03-11-2007, 12:45 AM
I have been told that this story is a little confusing, and that it's too broken up. Any points as to how I can fix it?
[align=center]Violet Storms of Memory[/align]
[align=right]Azura Faye: Steel-true and blade-straight[/align]
______ Raynne was nervous. Her boyfriend had asked her to meet him at the graveyard, and she was wondering about his intentions. For as long as she could remember, Raynne was able to recall the pasts of those long-gone. Every time that she passed the site of where a person departed, or their present resting place, Raynne would be assaulted with images of the past. Blake knew this, so why did he want to meet her at such a foreboding place?
______ She had just entered the graveyard when she spotted him. “Blake? Why don’t you come closer so I don’t have to walk in so far?” Her voice trembled with weakness. She licked her chapped lips as he came a bit closer, and then stopped. Raynne realized that she would have to meet him. She examined the path and saw that she would have to cross by five gravestones, two of which grouped together.
[align=right]The Water Phoenix Café[/align]
______ Raynne stepped forward, and closed her eyes to dull the pain of the vision she was faced with. She was suddenly in a cozy café, in the back kitchens where the supplies were kept. Though it was cluttered, Raynne found it easy to navigate. She located a girl, a little taller than herself, stationed at the door. Clutched in her hand was a beautiful dagger. The blue-eyed woman was speaking, to whom Raynne was not sure.
______“Azura, listen to me. You can’t keep showing up and causing trouble. Caine and Siku will suspect something if you aren’t quiet.”
______“Look here, I don’t take orders from anyone, girl.” Raynne was shocked to hear the new voice. It seemed ancient, but rang like the clearest bells on a sunny morning. What alarmed her most was the voice was coming from the same lips. Now, Raynne noticed the change in the girl. Her faced seemed older, more hardened and harsh. “The solution is simple. You surrender control of the body and free me from this forsaken piece of silver. You banished me to this blade to begin with, so you let me out!”
______Raynne noticed the features melt to look innocent, almost angelic once more. “No, this is my body. I will not let you take my identity!” There was a lengthy pause before the other voice continued, “Are you sure you really know who you are?”
[align=center]* * *[/align]
______ There was a surge in the vision, and Raynne was brought to a time in her own life. She was lying on her bed, surrounded by childhood possessions. None seemed to comfort her as she cried. The voices began to run through her head, overtop of the tears.
[align=center]“Who are you?” “What do you care?” “You’re opinion doesn’t matter.” “You’re such a scatterbrain.” “Failure.”[/align]
______It was enough for anyone to doubt their purpose and place in life.
[align=right]Athena Syntyche: I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free.[/align]
______ The cloud of memory dissipates, and Raynne finds her cheeks wet with tears. She can see Blake, but he says not a word. She bites her lip as she walks closer to him, but still feels the full-force of the pain. The transition never gets any easier.
[align=right]Timeless River and the Forests of Lore[/align]
______ Raynne found herself in an enchanted forest. Her senses were filled with soft sights and pleasant tastes, but her hearing picked up harsh sounds. Frantic, Raynne ran towards the sound of fighting, but stopped suddenly at what she saw. A girl with short blonde hair, cloaked in emerald and black, was engaged in a duel a slightly older male. Both seemed to be enraptured in their task of training. Raynne saw deep respect and concentration in the emerald eyes of the girl, as well as the reflection in the male’s eyes.
______“Athena! Focus your energy, not your anger. Anger means nothing, and it will only hold you back. Don’t struggle, believe me.” His voice was soothing to Raynne’s ears, but it seemed to only inflame the other girl further.
______“I have too much on my mind! I can’t suppress my past. This is the only way to deal with those feelings. Let me be!” She was out of breath, but continued to strike him.
[align=center]* * *[/align]
______ The vision changed and Raynne found herself in her former best friend’s room. Her friend was agitated, her words flowing freely from her mouth, “You never listen to me Raynne, not when it comes to something overly important. You aren’t there for me. How dare you call me your best friend! I’m sick of the neglect, I’m tired of trying to involve you and include you in everything I do. You don’t even appreciate it! Why don’t you just leave me be!”
[align=right]Phoenix Fidel and Neo Kilik: I had a lover's quarrel with the world[/align]
______As Raynne finds herself in the graveyard once more, she starts to become very upset. Her tears have dried, but now she feels sick to her stomach. She suddenly feels very grateful that she was almost in front of Blake. Raynne steps past the next gravestones, those belonging to the couple.
[align=right]Studio 77[/align]
______Raynne found herself in a very familiar scene. She was in a chapel, surrounded by hundreds of delighted people. Music was playing, and Raynne could not help but feel happy. She turned with the rest of the crowd as the bride walked down the sidle. She was perfectly delighted to see Phoenix, Blake’s twin sister, walking towards Neo, the man she had loved for as long as Raynne could remember. The wedding continued, and the vision changed.
[align=center]* * *[/align]
______“Are you nervous?” Raynne was fixing Phoenix’s gown, making it ready to be fitted.
______“No, not at all,” the response caught her off-guard, “I love Neo, so I don’t feel worried. Nervousness is only a result of fear, and I know that I’ll be happy with him. I trust him, and I know that he truly loves me. So, I long for it, rather than dread it.”
[align=right]The End of the World: [/align]
______ Once again, she is standing in the graveyard, just steps away from being face-to-face with Blake. Raynne looks around and sees one more gravestone, but she feels fearless now, so she steps closer.
______There is no vision other than Blake’s crimson eyes staring past her violet ones.
______“I don’t understand.” She was standing right at the grave, yet she can’t feel a thing. “What does it mean?” She turns to look into his eyes, and struggles to comprehend the situation. “Oh God, are you dead, and this is just some painful flashback?”
______Blake doesn’t answer her, just steps towards the gravestone. He kneels down, and Raynne is suddenly compelled to look at the inscription. Her mouth falls open as she reads:
[align=center]Raynne Avalon
As the flowers are all made sweeter by
the sunshine and the dew, so this old
world is made brighter by the lives
of folks like you[/align]
______She turns to leave, but then hears the man kneeling at her grave speak. She realizes that it isn’t who she thought it was.
______“I never knew you, but my Grandfather said he loved you more than anyone. He told me you were unsure of yourself, and pushed people away. After you died, he comforted your best friend. Years later, they married. I’m so sorry you passed on. You sounded amazing.”
______Raynne stands there, shell-shocked. Then everything went violet, and she understood. Through her own deluded sight did she watch the events unfold. She had wanted so desperately to have what she saw become true. It wasn’t until she could finally leave this purgatory until a boy, so similar to the one she had once loved, spoke to her.
[align=center]It wasn’t the lives of others she had witnessed; it was her memories translated to last through even time itself.[/align]
__________________
180 orchids versus 105 buds
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