Today, a friend of ours Shot himself. With a shotgun. On the head. He's dead.

He said there's a letter left where he lives.. not sure if we get to see it or not.. I guess it's up to police or his parents (which I've never met by the way.).

I didn't quite know him, since I'm a quiet girl and he's a VERY quiet guy.
however he was a friend of my husbands. they knew each other since
they were just little boys. They were once good friends too.

For that year that I 'knew' him, I was actually rather scared of him.
He didn't talk too much, he had crazy ideas in his head, and he even
started using drugs at one point.. that was when we cut connections with him.

he didn't realize why we did it until just reasently.. last year like december or something.. and when he realized what he had become, he apologized and
started to get better. he was kind to us, he wanted to visit us very often..
he even thanked us for getting him back to his feet.

after new years eve he started to complain about how he had no life at all except us. he hated his religious parents, he didn't have any other friends but us and the druggies.. school wasn't going well because of being away from it for six months.. he has sleeping problems and he was depressed.

but I thought he was going to get better.. he even got to see a doctor, got sleeping pills and started to go to therapy.. :) I was happy about that,
and for a while things looked brighter..
well. until today came.

he sent a goodbye-message to my husband.
he called him, he had a shotgun in his mouth and wouldn't listen anything..
he called cops but it was too late.


EDITED A BIT:

~~~I'm sorry this was a long rant but I don't know how to feel or who to talk to. My husband is okay. I talked to him about this and he sounds fine. He's taking it really well.

Unlike me though D: I'm torturing myself after finding out he had a crush on me..
I checked his youtube account, he last logged in the day before he died. 2 days before that
he had added a song there that I recognize very well.. >.>

I feel like I'm an idiot and I made the relation ship between my husband and the firend who died
suffer. My man didn't like him being around so much after he noticed the crush... :/
so I feel guilty somehow.

I took a week off from school, I just couldn't deal being back to 'normal :([

You could just go to his parents and say you're sorry for their loss and that you are sad he's gone. That might make you feel better.

My best friend's brother had a friend who i met once, and he shot himself probably 2 days later. My friend's brother was one of the last people to see him alive, and he had even talked to my friend's brother about suicide. My friend's brother had to go to therapy because of all of it, and even though i only met the guy once, i still felt like "oh jeez, that guy who i saw a few days ago is gone."

I don't know why so many people commit suicide, even when they're adults and can really think for themselves and know there's another way out.

We got the letters.
There was an individual letter for me and my husband.

he said he had been planning it for 5 years, but was escaping it
with drugs and alcohol, but no more...

he planned it well. wants to be cremated.

I love this letter. I feel sad...

My condolences to both your husband and you and the family. Suicide is very difficult for all involved to deal with. I've never personally known someone who has killed themselves, but my boyfriend's (or should I say fiance's) father committed suicide and his life has never been the same since. Their relationship was always an estranged one, but with his father forcefully closing the door on any sort of reconcile (his father was abusive towards his mother, and he was a drug user and alcoholic) he felt devastated. He said even given everything that had happened, he still loved his father and had to go through counseling and eventually was admitted for 2 weeks after his own failed attempt. He hit rock bottom - his father's death caused him to go into a deep depression, which ultimately led to the end of his first marriage and he was literally hitting rock bottom.

The bottom line is there will be no closure for the friends and family involved...Just the acceptance that they couldn't save him.

yeah.. I can handle my own sorrow, but I'm afraid that my husband wont tell me how he feels (he's really quiet about it and acts normal) and I hope he doesn't get depressed about it..

I am very sorry for your loss, and I hope you and your husband find some happiness soon. If he wants to talk I'm sure he will confront you about it.

<3

Originally Posted by Nyaro

I know how hard it can be. A friend of mine committed suicide too. >.>

The most important thing is to not feel guilty about it. There was nothing you could do. At least your husband can say he tried to stop him. That's more than most people can say about friends who commit suicide.

Guilt doesn't help anything. It just makes you feel terrible.

In most cases, the people who kill themselves can't be dissuaded anyways. If they're completely determined, nothing will stop them. It sounded like this guy was very determined, especially if he'd been meditating on it for years.

From personal experience, talking doesn't necessarily help very much. I didn't really want to talk to anyone about it, and if they forced the issue I got resentful.

My advice would be to give your husband space, but be nearby and show that you love and support him by doing little things, like randomly hugging him, smiling for him, maybe cooking something nice. Whatever you think he might like. If he wants to talk to you, listen. It's likely that if he does want to talk about it, he'll start the conversation himself. That's the best way, in my experience (with any situation, not just suicide). That way they can trust you not to pry, and know you'll listen when they do talk.

I did that with the brother of my friend and he always appreciated it. (It gets tiresome to hear "are you okay?" and "I'm so sorry for your loss" five million times. And usually the people saying these things are doing it to make them feel like they're doing something for the victim's family/friends, not for the family/friends' actual benefit, if that makes sense. After all, those left behind aren't usually okay, and they know everyone is sorry for their loss. ^^')

It's normal to feel withdrawn and sad in this sort of situation. Just be supportive and have confidence that things will be okay. And go to the funeral if you can. It'll be sad, but it might help you guys come to terms.

Thank you, this one really helped alot.. ^^
and it's exactly what I've been doing so far.. I don't ask or try to talk about it unless he does. and I go and hug him or randomly touch him and smile at him :3

Originally Posted by Sagitar

Thank you, this one really helped alot.. ^^
and it's exactly what I've been doing so far.. I don't ask or try to talk about it unless he does. and I go and hug him or randomly touch him and smile at him :3

I'm glad it helped. ^^' And it sounds like you're doing well with it already.

I forgot to say earlier:

Good luck with everything and hang in there. <3

yeah.. stupid me
checked his youtube account for any videos... and I saw that the 'last signed in' was only 2 days ago... T__T the day he died..

*edit* OMG eww D:
my husband went to see his parents and talk to them since they asked.. and they asked if he wanted to see the body! :shock: it was still there in their cow house (whatever it's called)... D: why on earth would anyone want to see someone who has shot his head off with a rifle! T__T

Originally Posted by Sagitar

yeah.. stupid me
checked his youtube account for any videos... and I saw that the 'last signed in' was only 2 days ago... T__T the day he died..

*edit* OMG eww D:
my husband went to see his parents and talk to them since they asked.. and they asked if he wanted to see the body! :shock: it was still there in their cow house (whatever it's called)... D: why on earth would anyone want to see someone who has shot his head off with a rifle! T__T

Yeah, stuff will remind you of it for awhile.

...weird. Some people like seeing gory things, but I wouldn't imagine even they would want to see friends in that state.

Perhaps they want someone else to have seen him so they aren't the only ones coping with his appearance? It's probably really hard on them to see their son like that, and they probably aren't thinking clearly about anything, much less how much they should say or do in regards to other people who knew him. And it's not unusual for people to try to share their pain so it isn't such a heavy burden.

yewah, maybe you're right.. just seemed so horrible to me to ask something like that >.<

yesterday I learned from my friends that he (the guy who just died)
had a big crush on me.. I feel like such an idiot for not seeing it,
although I had my doubts after reading the letter...

my husband said to me last night that he actually felt pretty releaved
after he was gone. I'm glad to hear him say anything about it really.
he does talk about it when people ask, but he hasn't said how he feels,
but now I know.. :3
and he said he was sometimes uncomfortable with him being here
because he too knew he had that crush on me..
gah. I feel so stupid

Ah, that's tough. Unrequited feelings in any sort of friendship can lead to problems. ^^'

I wouldn't worry about it. It's hard to figure out what other people are feeling, and it's possible you are so enamored with your husband that it didn't even cross your mind that someone could be interested. But your husband, being the same gender of this guy (as well as his friend) and, of course, watchful of who gets near his wife, probably wouldn't find it as hard to notice.

Of course, that's speculation on my part. I could be totally wrong. But still, I wouldn't worry about it. :)

If it makes you feel better, I never notice when people are hitting on me/crushing on me either. Just goes right over my head. :P

Yeah I know.. but I feel guilty for some reason..
atleast I made the relation ship between my husband and him fade
because my husband knew about his crush and didn't want
him around here that much.. I never knew why,
but now I do and I just think that I rather wouldn't D:

I woke up today feeling awful, and I burst into a cry almost immediately..

The best thing you can do is be there for your husband, it must have been very traumatizing to him to be the last person his friend talked to. Tell him you are there if he needs to talk about it, (if you can). I'm sure you are also experiencing a lot of emotions too and there really is no wrong way to handle grief. It sounds to me like he had been suffering from chemical imbalance for a long time, sleeping pills can exacerbate these problems. I take them myself and the first thing it says on the warnings is to get help immediately if having thoughts of suicide.
As for the parents, all that you can do is offer your condolences, it would not be appropriate to ask any questions at this time, send a card, let them know that you were friends of their son and if you feel up to it ask them if there is anything they need.

Originally Posted by Sagitar

Yeah I know.. but I feel guilty for some reason..
atleast I made the relation ship between my husband and him fade
because my husband knew about his crush and didn't want
him around here that much.. I never knew why,
but now I do and I just think that I rather wouldn't D:

I woke up today feeling awful, and I burst into a cry almost immediately..

*snugs*

None of this is your fault. Any decision your husband or his friend made in regards to you were made without your knowledge. You can't help who someone is attracted to. You can't help that your husband felt protective, especially since he didn't let you know what was going on. You can't help that you didn't know what was happening.

You don't need to feel guilty. When there's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can do.

Maybe talk to your husband about how you're feeling? I know emotions are probably pretty scrambled right now, but perhaps you could mention you didn't know he had a crush on you and you feel bad because it strained their relationship? Only if you think he'll be okay with hearing that sort of thing. I don't know how jealous your husband might be of other guys; if he is the jealous type, maybe don't talk to him about it for awhile. It's up to you. :)

I really don't think you need to feel guilty though. :)

Yeah, I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do T_T
I'm just torturing myself with everything. I remember now little things and see them in a different way now that I know he had a crush on me..
gah..
why am I the one taking this so hard?? no one else is crying their eyes out
but me D: no one else takes a leave from school or work but me D:

I feel ashamed, hurt, guilty, bad, frustrated.. :illgetu:
I don't know..

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you can feel better after this incident in due time. :)

Yeah me too..
I miss him so much >.>
I'm angry at everyone because life just goes on normally.
I don't want to be around people. :/

I'm sorry. I wish people would stop doing suicide for mental/emotional reasons and get the help they need.

<3

Thank you Nyaro, your advices are so good (and so NEEDED too).

I know if I think rationally that none of it is my fault, but I can't help it.. not yet.
there's too much stuff going on in my head.. too many emotions.

Originally Posted by Sagitar

Thank you Nyaro, your advices are so good (and so NEEDED too).

I know if I think rationally that none of it is my fault, but I can't help it.. not yet.
there's too much stuff going on in my head.. too many emotions.

No problem. I like helping (too much sometimes...aha...)

And that's totally natural. Thinking rationally is hard when your emotions are bouncing around and picking fights with each other and being bratty. >.>

I've gotta go for now. Hang in there. <3

well.. still couldn't manage to stay normally in school.. :(
I thougth I'd be okay, I felt much better after last week but..
as soon as I stepped into the class I just felt the dark could floating over my head..
and when the class started and everyone started to be noisy I couldn't handle it anymore -.- first I went to cry in the toilets, then I asked if I could stay
in an empty class room for the remaining hours since I couldn't leave..
yeah... :roll:
now I just feel pretty horrible again.