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#51
Old 12-14-2016, 09:43 PM

Josiah looked over at Finn in confusion, not sure what his words meant. Not long until what? Sunrise? He didn't even know the current time enough to say how far away the dawn might be. Still, he followed after Finn to the very top. Outside, the noise of the party still hit them, but somehow it seemed muffled. Maybe it was the distance or it was just winding down. Either way, with the breeze and the dark sky lit by the city lights, he felt the knot in his chest ease a little more. "It's beautiful out here," he murmured after a second. Moving to stand at the very edge of the roof, he dared to lean forward, arms half-stretched out at his sides as he breathed it all in.

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#52
Old 12-15-2016, 09:12 AM

It was only once they were out on the rooftop that Finn realized it had been stuffy in the party. A slight wind picked up, mussing his hair, and he halfheartedly stroked it back in place, looking at the scattered stars in the sky to the scattered city lights like reflections of the stars turned surreal. Coloured more bright with distances distorted. To Josiah, who found it beautiful. Who was beautiful himself.

"Yeah," smiled Finn softly, glad that jagged Josiah wasn't apparent anymore. He gazed at him, standing aloft, and though his heart jolted a bit when he saw how close Josiah was to the edge, though he gazed at his back and at the jut of his shoulder blades now seen and unseen as the wend swelled and subsided in his shirt, though he gazed at his back and imagined it shirtless with shoulder blades like wings ready to sprout any moment, for a moment he was seeing his beauty without coveting. Josiah the anchor reeled him in and set his senses reeling. Jagged Josiah he could get cut on. Winged Josiah he could love… maybe enough to let go…
He wanted to hold his hand, because what if he stumbled on the shingles?
What if he decided in a split second to step off?

What if he flew… with Finn only able to watch from the ground?

Finn stood close behind him instead. Ready for a reflex if a quick one was needed. Wondering if he could really keep from wanting him.

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#53
Old 12-20-2016, 11:23 PM

Josiah dropped his arms a second later. One second of wind and beauty, then the view below turned back to ordinary. The world, nothing more. It was still beautiful in theory, but he saw it as just lights, houses, and trees without a hint of emotion attached to those things. He shouldn't be attached to them. Turning over his shoulder, he met Finn's gaze for a long second. Then, without thinking, he held out his hand to take. "Aren't you going to come over to the edge with me?" he asked, head tilted just slightly. He asked the question softly, letting the night speak louder than him. The noise from below almost swallowed it up, but here, they were in their own world so it seemed only appropriate to whisper. A sad look danced over his face and stayed. "I'm scared because I think it's beautiful."

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#54
Old 12-21-2016, 05:26 AM

Wide-eyed, Finn stepped forward and took his hand. There was another brief whiff of wind which made his lips tremble for a moment.
He looked out over the world, small and insignificant, far away compared to the blazing tangibility of the boy next to him. The lights, the stars, didn't seem astronomical in their outspread. They could be scooped up into the ambit of his gaze.

This was beautiful because he was contemplating it with Josiah. If he had come up here alone, he'd have seen only what he expected of a night view from a rooftop.
Josiah's gaze seemed… ineffably more than he could hold within his. He felt like he understood. "Beauty is scary because of what it might make you feel," he said, matching Josiah's whisper with a low murmur. "Funny how it hurts even though it's not a bad feeling." He added, more musing to himself.

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#55
Old 12-29-2016, 09:22 PM

Josiah frowned slightly, trying to turn Finn's words over in his head. Because of what it made him feel? He didn't know what he felt or what it meant. He'd grown so used to feeling far too much behind a barrier of feeling nothing at all. "Hurts..." He sighed, not bothering to question the statement. Finally, he took a seat at the building's edge, his toes just slightly hanging off without much thought. He kept hold of Finn's hand though. "Why..." He cut himself off with a shake of his head. The lights below, he should focus on the lights instead and their beauty that lured him near and yet so full of unease. "No, it's better this way isn't it? Not knowing all about each other." He didn't know why he initiated the thought in the first place. It wasn't like he wanted to share, but yet it uneased him that Finn never asked. Shouldn't he want to know?

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#56
Old 12-30-2016, 05:24 PM

"Hurts…"
The barely heard word snatched Finn's attention. He might have been thinking to himself, thinking aloud, but Josiah said the word with a sigh as though he understood. Finn smiled at the dark, at the momentary connect, the dispelling of loneliness. He'd never get tired of this feeling. Of these moments when he wasn't the only one who thought and felt as he did, when there was someone who wasn't alien and didn't alienate him, when there was someone who understood. These moments when he wasn't a misfit in the world.
Though these moments didn't change that he had no place in the world, they still delighted.

Josiah sat, the ends of his feet overhanging the edge of the ledge. Finn tightened his fingers in Josiah's in a twinge of nervousness. A minute squeeze, involuntary, but that he was aware of. He noticed though he wasn't sure if the other boy did. He was holding on. But he also had the urge to pull him back.
Gingerly, he sat next to Josiah, knees bracing.

"Why…"
Finn waited.
But Josiah shook his head. From what he said next, Finn pieced together that he'd probably been on the verge of asking him-
Why-
He wanted to die.

Finn looked at their hands twined together. Was it better? He tilted his head slightly, still looking at their hands- they made him feel mellow inside.
Was it better not to know?
There was a sort of… sanctity in secrets. In walking around with something ticking down inside you, a countdown to self-destruct, that nobody could see or suspect. In dying like that- a tragedy, a mystery.
Especially as, if you were going to punish the world, those people who drove you to destruction instead of saving you, it'd hurt them more if they didn't really know what they were being punished for. Wondering would plague them more than guilt would. Wondering why he'd done it. Whether it was because of them. Wondering if they'd gone wrong. Where they'd gone wrong. Truth would hurt for a while, but time would heal, or so they said. However when there were no answers, there was no moving on.
Of course, this wasn't for them. This was for him. Because he was so tired. Because life wore him down, and the futility wore him down more.

It hit him in his gut that this, too, was for him. He wanted to die because he wanted to live, and because he wanted to live, he dragged Josiah along for the ride.
Except Josiah wanted this too, right? He had agreed to it. There had been moments when his eyes were full and bright.
But there had also been moments when jagged Josiah might have sawed slightly at the threads of connect with his sharp edges.
And there had been moments when the threads were pulled tauter and Finn felt them knot and unknot in his stomach and throat.

If they shared why… it would be a moment of connect. Delightful. Warm. Making him feel mellow inside.

"You don't want to- you'd rather not-?" Finn stumbled over his words. The words stumbled over the knot in his throat and tripped over his tongue. "It's ok if- you don't- do you? I mean I-" He breathed in, the breath ragged because it was tearing on something in his throat. The knot had turned jagged.
He didn't know if he wanted Josiah to know. He didn't know if he'd understand. What if they weren't drawn closer? What if the thread was gnawed thinner between them, the fibres sticking out like severed arteries, drawing blood from his bleeding heart?

What if he only wanted to give Josiah everything so that Josiah could bear everything for him?

There was a sanctity in secrets. In a silence that wasn't stoic, just scared.

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#57
Old 01-04-2017, 06:41 PM

Though Josiah kept his eyes forward and down, toward the city below, he couldn't help but stay hyper aware of Finn's hand in his. When he squeezed slightly, and then the shift as he sat, just the solid weight of it. Oh so very solid. Josiah didn't assign any thought or feeling to it, not sure what it meant that he couldn't get this other boy out of his head, but other heavier thoughts were weighing down on top of that now. He sighed again, letting his eyes slip closed. If he just tilted his body forward, all of the solidness would let go of him and disappear into the wind. Already, the only reminder of his body was the weight of Finn's hand in his.

The other boy's words pulled his out of his reverie and he opened his eyes. Below, the city was still there just as it had been before. Josiah dragged a hand over his face, then dropped it back to his side. "...No." He breathed out the word after silence fell between them, not sure himself if he meant to answer or not. Letting out a long sigh, he finally said what he really meant. "We were never supposed to be friends. And I don't need anyone to try to fix me either, fix...this." The words came out harsh, but real. He didn't know what this was, but he feared that if he shared the truth, that was the first step to changing it. Maybe he might need that, but he didn't want it. Too late, this was already too late.

Barely a second of silence passed before Josiah continued in a choked voice and then cut himself off in the same instant. "But-" But despite what he said, a part of him wanted to share.

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#58
Old 01-19-2017, 03:44 PM

Josiah dragged a hand across his face, and there was such weariness in the gesture that a nameless fear took hold of Finn.
'No.'
The word was barely enunciated, the softest breath of air, but hanging so heavily between them for a moment as Finn was hit with disappointment and relief in equal measure.
Another breath, prolonged and also soft but sharp at the same time. More words, jagged words. A snick in the thread.
His hand was turning limp and clammy.

'But-'
But-?
His fingers clenched for a moment against Josiah's knuckles. Desperately, like holding onto the edge by the fingertips.
He didn't want to let go.
He had already fallen.

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#59
Old 01-23-2017, 12:18 AM

Feeling Finn's fingers against his, Josiah pulled his gaze away to look at the other boy for the first time in minutes. He wasn't pressing, or accepting Josiah's words either. He couldn't quite tell what the other boy thought. Forcing a half smile onto his face, he tried to change the mood even if his attempt fell far too short. "Never mind. We were just out here to watch the sunrise, right? Let's just forget this conversation ever happened." Hesitating, the words hung there for a second with Josiah not sure if he should turn away. Finally, he dropped his gaze. He didn't quite turn away though, the line of communication able to easily be picked up again if either of them tried. "If I ever did tell anyone...it...it could probably be you though...."

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#60
Old 01-23-2017, 12:35 PM

Josiah suddenly met his eyes, as though he had felt the pressure of Finn's fingers, the momentary, involuntary loss of control. The corners of his mouth lifted, but it looked tight, full of effort.
'Let's forget this conversation ever happened.'

Finn was completely still. He didn't know how to react, was afraid to acknowledge and therefore feel. He didn't see how they'd be able to do that. The words would still be there, twining through the thread between them. They couldn't forget. The most they could do was ignore. Josiah was the one to break eye contact, and Finn felt himself deflate a little, his stiffness slackening into limpness.

'If I ever did tell anyone...it...it could probably be you though....'
He immediately sat up straighter, reinflated. It was ridiculous how happy it made him, what Josiah'd just said. He leaned forward, but not too much.
'Same here.'
The words came out easily, as though the knot had loosened to let them go.

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#61
Old 01-24-2017, 01:23 AM

Josiah nodded back though he kept his gaze ahead now. However, the tension in him seemed to ease out at the other boy's answer. It was a reassurance that he very much needed right now. Too much happened tonight from meeting to this mistake of a kiss that didn't feel like a mistake at all. It made him feel dizzy. And yet grounded. Maybe this time, he was spinning toward something. As he stared out into the sky, he found his breathing easier and the silence between them warm instead of stale. Seconds and minutes ran into each other until he lost track of them all, but finally, the sky began to lighten on the horizon with warm pink shades. A smile formed over Josiah's lips much like the rays. "Look!" he said, raising their hand to point, the comfort of their twined fingers having become so ordinary that they were forgotten. "The sun is rising."

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#62
Old 01-24-2017, 04:16 PM

Josiah nodded, and a peace settled over them. Minutes were ticking into midnight, but a new dawn would come before that, and so the time passed not painfully but as a matter of course. There was no urgency now, for the moments to be made the most of. There was expectation that the day would light up the sky. That would come to be. That certainty was enough.

Blue, black, bright yellow and red. The colours of a candle flame. The sky was painted peach and persimmon with the slow strokes of the sun's rays.
'Look! The sun is rising.'
Josiah lifted their twined hands just as though they were a part of him, Finn noted with delight, then looked back into the dawning distance. 'Wow,' he said, his smile widening with the word.
This is something that happens every day. It was difficult, right at this moment, to comprehend that something so beautiful was also so everyday. People really should experience this everyday! It was such a waste, every sunrise strolling past and people missing the chance to soak it in.

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#63
Old 01-25-2017, 11:43 PM

Josiah breathed out with a simple bliss. To someone that always stayed inside or covered up in the darkness of his own clothes, this simple thing sent a shock of wonder through him. For a second, he couldn't even speak. What words were there? He felt he saw something uncatchable. There, under the golden glow, he turned to look at Finn's face. The light touched the boy's features so that they lit up in a totally new way and judging by his eyes, Finn felt the same as he did. The party turned quiet and dusty below if not empty, but they alone watched the sunrise. That also, made it special. "Yeah," he hummed back finally. "I feel like I've never seen a sunrise before even if I've been awake at dawn. How did I miss this? And yet I knew I was. I knew I wanted to see this. Everyone needs to before..." He trailed off. They knew the inevitable end.

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#64
Old 04-01-2017, 02:44 PM

The noise of the party faded, as though the blanket of sky muffled it until the high schoolers finally fell asleep at this untimely hour of daybreak.

Before we're gone. Soon, they'd be gone. Finn knew this, intellectually, but emotionally he couldn't feel the prickle of each grain of sand slipping down their hourglass. Perhaps it was how gradual the sunrise was, almost to give an illusion that time wasn't really fleeting forward.

"I know." He felt the same. "I've been waking up before dawn for ages..." merely to stay cooped up in his room studying, closed off from life and light. Maybe he couldn't have endured watching a day being born, though, when he'd have known that it wouldn't be any different from the day before, and the day after. "Everyone really should," he continued earnestly, "but they think it's something that doesn't matter and they give it up for other things that they think matter but really don't."

The party was gone. Broken up. Only its ghost was left on the lawn, the clutter and spill and mowing down from many a drunken dance. It could've happened in another world or another life, it seemed so distant. In this luxury lane, tucked away even further from the highways and towards the country than the suburbs, even the beginning bustle of the city was inaudible. That part of the world had been cut off so that the sunrise was all there was, all that mattered.

The sunrise filled everything, the radiance seeming to emerge from the horizon. It reminded him of something. A thought? Something he'd said? "We could pretend the world ends at the horizon and we're alone in the world." It was a mark of how much his brain had been trained to learn things that he remembered verbatim something like this.
Except he was remembering something that mattered.

"Once the sun has made it all the way, we'll start on that trip," he said. It struck him that when they spoke, their voices were like a lull in silence. An undulation rather than a break.
Inverness Avenue gave out into countryside on one end, the other end sticking into the suburbs. "Won't take half an hour walking."

Last edited by hanahaki disease; 04-02-2017 at 12:28 AM..

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#65
Old 04-11-2017, 11:08 PM

Josiah nodded his head once. They sunrise still held a spell over him so that he didn't even blink. Even when Finn spoke, he didn't lift his head, but instead stared directly into the hazy orange orb that was the sun. He figured if he wouldn't see it again, it didn't matter if looking destroyed his eyes. He needed to take in as much as his few hours left could afford. He found it funny that he wanted to see and do so much when he wanted to die. Did that make sense?

Finally, Finn's words hit him as actual words. Josiah pulled his gaze away from the sun and realized two things. One, Finn spoke about a trip and Josiah couldn't remember in the slightest what it was. Two, they sill held hands. Letting out a sound somewhere between a growl, and a gasp, Josiah snatched his hand away. Wiping it off on his pants, he dragged in a deep breath to steady himself. He overreacted too much and now Finn would notice. How could he not? Still, he got self conscious so that keeping hold would have been worse, the perfect admission of his gayness even though Finn should have realized that by now. He flushed slightly, remembering the night he already wrote away.

"That's...um." He steeled his gaze and forced the stutter out of his speech. "Where did we plan to go?"

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#66
Old 04-20-2017, 02:52 PM

Josiah nodded absently, the sun captured in glowing miniature in his eyes. Was it strange that Finn found it more beautiful than the real thing? It was more beautiful for being more gentle.

When the sun disappeared from his eyes, he plucked his hand apart, with a harsh sound that Finn read as disgust, reinforced when Josiah wiped his hand on his pants. Finn stared at real sun so that he could let his eyes water for a moment.

He didn't look at him as he answered. "You said an impromptu trip. To someplace quiet. Where you could sing without anyone hearing. And skim stones..." For a moment he felt anchorless, as though he might topple off the roof. Then his empty hand clenched. He didn't know if Josiah still wanted to go if he'd forgotten about it. But maybe now after hearing about it he'd want to again. "If we just keep to the left and walk from here, we'll get to the countryside. And we can do those things."

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#67
Old 04-28-2017, 05:39 PM

"Oh...right." Josiah's words felt empty and heavy at the same time. Maybe Finn remembered the bucket list better than him, or he just got too wrapped up in the dramas of the night. Just hearing these words again though, he remembered the euphoria he felt back then, when they listed activities almost as if desperate to live them, back in that bar. A part of him didn't feel that euphoria anymore, but a part of him also wanted to get it back. He flashed a weak smile that was meant to be reassuring.

"I remember now. And sing, we both said that we wanted to sing too." He wrung his hands for a second, then made up his mind. Pulling himself to his feet, he stared back at the building with his hands in his pockets. He didn't offer a hand to Finn, the warmth from their touch not long ago still very present in his mind. One deep breath in. One deep breath out. He couldn't stop this journey now, not when he already asked for it. "I want to go back to my house first though. There's....something I want to get first..." Turning back over his shoulder, he hesitated, once again the vulnerability showing on his face. What would Finn say?

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#68
Old 05-04-2017, 04:06 AM

"Oh... right." Was it just him, or did Josiah sound like it didn't ring any bells for him, like he was just humouring Finn? He was probably overthinking things. Then Josiah smiled- if it could be called a smile- and Finn smiled back, an action that was meaningless muscle-working and nothing more.

"I remember now. And sing, we both said that we wanted to sing too."

Finn's lips parted. He did remember, then. Vaguely. Josiah stood up suddenly. Finn got to his feet as well, ready to leave this place. No number of sunrises could save them, could stop Josiah from spinning away from him. He looked where Josiah looked but it didn't strike anything in him. Didn't bring him any clue to what Josiah might be thinking.

"I want to go back to my house first though. There's....something I want to get first..."
Finn met his eyes steadily. There was a vulnerability there which surprised him. That it mattered to Josiah what he thought, or how he reacted. It surprised him more than the fact that he wanted to go back. Surprised and pleased him, even though he thought it messed up to be pleased by something like this.

"Sure," Finn smiled, with more than muscles. He stepped forward and reached out his hand without thinking, then retracted it with immediate quickness to his side when he realized what he was doing, clenching his fingers into a fist.

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#69
Old 05-04-2017, 11:30 PM

Josiah headed for the stairs, shoving his hands in his pockets after swinging open the rooftop door, never noticing the hand that reached for his. In so many ways, he didn't want to go home. He hated, so much, everything about that place. If he timed it wrong, he didn't know what he might do and yet, he sprung this idea himself. Maybe he just needed to brave it with another person even if he couldn't add that to the bucket list. It was too much to even think of at the time.

His lips set in a grim line and his steps quick and terse, Josiah made it down the stairs quickly and out the sick smelling and dusky dark home until he found himself outside again. He knew Finn's footsteps followed close behind so he breathed in a deep breath before turning slightly to meet the other boy's eyes, almost. No, he didn't quite look at those eyes full on. "It's not far. My parents..." He swallowed hard before continuing. "...They're the rich sorts, though not quite like this. Shouldn't take long though. Just...like I said, wanted to get some things..." And maybe survive the hell he was about to walk into.

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#70
Old 05-10-2017, 06:32 AM

Josiah went brusquely down the stairs, and Finn followed. Through the house, that was filled with a decaying sort of darkness.
Josiah was jagged again. His jagged edges jut out, his tension apparent. It made Finn slightly nervous.

Once they were out, and the clearness of a new day was upon them, Josiah turned to look at Finn… not in the face, but in that general direction. Which made Finn wonder whether he was nervous too.

His parents? He seemed more nervous when mentioning them. Finn didn't know what Josiah needed to get… when they died, they wouldn't be able to take anything with them, after all. But he hoped neither of them would run into Josiah's parents, and he could get his things without encountering them. It was a rather far-fetched hope, since it was a weekend, they'd probably be home. But he had no desire to meet the ones who brought into the world, the boy he was going to out of the world together with him. And it looked like Josiah didn't either. Either he didn't have good relations with them, or he did, and loved them, and he spoke of them with the difficulty he did because he wouldn't see them ever again.

"Okay, no problem," said Finn, jamming his hands into his pockets and moving forward to fall into step beside Josiah. He couldn't keep himself from feeling curious, but he wasn't going to ask Josiah what he needed to fetch from his house. If he'd wanted to, he'd have explained already. He also wasn't going to ask more about Josiah's parents. Obviously. Although he wanted to know which it was. Toxicity or leaving-their-love-behind. He wondered, if it was the former, whether Josiah was pressured like he was. Since they were already rich, maybe it didn't matter so much how Josiah did in life. But then again, they might feel entitled to pressure him to be perfect because they'd 'given him everything' or something along those lines.

He shook his head. He was overimagining things. But wondering about Josiah's parents brought him to wondering about why Josiah wanted to die. And that question held something other than curiosity for him, something more.
Josiah could turn moments meaningful for him, simply by existing.
If Josiah stopped existing… he would too. Definitely.
But what if Josiah continued?
He'd want to continue too…

That was terribly selfish, but it was the truth. Pinning the burden of life and death on Josiah, and the heavier burden of love.

He wouldn’t tell Josiah. If he didn't reveal his selfish truth, these feelings would be a boulder rolling on towards midnight, shouldered by neither of them. And once they stopped existing, it'd roll off the cliff too.

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#71
Old 05-12-2017, 10:05 PM

Walking at a quick pace, probably far too quick to appear natural, Josiah kept his head down. He was trying so hard to school all of these emotions inside of him. Up until he met Finn, he found it so easy to lie to the world around him even if inside, his thoughts created a nauseous, twisting mass of nerves and fear and hate. Now, it showed far too much. He thought. He hoped not and yet his shoulders bunched up with all their held-in tension. Was this trip really worth it? Or did he plan it as his own private dare because in some way, he needed to face the truth.

The walk ended far too quickly without Josiah ever resolving the conflict in his mind. The house stood two stories tall, bright flowers blooming in the gardens, all neat and clearly well cared for. Floral curtains could be seen through the window, a lattice with vines creeping up to the second story. Picture perfect, without a doubt. Absolutely nothing about the home revealed why Josiah felt a shudder go right through him.

Finally tearing his gaze away, he led the way around the side of the house, being stealthy in the still far too early morning light. Inside, the house looked dark, and why wouldn't it at this hour? Who really woke with the dawn? "Follow me," Josiah whispered before pursing his lips. A window in the corner was left cracked open and he pushed it all the way up, wincing at the faint squeak of glass and wood. For a half second, he stood still, then slipped inside. A second later, his face reappeared in the gap, meeting Finn's eye. "Just...be quiet. I-I don't want to see them now."

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#72
Old 05-21-2017, 12:47 PM

Finn thought Josiah's house looked too orderly… even the vines looked tamed and controlled. Finn thought he saw Josiah shiver slightly, and though he couldn't be sure, he wasn't surprised. The house looked to him like a stage set for one of those family comedies set in higher-end suburbs. Not lived in. Maybe it looked fake, or like it was empty and abandoned because it was dark… but it was just wrong somehow. It disquieted him.

He felt a shot of alarm when Josiah pushed up one of the windows, but then this was his house, so he was perfectly within his rights to break into his own house… or whatever it was he was doing. He couldn't imagine why Josiah wanted him to follow, but he wasn't surprised when Josiah said he didn't want them to run into his parents. It confirmed what he'd been speculating.

He nodded, and clambered through the window as well. The flower bed below the window got slightly trampled on from his leg-up. He lowered his feet gingerly on the floor, slid the window down shut, and joined Josiah in the darkness. "Um… what are we doing, though?" he whispered.

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#73
Old 05-22-2017, 01:30 AM

After a second to adjust, Josiah's eyes made out his room easily enough in the early morning light that made it through a thicker curtain that what decorated the rest of the house. He stood in the center of it and didn't turn when Finn joined him, closing the window carefully. He could have just left it open. It wouldn't have mattered either way since they wouldn't be here for long. "Hush," he hissed slightly before stepping forward. A desk sat under a cross hanging on the wall. The room looked bereft in many ways, like a person with no personality lived there. Or a person with a fake one. Books lined the top of the desk, mostly for school, but a few religious ones mixed in as well. Josiah bypassed them to open a drawer.

"Here," he added, holding out an object he found after only a half second of shuffling. "Like I said, we came to get some things. It's not really that important, but..." Trailing off again, he offered the disposable camera to Finn. While it was something he oddly wanted to have for their impromptu trip, it wasn't what he really came for. After another second, he explained with some hesitation.

"You know how we said we could make a bonfire at the end? There are a few things I'd like to throw into it. Memories..." He glanced at the camera. "Like the ones we can make with that. Just burn them." He turned away again to feel along the underside of the drawer he'd opened. From there, he pulled out a couple photographs that he taped underneath. The well worn edges felt rough under his fingers and he stared into the face of an adolescent boy from some article. Shoving them into his pocket, he spun away.

"It's nothing more than that. I just wanted some things to burn."

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#74
Old 05-27-2017, 03:33 PM

Finn looked at the cross on the wall and the religious tomes and felt mild surprise. It just didn't seem like Josiah. For that matter nothing in the room seemed like Josiah- those schoolbooks belonged in the room of someone like himself... it was clear that the room was Josiah's though.

He took the camera, his hands slightly hesitant, and stared at it for a moment. A moment of misgivings. Were they going to make pictures of their moments of being alive? Pictures could only hold the blur of a flutter of moth wings or the glow of a flicker of flame. Not the flutter itself, or the flicker. Like thumbnails that aren't previews at all... tantalizing about a story that would be lost forever once they left.

Were they going to leave traces behind them, memories? Much of the magic of these moments was knowing that they belonged to him and Josiah and nobody else. That these experiences were shared between him and Josiah and nobody else. Beads collecting on the thread between them, one by one in spite of the knots and jagged semi-snips, beautiful beads holding more than colour and texture within them. Like marbles. Hold them to the light and look through them, and you experience a new moment, you see the world a new way.

"Memories... like the ones we can make with that. Just burn them."

So were they going to burn the ones they made with this camera, as well? Finn shook his head, looking down at the camera. That's when he noticed it seemed to be a disposable one. He blinked, he didn't know how he missed that but then his mind had been so busy going into overdrive the moment it was put into his hands that he hadn't looked at it properly.

So it could capture one moment. Just one.

Images flashed through his mind. Josiah's lips on his. Josiah looking at the sunrise, the sun scooped up in his eyes. Josiah standing on the roof, his shoulder blades visible for a moment before the wind filled out his shirt again.

Finn shut his eyes. It didn't matter. Just one moment. But it didn't matter, because he remembered everything. He didn't even have to pick and choose what was worth remembering.

"Cool," said Finn. "...I can't think of anything I'd like to burn. Except my school books, which is... eh. They're not worth such a sendoff." He paused. "The moment you choose... for this camera to capture, I'll take custody of all the others. Including the camera moment, too; I won't even need a picture for that. But-"

He looked up at Josiah.
"The camera moment. Are we burning it, or leaving it behind?"

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#75
Old 05-28-2017, 06:54 PM

"I...I'm not sure yet," Josiah answered after almost a minute of silence. The picture now safe in his pocket filled his thoughts too much and he felt glad he tucked it away before Finn could ask about it. He didn't really come here for the camera and to make more memories, but once he started along the thought that they should burn things, he couldn't help but picked up the disposable camera. He didn't even know how much of the roll he used up to that point, having bought it on some vacation years ago at his mother's insistence. Did it have just one left or ten? That uncertainty only made it better, knowing that none of this could be planned.

He cast another look over his room before turning toward the window. He knew he needed to get out fast. The morning light already peeked through even his heavy curtains, casting all sorts of patterns on the floor. Just as he reached the window though, a voice called out from across the hall.

"Josie, honey! Are you awake already? I was just about to start breakfast!" his mother crooned, her voice bright despite the hour. Everything about her tone sounded both cheerful and proper, yet Josiah's entire body shrunk at the sound. Eyes landing on Finn, he sent the boy a desperate look.

"Wait for me outside!" he hissed. "She'll definitely come in here. Just...go!" As the footsteps got closer to his door, he shoved the drawers of his desk closed again, making certain three times that no one could tell he hid photographs in his pocket. She couldn't see them. She would ask questions and these questions, Josiah would have no answers for. Why else did he need to get away. Steeling himself, he let a closed off, cold expression settle on his face before the doorknob started to turn.

 


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