03-07-2007, 09:21 AM
This is a short story I wrote for one of my classes at school. The assignment was to create a superhero who was believable using science. The superhero couldn't use magic or stuff like that. I'd like to hear opinions about the story, I'm thinking of writing more about it, but I don't want to write it just for myself, I'd like to know if anyone would be interested in reading a story like this. And I'd like to hear opinions on how to improve my writing. ^^
The Ice Maiden
Crystalline Frost was a normal fourteen year old living a (mostly) happy life with her mother, father and an eight year old brother. Her parents co-owned a company that’s main interest was creating new technology that would be helpful for the government and the military. Crystalline had always enjoyed thinking up new ideas and seeing if they were possible, and with the help of her parents she was able to create tons of new things. She had always planned to join her parents and get a job at their company as soon as she was able.
One night when her parents were working late, a fire started. Crystalline’s parents were on the top floor of the building and the fire had started on the bottom floor, they were not able to escape the burning building, and they died. The cause of the fire was thought to have been the result of a failed experiment. Even Crystalline believed that that was the cause, until the night her house caught on fire. She and her brother had been on their way home from school when they were grabbed from behind and drugged, before she slipped into unconsciousness she glimpsed the faces of her attackers. When Crystalline woke up she was in her house, and it was burning. Her brother was laying on the ground beside her, but no matter what she did he wouldn’t wake up. She grabbed him and was able to escape from the burning building.
She knew that someone was after her family now, and she and her brother went into hiding, changing their names and living with a old friend of their mother’s. Crystalline spent most of her time training her body, she wanted to be able to protect her brother and herself if the need arose.
When Crystalline turned twenty-one she moved into her own place, but it wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods, and there was a lot of crime. One night on her way home she witnessed a mugging, and she recognized one the men as one of the ones who had tried to kill her and her brother. Without thinking she attacked the man and his companions. It wasn’t an easy fight, but all the years she had spent training had paid off and she was able to defeat the thugs. The man who’d been the original victim was so grateful to her for her help and Crystalline realized that she had the ability to stop what had happened to her family from happening again.
As soon as she got home she gathered up spare clothes that she never wore, and using skills she received from her mother’s friend, she created an outfit to hide her identity, she wasn’t going to let her brother get hurt from her actions. Crystalline decided that she wouldn’t be able to fight using just her own strength, and so she created several items to help her.
With that she started fighting crime, and she was called, The Ice Maiden.
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