Well, not to long ago (about a couple of months ago) I broke up with my ex-gf. The reason I broke up with her was because she didn't really care about relationship anymore and plus she was starting to get pretty nasty toward me although I had came to a state where I need her more then anything. At first I became depressed and I really needed her, but when I needed her she just gave me the cold shoulder and treated me like dirt. Then finally after a week or two of not being able to contact each other she goes and dumps me saying she doesn't know why she wants to dump me, but ended the relationship anyway. Of course I cried, but I couldn't really let it out like I wanted to because my mom and granny would have started yelling at me telling me to stop crying and asking me why was I crying and I just can't tell them just yet or maybe ever... The next day at the store I almost broke down crying right in the middle of the store because of the mess. About three weeks later I get on my msn and she left me an offline message saying that she's planning on getting together with some guy soon, but she still feels that she loved me. She came online about an hour later and spoke a while and we ended up back together. But, when we got back together she basically acted and spoke as if I was the one who came back and she threw her announcement at me that she had become a satanist after she dumped me. At first I thought I would be able to handle her news, but a few days in it just really started to get to me. Basically, I was scared of her and her new beliefs. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and all I could do was cry in fear because I was terrified of her. And we tried to speak to each other all we would do is argue with each other about her new big change to herself. She had changed so much I didn't even know who she was anymore and she wouldn't let me get to know her either or even get close to her. She also began to careless about our relationship on whether it lasted or ended or even about my feelings (and sorry if I sound selfish.) So, because of those problems and some others I had to end it with her. It hurt to do it, but I knew I had to do it.

Over time I tried to move and I re-start my life. But, she remained on my mind. I tried to deny the fact that I still loved her, but it wasn't of much use. So, sometime later I just started to think of all the crap she done such as cheating on me, attempting to start a polymarous relationship with some other girl and make me second, treating me like crap when I needed her, lying to me constantly, she even started up some crap pretending to have some split personality and saying stuff that basically really scared me, and so much more wrong stuff.:( Thinking of this stuff helped me to start to hate her and move on. But still, I have moments where my mind drifts back off to her.

At times, I hate her more then anything and it hurts me to think of the things she done to me and makes me wonder if she ever loved me in the first place. But, I also still love her and wonder if maybe it was just my fault why things happened the way they did.

So, what should I do about my problem of loving her and hating her?

It's hard to let go of someone who's hurt you when you care about them.

However, I think I can safely say that this person does not care about you and that they do not deserve your affection.

No matter what goes on in her own life does not give her the right to abuse you, which is exactly what she's doing. She cheated on you, was cold to you when you needed her... she's using you and doesn't care about your feelings. And the Satanist thing, well. That in and of itself is more than enough reason to stay away from her.

Rather than try to hate her, simply understand that she does not love you and probably doesn't want to. She's a user, plain and simple, and all she will ever be good for is hurting you. It isn't your fault things came out the way it did... you can't blame yourself for the way others choose to live their lives. That girl is a bad person, probably rotten to the core.

Sometimes you just have to go with your gut instinct when you feel like something is wrong. And something was wrong. She was manipulating you and using you. You'll probably always have moments where you miss the good parts of the relationship, but it sounds like the bad parts outweigh the good things. So just try to keep that in mind. And it's absolutely not your fault. Until you stop missing her so much, I recommend you spend as much time as possible with supportive friends.

i have to agree. this girl is someone who never deserved your love, affection or your attention. especially if she cheated on you and lied as well as gave you no attention in your times you needed her.

it was good you followed your instincts no matter how hard it was for you to do so.

Think of this as a time to spend taking care of yourself and finding who you are as a person.
none of what happened was your fault. You knew when it was time. Again, spend this taking care of yourself and spending time with supporting friends. things will improver.

Well I think you should move on.

A partner is supposed to be supportive, loving, trusting, and honest. And from what I read, she isn't any of those things... or at least not now. It would dissappoint me if I had a significant other that would make me feel like dirt, because I know that's not the way I should be treated by all means. If she does these things to you, you shouldn't hate her or love her... but thank her and forgive her. It's hard to do, but it mends you. Hate will stay on your mind for a long time, because you chose to continue to think about her for a long time. Thanks to her, you will probably know when another person like her comes around and you'll know the result, which then you will know the person is not for you. If you also forgive this person, not only would you let go of the leftover weight you still carry, you will also know this is a starting point to re-blossum and move on with your life. Forgiving this person is only for you, for you to let go of all the things that drag you down. It's her fault for ending the relationship and saying those things, so why should you suffer? The sorrow should be on her, not you.

Overall, find a path in yourself that doesn't involve her in it.