*I'm sorry if this seems random and has too many details, but I'm scared and want to be totally honest so I can get honest feedback. ...Also I think babies counts as a medical condition, but I'm sorry if it doesn't and this belongs in a different thread.

*Also sorry if this thread somehow offends someone. I did have a girl tell me it was rude, disrespectful, and offensive that I didn't want to have a baby ever. Still not sure why.

So all my life I've had a huge dislike of children. The horrid sounds they make, the smell, the money they need to keep them alive and quiet, the not knowing how they'll turn out, making them, birthing them, holding onto them for nine months while they leech off of you and make you sick...

But. I also recognize that a partner I take may want to do things. Sexual things. And I feel bad for never wanting to do anything they want to do in the bedroom. I mean ever. I find that kind of stuff really ew. But I oblige when I have a partner I like, as long as they follow the basic rules of protection and not doing anything that might make one of us uncomfortable.

Now, I had my menstrual cycle for almost two months in September/October. And then I got it around the 18th-20th of November. It was ending around the 24th, which is when I coupled with my partner. We used a condom. A couple nights later, we couldn't find the condoms, so there was no sex. There was foreplay though. And gentle teasing. No penetration, but he *almost* did. To tease me. And I yelled at him for that, because the first thing anyone who wants to try and be my companion learns is, no babies. At all. EVER.

So, we go our separate ways after realizing a companionship with each other was crap. Seriously, it was bad. So now it's December 23rd. This past week I've been thinking way too much about pregnancy. I don't want a baby, obvs, but... my period isn't here. And it's scaring me. Like a lot. So I've spent hours on the Internet, looking at everything I can to see what the chances are of getting preggers when your period is ending. What the symptoms are. How long should I wait before I take a test. Is the test accurate. And then I found out all sorts of weird things. Like, if you're pregnant, you can have THE EXACT SAME SYMPTOMS of your period. Including a period, cramps, white discharge, swollen/tender breasts, nausea... ...WHAT. And if you have an odd menstrual cycle, you can ovulate during your period. And that a sure sign is spotting and discharge because the egg has nested on your walls. But not all girls get the same symptoms. And everything is contradicting itself and I have no one to ask about these things or to help me stop freaking out.

So. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. And I'm nearly killing myself with worry. I have Clearblue tests to take and intend to take one tomorrow. But when I read the reviews they were mostly "false positive- don't ever take!" and they were all people who wanted to be preggers. And I'm scared. Terrified. I don't want to be pregnant! I don't want anything to do with babies. I don't even like making babies. I feel like this is the universe punishing me for obliging and letting my companion have some fun, making me freak out and nearly have a heart attack.

Uh. So... Does anyone have any advice, on signs/symptoms of maybe pregnant, maybe not, anything that might help to ease my nerves?

So far the only signs of anything I have is my lower stomach hurts, was like cramps this morning, faded to a dull pain if I tense up, white discharge (which is totally normal apparently, pregnant, period, or not), and for maybe a minute today my nipples hurt. I coupled on the weekend of the 23rd/24th of November, my period ended on one of those days, I think my cycle is kind of irregular, and I'm hoping, praying, craving, in desperate need, that the faint color on the tissue after using the lavatory is a sign that tomorrow morning I will be pleasantly surprised with a gallon of blood, because regardless of how gross that might sound, it would be a true blessing for me to not be pregnant.

And in case anyone was wondering, I have already promised to not have sex just because someone else expects it. I'd rather never have sex than risk a baby.

erm... did you know that your period can come late if you're stressed? And... it seems you've been to stressed out about thinking of babies this whole month.
I think that if you're THAT stressed out, you can buy a pregnancy test in the pharmacy. It doesn't cost much, and you don't need a prescription. you can buy even 2 just to make sure that the result of the first one is accurate. (The pregnancy tests are 99% accurate, but just to have a peaceful mind you can buy another one).

I don't remember how many days (after the sexual act itself) you must wait in order for the pregnancy test to identify that you're pregnant, but as I understand, a month has past, and I'm definitely sure that you can take a pregnancy test now.

btw, as long as there hasn't been a penetration, you won't be pregnant. did you know that sperm dies seconds after being in contact with oxygen? so even if he "spilled" a little bit outside, you can't get pregnant.

Anyways, don't worry, most likely you're late because you're stressing yourself over way too much (:

It's alright to be afraid of pregnancy or never want children. It's okay to have a low or non-existent sex drive. Personally, I'm afraid of pregnancy, don't want kids and recently, I've lost sexual interest in men.

You might want to see a doctor because they have more information and tools to offer in helping ease your worries.

I took a pregnancy test, it came out negative and coupling happened a month ago. But I'm still nervous. There were three in there so I'm going to wait a couple days and take another. I know stress can muck up my cycle, it's been happening to me since I first got it. v__v; I just.. it's terrifying, on top of other problems in my life.

@Cheya- I can't see a doctor, I don't have insurance. =/ If I go I'd have to pay out of pocket and I don't have any money. Another reason I'm scared. Not only can I not afford to have a baby, I can't afford to deal with it either.

Originally Posted by Admiral

I took a pregnancy test, it came out negative and coupling happened a month ago. But I'm still nervous. There were three in there so I'm going to wait a couple days and take another. I know stress can muck up my cycle, it's been happening to me since I first got it. v__v; I just.. it's terrifying, on top of other problems in my life.

@Cheya- I can't see a doctor, I don't have insurance. =/ If I go I'd have to pay out of pocket and I don't have any money. Another reason I'm scared. Not only can I not afford to have a baby, I can't afford to deal with it either.

I should not be saying this but there are natural alternatives, but I won't name any of them as it might be in violation of the TOS here.

I am not offended. Everybody is different.
I am a mother. You do not want to be. I respect that.

Let me say one thing: You are over stressing yourself.
Your stress could be causing your period to be late.
I have a question. Did he ejaculate in the condom-less situation? From reading, it seems like he didn't.
[Foreplay doesn't necessarily mean ejaculation.]
Plus, he didn't penetrate, so I doubt that you are pregnant.

You are over worrying, and your body is reacting.
I went through a stage of "Omg, I'm pregnant," but I wasn't. I had the signs: the lack of period, the nipple pain, the stomach bloating, pains, the fluttering. My body was reacting to my thoughts.
Took a pregnancy test twice, but nothing. I wasn't pregnant. I got my period two days later.

I would recommend that you relax, and concentrate on something else other than babies.

Do you have any hobbies?

I can totally understand where you're coming from. I've never liked kids myself and people always say "ohhh its different when its your baby, youll see". but like, what if its not? what if I dont like my kid? or it doesnt like me? its a really terrifying concept for sure. I wish I had the answers myself, i guess you just have to do what feels right and not what society tells you you need to be doing :/

I've never been fond of children, either. I never played with baby dolls as a child, I've never fantasized about motherhood nor does the thought alone excite me. I am married, though, and my husband might want a child one day and that terrifies me. I don't want to incubate it, birth it, and pretty much waive my own life to devote to it. I'm on birth control, though and I'm happy my hubby is supportive of my reproductive choices (yes, I would terminate an accidental pregnancy).

I can completely understand why there are people out there who want children, didn't want one but ended up having one with no regrets, etc. but I don't feel I'm cut out for parenting.

---------- Post added 04-15-2014 at 08:24 PM ----------

Originally Posted by kotalee

I can totally understand where you're coming from. I've never liked kids myself and people always say "ohhh its different when its your baby, youll see". but like, what if its not? what if I dont like my kid? or it doesnt like me? its a really terrifying concept for sure. I wish I had the answers myself, i guess you just have to do what feels right and not what society tells you you need to be doing :/

ack omg this, too
I'd hate to have a kid and end up not really like them that much lol
Better to not have children and regret it, than to have children and regret it.