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Dev
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#1
Old 08-28-2008, 12:37 AM

Pain.
The essence of life.
It's all I need
to know that
I'm alive.
It's every colour
And every sound
Every taste
And every feeling.
Every emotion
And every thought.
It's all I need
And all I want.
It's eternal
Neverending
Reliable
Constant.
Everything I need
To know I'm alive
is
Pain.


Something I wrote out of boredom a couple of weeks ago.

Click here to see the formatting with the spaces I added it. Damn Menewsha forums ate my formatting =(

longlivethequeen
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#2
Old 09-14-2008, 03:01 PM

I love how this poem flows, it's like a verbal stream. The only thing I'd say to alter is perhaps the third verse..."It's eternal", etc. That verse seems different in flow than the rest of your poem...the rest of your lines have about three to five syllables, while this verse has three or less. Otherwise it's a really nice poem that gets a lot said in very few words. :]

 


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