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DranzerWolborg
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#1
Old 04-09-2007, 05:31 AM

ok this is a story I wrote.


A long time ago, in a Far away Land. There lived a Princess. This princess was one of the most Prettiest girls in her Kingdom. The Princess was Born on a day when the Kingdom was about to be over ran by a Dragon that lived in the Forest behind the Castle. This dragon was kind but became upset when he heard that his forest was to be burned by order of The king. The Princess was born exactly at the same time that the forest was set on fire. The Dragon was going to die in the fire but before he died the Dragon placed a curse on the princess. the curse was that she would die at the age of 17. The king and the Queen were very sad when they heard that there princess was cursed. So, the king sent out to find a Mage. This Mage knew how to break the curse. the Mage Told the king "The only way to break the curse that was set apon the princess is if she were to find her true love." When the king heard this he was happy that there is a way to get rid of the curse but he would have to find the princesses true love. For 16 years the king had tired to seek out the Prinesses true love. One night when the moon was full and shining Brightly The Princess was in her room brushing her pretty long blood red hair. she looked into the mirror she saw some one coming into the room from the window. The person was a man tall hansom but evil looking. the princess was about to scream but the man put his hand around her mouth. Then the Man said "scream and I'll kill you." The princess got a good look at the man in her mirror. he had Black hair and red eyes. The man put the princess on the bed and tied her to one of the posts. She asked "who are you?" The man replyed "I am the Thief king." when she heard those words she began to get scared. Storys about the thief king and his band of thief have crossed over many kingdoms. Stories of how they rob and kill people. when the Thief king finished tieing her up he said "I'll be back for you>" He left with a sword in his hand. An hour has past and all the princess could hear were the screams of the maids and others. She started crying. When the screaming stoped, the Thief king came in to the room with a bag of gold and her fathers head. She screamed and fainted. The Thief king un tied her, picked her up, and took her to his hide out. When the princess woke up she found her self in a bad with red and black sheats and blinkets> She thought about what happined and begain to cry. Then the Thief king came in and said "so your awake are you sad coz I killed your puthetic Father?" "My Father was not puthetic, he was a great and powerfull king," the princess replyed. He just turned around and was about to leave when he said "you know I've been watching you and I know about your curse. the only reson I killed your father is because I did not want him to know that I'm your true love." The princess was very surpised when she heard this. She looked at him and got out of the bed. When she got out of bed she walked over to the thief king, she looked at him and said "how do you know that your my true love?" He replyed "I've been having dreams about you ever sence the Dragon put a curse on you and I didn't know why tell I saw you." Then the Thief king turned around and faced the princess. He staired at her and said "I'm sorry that I had to kill your father." "Its ok my father was vary ill and was due to die a slow painfull death. so, what you did was give him mercy," replyed the princess. Then the thief king gave the princess a kiss but not just any kiss but a kiss of true love. The very next day was the princesses 17 birth day. When the Princess woke up that dsay she thought she would have been dead but to her surpise she was alive and in the arms of her true love, The Thief King.


THE END!

oi_pinoy
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#2
Old 04-09-2007, 08:50 AM

wow, how romantic! Haha.. nice!

DeniedUltraSex
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#3
Old 04-09-2007, 09:31 AM

I like how you told a whole story in such a short amount of time. O:
So cute!~ >.<

Squee!~

Hmmmmm, the plot was pretty good.
I wish you would have made it longer.
Maybe more mysterious.

But still I loved it a lot! ^__^

Temmon
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#4
Old 04-09-2007, 03:35 PM

Erm... Proofread. Pretty pretty please? And you are allowed to create separate paragraphs. I won't comment on the story, because the constant errors were enough that I couldn't follow the story through to the finish. And it was stylistically very simple, with simple sentences the whole way through. Nice try, though. And I guess it had a sweet, romantic story from what the other people have said.

Koilera
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#5
Old 04-09-2007, 06:02 PM

ummm.. seriously... spell checker! :shock:
I could not really understand it but it seemed to be a pathetic attempt at generic fairy tale with short adjective-less sentences. Also, it would have been nice to know more about the Theif King, the name-less princess, the king and his illness, the dragon, and the kingdom in general. :cry: Seriously, practice makes perfect, so keep on trying. :wink:

P.S. I'm not trying to be mean, Just helpful. Sorry if I offended you. :lol:

 


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