This is the short story of my OC Sapphires' birth, the begging is strong but the end faulters a little.

Sapphires' Birth

The Queen of Ervana dreaded this day, the day her daughter would give birth for the second time. The first time he been a boy, half elf half wizard. But this time she had a husband who was a demon, a Dragon demon.

Weeks earlier the Queen had gone to a fortune teller to see if the child was male or female and the old hag said this.

“you need not worry about the gender of the children, they are both girls. But worry about the eldest for she will have the blood of the mother and father and one day rule over this city, and the tribe for which her father is from.” she hacked

“What is there to worry about?” the Queen asked “Blood is no matter and the role of queen will be hers some day any way.”

“AH, yes. But she holds with in her a great darkness and a great light. But as to weather which one will be stronger… well… that depends on her.”

Ever since that day the Queen had been worried that the eldest child would let her darker powers envelop her, turning her into a beast that would one day destroy the world.

Charley lay on a mat in a small house, she refused to be in that damned castle with her senile mother, who at any moment would take her child and lock her away. Renku, her husband stood outside the door pacing back and forth.

“Stop wasting your energy and get in there with your wife.” said the mid wife. “she could use a hand to hold, half demons are the easiest to give birth too, ya know.”

“I know, it’s just, well… she gets a little testy when she’s in pain.” he said

“If your afraid of your own wife then there is no hope for you.” said the old woman and went into the birthing room.

Renku slid his hand through his golden blonde hair, his blue eyes watery form worry. He swallowed his pride and went into the room. His wife’s long brown hair was sticking to her face as she screamed in pain. She shifted her eyes so she could see them, they were pink in color but now seemed almost red with tears flowing down her cheeks.

“I hate you so much right now.” she said, in between pushes. She cried out more and two tear fell from her cheeks to the floor. They started to take shape as two small gems. One was a Sapphire jewel and the other Amethyst.

Once the children were cleaned off and put side by side you could tell who the dominant girl was. The eldest was named Sapphire because of her beautiful sapphire blue eyes, and the other given the name Samara, meaning Pink in Ervanian. The Sapphire birth jewel was giving to the blue eyes baby and the Amethyst to the Pink eyed baby.

Renku took Sapphire and said that he wanted to see something and would be right back with her. He walked deep into the wood carrying his new infant daughter. He found a spot on a mossy tree stump to set the child, who was wrapped in a blue blanket waving her arms in the air playing with her birth jewel which had been put on a sting so she could were it as a necklace.

He stepped back and hid near by and covered his aura so it would appear he was not there. A few minuets went by and out from the trees into the small circular clearing came a large man eating demon. The green skin of the demon smelled of rotting flesh, and its grey hair was ratted and dirty. It had small beady eyes. He leaned over and smelled the child.

“An unwanted mix breed?” He said in a deep gargling voice. “A small snack.”


He was about to grab for the child when she lifted her arm out of the blanket and a blue flame burned the demons face, now the blue flame surrounded the demon and burned him to death. All the while the little girl was giggling and squealing. Renku came back out and kicked the charred body to the side; he picked up his chilled and smiled at her.

“You will make a great and powerful leader, and when he awakens he will take you as his bride.” And with that Renku brought his daughter back to the small house. There he and his wife packed all their belongings. I was too dangerous to stay in Ervana, not with the Queen wanting to take her Granddaughter and keep her locked away form the world and trained to be an emotionless ruler.

A few days later as the family of five was about to leave the small house when the castle guards came and demanded they give them the child. Charley knew that she couldn’t give sapphire to them but in stead would give them Samara, for they would not know the difference. I killed charley to do this but she couldn’t let her mother have Sapphire.

Sapphire was half dragon demon, quarter elf, and quarter human. Her sister, Samara, was half elf half human. The two wouldn’t meet until the age of fourteen, and sapphire wouldn’t know her rightful place a princess until then either. But the day Sapphire was born was the day the Queen dreaded the most.

“Soon he will rise again to rule the worlds, with her by his side they will bring their race back up to an enormous number. The Eternal Dragon… I was hoping this day would never come, the day when the Dragon Demon race had a new hope of living.”

There are a lot of misspellings in your story. 'Your' and 'you're' are also used interchangeably-- 'your' should be used when telling someone it is theirs, and 'you're' is short for 'you are'. Capitalizations and punctuation marks are also lacking many times during the story.

I don't understand the beginning. Her first child was a boy, is what I'm gathering, but what I think you're saying is that the Queen's daughter's first husband was a boy. You should specifically define the subject on who 'he' is, because in leaving that out, I'm gathering that 'he' is the child of the Queen's daughter.

I'm wondering why the Queen was worrying about her grand daughter turning into a beast. Why would this child be so powerful in the first place? How does she know that she could become a beast that could destroy the world, anyway?

And I'm wondering... is Charley a girl? She's the mother/princess?

“she could use a hand to hold, half demons are the easiest to give birth too, ya know.”

So that means her children are half-demons, right, since the father is a dragon demon. If that is so, why is the other sister Samara, a half-elf and half-human? They were born at the same time, making them twins, with Sapphire as the eldest. That, itself doesn't make sense because 'Charley''s first husband was the half-elf/half-wizard. How did Samara become the youngest then? How does 'Charley' give birth to two different men's children at the same time, with the latter husband's child born first?

Why does 'Charley' suddenly shed two tears that turn into sapphire and amethyst, when she was crying all day? Is it a special power that half-elves have?

Why would the father put his daughter in danger in the first place, by offering her to the man-eating monster? How did he know that Sapphire was the child that could cast a blue flame? What if he had taken Samara instead? Actually, why didn't he take Samara instead?

I was too dangerous to stay in Ervana, not with the Queen wanting to take her Granddaughter and keep her locked away form the world and trained to be an emotionless ruler.

Why would the Queen want to make her grand daughter into 'an emotionless ruler'? What happened to the mother-- the rightful heir to the throne? If she isn't going to become the new queen, why would the current Queen want her grand daughter to take over the throne?

There is one thing that bothers me very much. Why does Charley give up her other daughter Samara to the castle guards? To be frank, I think that that is completely idiotic! What kind of mother is Charley to be willing to give up her daughter Samara in order to save her other daughter Sapphire? What makes Sapphire so special that she gets saved and her sister doesn't? Is it because she's a half-demon child? Wouldn't it make more sense to give Sapphire up, since she had the potential to destroy the whole world?

And why does Sapphire suddenly earn the right to be the princess? :\

I honestly believe this story needs a lot of work. There are a lot of improbable things going on, and I'm getting a lot of questions running through my mind which I believe have no plausible answer. I guess as long as you can provide a reason to the more dumbfounding questions, your story will be a lot more tolerable. :\

Originally Posted by Asham

There are a lot of misspellings in your story. 'Your' and 'you're' are also used interchangeably-- 'your' should be used when telling someone it is theirs, and 'you're' is short for 'you are'. Capitalizations and punctuation marks are also lacking many times during the story.

I don't understand the beginning. Her first child was a boy, is what I'm gathering, but what I think you're saying is that the Queen's daughter's first husband was a boy. You should specifically define the subject on who 'he' is, because in leaving that out, I'm gathering that 'he' is the child of the Queen's daughter.

I'm wondering why the Queen was worrying about her grand daughter turning into a beast. Why would this child be so powerful in the first place? How does she know that she could become a beast that could destroy the world, anyway?

And I'm wondering... is Charley a girl? She's the mother/princess?

So that means her children are half-demons, right, since the father is a dragon demon. If that is so, why is the other sister Samara, a half-elf and half-human? They were born at the same time, making them twins, with Sapphire as the eldest. That, itself doesn't make sense because 'Charley''s first husband was the half-elf/half-wizard. How did Samara become the youngest then? How does 'Charley' give birth to two different men's children at the same time, with the latter husband's child born first?

Why does 'Charley' suddenly shed two tears that turn into sapphire and amethyst, when she was crying all day? Is it a special power that half-elves have?

Why would the father put his daughter in danger in the first place, by offering her to the man-eating monster? How did he know that Sapphire was the child that could cast a blue flame? What if he had taken Samara instead? Actually, why didn't he take Samara instead?

Why would the Queen want to make her grand daughter into 'an emotionless ruler'? What happened to the mother-- the rightful heir to the throne? If she isn't going to become the new queen, why would the current Queen want her grand daughter to take over the throne?

There is one thing that bothers me very much. Why does Charley give up her other daughter Samara to the castle guards? To be frank, I think that that is completely idiotic! What kind of mother is Charley to be willing to give up her daughter Samara in order to save her other daughter Sapphire? What makes Sapphire so special that she gets saved and her sister doesn't? Is it because she's a half-demon child? Wouldn't it make more sense to give Sapphire up, since she had the potential to destroy the whole world?

And why does Sapphire suddenly earn the right to be the princess? :\

I honestly believe this story needs a lot of work. There are a lot of improbable things going on, and I'm getting a lot of questions running through my mind which I believe have no plausible answer. I guess as long as you can provide a reason to the more dumbfounding questions, your story will be a lot more tolerable. :\

As to figure it out I geuss you need to know my characters, but I typed this on two computers and wasn't sure of what I had written.

Charley three years before had gotten pregnant by a wizzard, and the son she gave birth to was half elf half wizzard.

Both sapphire and samara have the same father, renku, but sapphire and samara are feternal twins, meaning that they are not exactly the same in looks or blood.

Charleys tears turned to gems at that moment because ti's when the children are actually being born and comeing out into the world, and it's an ability any elf or half elf has if they are decendents form the olden elf tribes in ervana.

Sapphire is the only one born with dragons blood, the reason why she is so special is because when she is older she is to become the bride for teh eternal dragon, the most powerful of all, and togother the two would fix their dieing race. Renku was testing out her powers to see if she was really as strong as th prophcy form the dragon tribe predicted.

Also she has two major powers, that only seem to show in times of destress. The Power of Light- Which was handed down to her from other people in her family wating for a child to be born with enough strength to use it. And The Power of Darkness- Which is in her because of her dragon blood. And she must choose her path, to save the world or destroy it.

Charley, the eldest of her sisters, doen't wish to take the throne, and nither did her sisters, that and after marrying a demon against her mothers wishis she was no longer even considerd for the throne.

Charley gave up samara instead of sapphire because of sapphires powers, being part demon she would be more powerful that her sister and with the struggle between light and drakness she knew sapphire wouldn't do well with the queen influence, which all the queen cares about is creating teh perfact rular who will turn ervana back to the pure elf blooded country if once was. Not to say that samara doen't deserve to be with her mother, but charley and her family couldn't risk loosing sapphire if they could help it, to keep her in the light.

Mmmm, I see!

I still think it's especially odd that Samara wouldn't get any of her father's blood. How could they possibly have different blood, when the father himself is a dragon demon?

Eh? Only two? What about that power she used to completely burn that big, burly man-eating monster? You can't seriously say that that isn't a major power? If it was one of her two major powers, I would think that Sapphire wasn't in distress when she saw the monster, since she was giggling when she burned him to a crispy monster... xD;;

If Charley wasn't considered for the throne, why would the Queen want her grand daughter to take over the throne, especially when she has other daughters? I would think a person who was sore about one of her daughter wouldn't think about using that daughter's child, even if she wanted to make the perfect ruler. x3;

Ah, I see. That makes a lot more sense. I wish the mother would put up more of a fight, though! :\ Reading about how she just gave up Samara without even a peep made me really believe she wasn't as caring a mother as she's supposed to seem. x'''D

Just wondering, but why is Sapphire so strong, especially since she's only half-demon? Wouldn't the father be twice as strong as her, since he's a full dragon demon? Even if it's 'destiny', it's a little iffy. x_x