I used to write a lot of fanfictions :) A lot of shonen-ai ones at that XD

Wrote for Weiss Kreuz, Gundam Wing, Prince of Tennis *thinks* I've forgotten if I wrote in other fandoms but yeah~ my old fanfiction is in fanfiction.net.

Nowadays I haven't been concentrating on writing at all which leaves me a bit sad. I will be posting my small drabbles, the ones that are not in fanfiction.net here, to inspire me to write more! :) But I decided it should be the original fiction drabbles archive. I'll make a separate one for fanfics!

Please feel free to critique if you want!

[cat-drabble] 11: Outside Looking In
Title: Outside Looking In
Author: caillen
Pairing: None
Rating: definitely as PG as it can be
Summary: This is a series of drabbles of one Seiji Catallus Kojima, hacker at the age of 17 and part of an Organization called the Circle. One epsilon who by the by is also one incurable flirt. He was created for an old RPG L'Ecole Dela Croix, a beautiful world that died a premature death.


One move at a time.

Slowly, almost painfully, he arched his back, letting hands slide out to the front. Past the metal spikes that jutted from the gray columns on his right and left. The long sharp barbs could break through skin easily, a brief kiss resulted in a thin line of blood as was evidenced by one cheek.

Motionless, the metal columns looked harmless, the spikes jutting out not even touching its companions reaching out towards it from the other side. One careless move, one light touch would set all the metal columns moving, tearing anything in the middle with surprising ease. There were no routes of escape. The metal columns placed in positions that would allow only a small rodent past without disturbing it. Once you go in you finished it or died.

It took complete concentration and balance to get through it, not to mention pre-planning and precision. His 'tousan had told him once that it was patterned after an ancient trapmaker's previous work. A guardian to one of the numerous temples' treasures.

In the more present past, it served as an educational tool for an impatient too confident student who wanted to learn everything too soon. Akira Kojima had it constructed for the purpose of instructing his recklessly impulsive son in the finer arts of thinking before doing.

Cat allowed a small grimace to show on his features at the thought. He could remember the numerous cuts that bled profusely as he tried to navigate the nefarious thing when he was 10.

"Observe before rushing in, neko." He could hear his tousan say in clipped irritated tones. "Those cuts are nothing, if you tip the spikes any more you will be crushed by them. If that happens, even I will not have enough time to save you."

Slip one hand through the northeastern side where the 45 degree angle the spikes made allowed an arm to slip through.

He could remember his reply to his tousan uttered while he was in this particular position. "If I do get crushed, whose fault would that be for making me do this?"

He had been kidding. His 'tousan, Cat recalled, had arched one eyebrow at him and just looked at him as if expecting him to know the answer to that.

First one arm, slowly, slowly, then the other, twisting his body minutely to avoid touching the spikes. At 10 he had been able to maneuver past the spikes with ease, his shorter body never extending this long to worry about appendages being cut off.

One's balance and center changes once one grows.

It takes a hell of a lot more concentration at 17 when growth spurts have overtaken your body and you find yourself with arms and legs that stuck out at angles you couldn't help.

Cat had avoided this torture machine for 7 years. Three times a week on it for a year and cuts that healed, only to be reopened, had cured him of ever trying it again. He had proven that he could do it, he didn't need to do it again. His 'tousan had been satisfied with his performance.

Today though, for some odd reason, he had decided he wanted to try. [Masochist.] He thought to himself, his lips quirking up in amused derision. Things certainly changed when you became older.

[Or rather,] he thought darkly, [things change as soon as you see more than what you wanted to see.]

The slight wandering of his thought cost him as his stomach came in slight contact with the very tip of a metal spike. A sudden inhalation of breath saved him from having the metal spike drag across his sensitive stomach and possibly causing the whole trap to move.

"Idiot." He muttered to himself as he twitched a foot out of that particular snare, ignoring the stinging cut on his stomach as he continued on. He slipped through the spikes, twisting, turning, bending himself in half in some places. Halfway through, green eyes had attained a look of concentration, fixed at a point just a few feet where the spikes ended. The eyes darted from side to side often, assessing the situation, the body following behind, almost flowing now as mind and body synched to carry out a task.

It took the better part of two hours to get through 10 feet of the metal spikes, the setting sun the only source of light in the room.

Heavy breathing punctuated the silence on the room as the lone occupant winded down, his head touching his knees as he stretched muscles, allowing the muscles to relax after such grueling punishment.

Sweat poured liberally down his back, mixing with the small amount of blood that still dotted his body from the small cuts on his chest and back. He assessed the damage by the stinging sensation he could feel.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

[What am I trying to prove?]

Nothing.

[Yesterday, I walked the streets of Wan Chai. It was afternoon and school was out. I saw boys and girls my age hanging around the street corners, fiddling with their cellphones and talking about the latest movies. They had streaked hair and body piercings. They talked in English with Chinese accents,switching to Cantonese when they could not express themselves properly. It was a weekend and they were debating where to go that night.

I was dressed the same, I could have passed as one of them. But I'm not. I wasn't there to meet with friends. I was there at Beta's behest, to retrieve information on a certain governor.]

He could still hear the carefree laughter of the teenagers in his mind as he leans on the wall, watching the smoke unfurl from the cigarette he has lit. He remembers a time when he had laughed like that.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Seiji?" His 'tousan had asked him, black eyes serious, "You are too young."

The young Cat had nodded, green eyes reflecting the seriousness in the black.. "I am sure, 'tousan."

"I wanted you to have a normal childhood, neko-chan."

"Tousan, I have never been normal." The young boy tapped his head. "I don't think I know how to be normal."

"The world is full of deception and anger. You are too young to know them all even if you understand beyond your years. I do not want you to fall, neko. Not when I might not be there to catch my only son."

"'Tousan don't be afraid. Let me fall. The one I want to become, the one I will become, will catch me."

"Once you go in, there is no turning back. Are you sure you won't regret this?"

He stood up in the waning light of the sun and moved towards the door, his father's words coming back to him in the past.

No he wouldn't regret it. He didn't regret it. He had known long ago that he would always be in the outside looking in. Sometimes though, he wondered just how it would have been like...

[cat-drabble] Lighter Shade of Pale
Title: the Lighter Shade of Pale
Author: caillen
Pairing: ?/Cat
Rating: definitely as PG as it can be
Summary: Hmnn musings
Disclaimer: Its male/male? heh.

Notes: This was for the "white" challenge in an original fic comm. I want it here so I can remember where all my fics are and because I find myself remembering my little boi Cat Kojima in all his precocious glory. One of the few times I actually liked what I have written.



White is such a fascinating color in its unyielding purity. It isn't even a color. It does not belong in the color circle. I want to know how to make it work, how to bend it to my will.

I see him from the window, walking in the early morning fog with nothing but his pants on. He weaves through the fog like a ghost, his pale silent form almost as white as the thick mist that covers the area.

Everyday, since his stay here, he has done this and I wonder if he does this to escape from everyone. The contrast of white on white would go unnoticed. If there is such a thing as a contrast of white on white that is.

Why he does this I do not know. I do not tell him that I know of what he does or that I am a light sleeper. I wake up at the precise moment that he turns to me, feeling the intent gaze burn into my back. I feel every movement of the bed as he gets off from it, the rustle of silk on linen almost silent. He takes pains not to wake me. It is his way.

I do not tell him that when the door closes I get up from the bed as well, crossing the room to the terrace, hiding behind the massive colonnades to peer at him.

He wraps himself in his silence, shining a little as his body warmth meets the fog and coalesces into a slight mist around him, a young, pale marble god looking over his domain.

I love looking at him like this, with his walls down and vulnerable. For once he looks like his age, all awkward indecision yet haughty determination. Maturity has been set aside for once, in this unguarded state and I find him more beautiful for it.

There is a cast to his eyes that speaks of fear and loneliness, unspoken in the light of day where it is hidden by the solid wall of youth's arrogance, a wall of endless blankness that could not be breached, even by me who he has taken to sharing his bed with.

Though he is animated and a mite flirtatious, sometimes too flirtatious in the outside world, there is something about him that refuses intimacy. He pulls away even as he draws everyone close. I have not seen anyone even try.

Except for me.

He follows a song I barely hear, like he is an ephemeral ghost walking the castle ramparts hearing their calls, out of time and space. The more I try to understand him, the more he pushes me away. Yet I see the look in his eyes, like he wants me to understand him, to understand why he does this, to...


...save him?

Else he might fall and break into pieces that cannot be put back together.

He is coming back now, back to our room and I lie back down on the bed but this time, unlike any other, I lie back with my eyes open, waiting for his return.

He is surprised when he sees me awake, so sure that he had left me sleeping. And I tell him through my eyes that I was aware of what he did. I plead with him silently to let me in, into his world and into his heart, because I did not want to let him fall.

He shakes his head. A refusal. Yet his eyes are warm and open as he smiles this little smile.

Let me fall. The one I will become after it, will surely catch me. His eyes seemed to say. And maybe I believe it, because there is nothing left that I can do.

There is nothing I can do except believe and be with him until he understands that I will be with him no matter what.

White is a not a color. Not technically. Yet it fascinates me how it can stand for all that is pure and true when it should not even belong in the color circle. I've had many discussions (translation: arguments) with my Art professors on its nature and still have not found an answer.

But I have learned one thing. White might be unyielding in its purity but it is mutable. If I can add something different, even a little to the unyielding white, someday it would change.

And I would be there to witness it.

~FIN

The Logical Conclusion, InuFuji, PoT
Fandom: Tennis no Oujisama
Pairing: Inui/Fuji
Author: caillen
Type: series
Spoilers: nope
Disclaimer: PoT belongs to Konomi-sensei.

Part of my fucked-up pairing experimentation. I need to try things. Inspired by one cute picture that I will link to once I have the time.


"You seem to read a multitude of Classical Works by Victorian authors. Is this a hobby?"

"Hmmnn..." Fuji murmured distractedly, not lifting his eyes from the book.

"Is your family interested in Western culture?" This question would be the 45th question that Inui had asked him in the period of time that the data tennis specialist had found him on the school's roof. Fuji closed the book he had been reading and turned to face Inui, propping his chin on one hand.

At last Fuji's interest from the book had been diverted, Inui smirked in satisfaction.

"Saa, you must remember that these situations are two-way things, Inui. If you ask questions, I should be entitled to something in return." A smile that Inui could only describe as "contrived innocence" hovered over the tensai's lips as he focused his full attention on Inui.

"That is logical reasoning. Very well, you may ask a question as well."

"Whoever said I wanted to ask questions?"

Inui shifted impatiently on his seat. He was well able to anticipate Fuji's general behavior and he knew that the other was testing his patience but knowing and not being affected were two different things.

"You are being contrary, Fuji." Inui said sharply.

"Am I?"

The air around Fuji fairly radiated amusement at the position he had Inui in this verbal skirmish. This was not where Inui wanted to find himself in. His various calculations on how this conversation would turn to did not quite turn out the way they should have.

"Inui?" The gentle prodding jolted Inui out of his world of hypothetical calculations and back to where Fuji was looking at him, his breath warm near Inui's cheek. Inui could have sworn Fuji had been much farther away than that.

"What is it?" Inui adjusted his glasses.

"Regarding my...compensation for every question of yours I answer..."

"Aa. What do you want in return?" Inui asked, fairly certain that it would cost him, at best, a bit of his pride. He was willing to sacrifice a bit of pride for the sake of accumulating data.

"A kiss."

Before Inui could even formulate a reply to Fuji's startling statement, the shorter boy had closed the distance between them, as Fuji placed his lips on Inui's own. Fuji's lips were soft, Inui noted, a slight warm pressure not altogether intrusive.

Inui couldn't decide if it was unpleasant or not. It had been over before he realized it. His brain was still calculating the probability of this happening and coming up with a .001 percentage. Boys do not suddenly kiss boys when Boy A didn�ft know Boy B's sexual preferences. Especially, shorter, smaller boys who could be easily beaten up.

The probability of Fuji knowing his sexual preferences was nil. Although statistically speaking, boys at this variable age were known for experimentation sexually. Certainly, even he had caught himself watching Tezuka with more than an objective eye.

That increased the probability.

Inui had gone after Fuji today because he had seen it as an opportunity to gather data. He hadn't anticipated anything like this.

"Why did you do that?" He asked, composure still evident as he adjusted his glasses, looking at Fuji through calculating lenses.

"Equal trade." Fuji told him quietly, opening his book yet again, a teasing smile on his lips.

"It would be appropriate to mention that I have not asked a question." Inui stated.

"I beg to differ." Fuji told him in a maddeningly unaffected and quite distracted voice. The tensai's interest apparently had been caught by the book yet again. �"You asked why I did it."

"Which was AFTER you kissed me." Inui argued. �"I have done nothing to merit the action."

"Why are you being so uptight about a single kiss, Inui?"

"I am not uptight. I am merely discussing the illogical progression of your actions."

"Saa," Fuji shrugged, �"have I offended logical thought then?" The amusement in his tone was quite irritating especially to Inui who was trying to grasp the variables of the other boy's thinking process. Inui made a disapproving sound.

It was drowned out by the ringing bell and Fuji got up from his position. Inui knew everyone's schedule and Fuji had World History with Fujimiya-sensei next. The teacher had a very harsh opinion on late-comers so it was no surprise that the other boy wanted to go.

He didn't expect the parting words Fuji threw out before the other slipped out the door.

"Ne, Inui, just to appease your logical sense, I promise not to kiss you next time until AFTER you ask a question. Is that better?"

It wasn't what Inui had in mind.

~tbc

PoT, Fujicest, Learning
Fandom: Tennis no Oujisama
Pairing: Fujicest, syuu-centric
Author: Caillen
Type: ficlet
Spoilers: slight mention of Sei-Rudolph matches and fuji-kyodai history.
Warnings: slight yaoicest
Disclaimer: PoT belongs to Konomi-sensei. Light touchies. Yuuta belongs to Syuusuke, no touchies.

This ficlet, was inspired by the doujinshi Rachel had of the cute chibi Fuji-kyodai and their stuff toys. Teh fic is dedicated to Bhex and Rachel, for feeding teh Fujicest obsession. XD

Its not much, it sucks, but it had to be written. ^_~




Syuusuke was born on the 29th day of February, a day that occurred only once every 4 years. Many speculated on what a leap year baby would be like, would he be different? Would he be special?

He learned to crawl, walk and talk earlier than most children, earning a lot of praises from adults.

He learned that when he smiled, adults gurgled over him and dangled pretty things into his crib for him to play with. His young mind decided that smiling was something he liked to do.

When he was approaching his first birthday, he was introduced to Yuuta. He slept with Yuuta on the same room because his family thought it would be easier to watch over the babies if they did so. Yumiko-neesan slept in a room all by herself, being older and less likely to fall all over herself, crying.

Whenever baby Yuuta would cry in the middle of the night, Syuusuke would look at him for a minute, wait for 'Kaasan to arrive, and when left alone too much, would also burst into tears himself. When �'Kaasan entered the room, he would break out into a smile and reach from the bars surrounding the crib to where Yuuta would still be bawling.

'Kaasan left them alone in the playpen during the daytime. Syuusuke played with Yuuta, noticing that the smaller boy would often get it into his head to walk when his legs were tangled up, or roll over when he was at the edge of the playpen, causing Yuuta to fall, hit himself on hard things and cry.

"Yuuta," he would call the other. He would distract him so that Yuuta would not go through with what spontaneous thing the baby got into his head. He would even on occasion offer his own body as a pillow as baby Yuuta fell.

Syuusuke didn't mind the slight pain and the scratches it cost him, ignored Yumiko-neesan's teasing comments of being clumsy and looked appropriately contrite when �'Kaasan lightly scolded him about it. He didn't really mind anything that happened to him as long as it kept Yuuta safe.

Because Syuusuke learned that he didn't like to see Yuuta cry.

When he was old enough, his mother sent him to nursery school. Tears threatened to leak out of Syuusuke's eyes but he didn't cry. He ignored everyone around him and sat quietly on his seat. �'Kaasan was so anxious that she stayed outside the room looking in. Syuusuke saw 'Kaasan looking so worried when he turned to look at the sky. He smiled at her then and turned to his seatmate which happened to be a genki, hyperactive redhead and started to play with him. �'Kaasan escorted him up to the door to class after the first day and didn't hover over him afterwards.

When �'Kaasan came back to take him home, he would enter their house to find Yuuta toddling towards him to welcome him back. Yuuta's first word had been "aniki". He liked using it and used it often, even when Syuusuke wasn't in the house.

Syuusuke learned that day that he loved coming home from class.

In school, Syuusuke learned that Yuuta was not the only person in his little world. He learned that other children could be very friendly or very, very envious. They envied Syuusuke when the teacher would often pat his head for a good job, or when the teacher gave him candy for the highest mark.

He opted to stay quiet then and to smile. Syuusuke realized that he was different and that different wasn�ft necessarily a good thing. So he learned to smile again, differently this time. Smiling disarmed people and made them think he was harmless. The perpetual smiling scared some of his classmates silly.

Syuusuke learned to smile all the time because it made life easier.

He noticed that people were easily disturbed when he smiled for no reason at all and how it was so easy and amusing to torment people. Especially those who would harm him and his own.

Syuusuke learned the advantage of manipulation.

As he grew older, he took interest in other things. Things that challenged him, and emphasized on his difference. He took up tennis. As with his studies, he was declared very promising, a prodigy in the making.

Yuuta, who had been constantly at his side, ceased to be the only important thing in Syuusuke's life as his world expanded. He became aware of others like him, ones with the talent and the drive to win, that there were others who were better than he was.

It was then that Syuusuke learned how to lose.

He lost, for the first time, in the sport he had been lauded in, to Tezuka. Tezuka, who was accepted into the Tennis Club as a regular far earlier than Syuusuke was. Tezuka, who, try as hard as Syuusuke did, Syuusuke could never surpass.

Syuusuke then learned acceptance.

He learned to acknowledge the strength of another and how in games and in life, there were others who would be better than him. It made Syuusuke excited and made him want to be better than he was, to try to surpass his limits.

When Syuusuke was occupied by his discoveries, Yuuta grew up without him being completely aware of it. His discoveries halved the attention he had lavished on Yuuta when they were children though he still made time for his younger brother. It wasn't enough.

As Syuusuke watched Yuuta's retreating back as he headed to a distant tennis school, Syuusuke learned to let go.

In Yuuta's brief time in Seigaku, where Syuusuke had such great plans for him but never quite carried out because of his busy schedule, he learned that nothing was as easy as it was when they were children. He couldn't just pick up where they left off.

Yuuta had changed. Syuusuke had too. Not everything about being a teenager was all discoveries and fun.

He learned that to get his brother back, he had to let Yuuta go his own way and find himself on his own. 'Aniki' had to take back stage as Yuuta learned.

He believed Yuuta eventually would.

In the middle of the semi-final tournament, Seigaku was lined up against Sei-Rudolph. Yuuta did not want anything to do with him and wanted to beat him. Ototo still chased after Syuusuke's shadow.

Fuji knew it was too soon so he stood quietly by the sidelines and watched as Echizen played a match with Yuuta.

In that match Syuusuke learned that 'Aniki' did not want to let go completely. That it was harder than it seemed. The strings of the past were tied too deep in him to stop caring in one instant. Even if the caring was unwanted, even if his concern was rejected.

He learned to use his manipulative tendencies to humiliate and he realized that cruelty was easy when it concerned the harming of his brother.

All through his match he could feel Yuuta's presence at the edge of his periphery, radiating concern and he knew then that Yuuta would find his way back.

Someday Yuuta would learn that chasing his brother's shadow was not what he really wanted and on the day that Yuuta would realize it, Syuusuke would be there.

Things would be different. He knew that things could never go back to when they were children Teenagers behaved differently.

He could accept that.

He would go on as he always had, throwing inappropriate comments along Yuuta's way, knowing how much it irritated Yuuta by the vein popping out of Yuuta's forehead and the shouts of �"stupid aniki".

Knowing this, he still threw out comments each and everytime he could. After all, if there was one thing Syuusuke had learned about Yuuta since they were kids it was that Yuuta hated his irritating lack of propriety and would admonish him each time he did so.

Syuusuke learned not to change this. After all, Yuuta took such delight in getting worked up about it, it would be selfish of Syuusuke to change.

"Yuuta, let's go out on a date."

"BAKA ANIKI!"

Learning and putting his learning to good use was fun, Syuusuke decided with a smile, as Yuuta burst out in indignant outrage.

~Owari