s numbers in my phone. I’m only supposed to use it for emergencies, and I keep it turned off most of the time, but I’m always afraid someone is going to steal it and prank call all my friends. Or worse.”
“That’s called paranoia, Sheik.” Ralph drained the last of his beer. “It’s normally a side-effect of pot, not alcohol.”
Link shrugged and punched in the number anyway. “You can always remove it later.”
“Thanks... Can I have my phone back now?”
“Yep.” Link tossed it to him. “Word of advice though? They have those, like, skins. So you can make it not pink.”
“I’ll look into that.” Sheik turned it off and shoved the phone back in his pocket.
“I vote for snake scales!” Ralph announced suddenly. “Or possibly camo. Yeah...orange camo...”
Kafei sighed. “Okay, I think Ralph’s had enough.”
“Bull shit! You don’... don’... Don’ know anything!” He swayed in his seat. “Oh, wait, yeah. Never mind.”
Link rolled his eyes. “I think it’s time to go.”
Kafei looked at his watch. “Good idea. It’s almost two! Sheik, you need a ride anywhere?”
Sheik blinked. “You mean it?”
“Sure, why not?”
“Um, okay, yeah. That would be great.” He smiled. “I live in Castle Heights.”
“That gated community?”
“That’s where Princess Zelda lives!” Link exclaimed.
Everyone looked at him.
“Um...Well, it is...” He blushed.
“You...know Princess Zelda?” Sheik asked.
“Know her?” Ralph laughed. “Link wants to bone her!”
“I do not!” Link exclaimed. “I mean...I find her attractive, that’s all...” He silently cursed his blonde’s complexion and tendency to blush.
“No, really,” Ralph said. “The man’s obsessed. It’d be cute if it wasn’t so pathetic.”
“Shut up, Ralph. You’re drunk.”
“That doesn’t make it not true.”
“Come on,” Kafei grabbed Ralph’s arm and pulled him out of the booth. “We can tease Link about his hopeless crush on the princess later; right now we need to get out of here before someone notices we’ve got an underage drunk on our hands.”
Ralph squinted at the bar. “Issat a guy or a girl? Cause, they’re really hot.”
“Guy,” Sheik said, taking Ralph’s other arm. “And he’s taken. See the huge guy next to him in the leather pants?”
“Heh. Leather pants. Link has leather-”
“Okay, let’s go!” Link shoved the three of them forward. “Much as I’m not looking forward to returning to my cold empty house, I’m also not looking forward to having Ralph reveal the contents of my closet. Move it!”
The four boys stumbled out the side entrance, laughing. Only Ralph seemed to by suffering any ill-effects from the booze, which somehow made his predicament that much funnier.
“Maybe we should dump him at your place, Link,” Kafei said as he unlocked the van. “Since you don’t have parents to disapprove.”
“I don’t have parents, but I also don’t have the patience to put up with drunk Ralph here. And I would be the one to have to clean up after him. Not going to happen.”
Sheik slid into the back seat beside Link. “You don’t have parents?”
“Nah. Mom died when I was born, and I don’t know who my father was. I’m a foster kid.” He shrugged. “It’s always been that way. I don’t really mind.”
“So why do you live on your own? Are you eighteen?”
“Not for a couple months. My guardian, Mr. Deku, pulled some strings to let me live in this little house that he owns and go to school. Since his regular house is a good half an hour outside of town.”
“That’s really nice of him.”
Link shrugged again. “He’s got about half a dozen other kids up there. I’m not sure he even remembers I exist most of the time.”
Sheik was quiet for a moment. “Would you freak if I hugged you?”
“A little bit, probably. But that’s because of the beer.”
“Okay, just checking. Offer stands.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Kafei was on the road now, heading in the direction of the gated community.
“Hey Sheik,” Kafei turned in his seat. “Am I taking you to the gate or what?”
“Oh, no, that’s not a good idea. I kind of climbed over the wall. I’ll give you directions.”
Ralph was digging around in the pile of papers beneath his seat (Kafei wasn’t much for keeping his van clean). “I jus’ remembered,” he said. “We shoulda been looking at that bar for one a’ these girls!” He withdrew a magazine triumphantly.
“Kafei,” Link frowned, “you keep porn in your car?”
“No! It’s today’s issue of the Weekly Hyrule News.”
“Princess Zelda’s Secret Lesbian Tryst?” Sheik said.
“Yeah, did you read that?”
“I didn’t read it. One of my friends was talking about it. No one actually believes that...do they?”
“You’d be surprised,” Kafei sighed. “I mean, we go to school with Zelda so we know how silly it is, but there are people out there who are just...dumb as hell. Dumb. As. Hell.”
“You wanna see my favorite part of this magazine?” Link snatched it away from Ralph. Right here, first page.” He pointed to a small text box. “‘Weekly Hyrule News articles are drawn from different sources and most are fictitious. Weekly Hyrule News uses invented names in many of its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The reader should suspend belief for the sake of enjoyment.’”
Sheik laughed. “No way, it does not say that.”
“It totally does, look for yourself.”
Sheik did, and laughed even harder. “So this thing doesn’t even pretend to be real?”
“Nope. Unfortunately, not too many people know the disclaimer is there.”
“That’s a shame. It’s good to know that the magazine-maker-guys don’t really expect anyone to believe this stuff.”
Castle Heights turned out to be only a few blocks away from the bar, a fact which Ralph found hilarious. They left Sheik on the curb and drove off, shouting goodbyes and bad “your mom” jokes (that was Ralph). As they turned the corner, Link thought he saw Sheik pull that disturbingly pink phone out of his pocket.
“You know what?” Ralph said. “Are we sure that Sheik guy is a guy?”
“Um, yeah,” Kafei said. “Why wouldn’t he be?”
“I dunno. He’s, like...really pretty. I mean really really pretty. Like girl-pretty.”
“He’s a guy Ralph. That’s the beer talking.”
“I’m serious! He had a face like a girl!”
“Actually, I noticed that too.” Link leaned forward, between the front seats. “I think he was wearing mascara.”
“Maybe that was all,” Kafei said. “I didn’t notice anything though.”
“No, Ralph’s right. Sheik has a face like a girl. Girl-face.”
“Girl-face!”
“You’re both drunk!”
“Hey! You’re missing my house!”
Kafei screeched over to the curb and Link climbed out. “You’re just mad because you had a good time at a gay bar.”
“No, I’m mad because you’re both dorks. And because you wouldn’t let me have a beer.”
“I’ll drive next time, okay?”
“Okay. See you!”
He drove off and Link was left alone. Again. He unlocked the door and headed inside, wondering if it was even worth it to go upstairs. There was a couch right there...
And a light blinking on the answering machine.
Nobody ever called Link, especially not this late. He pushed the button curiously.
“Hey, this is Sheik! I’m calling you from the curb as I watch you drive away because I’m a creepy stalker. Seriously though, I wanted to give you my cell number. I keep it turned off most of the time, but you can always leave me a message or text me or something.”
Link grinned and pulled a scrap of paper out of the side table drawer to write down the number. He may have been alone, single, and parentless, but at least he’d made an androgynous new friend.
That thought was a lot more comforting than it should have been.
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BatNeko
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10-21-2007, 09:03 PM
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Sir.Spoon
Ooh.
I like the idea.
Would they be characters from all the Zelda games, or from the newer ones?
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I've got a sprinkling of characters from everything. The story was begun before Twilight Princess came out, but one of the minor characters from that does make a cameo.
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BatNeko
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10-21-2007, 10:14 PM
Chapter 2. Basketball Player Sells Sole: Wins Championship, But Loses Shoe Contract!
In a world between worlds, the land where nightmares and dreams are born (and sometimes come to die), a shadow was awakened by a dark voice.
The voice beckoned the shadow, asked it to come to his world and help him to defeat someone the voice thought might become troublesome.
The shadow ignored the voice and tried to go back to sleep.
The voice reminded the shadow how often others of its race had performed the same service, for him and others like him.
The shadow reminded the voice how often others of its race had died while performing that service.
The voice explained his situation, that his enemies had enjoyed peace and prosperity for centuries, while the owner of the voice did not even have a body. He had been all but forgotten, and only remembered as a legend. The voice wanted to remind his enemies what fear was. But two of his enemies had great power, greater than they realized, and they had just made a connection with one another. The voice did not want this to happen, so he bid the shadow to take the form of the more troublesome of the two and destroy him before he could cause a problem.
The shadow told the voice to do something quite painful, and most likely physically impossible.
So the voice wrenched the shadow from the world between worlds, and deposited it firmly in the world of the voice’s origin.
The shadow swore silently for a moment, then went in search of this “troublesome” young man.
zzz
Link woke up on the couch, with a headache and only a vague memory of how he’d gotten there. There was the bar, and Sheik, and that pink phone...
And the message on the answering machine. He looked to see if there was another, but no such luck. It made sense, it was only ten in the morning, but still... He’d been hoping.
Link sighed and shoved himself off the couch. He was awake, so he might as well get up and out of last night’s clothes. Ugh, they stunk of cigarettes.
Shedding clothes as he walked, Link headed for the bathroom. That was one of the few benefits of living alone; no one to complain when you walked around naked. Also, no one to care when you decided it was too dark and spooky upstairs, and just crashed on the couch.
That happened more often than Link’s spine would like.
He stepped into the shower while the water was still cold, to jolt himself awake. Oh yeah, that was a hangover. He knew some stuff to kill it though, which he intended to do just as soon as the cool water stopped feeling so good...
It was mornings like this that Link was glad he didn’t have a job. Sure, money would be nice, but sleeping in and having nothing to do all day was nice too. Choices, choices.
And then the phone rang.
Link spent approximately one-tenth of a second debating whether or not to grab a towel, then decided, “screw it,” and ran for the phone.
“Hello?” he said, trying not to sound breathless.
“Link? It’s, um, Sheik. From the bar?”
“I remember you Sheik,” He grinned foolishly. “Hard to forget that bubblegum phone of yours.”
“Hey, shut up. It was a gift.”
“I know, I know,” Link laughed. He was distantly aware of a spreading puddle of water and suds on the floor. “So what’s up?”
“Nothing. I’m bored. I was wondering if you were doing anything.”
“Well, I was in the shower, but me and Ralph and Kefei play basketball in the afternoon. You wanna come?”
Sheik was silent.
“Sheik?”
“What? Um, basketball. Yes. Okay.”
“Are you all right?”
“Fine! Um, so, where and when?”
“The court at the easternmost side of the park, one o’clock. Um, the little park, not the one where all the rich people jog. You know which one I mean? I can’t remember the name.”
“Sure, yeah. That’s Kokiri Park, by the way.”
“Good to know.” He poked at the carpet with his toe, and water welled up. “Hey Sheik, I’m sorry but I gotta go. I left the water running, and I think I’ve saturated this square of carpet. I’ll see you this afternoon?”
Sheik paused for a second before answering. “Um, yeah. Afternoon. Yeah.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Fine! You go, uh, do...whatever.”
“Okay... Bye.”
“Bye...”
Link headed back upstairs, humming Bon Jovi.
zzz
Zelda stared at her phone for a long moment. This could be bad. There were tons of TV movies and episodes of Law and Order about people who’d led double lives and gotten caught. It was never good. But it wasn’t like she was going to hurt anyone. Okay, it was kind of awkward being friends with a guy she wanted to do carnal things to, especially now that she knew he really was as nice and funny as he seemed, but it wasn’t like she was going to hit on him while Sheik. As funny as it would be to see his reaction…
In fact, it was probably best if she didn’t change their school relationship at all. As much as she wanted to, it would just be too confusing. She could get to know him as Sheik, maybe dig for some information, then claim Sheik was moving away and invite him to a movie as Zelda! It was the perfect plan!
Yeah, the perfect crazy stalker plan.
Zelda sighed and flopped back on her bed. “I have issues...”
zzz
One o’clock rolled around eventually, not soon enough in Link’s opinion. He’d spent the rest of the morning sitting around, watching TV, and trying to remember the rest of the lyrics to “Lay Your Hands On Me.” Time well spent indeed.
Kafei and Ralph were already there when he arrived, since they had a shorter distance to walk (and Kafei had probably driven, the lazy bastard). They were practicing free throws. They needed to.
“Hey guys!”
“Hey Link.”
“Mrrgh,” Ralph muttered.
“Feeling all right Ralph?” Link grinned.
“Eat me.”
“It’s your own fault you know.”
“It was cheap, dammit! How was I supposed to know it was strong?”
“There are these things called ‘labels?’ They have a lot of information about the product they’re stuck on.”
“Shut up.”
“Hey,” Kafei said impatiently. “Are we gonna play or what?”
“Oh,” Link glanced around. “Uh, well...”
“He invited Sheik.”
Both boys turned and looked at Ralph in surprise.
“W- what?” Link said.
“Well you did. You keep looking around like you’re expecting someone. And Link, no offense, but you don’t have many friends. As of last night, it’s me, Kafei, and Sheik.”
Link sighed. “All right, fine, yes, I invited Sheik. You got a problem with that?”
“Nah, Sheik seemed cool. Besides, it’ll be nice to finally be able to play two-on-two again. Stupid Mikau and his ‘dreams.’”
“The album drops next month, right?”
“Yuh-huh.”
“You gonna buy it?”
“Oh hell yeah.”
Link stripped down to a t-shirt and shorts, thankful it was warm for spring. He nabbed the ball away from Kafei with practiced ease, and lobbed it casually at the basket.
“Swish.”
“Quit showin’ off,” Kafei retrieved the ball from where it had bounced off. “Not all of us made the varsity team our sophomore year.”
“Yeah,” Link sighed. “And you guys didn’t almost get held back because of it.”
“Hey man, your grades slipped because you let them, not because of basketball.”
“Well, basketball didn’t help.”
Just then a small figure appeared from behind a stand of trees. Dark skin, blonde hair, and, Link realized, just a trifle on the hippy side.
“Sheik!” he greeted the other boy cheerfully.
“Hey guys,” Sheik said, smiling. “Am I late?”
Ralph shrugged. “I don’t have a watch. You play much?”
“Well…no, actually. Only in P.E.”
“Good. You’re with Link.” He took the ball from Kafei and tossed it to Sheik. “We might actually stand a chance this time.”
Sheik looked down at the ball, then up at Link. “I’m your handicap?”
Link shrugged, grinning. “You got a problem with that?”
“As long as no one aims for my head, no.”
“You’re no fun.”
zzz
The shadow watched the four young people from its hiding place among the trees. The tall blond one was his target, but the other three were interesting as well. All of them had a touch of destiny about them, all of them were young and strong, and the smallest one, unless the shadow was much mistaken, was actually female. The disguise was quite good, it would fool anyone whose body was grounded in the mortal world, but the shadow saw through means other than retinas, rods, and optical nerves.
The touch of destiny was brightest on the shadow’s target, shining like a beacon for all who could sense such things. The other two boys had only a faint touch, but enough that they could prove meddlesome to the dark voice, and the girl in disguise was somehow blocking her touch. There was a faint shimmer, beneath the spell, and the shadow thought that without it she would shine even brighter than its target.
But now…what to do? The shadow didn’t want to hurt any of these people. Why would it? It didn’t even know them. In fact, they seemed nice! And so young…
But in his current form, the shadow was at the mercy of the dark voice. It was a being of magic and darkness, and to someone who had mastered both those things, it was but a puppet. The dark voice had already demonstrated how well it could control the shadow by bringing it to this plane. But it didn’t want to follow the voice’s orders. If only it could-
Wait. That was it! The shadow let out a silent crow of triumph. That was one problem solved, and one question answered. Now it just needed to wait for the right moment.
And this was not it.
The shadow decided to explore the town, to prepare for the next phase of its plan.
zzz
Link blinked, looking at the trees.
“Hey! Get your head in the game!”
“Did you guys see something?”
“What?”
“Over there.” He pointed. “Something moving.”
They all crowded around and looked.
“I don’t see anything,” Ralph said.
“Well it’s not there now, but it was a second ago. It was like…a shadow, moving by itself.”
“That’s crazy. You’re crazy.”
“Maybe it was a bird’s shadow,” Sheik suggested.
Link shook his head. “Too big and too dark. It would have to be one hell of a bird.”
“A kite?”
“Do you see any kites around here?”
“I’m just tossing out ideas.”
“I know, sorry.”
“My idea is that Link is crazy.” Ralph swatted him on the back of the head. “Come on, while we’re young!”
He shook his head, but returned to the game. “Must’ve been my imagination.”
“Or you’re going blind.”
“Good, just what I need.” He rolled his eyes.
“Maybe it’ll get you pity dates.”
“I’ve never had trouble getting dates, Ralph.” He kicked a loose piece of asphalt. “I can just never seem to get the girl I want…”
“Bitch later, play now.”
Kafei threw the ball at Ralph’s head.
The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully. The four boys hung out for the rest of Saturday, and devoted most of Sunday to sleeping in and homework. Since it started pouring down rain around noon, this wasn’t difficult.
The rain didn’t stop until late that night, and the sun rose Monday morning on a city full of puddles and sidewalk-worms.
Kafei, as usual, gave Link a ride to school. Link’s house was just a bit too far from the school for him to be able to walk, and it was only a couple streets out of Kafei’s way.
As they got out of the van and headed across the nearly-flooded parking lot, neither boy noticed the black shadow that slipped from under one of the tires and darted ahead of them, vanishing into a puddle.
A puddle which, moments later, Link hopped over.
Something struck him as odd as he crossed the last stretch of blacktop, but Link couldn’t put his finger on it. It was as though something was missing, something that he never paid much attention to but which made a noticeable difference now that it was gone.
He shook his head and put it down to the early hour, not even looking at his reflection in the glass door of the school.
Perhaps if he had, he would have noticed the black-clad young man now standing in the middle of the parking lot, where no one had stood before.
The shadow leaned over and examined his new reflection in a puddle. Not bad, not bad at all. Young and strong, good-looking in a nonthreatening kind of way. The shadow would have almost called the face “pretty,” if it didn’t top such a lithe masculine body. This was the type of body lonely housewives paid hundreds of dollars to clean out their pools in nothing but a thong.
Lonely housewives. The shadow remembered lonely housewives. Husbands too. It- or rather, he- wasn’t picky. Gender didn’t mean much to you when your natural form was without reproductive organs. The fun organs.
The shadow found himself smiling, and decided he liked the smile as well. Yes, this form would do just fine.
Of course, the entire point of taking this form was that he would know the original owner’s strengths and weaknesses and be able to use them against him. The shadow did a quick mental checklist, decided the young man would be just fine on his own, and headed out of the parking lot for the big wide world beyond.
The dark voice had left instructions in the shadow’s mind, of what he wanted it to do. As he walked, the shadow found those instructions, examined them, and sent an answer to the dark voice.
No.
Then he sealed his mind off from the voice’s commands and burst out laughing.
That was one strength that all mortals shared, that they took for granted, and that they most often forgot they had. Free will. No one could make a mortal do anything they didn’t want to do. Sure they could force them physically sometimes, but for the most part, you just couldn’t boss a mortal around. Teenagers were even better, since along with free will they had a natural resistance to mind control. Their brains were half mush anyway, and the other half wouldn’t listen to anybody.
The shadow was free now, truly free. He couldn’t go back home, not until the voice was dealt with, but he could hang around this plane and live it up for a while.
He stopped walking outside a small café-like place with darkened windows and a Help Wanted sign in the window. He’d seen a number of attractive young people there the previous afternoon, so it looked like as good a place as any to seek employment.
After all, when your number one goal in life is to have fun, what better place to work than an ice cream store where you had to sing every time you got a tip?
Back at the high school, Link got a sudden chill down his spine, and couldn’t for the life of him figure out why.
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BatNeko
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10-21-2007, 11:11 PM
Chapter 3. Real-Life “Drunken Master” Bests Tea Kwon Do Champion!
“Five weeks,” Kafei announced. “It has been five weeks since we went to a bar.”
Link rolled his eyes. “We’re teenagers. We’re not supposed to go to bars every weekend.”
“That’s not the point and you know it.”
“Since when do you have a point? Besides,” he glanced around the cafeteria, “should we really be talking about this here?”
“It’s lunch. Everyone’s talking, no one’s listening.”
“Ah, youth,” Ralph murmured.
“My point,” Kafei emphasized the word with a spork-jab in Link’s direction, “is that you promised to be the designated driver next time, and it’s been five weeks and there hasn’t been a next time!”
“All right, all right, sheesh.” He rolled his eyes. “So where do you want to go? I’m assuming a not-gay bar.”
“Not-gay bar would be nice,” Kafei admitted. “Although meeting Sheik made up for it last time.”
“It’s a funny old world, ain’t it?”
“Shut up, Ralph.”
“Why do you want to get drunk anyway?” Link asked. “You’re just going to wake up with a hangover and a lot of memories you wish you didn’t have.”
“I’m bringing my camera,” Ralph added cheerfully. “So they’ll be memories you can never forget.”
“Not to mention the fact that I don’t have a car.”
Kafei dug into his back pocket and tossed Link a ring of keys. “So you’ll take mine.”
“Wait, you want to do this tonight? Kafei, it’s Wednesday.”
“So?”
“So we have school tomorrow.”
“So?”
“So…I won’t be drinking, what do I care? Let’s do it.”
“Cool. I’ll call Sheik and see if he’s up for it.”
“Isn’t he always?” Kafei’s cell phone was one of the skinny flip-types. No camera, but it could play more games than Ralph’s N-Gage. He punched in the code for Shiek’s phone (it was still pink) and shushed his friends so he could listen.
From somewhere across the cafeteria, Link heard a sound. A melody, soft, like a lullaby. Then a girl’s voice squeaked in surprise.
“That’s weird,” Kafei said. “It’s ringing. Sheik never has his phone on, especially not at school.”
“Maybe he’s expecting a call from someone else?”
“Maybe. He’s not picking up.”
The lullaby stopped.
“Hey, he hung up!” Kafei frowned at the phone. “What was that about?”
“I’ll bet he didn’t even know he had it on.”
“Well why wouldn’t he answer?”
Ralph shrugged. “He doesn’t like you?”
Kafei threw a tater tot at him.
Link was staring across the lunchroom. That was Sheik’s ringtone, he was sure of it. What were the odds of someone having that same ringtone and having their phone go off at the same moment Kafei called Shiek? Not very high, that was for sure. But Link couldn’t just go over there and start asking people if they’d stolen his friend’s phone; that was crazy. Besides… Zelda was sitting over there. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of her.
Oh well. He could always ask Shiek about it later.
Kafei tried to call again after school, and this time Sheik picked up. Kafei said his voice sounded weird, like he was trying to be quiet without sounding like he was trying to be quiet, but Ralph told him he was a dork and the whole thing degenerated into a game of arm-punching.
That evening Link picked up Sheik at the corner Kefei had dropped him off at, that first night. He found himself reminiscing a lot as the night progressed. It wasn’t as though anything special had happened. Over the last month, Sheik had simply become part of the gang. They hung out, they played basketball, they watched movies, they talked. Sometimes it was all four of them, sometimes one or more had somewhere else to be or homework to do, but it didn’t matter. They were friends, all of them.
So why was it that whenever both Ralph and Kafei were occupied, and it was going to be just Link and Sheik, Link felt a little bit…relieved? It was almost as though he preferred to spend time with Sheik when the other two weren’t around. But that was silly, they were his friends, he liked spending time with them. It was just that spending time with Sheik was…different somehow. He couldn’t put his finger on it.
Sheik, though Link didn’t know it, was having a similar problem. Kafei and Ralph were great guys, and he had a lot of fun with them, but they were simply friends; Link was more. Or, at least, Sheik would have liked for him to be more. He wasn’t stupid, he wouldn’t risk the friendship, but sometimes it was hard to hang out and act as though he didn’t have these feelings.
Sheik decided to deal with the stress by getting hammered. No, it wasn’t a good idea, but he didn’t care, dammit.
Link didn’t notice at first, how much Sheik was drinking. Last time they had all limited themselves to a beer or two, trying to remain lucid. Sheik clearly had other ideas. And since Ralph wasn’t one to turn down a challenge, real or imagined, he decided to match the smaller boy drink for drink.
A few hours of this and Link announced that they needed to go home, now.
“I don’t know what the hell got into you two!” Link shouted, surprised at his own tone. He was clutching the steering wheel so hard his knuckles had turned white. “I mean, I expect Ralph to make dumb mistakes, but not to intentionally drink himself into a stupor! And Sheik? Honestly, what the hell! I thought better of you than that!”
“’M sorry,” Shiek mumbled. “I jus’ wanted ta not feel so bad for a while…”
Link felt himself melt a bit. “If you’re feeling bad we can talk about it.”
“Nope. Nope nope nope. No talkin’ ‘bout it.”
“But Sheik-”
“Nope!” He slumped back in his seat and pouted. It was strangely adorable.
Link sighed. “How you doin’ Kafei?”
“Hell of a lot better than those two.” He twisted in his seat to look back. “I think Ralph passed out.”
“Wonderful.” He glared at the road for a bit, then sighed again. “I’m sorry Kafei. You wanted to have a good time tonight and now…”
“It’s not your fault. Besides, I did have a good time. Up until now anyway.”
“Yeah, well... I kind of hate to ask, but-”
“You want me to walk Sheik home?”
Link nodded. “I don’t think he’ll make it by himself.”
“No prob. Where’s that wall he climbs over?”
Link stayed in the car with the unconscious Ralph while Kafei helped sneak Sheik back over the wall and into his neighborhood. “Where’s your house?” he asked. “Is it far?”
“Mnm,” Sheik said. He listed dangerously to one side, and Kafei grabbed his shoulders.
“Hey, watch it! I do not want to explain to your parents how you got so wasted. Especially since I’m guessing you snuck out.”
Shiek leaned his head against Kafei’s shoulder.
“Oh come on, don’t pass out on me. I’ve got to get you home or Link will kill me. The guy’s crazy about you, you know. Take a bullet for you, no question.”
“Link…” Sheik murmured.
“Yeah, Link, the guy who will be murdering me if I don’t get you home safe.”
“…ove…you…Link…”
Kafei leaned a bit closer. “What was that?”
“I love you, Link,” he said, without a trace of slur. Then he wrapped his arm around Kafei’s neck and kissed him soundly on the mouth.
Kafei promptly dropped the other boy on the sidewalk and backed away. “I’m not gonna hit you, because you’re smashed, but- dammit- you can find your own way home!”
When he got back to the van Kafei had managed to compose his features into an expressionless mask. This was so different from his normal expression, that Link immediately knew something was wrong.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s a filthy lie. Tell me what happened.”
“It was nothing, okay?” He slumped down in his seat. “Really it’s…it’s no big deal. I probably overreacted a bit anyway.”
“Did you get in a fight?”
“Not exactly...” He ran his fingers through his hair and tried to think of a way to explain it, without really giving anything away. “It’s just, Sheik’s drunk right? He did something, in his drunken state, that sort of...that I didn’t like.”
“What?”
“I’m not gonna tell you, Sheik wouldn’t want me to.”
“Well did he say something?”
“Sort of. I don’t know if he meant it though.” He thought about that. “Sure seemed like he did...”
“And you’re not going to tell me?”
“Not on your life.”
“Aw come on!”
“No. Now let’s get Ralph home before he decides to sing ‘Louie, Louie.’ Again.”
It wasn’t until he got home that Link realized he’d completely forgotten to ask Sheik about his phone. Oh well.
Kafei seemed oddly subdued the next day. He had a whispered conversation with Anju between first and second period, the type where they both glanced over at the subject of their conversation (Link) and then acted like nothing had happened. When lunch rolled around, he had traded his calm for determination.
“Link, I think you should go on a date.”
Link blinked at him. “Whazza?”
“Anju has a friend named Cremia, you’ve probably seen her around.”
“Sure, but-”
“She’s cute, don’t you think?”
“Oh yeah, very, but-”
“It’s not healthy to keep pining after someone that you never intend to make a move on.”
“But-”
“So you’re taking Cremia to Cold Stone on Friday.”
Link looked at him for a bit, to make sure he was done talking, then voiced his objections. “I barely know the girl, Kafei.”
“So you’ll get to know her over ice cream.”
“You know I like someone else.”
“You’ve never given her any sign of that. And like I said, it’s not healthy. Unless you’re planning on asking Zelda out today, you’re going out with Cremia.”
“Zelda’s not here today,” Link muttered.
“It’s settled then.”
“Why are you so interested in my love life all of a sudden?”
Kafei blinked. Clearly, he hadn’t been expecting that line of attack. “Uh, well, I just think it’d do you some good, you know? Get out, see a girl. Knock you out of this slump.”
“I’m not in a slump.”
“You haven’t been on a date all year!”
“I just got tired of the type of girls I’d been seeing.”
Ralph raised his head up from the table. “All right, first of all, stop talking so loud. Second, Link’s got rights. He doesn’t have to see this girl if he doesn’t wanna. And he clearly doesn’t wanna. Oh, and Link? What was wrong with the type of girl you were seeing? They seemed nice to me. A little bit on the slutty side, but what’s wrong with that?”
Link shook his head. “Not everyone likes sluts you know. It just got kind of old. I mean, once they found out I live alone all they wanted was to spend the night or use my house for a party. I didn’t mind the spending the night so much, but when I realized I’d slept with more girls than either of you two combined, I sort of started hating myself.”
“You hated yourself because you got a lot of action?”
“I hated myself because I never wanted to be the type of guy who just uses girls for sex. Come on Ralph, even you’re not that much of an ass.”
“No,” he admitted, “I’m not. I like sex, sure, but I know it’s not the only thing that matters. Sometimes the warm fuzzies are just as nice as afterglow.” He paused for a minute. “But if you ever tell anyone I said that, I will deny it up and down and start a rumor that you’ve got a meth lab in your basement.”
Link raised his right hand solemnly. “Upon my honor.”
“Good. Now let me sleep.” He buried his face in his arms.
Kafei ate in silence for a moment, seeming to think about what Ralph had said. “You know, Cremia’s not like those other girls you went out with.”
“Kafei…”
“What harm can one date do? I really think you’d like her.”
Link sighed. “You’re not going to give this up, are you?”
“I really think it’s important that you go out with a girl.”
“That’s weird.”
“I don’t care.”
They stared each other down.
“Fine,” Link stabbed a piece of what he was pretty sure was chicken. “I haven’t been to Cold Stone in a while anyway.”
“Great! I’ll go tell Anju!” He jumped up from the table and ran off.
“Ralph?” Link said.
“Mnngh.”
“Do you have your phone with you?”
“Backpack. Outside pocket.
“Thanks.” Link found it and punched in Sheik’s number. It rang a few times, longer than Link usually let phones ring, then he heard a beep and Sheik’s voice.
“’Lo?”
“Hey Shiek? How ya feeling?”
“How do you think? Ugh, I can’t even remember how I got home.”
“Serves you right.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Call me to lecture?”
“No, actually. I need your help…”
Across the room, Kafei was proudly detailing to his girlfriend how he had talked Link into the blind date. Technically it wasn’t “blind,” since Link knew Cremia from class, but there wasn’t a better term for it.
Malon listened without a word to his exaggerated tale of verbal prowess, and was even kind enough to wait until he’d left to snort derisively.
“This is a bad idea Anju.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you know Cremia likes Kafei.”
“I know...but I don’t want her to know that I know. And besides, Link’s really nice. Maybe if she goes out with him, she’ll get over Kafei.”
“You don’t really believe that.”
She sighed. “I want to believe it...but no.” She poked half-heartedly at her sandwich. “What about you, Malon? Would you go out with Link?”
“Maybe, if I didn’t know that Zelda has a thing for him.”
Anju gasped. “Oh no! Really? Ah, what am I going to do?”
“Calm down, An, you didn’t know. She never says anything about it.”
“But- but what am I going to do?”
Malon stifled the urge to laugh. “You don’t have to do anything! From Kafei’s description, Link doesn’t want anything to do with this. One date won’t hurt anybody. It might even motivate Zel to make a move.”
“Well... That would be good...”
“You see? You’re helping!”
“I’m helping!” She stopped and thought about that for a second. “Wait, no I’m not.”
“All right, no you’re not. But…let’s just, like, not tell Zelda about it. Does that work?”
“That works,” Anju agreed with a sigh. “Man, I am glad she’s home sick today.”
“Ten to one she’s hungover.”
“What?” Anju exclaimed. “What do you mean? Hungover? Zelda?”
“Yeah,” Malon tossed her hair and tried to look nonchalant. “You must have noticed how she’s been all ditching us lately.”
“She’s been busy with homework...”
“She doesn’t have a class without you me or Maren in it, and we haven’t been busy with homework. Besides, she’s smart. Smarter than me.”
“She can’t be if she’s hungover.”
“Hey now, you don’t have to be stupid to get drunk. Well, a little stupid, yes, but she could have been stupid temporarily.”
“I don’t know why you think just because she’s been busy she’s been drinking.”
“Well, I don’t think that’s all she’s been doing. I’ve just noticed some things. Like yesterday when her phone went off at lunch and she all panicked and wouldn’t tell us who called her.”
“Maybe she has a secret boyfriend.”
“Maybe. Or maybe it was one of her drinking buddies.”
Anju stared at her for a moment, eyes just a little bit wider than normal. “Malon... Have you actually tried to imagine Zelda with drinking buddies?”
“Well, no.”
“Do. Just...get an image in your head.”
Malon closed her eyes and imagined. She snorted. Then burst out laughing. “Okay, okay, so Zelda’s not the type to go out and get smashed with a bunch of truckers. But you never know! She seems down sometimes. Lonely.”
“She’s got us.”
“I know that, but does she?”
zzz
Time moved in odd jumps and skips on Friday. His classes would drag on like they normally did, but every time Link remembered his “date” after school the day just didn’t seem long enough.
Much too soon, school was over. He avoided Kafei and walked home, deciding he would rather get the extra exercise than put up with his so-called “friend’s” relationship advice. He didn’t get much of a reprieve though, because Kafei showed up at his door at four-thirty, to “help him get ready.”
This seemed to consist of vetoing every shirt Link put on, and singing Cremia’s praises.
“You’re making most of this stuff up, aren’t you?” Link grumbled at one point.
“No! Well...maybe exaggerating a bit...” He stood up and dusted off his knees. “Come on, let’s go.”
“But there’s still like ten min-”
“We’re going.”
Ralph dumped Link off at the corner, ordered him to be polite, and sped off. Link sighed and headed over to the main entrance to wait. He didn’t know what had gotten into Kafei, but he wasn’t going to put up with it more than he had to.
Cremia showed up a few minutes later, and immediately Link started feeling bad about what he planned to do. She was a nice girl, quite pretty, and didn’t deserve to be ditched. She also looked about as uncomfortable as Link felt.
“Um, hi,” she said with a little smile.
“Hi,” Link replied. “So, uh, shall we?”
“Sure.”
Link held the door open for her automatically, and they got in line for ice cream.
If you’ve never been to a Cold Stone Creamery, allow me to give some background info. They describe themselves as “The Ultimate Ice Cream Experience ™,” and do their best to make the restaurants fancy and unique. Rather than “Small, Medium, and Large,” they have “Like It, Love It, and Gotta Have It.” They serve a number of complicated and unusual products, most of which have names that are a pun of some kind. The employees are required to sing whenever someone leaves a tip of a dollar or more.
It was a popular spot, for anyone with some time to kill, and it helped that the ice cream was pretty damn good, but at that moment Link would have given a limb to be anywhere else.
There were two women working behind the counter, one teenager with a bored expression and blonde pigtails, and an older woman who could have been anywhere in her twenties or thirties. The younger one took their orders with a snap of gum and a flip of pigtail, then went to work like a pro. It wasn’t until he got to the register that Link realized he didn’t have enough cash to cover both of them.
The pigtailed girl, her nametag read “Tatl,” rolled unusually bright yellow eyes as he stared at his wallet in horror. “I don’t care if you don’t tip, ya know,” she said.
Link bit his lip and turned to Cremia. “Uh, I’m sorry but I don’t have...”
“It’s okay,” she interrupted, smiling with what looked like relief. “I’d rather go Dutch anyway.”
“Please don’t tip,” Tatl said as she took the money. She sounded slightly desperate.
The older woman tossed an M&M at her from the other end of the counter. “Stop saying that to people.”
“Get that crackhead goth boy back in here and I won’t!” She shook her head, pigtails bouncing. “Why he enjoys making a fool of himself so much I will never understand.”
“All right, one; he’s not a crackhead, two; he’s not goth, and three; neither will I. He’s coming back tomorrow so just put up with it for the rest of the day.”
“All I know is, you’d better hire someone else, and soon! Me and Tael are only doing this as a favor to you.”
“I know, I know, you remind me enough. The ad is still running and I’ll buy a new Help Wanted sign as soon as Dark promises not to make this one into a paper airplane.” She smiled apologetically at Link and Cremia. “Sorry about that. You kids enjoy your ice cream.”
“We will,” Link and Cremia chorused.
As they walked back to the table, Link said, “Did we just answer her in unison?”
“I think so... I was getting a very ‘kindergarten teacher’ vibe from her.”
“Me too. Weird.”
They sat down and began working on their ice cream and attempting to make conversation. It was pretty obvious that neither wanted to be there, but they didn’t want to come right out and say it.
So Link was intensely relived when Sheik showed up and plunked himself down at their table.
“Heya,” he greeted them cheerfully. “Workin’ on your girlish figures?”
“Hi Sheik,” Link said, trying not to sound too happy to see him. “Um, this is Cremia. Cremia, this is my friend Sheik.”
“Nice to meet you,” Sheik said. “Those are really cute earrings, did you make them yourself?”
“Oh, yes!” Cremia said, pleasantly surprised. “I got the beads at this little store downtown, and the wire is a colored paperclip.”
“I thought that’s what it was! You don’t normally find that bright yellow in professional jewelry, but it goes really well with your hair.”
Link allowed himself a small sigh and sank back in his seat, letting the “girl talk” wash over him. He honestly hadn’t expected it to work so well, or so quickly, but for once he was grateful for his friend’s femininity.
After Link was sure Cremia was no longer going to care if he left at all, Link took his now-empty ice cream bowl and headed for the trash. He was about to make a ninja-like exit, when he remembered something.
The older woman was at the register now, the blonde girl with the bright yellow eyes having vanished into the back room. Her nametag read “Manager: Navi,” and her blue eyes were just as bright.
“Excuse me, Ma’am?”
She gave him an open, welcoming smile; the type that many people in the service industry had learned how to fake. “Yes, how can I help you?”
“Well, I heard you talking earlier, about needing help?”
“Oh!” her smile turned genuine. “Yes, we’re hiring. Do you want an application?”
“Please.”
She dug one out from under the counter and passed it over. “You can fill it out now, if you want.”
Link couldn’t help but grin. “Kinda desperate?”
“Kinda,” she admitted. “You?”
“Kinda. Do you have a pen?”
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StormRose
*^_^*
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10-23-2007, 07:55 AM
I knew it! Zelda undercover...XDD Priiiiceless
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