For those who don't know, I am writing a BOOK in my spare time. Once it's done I intend to send copies of it out to publishers, but I figured since you guys are all so nice that I'd give you a little tease and let you guys have the first chapter. I'm five chapters into the writing of it.

You guys can leave comments and what-not. It's not forbidden. I promise ~^.^~;

This here is Chapter One of the first book in a trilogy. It's entitled Illuminations : The Book Of Shiirai

So without further ado...

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Chapter One
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Shiirai frowned at her reflection. She didn’t care if “adventure was good for the soul.” Ferionya was her home, a home she wanted to remain in. She had checked and double checked that she was packed, so now she only stared balefully at her frizzy-haired reflection.

Shiirai was possessed of a round, good humored face, wide blue eyes and more blonde hair than she could handle. She raked a brush through the locks impatiently, actually tutting at herself.

A young elvish mage, Shiirai had, at the moment, rudimentary control over the element of electricity. The downside to this was that the surplus energy constantly running through her made her hair bristle and frizz.

This power was also the reason she was leaving her home. Having trained to the fullest capacity she could here, she was to be sent to High City for further training. In retrospect, she supposed she should have been happier. High City was where she came from; it was where family lived still. Only Ferionya was where she had lived as a child, training in the mage halls.

A persistent rapping broke her from her pouting reverie. She snapped to and picked up her bags, moving quickly out the bedroom door and down the stairs, reluctant to leave but eager to get moving.

She was greeted by a sour faced young man, cranky at being up at dawn and at being made to wait for her. “Took you long enough didn’t it? You weren’t even packed were you?” Shiirai hissed at him and cocked her hip out, a hand placed firmly on her side. “Yes, I was thank you very much. I was just…distracted.”

The man brushed curls of golden brown from his own large blue eyes, which were rolling at her comment and motioned for her to follow. “Come on, I already got your Renault out of the stables.” She nodded and followed after him, pulling her brown cloak tighter around her in the chill morning air.

She tied her bags to the back of her resplendent animal, a hippogriff. Renault had a soft pelt of blue feathers, which shone in the light. He clacked his beak impatiently at the bit that was placed there, pulling his long graceful neck back and shaking his peacocks’ head in an attempt to shake the annoying contraption. Three long tails swished in aggravation and viciously clawed birds feet pawed at the ground.

Yet Shiirai was not intimidated by this display in the least. She gave the animal a soft thump to his neck and tutted at him, whereupon he sighed resignedly and dropped his long head downwards, a wavering note escaping him.

The man, Jakobi, only shook his head at the animal and mounted the dapple grey horse he had raised himself, which only shook her head and nickered at him. Both horse and rider watched over their shoulder at the elfish woman, waiting for her to mount her hippogriff before moving on.

Shiirai had paused to peer over her own shoulder at her beloved city of knowledge, scowling darkly when Jakobi cleared his throat to get her attention. She swung her leg up and over, mounting Renault and gave him a gentle tapping in the sides to get him moving after the dapple.

Much of the day was spent in travel, through deep woods. Once the sun had risen well enough to warm the day, Shiirai let the reins fall long enough to unlatch her cloak, revealing a corset, pants and knee high boots of soft brown leather. Under this she wore only a soft white shirt, apparently too large for her, as it continually attempted to spill off her shoulders.

Jakobi wore something much similar, although in the lieu of being male, he wore a vest rather than a corset and his shirt stayed firmly on his broad shoulders, staying near his arms. Strapped to his back was quiver, the bow tied down to the horses’ side at the moment.

Around lunch they stopped to eat, letting the animals mill about as they sat. “Why is it we’ve stopped to eat again?” Shiirai asked between bites of soft bread. “Because we’re traveling through the Black Swamp. Have you ever been there? Do you have any idea what it smells like?” Jakobi asked, his eyes still on his bread. He knew well enough when she came to Ferionya they took the long way, and that since then she had not traveled anywhere. Shiirai only grumbled at him.

It soon became apparent, shortly thereafter, why they stopped for lunch. They began to cross into the Black Swamp, so named for the rich black soil it possessed. This soil was coveted for its wonderful make-up. It was said you could grow anything in Black Swamp soil. This came with a price however. The swamp stunk, and badly. Even the trees, all with roots exposed, seemed to be pulling away from the rancid ground.

Shiirai coughed and shook her head, covered her mouth and nose with her hand. Jakobi smirked over his shoulder at her and got a rude gesture in return. “Well. Now you know.” It took her sometime to get used to the smell, but it was necessary, considering how much of the swamp they were to cross and how much worse the smell got.

“Oh, why does it smell so bad in here?” She whined at him after some time. Jakobi rolled his eyes yet again. She had been whining about the swamp in various ways since they had gotten into the watery- swampy bit. “Because it’s a swamp, Shiirai. Things die in swamps and decay in the water and make the soil richer.” She scowled at that and sighed. Wonderful, she thought privately, it smells bad and has a body count.

Near dusk they reached the outskirts of the swamp, but could no longer see well enough to travel. After a long bout of complaints for Shiirai about not wanting to sleep in a smelly swamp, they made camp.

Jakobi had gathered enough wood to spark a fire, but, after checking his pockets ended up turning to Shiirai with an expectant look. She frowned at him. “What?” “I forgot my flint…” She scowled still more darkly at that and made an impatient noise. “You live to humiliate me don’t you?” He shrugged. “Not really. So…are you going to start the fire, or do you want to be cold all night as well?” She grumbled moodily and moved closer to wood, letting arcs of electricity jump from her hands to the sticks, sparking and spitting and eventually setting fire to the dry wood.

It was some time before she was comfortable enough to sleep, although she lay in her pallet for what seemed like forever, trying in vain to see the stars. It was useless; the wiry trees had thick branches and blotted the sky out well. She had only been asleep for an hour or so when her companion jumped out of his own pallet, startling her awake. “What is wrong with you?” She hissed at him, but he only motioned for her to be quiet, crouched low to the ground with his bow in hand.

She became aware quickly of why the man was shushing her. There was movement all around them. A lot of movement, which meant a lot of somethings. She rose slowly from her pallet, standing near the fire. It was instinct as those hands began to light up internally, outlining the fine veins in her hands.
The cause of the noise revealed itself slowly, the sharp gleaming yellowed eyes of goblins lighting up all around the camp as their hunched forms approached. At the sight of those eyes Shiirai lit up, arcs of electricity moving around her quickly. The man beside her yanked back his bowstring quickly, sniping the one that approached the quickest.

And then all hell broke loose. They swarmed the camp, leaping over and in some instances, crawling under the roots of the trees to get to them, landing all of them in the water. For a human, Jakobi had remarkable aim and speed, managing to take out at least a dozen more before they reached the small island the pair had camped on. Those that managed found themselves at the end of hands bristling with electricity. In one graceful swing of her arm, Shiirai grazed her fingertips over the torsos of the three that rushed her, the electric current effectively stopping their hearts and sending them toppling backwards into the swamp water.

But then their fun stopped. There was a horrible crash behind them as the largest creature either of them had ever seen stuck its head into the clearing, having knocked a smaller tree over.

It was a hideous looking thing, at least nine foot tall at its shoulders. It had a low slung head with large tusks; behind these were the interlocking fangs of its mouth. It had eight sharp eyes, all orange and staring the goblins down. It was furry with a heavy, spotted mane that hid its ears. It had huge feet with re-curved claws that dug into the ground wherever its feet landed. It clicked those teeth and growled darkly, its apparent master stepping out from behind it.

Shiirai arced a brow. Of all the things she never expected to see commanding a veritable monster, the woman she saw here was the first on the list. She was tall and lean, with long dark hair and vivid orange eyes. She was obviously elfish and clothed in white, carrying a long black stick with a few charms wrapped around the end.

She slammed that staff into the water and clapped her hands up above her head, bringing them down and to the sides of the staff. Shiirai had walked forward into the water to get a better look, but the moment Jakobi saw the energy falling from that stick into its wielders’ hands, he snatched her back by her arm “Get out of the water!” “What!? Why!?”

It was a venomous purple energy that fell from the stick like water, filling the woman’s hands. From here it fell slowly into the water below. It hit the water with a crack and a corrosive sort of hiss, throwing a wave out through the water, wiping out everything that stood in it, effectively killing off all but a handful of goblins, who ran from them.

Jakobi let go of his companion and nodded his head towards the other elf. “That’s why.” The other elf snatched her stick up out of the water and began to approach them, raising a brow when the man rose from the ground, bow drawn and pointed directly at her.

“That’s not very friendly, considering the circumstances.” Jakobi narrowed his eyes at her. She was pretty and dangerous and that made him wary of her. She swung her stick around behind her, letting it rest on her forearms, jutting one hip out. “Who are you?” Shiirai, asked, breaking the tense silence. She had four hundred more questions, but that was the only one she managed to spit out. “Taelia.” Shiirai stood up slowly, wading out into the water again, looking the other elf over. Shiirai was a high elf, very pale and fair, this woman had dark skin and hair and wild eyes. “What are you?”

Taelia laughed, turning to follow the girl as she circled her. “I’m a necromancer from High City.” “What sort of elf are you?” Jakobi sighed heavily and lowered his bow, rolling his eyes at his friend. Again, the other woman laughed. “I’m a wood elf…” Shiirai pointed at the big creature now munching one of the fallen goblins. “What is that?”

“That is Imam. He is my best friend, pet and steed. He is what is known as a Hell Beast, although he is not from Hell. He is a conglomerate of various beasts, patched together with Necromancy. I created him myself, out of animals I found that were dying with no hope of repairing their bodies. He was originally the size of a cat.”

The darker elf peered over her shoulder at the creature. “He is highly carnivorous. I attribute his remarkable growth and development to his particular fondness for brains. The hormones therein have caused this.”

“Is he friendly?” Shiirai asked timidly, wandering up to the large animal. Taelia smiled. “He is much like a dog. He will not bite unless given reason.” The large creature sniffed at her hand through slit nostrils, crunching a goblin bone noisily before pressing the side of his face against the high elf’s hand to be petted. Shiirai giggled at that and began to scratch him slowly, receiving a rumbling sort of purr in return.

Jakobi eyed the wood elf warily still from their island. “Why did you intervene?” Taelia smiled, walking up to where he stood, her stick still held behind her back. “You are two people, alone, in the Black Swamp with a raiding party of goblins attacking you. I am a Necromancer, not a monster or a killer. I could not sit back and watch them kill you.”

She turned her wild eyed gaze on the high elf still petting her beast. “Besides, your friend is talented in her magic, but not refined. You are traveling to High City for her high education, yes?” He nodded, sitting back down on his pallet. Taelia whistled shrilly and Imam rose from his knees in the murk.

Shiirai moved back a pace, but not far enough. The creature turned his head on a remarkably flexible neck, almost completely sideways and hooked his tusks around the girl, one behind her shoulder, the other behind her knees, and then snapped his head back straight, carrying her back up to their small camp. It made her shriek and then begin laughing.

Imam laid down in the largest area of open island, tilting his head somewhat to let the elf escape his tusks. “I am heading to High City as well…would you be adverse to me traveling with you? You have already seen that I am a useful ally.” Shiirai practically sparked with joy at the idea but then stopped, peering at Jakobi. “Do you care, Jak?” He sighed and shook his head. “No, we could use some backup I guess.”

Taelia bowed her head, moving to unhook her pallet from the large harness Imam wore. “You could. The times are very dangerous.” Shiirai furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

The wood elf didn’t have a proper pallet. She had a hammock and that she hung from Imam’s tusks with two thick blankets, one to lie on and one to cover herself with. “I mean that there is a fell enemy working to destroy us all and his raiding parties rove the land, sometimes in small groups, like those that attacked you. Sometimes in mass armies…they march from his stronghold in the Black Lands and seek to enslave this world.”

She moved back into the water, fetching the shield of one of the arrowed goblins. She brought it back to the firelight and spun it in her arms. Emblazoned on the shield was a large black eye with a Necromancer’s summoning runes in the iris. “Markor. He was cast out for trying to turn his power over the dead into power over demonia.”

Shiirai shuddered at the idea, imagining what sort of power hungry individual it would take to not be content commanding the dead, but wanting to command demons as well. “We should sleep now. The goblins will not return. They fear my power because it matches that of their master and they fear him above all others.” Taelia said idly as she slipped into her hammock. The other two merely nodded and followed her lead.

They rose early and started off with little problem, except for Shiirai gawking at the fact that Taelia could ride Imam despite how large he was. He followed after them calmly, occasionally picking half rotten morsels from the water and crunching them with loud delight, a noise that made Shiirai shudder every time she heard it.
Only a few hours in Jakobi pulled their caravan to a halt and drew his bow, swiveling as well as he could in his saddle. Shiirai furrowed a brow and peered around at Taelia, who looked completely unbothered.

“Jak, what? Why have we stopped?” “I hear something…in the brush and water, just over there.” Taelia smiled, turning her head to the source of the noise. Imam grumbled and let out a loud snort. “And shooting it will do you no good. It’s only Permian.”

Jakobi scowled at her. “How do you know?” She only pointed at Imam, who was pawing the shallow water impatiently and snorting like he had allergies. The sloshing became splashing, clanking and crunching as a loosely armored skeleton emerged from the wood line, making his way slowly to the great snorting beast.

Shiirai shrieked and pulled away when he walked by, catching the attention of his one eye, which rolled madly to peer up at her. The other was covered with an eye patch. Taelia laughed at that. “Don’t be afraid of him, he’s perfectly harmless. He was my brother.”

Both Shiirai and Jakobi curled a lip in disgust at that fact. Taelia only shrugged. “We made each other a promise. If the other were to die, we’d bring each other back. He wasn’t gone long, he still has his soul.” She said, motioning to Permian as he crawled up and sat idly on one of Imam’s large tusks.

Jakobi only shook his head and snapped the reins on his horse, moving them off and finally out of the Black Swamp.

By nightfall they had cleared the woods and came up on the first actual town on their stop list. Taelia peered around warily as they padded down the dirt road towards the inn. “Something is wrong here. This town was bristling with activity when Permian and I came through only a few weeks ago. Now everyone is shuttered away inside…”

Shiirai peered over her shoulder at the woman. “Maybe because it’s night?” Taelia fixed her with a sharp gaze that made her blush somewhat and turn back around in her saddle. It was somewhat like being chastised by your mother.
Jakobi chuckled idly at that and nodded his head towards the tavern. “That seems to be the only lively place around here. We’ll stop there and find out what’s going on.” He was pointedly ignoring the gawkers at their windows.
At the tavern itself there was no one outside to take their mounts and thusly they led them to stalls themselves. Permian opted to stay with Imam, who grumbled anxiously and pawed the ground when Taelia turned to leave. She shushed him and pat the end of his nose and reluctantly the large creature laid down, but continued to grumble throughout.

The tavern inside was warm and welcoming, merry drunkards milling about, quite the contrast to the outside of the building. Shiirai ended up stuck between a few of said merry drunkards, much to Jakobi’s amusement.

Taelia only chuckled and made her way to the barkeep, who doubled as an innkeeper. He beamed merrily at her and fetched a glass. “Ah, the lovely wood elf has come back! What can I get you this time m’love?” Taelia smiled at him. “Just a pair of rooms and some information this time around…what happened? Last time I was here this place was bustling, even after dark…”

His face fell a bit. “Aye, the rooms are no problem…as for the lack of activity round here of late…we have a bit of a problem in our nearby lake. Seems a Kelpie has taken up residence there…” Taelia frowned. “A Kelpie, this far north?” “Aye. That’s what we wonder too…folks have taken to barring themselves in their homes at night, otherwise the beast will break into your very house and snatch you away.”

“A few youngsters went down to sort it out; only one came back, but he was tore up something awful…he didn’t last but two days.” The elf only continued to scowl at the information. “Have you seen the thing?” “Aye, big nasty bugger he is…got a great ugly scar of an eye carved in his chest.” Taelia nodded and turned away from the counter, making her way back to her comrades.

Shiirai had managed to pull herself away from the two drunken men and was scowling at them from across the room. Jakobi was watching Taelia cut a path through the other tavern guests. “We have a problem.” The man perked up at that and Shiirai pulled away from her scowling.

“What’s wrong Taelia?” She asked, ever inquisitive. “There is a kelpie in the nearby lake...he’s terrorizing the town at nights. And you’ll never guess what he’s bearing.” Jakobi frowned. “The mark of the warlock?” Taelia clicked her tongue and smiled at him.

“Well…what do we do about him? I mean we can’t just leave him out there to terrorize these people…” Shiirai said with a note of concern. Taelia smiled. “I’m glad you agree with me on that note, but I’m afraid you’re going to detest my plan. Kelpies are attracted to sound and soft meat…we need bait.”

Jakobi peered at her quizzically for only a moment before realization hit him and he pointed at Shiirai. “You mean…” “Exactly.” Shiirai balked at that and took a step back from them. “Now hold on just a minute! I never agreed to be anyone’s bait!” Taelia only gave her a smirk. “Well. That’s what makes it an adventure; you never know what’s going to happen.”

If no one ever tells me what they think of this, I don't ever get an idea for what could be improved in my writing...I'd really appreciate comments...

You need to keep in mind that this forum moves incredibly slow. The only reason anyone even commented on my story was because I have a ton of roleplay partners so mine got attention.

If you want to know about your story, well, I'm going to be honest so don't take offense. Personally, I couldn't read more than about four paragraphs into it. It just fails to grab the interest of the reader. At least in my case. That might not be the case for others.

I'd suggest just waiting for a few days, maybe a week or two, for someone to come around and give you feedback. This forum does move very slowly.

Yea, the first bit of the first chapter is a bit boring, but it picks up rather quickly when the pick up the next member of their party and from then on, every chapter has at least one thing occur it in that keeps it from being dull and monotonous.

Sadly though, right there at the beginning of their trip, it is pretty much boring and dull...mainly because they don't know about the goings on in the world around them, so they don't know how much danger they're in just by making a trip from one city to the next until they get ambushed later in this same chapter.

From that point forward, the story does move a lot faster and [hopefully in your opinion as well as mine] gets more interesting, because from then forward it's no longer a matter of getting from one city to the next, it's a matter of getting to High City and being sent to war.

Believe it or not, this is the second time this story has been written out. Originally Chapter One of this book was nothing BUT dull monotony of traveling from one place to the next and it wasn't until Chapter Two that anything interesting happened!

Thank God I went back and read it and went "This SUCKS." and scrapped the whole thing and started anew with the drive and purpose to put at least one action scene or interesting scene (such as the mass meditation in a later chapter) in each chapter so as not to just drag on boringly.

I'm sorry it starts out slow, but I do wish you would keep reading beyond the slow part and get to where the story really starts to take off and tell me what you think from there.

Thank you so much for at least commenting!!!