Here's a poem about life and stuff ^^


I'm a silent soul sailing upon
Life's own windless mast
Not moving nor anchored, but drifting
Alone I reflect on the past.

Not knowing my path, taking no direction
Am I moving? Am I still?
Thoughts litter my mind, like a lonely garden
Overgrown with weeds, untilled.

My head is cloudy, cold, and wet
Like all of time is December
Why is all of what I want to forget
All I seem to remember?

The gleam of your eye, the shine of your smile
Catered to my every whim
Was loving you with all that I had
Such a punishable sin?

Living lightly on this lonely raining Sunday
With her I wish to have stayed
As unpredictable as the summer sprinkle
She turned away.

I must say, I'm rather conflicted after reading this. Parts of this make very little sense and tend to be a tad redundant, while other parts shine like little gems. This is something one sees often with poetry, excellent bits thrown in with everything else, and the trick is to find those little gems, scoop them up, and set them with others of their kind to make a polished/finished piece.

That being said I like these lines:
"Thoughts litter my mind, like a lonely garden
Overgrown with weeds, untilled."

However, I believe that the two lines would be even more powerful/effective if you got rid of "overgrown with weeds," as the simple fact that they're untilled implies that weeds have sprung up.


"My head is cloudy, cold, and wet
Like all of time is December"

This is one of the bits I have an issue with. The descriptive words seem awkward and altogether a tad nondescript. Cold and wet are, simply put, boring words that say very little. How cold, frigid perhaps? How wet? Etc. Also the "like all of time is December" is awkward. Adding in the would fix part of the problem. However, it doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the stanza.

"Living lightly on this lonely raining Sunday
With her I wish to have stayed
As unpredictable as the summer sprinkle
She turned away."

This entire stanza is a bit awkward. Try rewriting it and making it connect/flow a bit better.

Am a bit pressed for time so I shall get around to looking this over in depth later if you'd like. Hope this has helped thus far.

If this was fb and that post was a comment I would click like, because for the most part I agree.
My opinion is that your expression of feeling is evident.
"Why is all of what I want to forget
All I seem to remember?"
I enjoy this line especially. We dwell, to be aware of consciousness is to acknowledge the fact that we are. To realize that we are means to be aware of sorroundings and our being and to constantly think. To think is to question and to continuously think about something is to continue to question it. Do not question the past for it is. Therefore do not dwell.

And yet as humans, we cannot help but dwell, past, present, future. It can be a moment long gone, unchangeable, and yet we feel the need to revisit it time and again. Perhaps the meeting of an old friend triggers it, or a half-remembered smell, or something you've read. It is a very poignant line, though somewhat awkwardly phrased, I believe. At any rate, it certainly captures the essence of what you're getting at, the very nature of human recollection.

On the other hand, to remember something, or to commemorate it rather is, in a sense, one of the best ways to forget something. Humans have a way of saying 'lest we forget' when they really mean 'lest we remember' this as it actually happened, lest we stumble upon it again and again out of nowhere and grant it access to our minds. War monuments are a wonderful example of this. How many visit them to remember something as they'd like to remember it, paint a certain picture and thereby manage to block out some of the harsher realities that no one cares to think about. While this isn't particularly relevant in this case of this piece, I thought you might find it a nice little addition / food for thought.