
02-01-2009, 06:44 PM
So, basically it scares me to death that god might actually be speaking through me when i do my bible lessons. I wont know anything hardly about something then ill open my bible randomly pick a verse that speaks to me and teach it to my family (they chose me because i understand it better) but i will go into the lesson unprepared not knowing anything then ill read the verses out loud and all of a sudden i know all this stuff about it and i give this amazing lesson and i really think its god speaking through me... its kind of scary but amazing. However, i am a woman so i cant really do anything about it at my church unless i wish to be a sunday school teacher for little kids but i feel i should do so much more with my gift. and even then they will make me be rebaptized because my church is particular about stuff and i dunno, i don't want to be rebaptized because i feel that is making me non-valid in my faith up until now.
my grandpa swears he is a christian but always cusses and gets short with people but my grandmother never says anything to him, however i said "hell" and got yelled at for having an un-christian attitude. He gets mad at everything and anything and has a short temper yet nothing is evere done except my grandmother just gets short back. My uncle is so direspectful to my grandmother and i make a joke about how she is "just like her mother" and i get a stern talking to. i personally just dont understand. maybe it is because i am a teenager and i can still be "controlled" but i find it unfair. Something wouldnt go through the shredder just now with like five other things and he got mad, and threw it on the ground and cussed and hes sitting practically next to me, i can feel the anger and such and its very uncomfortable. ugh. i just dont understand sometimes. I must admit, it is very hard living with these people but im forced to. i was adopted by my grandparents at birth because my mother was only 19 and i was unplanned, my grandmother was 36 when i was born. I am grateful i am at least with my family but sometimes, as selfish as it sounds, i wish the adoption didnt go through and i was adopted by someone else because i just cant deal with them most the time. im glad im not actually related to my grandfather. (my mom does not know her dad and i do not know my father, either) My mom lives in cleveland and i live in north carolina so i cant even escape to her house like i used to when i lived in cleveland and she lived in akron. I wish there was some sort of escape.
i know those are both faith related and im sorry if i offend.
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