edging closer to the guys, he eavesdropped on their talk.

"Dude, like, wow dude, wow."

"I know, dude! Like, she gave the worst bj in then entire.. forever, dude!''

"dude, i measured myself last night, 7 1/2 inches, dude!"

"oh yeah dude? well, lets go to the bathroom and i'll prove that i'll always be longer than you!"

[insert male guaffing here]

Colei once again found himself edging away from the group of guys headed towards the mensroom. Just what was going through that crazy queens head right now, that she would turn perfectly repectable guys into **** measuring vulgar barbarians??

Somewhere off in her royal suite, the Queen sneezed loudly three times in succession. 'hmm... someone must be naming ANOTHER perfume after me. I must say though, Fierce really is a hit...'

Colei sighed and wandered throughout the plaza, but no Normal people mentioned the Queen Bitch's whereabouts. How would he ever find her and destroy her?

All of a sudden, a gleaming pink lightbulb came into existence over his head. Of course! The large, obnoxious, pink palace in the center of the city with the large neon sign that said 'Queen Bitch'!! Colei grinned happily and began to gallop, or rather, trip, because of the obscenely large pants he was wearing, over to the palace.

But just as he was about to walk inside the gates, a guard stopped him. "Who are you, and what do you want with her highness, Queen Bitch, Most Bitchy In All Of The Entire Entireness?" Colei blinked and sorted out the sentence in his head before replying, "Uhmm, I just, like, want to, like, see her."

"Visitors are not permitted! To the void with you!" cried the guard, and pushing Colei into a large, black vortex.

the only thoughts going through Coleis head at the moment were:

'damn...' and 'hm.. not too bad for a void, I always expected something worse.' Of course, Murpheys law made sure that right after saying that, Colei felt a horrible tugging/ripping sensation, and was thrust out of the void, right above the fountain, in the middle of the plaza, about 12 feet in the air. not fun, eh. yeah. thought so.

So, after being ridiculed, laughed at, pointed at, and shoved around, Colei managed to stumble his way out of the crowd of spectators, and hide himself in a bathroom stall. Ok, so that plan was a failure. as they always say though, if at first you don't succeed, GO GET SOME COFFEE!!! So, Colei trotted happily throughout the plaza, ducking occasionally behind a trashcan when someone recognized him, and stopped in front of a huuuuge Starbucks sign (starbucks doesn't belong to me!) and got himself one, Moca-choco-latte-frapachino Grandayyy! Happily sipping his drink, Colei began to devise a second plan, this time behind sure to make a backup one, like, avoid the vortex instead of going through it.

So, visitors were not permitted. Perhaps... he could get a job there. Then, he'd be able to eavesdrop all around the palace, and find out what the Queen Bitch was up to, and eventually find her weakness and DESTROY HER!!!!!

Colei was very pleased with his plan. But... he still needed a backup plan. After several minutes of intense thinking, he decided upon one.

In the event that he was discovered, he would run away. Very fast. It had to work. He found himself some very normal janitor's garb and set out for the palace once more.

The guard stopped him again. "Who are you, and what do you want with her highness, Queen Bitch, Most Bitchy In All Of The Entire Entireness?" The guard looked closely at his face.

"Hey! Weren't you here just a little while ago!" he demanded.

"No," said Colei, deepening his voice, "That was like, my twin brother. I want to get a job as a janitor."

"Why?" asked the guard suspiciously; no Normal person wanted to be a janitor.

"Well, I need money to go buy more bling," said Colei, hoping that it worked. The guard nodded. He knew what it felt like, not having enough money to buy bling. It totally sucked.

"Ok," he said, stepping aside, "Go ahead and janitize." Colei thanked him and rushed inside. Outside the guard blinked. What kind of Normal person thanked people?

as he was walking through the hallways, a young tapeworm dressed in a blue and black hakeysack like hat, and a bunch of bling around his uhm... 'neck' pulled him over.

"like, dude! where have you been ! there's this big -bleep-'n mess in my rap room, and i demand you clean it up! I swear to god if it's still there when the queen comes by later to check out my new tunes, i'll freaking hang you, and then convince her to only execute [b]you[/] instead of both of us! Clean the room, shine the door knob, wax the floor, clean the counter, refill the minifridge, get some more Dr. Pep from the kitchens, and MAYBE, just MAYBE, I wont tell the queen about your incompetency!

As he rushed off, Colei's brain was in hyperactive mode. Yes! this was awesome! He had gotten into the castle, and he was going to be cleaning the very room where the queen would be later that very same day! Hm... but... how to make the queen die... He was just thinking this, when a pair of matching twin cougars passed him, and he heard a snitchet of their conversation.

"Like, yeah dude! The queen totally had him thrown out onto the street and stripped of all rank for listening to pop! She totally hates the stuff, like, totally! I hear her ears started bleeding, and she almost died! she was like, totally in the hospital ward!"

"like no way dude! The queen? The queen of ALL bitches, is scared of Pop? Duuude, i need to go back to our rooms, and get rid of all my disgusting pop now! I mean, its not like i ever liked it or anything, it was just popular!"

"yuh huh yeah right dude, you were like, totally obsessed with the crap until I told you it wasn't normal!"

The cougars continued, and colei was having a field day! yes! So, all he had to do was sneak into the cougars's room, get the pop, and replace the rap with it! Perfect! now... where was the cougars room?

Colei peered out the doorway, and looked in the direction that the cougar had dissapeared. He quietly stepped out and began creeping in that direction.

"What the hell? Where are you going?!?!" Crap. It was the tapeworm.

"This isn't clean!!" shouted the indignant worm. "If you don't get this tidied in thirty minutes" Colei winced at the word minutes, it should have been quadquacks, "Then the Bitch is going to have a fit and chop both of our heads off."

"Also, I need you to play some rap, the Queen will want rap," said the tapeworm. "There's a collection of CDs over there." Colei looked over at the haphazard pile of CDs.

"Chop chop!" shouted the tapeworm, slithering out of the room. Colei grabbed a shovel and began tossing the piles of empty soda cans, chip bags, and candy wrappers out the window. He needed to hurry, so he would have time to grab the pop CDs. Finally, he began to be able to see the floor; an obnoxious pink and black patterened carpet.

Outside the door, he heard the sound of footsteps, and the cougar's frightened panting. The door burst open and the cougar rushed in.

"Janitor dude!" he yelled, clutching a handful of CDs in his paw, "I need you to get rid of these for me, right away!" Colei smiled and took the CDs; this had turned out perfectly, now he had the CDs.

"Thank you so much dude!" said the cougar, running out of the room again. Colei set the CDs on the window sill and continued cleaning, until the room was in good order. Then, he stuck the pop CDs in the CD player, turned up the volume to Max., pressed play...

...and ran.

for his life. yes, Colei was infact, running for his life, seeing as many people in the hallway could swear they'd felt a breeze, and and seen a pinkish blurr fly past them. As Gwen Steffani blasted throughout the entire castle and Ruby City, ghoulish screams could be heard throughout the entire kingdom. As Colei flew through the grand hallway, he caught a glimpse of a writhing mass of pink and baby blue feathery STUFF on the ground, making inhuman noises and screeching her lungs dry. Blood coated the floor, coming from the Queen on the ground, and her attendants were running around like Chickens without their heads. Basically, to sum up the situation with two words,

Beautiful. Chaos

As he neared the gates, Colei noticed that EVERYONE was running, and so as to keep up the image of being normal, continued running like his life depended on it (which it did...) passed the gate, flashing his ID to the guard before sprinting the hell away from there. He made a bee line towards the Rebel base, and as he leapt into the room, and slammed the door shut behind him, he noticed the mad partying going on around him. The Siamese cat ran up to him, screaming

"There he is! There he is, it's Colei, Colei the hero!" and immediately he was surrounded on all sides by cheering rebels, and hoisted up onto their shoulders. Then, the crowd slowly parted, and through the pathway and quickly spreading silence, came Sparticus.

"Well. Done." said Sparticus in a strange voice, "You defeated... the Queen. Bitch." Colei looked at him.

"Sparticus, what's wrong?" he asked. Sparticus twitched, and didn't answer.

"Sparticus?" repeated Colei. No answer, except for a dull beeping noise.

All of a sudden, an antenna popped out of Sparticus's head!

"Oh no!" cried Colei, "His mind has been taken over by the Queen Bitch."

"Resistence is futile," said Robot Sparticus. "Do not resist Normality."

quickly spinning around, Colei grabbed the HUGE vat of margaritas/champage that had been mixed just for this happy occasion, and with tears in his eyes, Colei flung the entire vat at Sparticus, his vision clouded with sadness as Sparticus tipped over on his side, twitching, little sparks being emmited from the antennae on his head. Then, without warning, Sparticus stopped moving his body going limp, the only sign of him being alive was the weak, but steady rising of his chest.

As colei stealthily and carefully crept his way over to Sparticus's side, he poked the antennae, and with one last *fizz-ittz!* the antennae popped off, and lay deadish on the floor. Sparticus's eyes popped open, and he sat up suddenly.

"What happened? Last I remember, I was being detained by the Queen's forces, and then.... blank."

"your mind was taken over by the Queen, Sparticus! Colei had to waste ALL our champage and margartita mix just to bring you back. Speaking of which, Colei, how did you know that champagne and margarita mixture could remove the effects of mind taking-over?!" asked the Siamese.

"Uhhh.... I didn't? I"m so sorry Sparticus! I knew that liquid on machinery kind of kills is, and I didn't want you make you live our your life a minion of the bitch, so I was trying to... uhm.. sure, yeah, i knew that margaritas and champagne were a mind-taking-over cure! Yuh huh, cha, totally!" Colei stuttered out.

"Hooray for Colei, he saved Sparticus! Hip, hip Hooray!" So, they all cheered, and were happy, until Colei realized something vital.

"Heyyyy... IF we could save Sparticus from mind-taking-over problems, why cant we save EVERYONE who had their mind taken over?"

"*gasp* Colei! You're a genius! Now, all we have to do is locate all the people who've been taken over!" gasped a zebra in the background.

"That wont be a problem. I was speaking to a friend of mine, Bovis, just before he got his mind taken over, and he told me that he knew how to make all the mind takenoveree's gather in one spot. just play "Where are you" from the broadway play Spamalot!" exclaimed the newly revived Sparticus!

"Ok!" exclaimed Colei. "We need some people mixing up a large batch of martinis, and other people preparing a dance routine. Let's finish saving the world!!"

So a large collection of bright colored animals went about mixing cocktails, while the rest began rehearsing "Where Are You". Colei looked around with pride, happy that the Normality had been defeated.

"Where are you? Where are you?
Where are you, my heart's desire?
My heart is true, but where are you?
Only you can quench the fire.

Where are you? Where are you" sang the chorus of animals, dancing and jumping around. Even a couple former Normal citizens joined in. However, a few of them replied,

"Stop it! Stop that! Stop all that singing!" But the animals were not going to be stopped.

"What's that on the horizon!" shouted a red and green giraffe.

"Why, it's crowds of people who have been taken over by the Queen!" said the tie-dye caterpillar.

And indeed it was. Thousands and thousands of animals came marching into the square.

"Ready the martinis!" yelled Colei.

just as the hoard of zombie animals entered the square, Colei did a double front flip, landing ontop of a cow, and a triple back cartwheel into the air, and just as he reached the very peak of his height, he flipped open a cigar lighter, and let the smoke reach up to the smoke detectors.

"BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-" the smoke detectors everywhere were having a payday! Then, the sprinkler system turned on, spraying everyone and everything with the special blend of Champagne + Martini's on the rocks.

Suddenly, the domino effect began. One zombie dude would tip over, hitting another one, causing THAT one to fall, and so on, and so fourth, and so fifth, and so sixth, and yeah.

Later, as he was helping the cleaning crew pick up all the broken antennae's, he was approached by none other than Bovis.

"Hey... Colei, I want to say sorry. If I hadn't made you take me down from that pike, the Queen never wouldda gotten me, and it would have been easier for you!" Bovis mumbled, looked down.

"It's alright," reassured Colei, "At least now the Queen Bitch is defeated, and all is well."

"ALMOST all is well," Bovis corrected him, "We still have to purge the Entire Entireness of normality."

"You're right!" exclaimed Colei, "This city still stinks of Fierce, everyone is wearing the same thing, and they probably aren't used to acting as individuals." Bovis nodded.

Over head, a large cloud of polka dotted monkeys dropped shiny red, black and white confetti on everyone's head. Large crowds of brightly colored animals everywhere were singing the Waffle Song at the top of their lungs to bring the rest of the Rebels out of hiding.

Colei pulled a large purple vaccuum cleaner out of his hoof. "I'll just start removing the normality with this!" he said happily, flipping the switch to 'Purge'. Soon, clouds of skinny jeans and bling were being sucked into the purple machine, and the smell of Fierce was rapidly dissapearing.

The brightly colored animals yelped with joy, but all of the Normal citizens began to turn yellow, and shrivel up. Soon, all of them fainted.

"What's going on?" asked Colei.

"I think the lack of Normality is too much for them too handle!" shouted Sparticus, "You'd better stop!"

"NEVAH!!! The world is better without them! Without them, quadquacks and quadquadders will be a regular dinner table conversation, without them, Fierce will be a dreaded word, without them, we will never have another Queen!"

Needless to say, Colei was pretty drunk off the champagne and Martini fumes.

"No, Colei! You must stop! We do not crave a reputation so much as to kill them all! We must make peace! War is normal, Peace is irregular! COLEI, STOP!" Sparticus roared, in a very commanding voice.

Colei froze up suddenly, and turned around. before fainting.

a few sighs from Sparticus later, and a bunch of clothes returned to the fast becoming prunish normals, and all was back to order, or as much as it could be, what with purple and pink and blue sparkely animals dancing around, and a mediumish large cluster of Fierce wearing normal people milling around the square in ruins. to his left, Colei could be found curled up in a corner, hugging a toy teddie.

Then, SUDDENLY! The scenery began to get all wavy and fading, the bright pinks and blues fading darker and darker, untill

Colei found himself in a meadow similar to where Sparticus had first found him and asked him to go on this crazy adventure. All around him fluttered black and blue butterflies, and the air smelt of sunshine and flowers.

"Wh-wha?" stuttered Colei, standing up. He rubbed his eyes and looked around again. Over in the distance, the sun was setting, casting a warm pink and orange glow over the meadow. Bumblebees happily buzzed all around him, and a light breeze stirred the long grass, tickling his knees.

It was lovely, but a tad...

...Normal. Colei looked around nervously, hoping to find a rainbow gorilla, or a cloud of talking teapots, but found none.

"Where am I?" he called out. No answer. The meadow was too quiet. No sound of craziness met his ears. All he could hear was the buzzing of bees, and the wind and...

The faint sound of rap.