"Love is not abuse"...

That is what a lot of people say especially to abused women...
The world is trying to tell me something... and here's my story...

Yeah, so I have a boyfriend, and we've been together for two years and counting...

In the first few months of our relationship he was a sweetheart to me, and we were having our cheesy and mushy moments because we were in love... XD

Okay, putting cheesy moments aside, let's fast forward to today...

After our first anniversary, he was starting to become dependent on me... He actually gave me a curfew of 6:00pm. I mean, hello!? I'm already 18! Who gives an 18-year-old a 6 o'clock curfew!?

And when I go beyond the curfew by an hour, he bans me from attending any occasion I want to attend, like an anime convention, or a school event (like a Christmas festival of the university I'm attending).

We keep on arguing that he's being overprotective, not to mention too clingy. Heck, he wouldn't let me have guy friends just because he's jealous...

He's caging me like an animal...

A lot of my friends, even my brother Alexandrus Gambino has told me over and over again to break up with him...

I wanted to, but, I feel guilty, because even with all the abuse I'm going through, I don't want to break his heart. If I threaten to break up with him, he goes emotional and cuts himself and always makes my conscience guilty...

I don't know what to do... I just can't do it to him like that... Heck he even proposed to me, and being the young stupid naive person I was two years and seven months ago, I accepted it...

I am such an idiot....

You are a human being and you have rights.

He cannot ban you from anything. He cannot give you a curfew. You are a legal adult and you can pretty much do as you please. Except buy alcohol, depending on where you live. xD;

Honestly nothing about your relationship seems healthy. Do you want to live like a caged animal? What kind of life will you have if you keep this up?

You won't. Living your life how someone else wants is not living.

I can understand not wanting to hurt him. But think about it. What will be easier to get over; breaking his heart or living in his shadow?

If you stay with him, then that's your choice. However, if you do, don't complain about how he treats you, because you can walk away.

404 pretty much summed up what I had to say. In a nicer way to say it.

I think you know the answer to this, Elsa. He's manipulating you terribly, and you're letting him. It's disgusting when people use the threat of self-harm to stop others from leaving them, pathetic even.

If all you feel towards him is guilt then you owe him nothing and should feel free to ditch him. No relationship should be founded on pity, nor should any person ever rule over their partner with threats. He's a messed up individual, but that's for him to deal with, not you.

He proposed to you to keep you were he wants you, shackled to his side...get rid of him, for your own sanity. Guys like that are worthless pieces of **** who don't deserve to be given the time of day. Has he started hitting you yet? Will you wait until he reaches that level before you finally get over your guilt and walk away? I hope not. Do the right thing, Elsa.

@Alex: You make it seem like you don't say anything nice, bro. :P

@ Elsa: I don't. Why do you think I'm quiet most of the time?

And yeah. If he wants to kill himself because you dumped him, then let him. Personally, I'll find his funeral and laugh.

@Alex: Hey! Even if he died, it's rude to laugh at his funeral!! He's still my boyfriend!

Ex?

I dunno. I tend to laugh at stupid things and killing yourself because a girl dumped you ranks pretty high on my stupid scale. But you know. Not to sound like a bitch or anything.

I think the only things that people will tell you here would be no different from what i told you IRL.

Ex?

I dunno. I tend to laugh at stupid things and killing yourself because a girl dumped you ranks pretty high on my stupid scale. But you know. Not to sound like a bitch or anything.

I think the only things that people will tell you here would be no different from what i told you IRL.

I know. Even Hana-oneechan said so, but I didn't listen to any of you because I feel too guilty, darn it!!

I'd also like for you to think on what your family/friends might do if you stay and this persists.

They might actually walk away.

Because, you can help yourself, and if they've tried to tell you to leave there's nothing they can do. And eventually, he will try and make sure you DON'T have friends, and maybe even cut ties with your families.

I told you repeatedly. Let me break your conscience. Heck, let me use your cellphone and I'll do the breaking up through text.

Contrary to popular belief, you CAN text message break up.

I DON'T WANT TO, ALEXANDRUS GAMBINO!!! I DON'T!!!

If you don't want to leave him then you're going to have to just suck up how shitty he treats you.. >_>

@404: It's not that I don't. I CAN'T.

Sounds like a situation I had years ago.. Before I met my husband I was dating this guy who would cut himself like that every time I disagreed with him on something. He threatened to kill himself if I ever left him because he "loved me". I told him one day that if he was going to be so immature and selfish that he should go ahead and kill himself because if he did love me he wouldn't be messing with my head so much.

After that he got mad and he started leaving threatening notes in my locker saying that he was going to kill me and that I was the reason he was so messed up and things like that. Luckily one of my guy friends stuck by my side to help me through it all. I had to file a restraining order and everything against because it got so bad.

In relationships like that the best thing to do is to get out. It's very unlikely that he would actually kill himself over you. That's just his way of being manipulating. Don't let him play that "I love you card" and make you feel guilty. Stand up for yourself and take control of things. It's hard but it's well worth it to be free in the end. I hope everything works out for you in the end hun.

Oh well. Then I'll let you do it.

Thing is, you kind of need to get over this guilt thing.

.. Yes, yes you can.

"I'm leaving you."

You can say that, you just aren't willing to get over your guilt.

I'm trying to be nice here, so I'm sorry if I come off as pushy or something.

@ 404: I tried nice. Now I'm kind of trying pushy. She thinks the kid's mother would blame her if he DOES go through with it.

I can't tell him that I'm leaving him because he'll suffer from stress again... T_T

Hun, FORGET HIM!

Think about your own stress.

You need to end this relationship NOW. Can't you see he's manipulating you? Can't you see he could someday PHYSICALLY harm you? I don't care if he loves you and wouldn't do such a thing. If he did care about your well being, he wouldn't be threatening to kill himself when you disagree - he wouldn't be controlling what time you should go out and who you should be friends with. A truly loving person will accept what you do and who you hang out with, as well as talk things through without throwing a temper tantrum.

These are clearly the signs of abuse. One day, he is going to try to physically harm you. He's willing to hurt himself - what makes you think he won't try to lay a hand on you?
He clearly needs psychological attention. And you need to distance yourself away from him at all costs.
You are not happy. You're not being treated with respect. He's CONTROLLING you.
And who cares if it'll break his heart? There are other people out there.
And if you're worried he'll hurt himself, talk to a counselor about your options. Forceful intervention may be required if he is that unstable.
And if he threatens your life or the lives of others, you may need a restraining order.

It's going to be hard, but clearly this isn't healthy at all.

I don't think Elsa wants to hear that, Pinkii. As she ignored me when I said it...

I figured. I mean - it's hard to accept the fact that there's something wrong with your partner if you love them so much. You just don't want to see them the way others do.
That's the downside of love - no matter how awful your lover treats you, you just don't want to see it. Logic is clouded by your need to make the relationship work. Especially if you've been together for so long.

It's just too painful to let go, but ultimately, you ask that question - 'is it really worth it if I'm not happy'?

I don't think there's much anyone can tell you, Elsa. You seem to be fully aware of what is going on in the relationship, as opposed to many people who are abused and turn a blind eye to it..

You just need to decide if the shit he is putting you through is worth not "breaking his heart."

If he truly, truly loved you.. would he be doing stuff like that? I'm not an expert on the subject of love.. but I don't think it quite works like that.