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Artichoke
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#1
Old 11-29-2008, 10:56 PM

Paper Planes

We used to make paper planes together in your driveway.

But the wind conspired against us
And stole them, pulled them so far away
That we guessed they must be in China.
Far too far out
For a rescue mission.
And besides
Neither of us spoke Chinese.

So we used the yarn we found in your garage
To tie our new planes to our wrists.
We thought we were the cleverest kids in the universe.

Until we found out that with the string
Tugging our hopeless planes to the ground
They couldn’t fly at all.

One time I tied the yarn to your shoe
When you weren’t looking
And then I tied the other
To me.

And I told you
That I hoped we’d never fly too far away
From each other.

You didn’t answer.
But you smiled.

I thought that you meant that you hoped so, too.



Next time
I’ll double knot.


-----
I'm thinking of entering this in my school's poetry book [: But uh... I feel like it needs critique, and prolly a lot of it. Any comments would be great ^______^ Thanks for reading!

Melody
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#2
Old 11-30-2008, 11:39 PM

I think it's cute. I can't think of anything that's wrong with it or need improvement. It's got a cute child-like tone with a sweet ending.

Artichoke
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#3
Old 12-02-2008, 12:01 AM

Oh, alright, thanks n_____n

 



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