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View Poll Results: Welcome
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 05:38 AM
these aren't funny D:<
i'll go look for the hilarious ones womans
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 05:42 AM
Snapple facts D:<
The average raindrop falls at seven miles per hour.
You would weigh less on the top of a mountain than at sea level.
Seals sleep only one and a half minutes at a time.
No piece of paper can be folded more than seven times.
A mile on the ocean and a mile on land are not the same distance.
A ten gallon hat holds less than a gallon of liquid.
The starfish is the only animal that can turn its stomach inside out.
The only bird that can swim but not fly is the penguin.
Dragonflies have six legs but cannot walk.
The largest ball of twine in the U.S. weighs over 17,000 pounds.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was composed by Mozart when he was five years old.
Who researches these things?
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 05:44 AM
LOL i found these rules for dating someone's daughter xD
you should learn from these
rule 1: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up. (LOL)
rule 2: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them for you right here-and-now. (especially you mokos)!
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Risky Trinity
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08-08-2008, 05:45 AM
LOL!!!
Wow nice facts, but yeah who did those research?
Alright next cheesy joke [;
HERE WE GO!
Facts About Old Men and Women
Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?
A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction.
Q: How can a guy cope during his wife's menopause?
A: By staying busy. If you're mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live.
Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?
A: She should tell him she's with child.
Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?
A: Don't wear a brassiere. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles.
Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?
A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.
Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?
A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.
Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?
A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon
Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?
A: On top of their heads.
Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?
A: 'Gee, I have one of these.'
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 05:46 AM
rule 3: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their pants so loosely that they appear to be falling off the hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but those who do this are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so here's the deal: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. (i hate seeing other people's boxer/brief/thong or whatever. D;<)
However, in order to assure you that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your pants securely in place around your waist. (LOL)
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 05:48 AM
those facts are so true xD
ok ok rule 4: : I am sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without using a "barrier method" of some sort can kill you. Let me elaborate. I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
ohoho i actually want to hear someone's dad say this
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 05:51 AM
rule 5: In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The ONLY information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house. The key word I need to hear on this issue is your definition of the word "early."
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 05:52 AM
rule 6: I have no doubt that you are a popular guy, with many opportunities to date many girls. This is fine with me as long as it is O.K. with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you and she tells you so. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.
I love this rule xD it made me laugh really hard.
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Risky Trinity
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08-08-2008, 05:52 AM
LOL That;s so evil cookays!! aahaha. We need to use barriers, uh oh im such a hippocrite. Sometimes I dont use barriers...don't kill me AHH!.
Hahah, glad you like those cheesy facts [;.
Here comes some more!
Too Many Fires
A new firefighter was being trained by an old fire chief.
"How would you react if a sudden fire flared up on the front of the building?" asked the fire chief.
"Break out a fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.
"How would you react if another fire flared up in the back of the building?" asked the fire chief.
"Break out another fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.
"And if another huge fire flared up in the basement, how would you react?" asked the fire chief.
"Break out another fire hose." answered the new firefighter.
"Now wait a minute, son," said the fire chief. "Where are all these fire hoses coming from?"
The new firefighter answered, "The same place where all of the fires are coming from, chief."
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 05:54 AM
you should use a barrier. it's much safer ]:<
is the fire coming from the firehouse?
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 05:57 AM
rule 7: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for something, YOU SHOULD NOT BE DATING. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Space Needle. Instead of just standing there, you could offer to do something useful, like changing the oil in my car.
laughs at the last part. i think guys take more longer getting ready than girls. i've seen you trying to put on your sissy lens and mike doing who knows what in his room LOL
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Risky Trinity
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08-08-2008, 05:59 AM
LOL, the fire is coming from the fires and yeah one of them is the fire house!
Sure sure, i'll use barriers, geebus!
NExt one:
The Dog that went to the Bar
Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they say to each other "I'm thirsty." They see a nearby bar and walk up to it.
Unfortunately, there was a sign on the door that said NO DOGS. They thought for awhile to try to figure out what they should do with no luck. Suddenly, the man with the doberman said, "I have an idea! Do what I do."
The man put on his sunglasses, walked up to the door and tried to get in but a big muscular man stopped him. "Where do you think you're going?" asked the big man. "This is my seeing-eye dog." said the man hoping for good feedback. "Alrighty mister, go right in." said the big man. The doberman man walked in.
The second man slipped his sunglasses on and did the same as the first man. "Where are you going?" asked the big man. "I'm going into the bar, this is my seeing-eye dog." he said. "A chihuahua?" asked the big man with suspicion. The other man, playing his part yelled, "They gave me a chihuahua!?"
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 06:04 AM
I will make you get tons of barriers D:<
LOL how sad. Did that guy switch the dogs? Why can't chihuahuas be seeing eye dogs? o.o
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Risky Trinity
(-.-)zzZ
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08-08-2008, 06:06 AM
LOl, its because chihuahuas are very small and they cant really guide well. Those barriers you make, I shall destroy.
Post some more facts or rules, they are funny :D
I think you heard this one:
This guy's wife asks, "Honey if I died would you remarry?"
He replies, "Well, after a considerable period of grieving, we all need companionship, I guess I would."
She says, "If I died and you remarried, would she live in this house?"
He replies, "We've spent a lot of time and money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house, I guess she would."
So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, would she sleep in our bed?"
and he says, "That bed is brand new, we just paid two thousand dollars for it, it's going to last a long time, I guess she would."
So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"
and he says, "Oh no, she's left handed."
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 06:09 AM
*talktothehand :sarcasm:
I didn't get the golf club part o.o
rule 8 last one: The following places are NOT appropriate for a date with my daughter:
(a) Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool or bench. (hinthint) ]:<
(b) Places where there are no parents, police officers, or nuns within eyesight.
(c) Places where there is darkness, or near-darkness. (i hate the dark)
(d) Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. (i hate seeing happiness LOL)
(e) Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her neck. (LOL you're always the one who take your clothes off first)
(f) Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are O.K. Hockey games are O.K. (see "e").
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Risky Trinity
(-.-)zzZ
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08-08-2008, 06:15 AM
The golf club thing meant that the "2nd wife" already exists. He;s cheating on her! That's what made it funny; the fact that he got caught. Ahaha.
LOL I'd still date you at all those places. [;<
NEXT ONE:
Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one of them asks the other about his sex life. The man answers that he has an excellent sex life and is still very active.
The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has any secrets for staying sexually vital.
"Well," answered the man, "I eat rye bread everyday. That is my secret. If you just eat rye bread, your sex life will improve dramatically."
The other man decides to follow this advice and finds a bakery nearby. He tells the clerk behind the counter that he wants all of the loaves of rye bread that they have in stock.
The clerk then asks the man, "do you want whole loaves or do you want us to slice them?"
The man looks puzzled and asks the clerk, "what is the difference?"
The clerk responds, "Well when it's sliced, it gets harder faster."
To which the man responded, "How come everyone knew about this but me?"
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 06:22 AM
LOL ok i gets it now XD.
i'm going to play trickster manana because of the event.
i sort of miss going on gaia but there's nothing to do there. no event and no one to chat with.
Did you know about the sliced bread? 8D
I prefer wheat sir.
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Risky Trinity
(-.-)zzZ
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08-08-2008, 06:22 AM
LOL, here's a funny one about texans LOL!
I think its funny.
A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, answered, "Yes ma'am, ya see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete outfit."
Well, her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where he would like to start?"
"Well ma'am, how about a suit?"
"Yes sir, what size?"
"Size 53 ... tall, ma'am."
"Wow, that's really big."
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?" she asked.
He replied, "How about some shoes."
"What size?"
"Size 15 ... double D."
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?"
"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
"Yes sir, what size?"
"Nineteen and a half ... 38," he replied.
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
She virtually glowed as she asked, "Whew ... is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No ma'am , I reckon that will be all."
Well she tallied up his bill while the Texan was counting out his money. She asked, "Sir could I ask you a question?"
"Yes ma'am, I already know what it is and the answer is four inches."
She is astonished and blurts out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!"
Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "Across ma'am?"
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 06:26 AM
That's just creepy e_e and a little scary at the same time womans.
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Risky Trinity
(-.-)zzZ
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08-08-2008, 06:36 AM
LOL, i know, very large numbers huh ;3.
I'm basically looking up dirty sex jokes, cuz they're hilarious.
Are you doing any homework? Or is there none dued?
Cha doing?
Anyways story time:
One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."
NExt:
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50.
Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50.
Hand Job: - $10.00.
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am"
The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
^^ LOL at the second one!
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Vintage Royalty
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08-08-2008, 06:41 AM
i'm too lazy to do homework.
reading online manga instead.
LOL that nun joke is nasty
I liked the second one
what an unexpected twist =D
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Risky Trinity
(-.-)zzZ
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08-08-2008, 05:32 PM
Hahha yeah!
Here's one more :D
The smart way to catch Burglars
It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things.
He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.
Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again.
"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."
Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.
One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"
"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered
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Vintage Royalty
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08-09-2008, 03:20 AM
Hah funny stuff. Before you get home I'll chat about my day so you won't ask me the question. xD In the morning I woke up because I heard my dog barking at the neighbors. Sometimes I wish I can tape my dog' mouth shut. -_-;; Went online to check on Gaia and the new letters came out today o.o so early. Then I logged onto Mene to get more tokens XD gotta buy things before it goes back to normal price.
While I was cleaning my room, I found this scented candle. My dad thought I was going to burn the house down after I lit the candle. It smells funny. oO
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Risky Trinity
(-.-)zzZ
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08-09-2008, 06:25 AM
Hey! I'm back form work. It's been tiring..
Here, look at this joke ;D
How to Find Love
A very depressed looking customer goes into a bar and declares, "Bartender, please help me. I can't take this anymore."
The bartender pours him a stiff drink and asks, "What's bothering you sir?"
"Well, bartender, I'm 30 years old and I am having no luck finding love. No matter what I do, I only manage to frighten women away."
"Don't worry, sir, your problem is not serious. I see it everyday working here. All you have to do is to develop a stronger sense of self-esteem. To do that you must go to your bathroom mirror every morning right after you wake up. Look at your reflection in there and say to yourself, "I am a good guy, a fun guy, and an attractive guy". If you say this with absolute certainty and confidence, in just one week women will love you and begin flocking to your side.
The man is happy with this assessment and leaves the bar after paying his tab eager to try out the bartender?s advice and find love. Three weeks later, however, he goes back to the same bar looking every bit as depressed as before.
"What?s the matter, sir, wasn?t my advice effective?" asks the bartender.
"Oh, it was very effective. During the past three weeks I've had some of the best times in my life with the most attractive women I?ve ever met."
?I don?t understand. What's your problem then?"
"Oh, I don't have a problem anymore," the man says. "My wife?s the one with the problem now."
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Vintage Royalty
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08-09-2008, 06:30 AM
D:<
have you read/watched deathnote?
and is it good?
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