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enmas
(-.-)zzZ
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#1
Old 12-12-2008, 11:07 PM

So, I wrote this for a poetry contest at my school, what do you think?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Past a tree, up a hill
Through the gate and further still,

In a cave, and in the back,
Where it’s deep and dank and black

You spot the thing you went to seek,
The only thing not dim and bleak

It shines, it sparkles, gleams without light,
You suddenly know that you were right

You’re carried away to a special place,
You feel the warmth upon your face,

You open your eyes and then you see
The sunlight leaking through the tree

The images fade from your thoughts
But one won’t leave, one is caught

The one bright spot in that deep dark hole,
Reached you somewhere deep in your soul

You have to find it, you have to know,
You have to see it, so you go,

Past a tree, up a hill
Through the gate and further still,

In a cave, and in the back,
Where it’s deep and dank and black.

trikky
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#2
Old 12-14-2008, 08:05 AM

So what's there? It seems you've left us hanging. It's nice, I like the rhyme, but in my opinion there's not enough content there-- it just sort of ends without telling us anything. ^^;

MurasakiCrown
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#3
Old 12-16-2008, 10:07 PM

I personally don't mind being left hanging, sometimes. It sort of feels like this poem is continuing in my head, since I didn't get an answer; I'm still searching for whatever the object in the poem is.

I quite like it <3

LovelygrlBab
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#4
Old 12-17-2008, 11:37 AM

I like it... a little indescript, but all in all it's good.

 


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